Crossroads
by Kadi219
Summary: Following the disaster in Diplomacy with the Romulans under the rule of Shinzon, Admiral Janeway decides to revisit the idea of peace with a task force of her creation.
1. Chapter 1

**Crossroads**

**By Kadi**

**Rated T**

**Disclaimer:** It has never been my sandbox, but I do enjoy playing in it.

**A/N:** This came to me during a fit of rage and feels after I finally read Beyer's _Isabo's Shirt_. I kept seeing references to parts of it in other fic, but I had never read it. I know… _how_ did I miss that? I've been deep in my Trek feels for the past few weeks, rewatching everything, and one thing that struck me as odd was that Kathryn had such a small part in the clean up after _Nemesis_, I mean, she did order them there. Yes, I get the whole cameo thing, but my feels didn't want logic.

Many characters that appear will be recognized from the Titan launch books, or from the Voyager relaunch series. I tried to keep their positions as true to canon as possible, even as the gremlins took hold of this idea and it spiraled out of control inside my head. I can only blame the twin, **kate04us**, who was also kind enough to beta this for me. The whole thing was mainly developed from an idea she had for a scene that we sobbed over together as our rage at Chakotay (for how Voyager ended) took control of our feels. Granted it wasn't really _his_ fault, but again, the feels don't want logic.

* * *

**Chapter 1**

It had been a long time since Kathryn Janeway had felt the thrill of excitement at the prospect of a new assignment. She was no longer the wide-eyed ensign, setting out on her first mission aboard the Al-Batani; grief and loss had tempered that young officer, but it hadn't buried her completely. She had always been an explorer at heart, a scientist at her core, and each new assignment, each new mission that she was assigned to would fill her with the same sense of anticipation for new discoveries. Ultimately, it was the Delta Quadrant that tried to break that part of her. It became difficult to experience those feelings when the next new discovery might bring death or destruction, or in many cases, both.

Her promotion to Admiral was something else that Kathryn thought might preclude that old sense of enthusiasm. While she would never speak the words to the Starfleet Counselor that was assigned to her following her ship's return from the Delta Quadrant, Kathryn had confessed to those closest to her that the Admiral's bar adorning her uniform felt as much like a punishment as a reward. She felt as though she had been grounded, and her promotion was the means of her chains, the yoke to keep her bound.

Her feelings, as it turned out, were not unique. Owen told her that they all felt that way when those extra pips were first pinned to their collars. There, mixed with the pride and the thrill of accomplishment, was the sense of loss at knowing they would never again experience the freedom that had come with standing on the bridge of their own ship, grief at knowing they would not experience the exhilaration of exploration and discovery in quite the same way again. Others would take their place, and they would have those experiences through the lens of being an elder, a wiser version of the officers that came after them. It was a new kind of exploration, and it had its own sense of accomplishments, but to her point, he agreed. It was not the same.

Kathryn considered the course of that conversation as she stood next to the large window that looked out from her office over the Presidio Grounds. Beyond that she could see the top tiers of the Golden Gate Bridge, on a clear day at least. As with most mornings there was a dense fog blanketing the sky, but the afternoon had the promise of being clear and sunny. Later, if she made it back to her office in time, she would be able to just make out the cool, gray waters of the bay. Kathryn didn't know if her meetings would conclude before the evening mist settled over the city, and she allowed herself a soft sigh as she leaned her hip against the ledge of her office window. She thought back over the evening she had finally given voice to Owen of the thoughts that had been troubling her since she returned to duty.

Julia had insisted that he invite her to dinner. The house was too quiet since Tom and B'Elanna moved out. The younger couple was making a life for themselves and their new family, and while Owen and Julia didn't begrudge them that, they had gotten used to having a baby in the house again. Owen confessed that he had even grown accustomed to listening to his son and daughter-in-law bicker. It hadn't taken long before he realized they were doing it for fun. Kathryn had agreed to the invitation, and looking back now, she supposed she had known there were things she needed to talk over with her old mentor.

She was still reticent to reveal those thoughts to him. There was a part of her that still sought Admiral Paris's approval, even now that they were – in rank at least – contemporaries. Kathryn would never be able to think in those terms. It was the same reason that B'Elanna and Harry still used her rank, even in informal situations. Owen had been her teacher, and her commanding officer, and later he was her sponsor and greatest advocate. He was also her most critical detractor, when she needed one. When she thought of Tom, Kathryn could understand the hard feelings that had arisen between father and son. She had known Owen in an academic and professional capacity first, and so she had never taken his censorship or criticism personally. She had needed it, welcomed it, even when it was hard to hear. No one liked to be told that they were wrong, but she had been eager to learn, and the Admiral willing to teach her.

Later, after Utrea II, when she was less eager and more reserved, and Owen was battered and less open to sharing, Kathryn had accepted what he could offer her with gratitude. As she grew older and more experienced, she filed his counsel away and used it where it was needed. Even now, when she had achieved more than either of them could have imagined, there was still a small part of her that balked at the idea of disappointing him.

After dinner and over several glasses of an incredibly rich California red, she explained the thoughts that had been troubling her. Commanding was like breathing to her now; after seven years in the Delta Quadrant, without a moment's respite or relief, or even a superior on whom to lean, sliding into command was as easy as donning the jacket of her uniform. She felt fettered now by the rank bar he had placed on her neck. She knew that her promotion was Admiral Paris's idea. He had advocated for it, but as they talked late into the evening, he explained that he had not needed to lobby quite too strenuously.

The Fleet Operations Commander, Admiral Akaar, had agreed with him quite readily that she was a resource to be tapped and used, and kept close to home. Owen had felt that she might resent him though. Kathryn let her gaze wander the grounds outside her office window. Everything was pitched in shades of gray. It looked as cold and unyielding as the years in the Delta Quadrant had started to make her feel. A small smile tugged at the corners of her mouth. Her conversation with Owen that evening was a long time in coming, it seemed.

In all the years they had known each other they had never spoken quite so openly about the ravages of command. A few years ago she might have resented him for grounding her, she might have argued or railed, and blamed him for the circumstances in which she found herself. Maybe he was right, maybe she was a little bit wiser now.

Kathryn thought the Delta Quadrant had made her hard. Surely it had carved out pieces of her, but it was not until she was home, and her crew taken care of, that she was able to finally understand where those hard edges had really come from. She had existed there in a cage. It was a cage of her own making, and one that was wholly necessary for her own survival and the successful completion of her mission, but it was still a cage. Owen had known that. He had seen it in her, thousands of light years away, via brief communications through the Pathfinder Project, Owen recognized the bars of the cage that she had hidden herself behind.

"_I taught you too well,"_ he told her that evening. He once caged himself, out of necessity for protecting what remained of his battered psyche, and to protect his family from the horrors he had endured. He built walls that had damaged as much as they had helped, and learned the hard way that the deepest wounds came at the expense of their loved ones. He did not want that for her. The promotion was meant to free her. She had endured more than anyone should have to, and if she was going to live outside of a cage, she would need the opportunity to find her footing, to find her place again, and embrace the best parts of what the Delta Quadrant had made of her.

He opened a door. It was her choice to walk through it or not; he could not make the decision for her.

Kathryn drew a breath and nodded once. Her choice was finally made. She drew away from the window and walked back around behind her desk. There was a series of padds spread across the surface, and on the computer were the notes of the research she had done, and the plans she was making. Kathryn turned her attention to the wall that was adjacent to her desk. A wider monitor was inlayed in the structure. She walked toward it and swept her fingers across the smooth surface. The notes from her padds and computer appeared before her, spread out on a single screen. She studied the data, it was already committed to memory, but she wanted to make one last pass to assure herself there were no holes in her work.

There weren't. By now, after many weeks of planning, Kathryn was confident in her construct. This mission plan had already been through committee, and had the approval of Admirals Shanthi and Nechayev. Further, this mission had a specific Diplomatic agenda and required approvals from the Federation Council and the President's office.

There were rumors, early in her planning, that President Min Zife was prepared to veto the mission out of hand. Diplomacy and aid were not high on his list of ambitions at the time. He was attempting to rebuild the Federation, and while Kathryn agreed that was a necessary endeavor, it was apparent to her that he was playing a very short game. In the months since she had been home, she was wondering how it was that a politician could be such a poor tactician. Those ideas used to be beyond her thinking, but her position now required that she be better versed in the politics of the Federation than she used to be.

Before her planning and research became wasted time, though, Zife was replaced. Kathryn didn't pretend to know what the circumstances were that surrounded the President's sudden resignation, but her instincts told her that the recent weakening of the Federation had leant itself to the President's short career. Short sightedness was not an advantage to rebuilding efforts. The Federation had become reactionary in recent years, and while it was necessary for survival, it would not prevent further decline. The recent demise of their neighbors in the Beta Quadrant should have been enough to convince Zife, but it was not. It was fortunate that newly elected President Nanietta Bacco did not share that lack of insight.

The government of the once proud, secretive, and dangerously calculating Romulan Star Empire was now in ruins. The coup, and ultimate defeat, of the clone that called himself Shinzon had left a vacuum of power within the Empire's ruling class. In the absence of leadership other factions were beginning to break off, and the ambitious amongst those in the remaining government and military were creating alliances and seeking power for themselves. It was a situation that could create a great threat for the both the Alpha and Beta Quadrants. Those outside the Empire had started to see the situation for what it was, an opportunity.

Those seeking to fill the void of power left behind by the Empire wanted to capitalize on the advantage of access that now presented itself. Smugglers, traders, and would-be conquerors were vying for the opportunity to gain knowledge and technology. The once tightly held secrets were now a pawn, a bargaining piece to the highest bidder.

The Federation was seated on the precipice of a choice. They could allow the region to fall into complete chaos, allow Romulus and Remus to completely tear themselves apart with civil war and unrest, or the Federation could do as it always had. It could smooth the unrest, pave the way toward peace, and ensure that its own borders and peoples were not unduly impacted. The memory of the Dominion War was still very fresh in the minds of everyone who had endured it. Another war simply could not be allowed to rage through a quadrant that was still recovering. It would be the destruction of all of them.

There were those, however, that believed if the Federation was to survive, it could not become mired in activities of militarized defense. It was built on the ideals of exploration and discovery, in cooperation and peace. To preserve that way of life, to get back any semblance of what it had been before the threat of the Dominion and Cardassia, and those that were now threatening in their wake, the Federation and those to whom its survival was entrusted, would have to reach beyond old prejudices, fresh scars, and new fears to provide the aid and guidance that could broker peace for them all.

Kathryn's mission was to lay the framework for that aid. While the _Enterprise_ was slowly limping its way home, she had already started to pull together the pieces of a proposal that would take a delegation of diplomatic and humanitarian aid to Romulus, in the hopes of preventing further destruction and loss of life. It was behind the closed doors of those initial meetings that Kathryn first began to spread her wings in her new role. The first months after her return were spent in bureaucracy; it was a learning curve, surely. She was finally stepping through the door that Owen had opened for her, choosing to embrace the turn that her career had taken, and make it her own.

She wasn't lost anymore.

The Admiral chose her taskforce, like the pieces of a chessboard, she chose ships and the officers that would be best suited to the long strategy she was engaging. While the Alpha Quadrant was embroiled in war, and her contemporaries were hardened and militarized, Kathryn had been the lone diplomat and defensive end on the other side of the galaxy. It made her uniquely qualified to see beyond the haze of post-war fear and fatigue. She could see the bigger picture, and like the tactician that she had become, she maneuvered her peers and superiors until they capitulated to her objective in such a way that they could portray it as their own idea, while the very reflection of it was painted in a manner that it was clear who had woven those shards.

Nechayev had admitted that some of them wondered if she could still work within the confines of a command structure. As Fleet Admiral, she had the Captain's logs studied, pulled apart and analyzed. She read the transcripts of many of the entries herself. She was both impressed and concerned. Nechayev was one of the proponents of keeping Janeway aboard the bridge of a starship, however, but as the admiral responsible for the fleet, she had approached that idea with her own tactical movements in mind. She was not unable to see the bigger picture, though, and as Kathryn's mission plan went to committee and the data that the Admiral and her staff pulled together was studied and discussed, Nechayev could recognize why she was denied this resource.

She was still going to hold Janeway responsible for the very expensive case of Chateau Picard that she had to send to Owen Paris in payment for his having been right. Nechayev hated to lose, and especially to arrogant old goats like Paris. She was already plotting her revenge. When Paris was back in command of Starfleet Intelligence, buried beneath paperwork, he wouldn't be smirking at her in triumph anymore.

Having the Fleet Admiral in agreement to her mission plan was as important as getting the approval of the Fleet Commander in Chief. Ultimately it was Akaar and Nechayev who had to convince Admiral Shanthi, and playing to their ambitions could only be beneficial to Kathryn. If the Delta Quadrant taught her nothing else, it was patience. Even if that was not a practice she was especially good at.

Janeway's plan had many layers. The area around the Romulan Neutral Zone would be patrolled by a fleet of five ships, two Sovereign-class vessels, the _USS Aegeus_ and _USS Hamilton_ along with three smaller, but equally capable vessels, the _Cerberus, Odyssey, _and after much consideration and deliberation on her part, _Voyager_. Those ships would present a presence of control and defense. They were there to be a deterrent, to cut down on the smuggling, raids, and outside influence of those who would use the Romulans' situation to their own betterment. Captain Grant of the _Hamilton_ was leading that fleet, and would be coordinating with the other Captains on her orders to protect the Romulan borders and outlying colonies.

Pulling this fleet together was where playing to Nechayev's ambitions had come into play. The Admiral knew her fleet better than Kathryn did. She had lost peers and friends to the war while she was on the other side of the galaxy. Kathryn intended to stop a conflict, not precipitate one. She wanted commanding officers that could understand when force was necessary, and when the threat of it was a better deterrent.

Janeway knew Captain Grant by reputation. He was an engineer who had found a position of command through necessity. In the early months of the Dominion War, his ship was critically damaged. With the Captain dead, and the First Officer incapacitated, Grant had stepped into command and managed to save both the ship, and most of the crew. In the middle of a war, where survival depended on good instincts and fast thinking, Grant found himself quickly put into another position of command; first officer of that same ship. He was captaining his own vessel now, and Nechayev spoke highly of him.

That concerned Kathryn initially. Alynna had a reputation of liking officers who followed orders and didn't question her motives. Reputations could be misleading, however. Two of the other ships that Nechayev suggested had Captains with reputations for being able to think outside the box, and it was Alynna who had wanted _Enterprise_ sent to Romulus to begin with. Picard wasn't exactly known for blindly following orders. Kathryn decided to put aside her assumptions about Nechayev and took the other Admiral's recommendations into consideration.

Kathryn tilted her head as she studied the display before her. She swept her fingers across it again and the ships planned patrol routes appeared. _Aegeus_ and _Hamilton_ would patrol the greater area along the Neutral Zone while _Odyssey_ and _Cerberus_ would take the interior. Kathryn thought long and hard about assigning _Voyager_, but ultimately, she knew that her little ship had the maneuverability to patrol the inner outposts. With the Astrometric sensors they had added and enhanced in the Delta Quadrant, the ship would be in a better position to locate and intercept the small ships that were making smuggling and raiding runs just inside the Romulan borders.

While the area around Romulan space was being protected, another fleet of ships would make the trip across the Neutral Zone. The Federation Council had chosen delegates from a number of worlds, and colonies, with a background in the kind of militaristic subterfuge and noble caste system that Romulus had built the foundations of its civilizations upon. To make that delegation a success, Kathryn had chosen a group of ships that would provide humanitarian and diplomatic aid within the borders of Romulan space. She and her staff would be the official Starfleet representatives, and while she was engaged in the finer art of diplomacy, the newly promoted Captain Riker would command the operations of her taskforce, and his recently commissioned _USS Titan_ would operate as her flagship for the duration.

There were those, Kathryn knew, who had expected that she would choose _Voyager_ for that purpose, and were surprised when she had not. She needed an officer at her back that she could trust, and while it might have once been her instinct to reach out to her former crew, the Romulan situation required a Captain who was seasoned in diplomacy. This mission would require finesse and experience, and ideally she would have preferred Will's mentor, but with the revelations of Shinzon's existence, the loss of Commander Data, and the damage to the _Enterprise_, Kathryn knew only too well that she would be asking too much of Picard if she ordered him to return so soon.

In a single blow he had lost three of his long time senior staff, and there were rumors that his Chief Medical Officer was about to be lured back to head Starfleet Medical. That crew had been together for even longer than hers had been, and Kathryn understood the mingled sense of loss and pride in knowing that those he had taught, mentored, and trusted were moving on to greater things. The loss of Data was a blow that none of them could have anticipated, but Kathryn adjusted her plans accordingly.

Riker, the Admiral had decided, would do. Where he lacked specific diplomatic skill, there was his Counselor and Diplomatic Officer, Commander Troi to fill the gap. If Kathryn was honest with herself, it was the Counselor that had tipped things in Riker's favor. For the past decade and a half she had been instrumental in Picard's diplomatic success. The Commander's skillset was exactly what this mission required, and Kathryn could easily admit that her intelligence and talent impressed her when they met the previous year, during _Voyager'_s long trip back to Earth following their return. Troi had easily dispelled her assumptions of what a Starfleet Counselor was meant to be, and had her confident and compassionate nature not been enough to put the then Captain at ease, _Voyager_'s own EMH had nothing but praise for her abilities. When it came to the wellbeing of her crew, Kathryn trusted his judgment implicitly.

Then the Counselor had focused her attentions on _Voyager_'s Captain. Whatever attempts Kathryn might have made at evading or coasting through those first sessions, better and more hardened officers had tried and failed, and if Troi was frustrated with her, she had never shown it. Kathryn wondered that she had finally met a force of will and stubbornness to rival her own, and while _Voyager_'s crew had been her mission for seven long years, making sure that all of them, her Captain included, were able to integrate back into the lives they left behind was Troi's mission, and she rose to that occasion with a singular focus that was commendable.

Kathryn learned quickly, over the course of just a few days, that the Commander's position was not the starship fluff that many might want to believe. The Admiral could easily believe that in another decade the Commander would take her place at Starfleet Medical, heading the psychiatric division and overseeing the wellbeing of the entire fleet. That was assuming that the Diplomatic Corps wouldn't get their hands on her first. It would be interesting to find out how that future would unfold.

For now, Kathryn pushed those thoughts aside. She looked at the chronometer in the corner of the display and heard the door to her office open at the same moment. She glanced toward the sound and found her aide standing just inside the entrance.

"Admiral," the Lieutenant had his hands folded behind his back. "They are ready."

"Thank you, Decan." She lifted the padd that contained her notes and mission plan, and with a stop by the replicator for a fresh cup of coffee, Kathryn left her office.

They rode the lift down two levels and made their way to the East Tower briefing room. As they approached, they found Admiral Nechayev waiting outside. Kathryn's brows rose in askance. "Admiral, to what do we owe the honor?" Her eyes sparkled with amusement. "I thought we agreed that you weren't going to commandeer this briefing for an opportunity to torment Captain Riker?"

"Tempting." Nechayev pretended to consider it. "Unfortunately, I have other matters to attend to. I wanted to come down and deliver the news myself." She watched Lieutenant Decan move closer to the briefing room door and wait there for the Admiral to join him. Alynna folded her hands in front of her. "We've had a change in plans. I know this is a poor time to start making changes to your fleet, and I would have preferred to avoid it, but I was out maneuvered."

The Admiral's annoyance was palpable. Kathryn suppressed the urge to sigh. She was not without the ability to adapt, but reordering her entire fleet would prove problematic, especially when she was about to meet with those captains for the first in a series of pre-mission briefings. "How did that happen?"

The clipped edge to her tone might have annoyed Nechayev under other circumstances; the Admiral could hardly blame her. This mission was at a critical point in its planning stages. The fleet would be shipping out at the end of the month, and Janeway was set to fine tune the more intricate pieces of her operation. "Jameson," Nechayev replied, a disgruntled edge filling her tone. The old jackass had been a thorn in her side for too many years.

Kathryn's brows drew together in a puzzled frown. "What does the Academy Commandant have to do with our fleet operations?" Apparently there was a bigger game afoot than she was aware of. The inner workings of Starfleet Operations and Fleet Command were a bit like a game of Velocity. There were volleys and points, and tactical advantages, the faster opponents scored first, but the more ambitious waited for the right angle, and the perfect shot. Nechayev was good at playing both sides of that game.

"He's been stealing my officers for years," Alynna explained. "I usually get word of it before it happens, and unless the officer in Jameson's sights really isn't suited to Command anymore, I can usually offset his offer. Jameson got to Captain Ellis before anyone knew that he was interested. He offered him the opportunity to design his own curriculum, and gave him direction over the Academy's Cosmology labs. It was a good offer." Annoyance flashed in her eyes. She would have been hard pressed to provide a better one, but she disliked the loss of opportunity.

"The labs?" Kathryn felt her face go a little slack with surprise. She all but dropped her jaw in astonishment. "That…" She whistled in appreciation, and not a little bit of envy. "I spent the entirety of my senior year at the Academy in those labs, they're very impressive." She thought back to what she knew about Ellis, and could visualize his duty history in her mind. Like her, he had studied Quantum Cosmology at the Academy, although he had chosen a command track from the beginning. Kathryn shook her head. "I suppose the offer was recent?" She would have appreciated knowing about it sooner.

"I found out about it a couple of hours ago. I've been working on finding a replacement. The _Aegeus_' s first officer is new to the job, as you know, so a promotion is out of the question." Nechayev had a number of candidates in mind, but she didn't want to reorder the fleet assigned to the Romulan Diplomatic mission too extensively, not this close to the start of the mission. "I've decided to leave it to you. I had my office send your aide the details. We can reassign the _Aegeus_ and revisit the idea of having the _Endeavor_ brought in to replace it, but…"

"Captain Shelby can be something of a wildcard," Kathryn nodded. "Yes, I know." She remembered the other woman. There was a time when the Captain was the foremost expert on the Borg, but time, experience, and other conflicts had changed that. "No, I still agree with you," Kathryn decided. "Her expertise is still more conducive to patrolling the trade routes between Cardassian and Breen space. Damn." She sighed. "I really wanted Ellis." The Captain was a scientist, but he was an able tactician. He was an explorer that appeared to understand the greater advantages of their objective. "Who else do you have in mind to replace him?"

"Jacob Paris." The name tasted almost bitter in Nechayev's mouth. She was already in a position to have lost one wager to Owen Paris, she was not looking forward to being witness to anymore of his preening. One of these days she was going to clip that old bird's feathers.

Kathryn almost laughed at the sour look that was twisting the Admiral's lips into a grimace. She had to clench her jaw and control her reaction. The rivalry between Nechayev and Paris went back years. She had no idea what had started it, Owen wouldn't say, but she understood it to be good-natured, no matter how seriously they both took it. "You could think of this as an opportunity," she pointed out. "On the few occasions that Owen has mentioned Captain Paris in my presence, he hasn't been entirely impressed that his nephew is languishing on a Starbase in the middle of nowhere. If you were able to bring him back into the fold, so to speak, Owen might have to owe you. From where I'm standing, that's not a debt that could be easily settled by a case of expensive wine. It might take him some time to even the score." Her head inclined, her eyes were alight with her amusement. "What I would like to know is whether or not Captain Paris can play well with others. With all due respect, and his pedigree aside, you and I both know that this mission was designed around a singular objective, and if it is as successful as I hope it will be, I don't want it to be overshadowed by questions of nepotism."

The admiral straightened. Her eyes flashed with indignation. "I think we can both agree that one thing I have never been accused of is nepotism." Nechayev lifted her chin. "I think the Captain's reputation will speak for itself. His record is impeccable, and no more than I would expect considering his so-called _pedigree_." Jacob Paris was the only son of Cole Paris, an officer who had his own notable service record, but had died before he could reach the same level of command success that his family was historically known for. "I'll have the details sent to your office, we can discuss it this afternoon when your briefing has concluded, but I've already decided that Paris is being reassigned to _Aegeus_. He's an asset that we can no longer afford to ignore."

"Understood." Kathryn nodded. Her input would be allowed, but it was unlikely there would be any changes to the Admiral's decision. It was, ultimately, Nechayev's fleet. Kathryn was only borrowing a small portion of it for a time. "Will there be anything else, Admiral?"

"No." Alynna smirked at her. "I've interrupted your schedule enough. I can torment Riker another time. I think I'll have my staff schedule something for later this week. I don't want that extra pip going to his head just yet. God knows it took him long enough to accept it." For that alone, Nechayev was going to make Will pay. "As you were Admiral."

Kathryn watched her go and resisted the urge to roll her eyes. She turned her attention to her aide instead and walked over to join him. "Alright, Decan, I can feel your disapproval. We can begin now."

The Lieutenant simply arched a brow at her. "We are only 4.7 minutes behind schedule, Admiral. Are you certain that you would not like to wait a little longer? You are already late. I am certain the Captains will not mind."

The corners of her mouth twitched, but she did not smile. Whoever said that Vulcans were incapable of sarcasm had obviously never spent time with one. "I seem to recall our having this discussion before, Lieutenant," her tone was just indulgent enough to offset her feigned admonishment. "A Starfleet Admiral is never late, we arrive exactly when we mean to; the others simply chose to arrive early."

"I see." Decan inclined his head at her. "In that case, Admiral, I am pleased to inform you that the assembled officers were 4.8 minutes early for the briefing, and with the exception of Captain Ellis, whose absence has already been explained, everyone is present and ready to begin."

"I applaud your efficiency, Lieutenant, and I thank you." Her eyes glittered with barely contained mirth. "At the risk of delaying things for even a second longer, I suggest we proceed." Kathryn tapped her padd against her leg and walked through the doors.

The briefing room was long, with a wall of windows overlooking the grounds of Headquarters, and beyond that, the Academy. Were it not for the fog, they would have a view of the Nova Squadron Control tower. On another wall, there was a wide view screen; Kathryn strolled the length of the room, along the windows, and rounded the table to approach it. "Captains, Commander, good afternoon."

At her arrival, each of the heads in the room had turned in her direction. The officers had been chatting amongst themselves while they waited for her, but she watched them take their seats now. Her gaze swept over each of the officers present. She dropped her data padd to the table and draped an arm across the high backed chair that she stopped beside. She waited until they were seated before she addressed the room. "I'd like to thank you for your patience, your additional four minute wait was unintentional." She slanted a look at her left, were Decan had taken position near the view screen, and could almost swear he had sighed at her. "As all of you know, most of you have been chosen to be part of the Romulan Diplomacy Taskforce. Captain Picard is here as a favor to me. The _Enterprise_ will not be joining us, for obvious reasons, but for this initial briefing, at least, the Captain was kind enough to lend us his time. As I understand it," she looked in his direction now, and there was a more compassionate glint in her eyes, even as she turned the conversation to lighter matters, "recent defections among your crew have caused an unusual amount of replacement interviews."

"Yes." Data would be impossible to replace, and he understood the Admiral was steering the conversation away from the losses they had suffered during the initial confrontation of the Romulan Coup. This initial briefing would set the mood for the remainder of the mission, and beginning on a sour note would set a poor tone. "The ungrateful fiends jumped ship on me. It's been a terrible imposition." As he said it, he cast a look to the man who was seated opposite the table. He was lucky enough to have them at his side for that long; it would have been unfair to ask for more. "But I have the feeling you know good help is hard to find."

"Indeed I do." Kathryn hitched her heel against the base of the chair she was standing beside and leaned her hip against it. "At the risk of antagonizing the Lieutenant who is responsible for my schedule any further, I suggest we get to it." She nodded at Decan and watched as he keyed a few commands into the data padd in his hand. The view screen beside him lit up immediately with a split-screen map of the Alpha and Beta Quadrants on one side, and a schematic of Romulan space on the other side. "Some of you may be asking yourselves why the Federation is choosing to involve itself in the Romulan problem at this time. It is no secret that we are currently struggling to rebuild our fleet, resupply our outposts, and replace resources lost during the Dominion War. The reason for that is simple, instead of having an advantage with the fall of the Romulan Empire, what we have is a vacuum of power. Consider for a moment the advantage that the Romulans might have had eighty-five years ago if the Federation had not agreed to provide aid to the Klingon Empire when Praxis was destroyed." Kathryn placed her coffee on the table and pushed away from the chair to walk over and stand beside the display. She pointed at the area to the right of the image that represented their part of the galaxy. "At the time, scientists believed that the Klingon home world would be unable to sustain life in just three decades. Beyond the greater philosophical and humanitarian implications, had that been allowed to happen, what we know of the Beta Quadrant today could have become an extension of the Romulan Empire. We may have found ourselves in quite the precarious position," Kathryn pointed at the opposite side of the schematic. "With the Romulans on one side, and the Cardassians on the other, there may not have been a Federation for the Dominion to attempt to conquer. This is all supposition of course, and built around worst case scenarios, but we find ourselves once again poised on the knife's edge of a choice that could strengthen our position or vastly weaken it."

"With the complete destruction of the Romulan Senate," Picard explained, "there is no single ruling faction within the Empire at this time. We are hearing that Senator Tal'Aura has claimed the Praetorship, and while she has the support of the Proconsul and a few former members of the Imperial Fleet, it is the current leadership of the Imperial Fleet that would like to take control of the government, and based on my conversations with Commander Donatra, the absence of central leadership will soon have the fleet breaking off into separate factions too."

The admiral nodded in response. It was the Captain's rapport with Commander Donatra that had led her to extend the invitation to the briefings. It was also another reason that she had chosen Riker to head the taskforce. Having a representative from the _Enterprise_ could work in their favor. "Starfleet Intelligence is also concerned that a third faction, headed by the leaders of the Tal Shiar will attempt to seize control. In the past, it has been the Senate that kept the Tal Shiar reigned in, and our operatives report that the agency has members in place within both the Imperial Fleet and Senator Tal'Aura's circle of advisors."

"The Romulan people are wary of the Tal Shiar," Troi explained, "and with good reason. The Romulans viewed those outside their borders to be enemies, but the Tal Shiar have no problem waging war within their borders. It is silent and secretive, they rule with fear. In the absence of a governing Senate, the people are beginning to assert their own wishes on their society. The Tal Shiar will not allow that to continue. Dissenters will begin to disappear, and the people will be brought to heel. But not before the Tal Shiar uses the unrest to displace Tal'Aura; according to Commander Donatra, there are many who understand the Senator's miraculous survival is too convenient."

"While the Empire is tearing itself apart, there are factions outside its borders that are moving into position to take advantage," The Admiral explained. "Patrols watching the trade routes have already encountered an increase in smuggling. Getting goods outside the Empire is something that has always happened, we know this," she spread her hands in acknowledgement, "our bigger concern are those willing to take advantage of the more vulnerable colonies and outposts in the border areas." Her gaze swept the room again, and the assembled officers that would be charged with helping to carryout her Romulan mission. "I won't speak to the experiences that any of you had during the war. I am well aware that I wasn't present during the conflict. What I can offer you is the opinion of someone who is looking at it through the same lens that history may view it."

As she spoke, she began to stroll the length of the room, walking behind the Captains who appeared to be listening raptly as she painted a picture for them of history repeating itself. "When the Cardassian Union decided to break treaty and began encroaching into Federation Space, their first targets were the border colonies." From the corner of her eye, she saw Chakotay shift. No one in the room knew better than he how that had turned out. "When the Dominon became involved, furthering the growing conflict, operatives were employed to sow the seeds of discontent between the Federation and our Allies. While this was occurring, Cardassia began to make allies of the Breen, and chose to look the other way as factions like the Orion Syndicate and the Ferengi took control of trade routes. While the Federation was warring with the Klingon Empire, the Cardassian Union and the Breen Confederacy were pushing outside their known borders just a little further all the time. While our intelligence operatives were concerned with growing tensions on one end of the galaxy, and our forces were engaged in conflict on the other, it was our Federation Protectorates that suffered the most. All the while, the Dominion was gaining a greater foothold in this quadrant and preparing to launch an all out offensive. While it was fortunate that the Federation was able to cease hostilities with the Klingons so that we could align ourselves against a greater foe, the damage was done."

Kathryn came to a stop at the other end of the table, near where Captain Grant of the _Hamilton_ was seated. "Two of the strongest powers in this region of space had managed to weaken each other enough to allow a bigger bully to take control of the playground; or at least attempt to do so."

Captain Caldwell of the _Cerberus_ leaned forward in her seat. She was younger than most of the others present, but she had commanded a ship during the war, and her record was impeccable. "You've obviously done your homework, Admiral, no one here would dispute that fact, but isn't the history lesson you've just given us exactly the reason why the Federation should remain neutral during the Romulan crisis? We've only just started to replace most of our fleet; our ships are crewed by fresh faces while veteran officers have been tapped to take command of the ships coming out of Utopia Planetia. I don't mean to sound impertinent, but as you already stated, you weren't here. Can we really ask our crews to put themselves in a position to face another conflict while our home worlds are still rebuilding?" She shook her head before continuing. "I am compassionate to the Romulans' plight, please do not mistake me on that point, in another decade I would more than agree that we should help them, but right now I have a hard time seeing how we can justify that when our Protectorates are struggling."

"If the area of space around the Romulan Empire continues to destabilize," Chakotay responded from her immediate right, "it won't matter how the Romulan people are tearing each other apart. Other factions will take advantage. There are Klingon houses that still view the Romulans as being indebted to them for events that occurred more than fifty years ago. If those houses attempt to take control of Romulan space and resources, what is to stop them from turning on their own government? If the Klingon Empire begins to fracture, it won't take long for our treaty to dissolve and those hostilities to make their way into Federation Space." From the moment he read the outline that Kathryn had given them, he understood where her ideas were rooted. Seven years given him more than enough experience to know the inner workings of her tactical mind, and diplomacy was always her first instinct. She would prevent conflict where she could, and if she couldn't, she was more than prepared to fight. Chakotay allowed his eyes to lift and met her gaze. "The Gorn, the Tholians, there are a number of powers inside the Beta Quadrant that would benefit from a destabilized Romulan Empire."

"Yes." She allowed herself a small feeling of triumph that he could still read her so easily. Kathryn had wondered if they would still have that all these months later. "That also includes any factions inside Romulan space that may choose to defect. Without the ruling body of the Senate in place, there are those with the intent and capability to begin striking at Federation targets. I want to stop the conflict before it can begin. We can provide aid to the Empire, start the process of shoring up their borders, and with any luck, lay the foundation for an alliance that would preclude any future hostilities."

"Oh," Chakotay tilted his head at her. "Is that all?" There was amusement shining in his eyes. They had been down this road before, he thought, Kathryn wanting to form an alliance that would strengthen her position. "Did you build any contingency plans into your strategy to contend with scorpion stings?"

While the comment went largely over the heads of the others, Kathryn simply pursed her lips at him. "As a matter of fact, the thought had crossed my mind." She turned her heel and walked back to the other end of the table, where she had left her notes. Kathryn lifted the padd and keyed a few commands. The screen changed and revealed to them ship deployments around the neutral zone. "The Klingon Ambassador to the Federation has brokered an agreement with Chancellor Martok to come to our aid should our Diplomatic mission fail, and the Romulan Imperial Fleet mobilize against the Federation. Martok has ordered forces loyal to his house to the border," while she spoke, several markers appeared on the screen, filling the space between the Romulan and Klingon empires. "The Klingons are only too eager at the idea of helping us to dispel a Romulan threat, but I'm still optimistic that it won't come to that."

Kathryn walked over to stand near the display again. "The Diplomatic envoy will proceed to Romulus aboard the _Titan_, the Romulans have, so far, agreed to talk. Captains Mason and Harris will be providing operational support with the _Jamestown _and _Gryphon_. Your ships will also be largely in charge of coordinating the humanitarian aid that we will be providing. Captain Grant will be coordinating our efforts along the Neutral Zone with the _Hamilton_. The _Odyssey_, _Voyager_, and _Cerberus_ will join the _Aegeus _in that task. "I'm sure by now you've all noticed that Captain Ellis is absent from these proceedings. I was informed just before I arrived that he has accepted a transfer to the Academy. His replacement is as yet unnamed, but I am sure the Captain will be joining us at our next briefing. Captains Riker and Grant have already submitted their mission plans to me, and I have approved them. Lieutenant Decan will make sure that you have those copies…" She paused when she met the Vulcan's gaze and shook her head. A smile curved her lips. "Or rather, has already transferred them, along with the full data packet that my staff and I have put together for you. I would like to reconvene in a few days, once you've all had an opportunity to review the information. If Lieutenant Decan has not already scheduled that meeting, I am certain you will receive notification of it soon. Are there any questions?" Kathryn watched Captain Riker swivel in his chair. The familiar glint in his eyes promised trouble. She slid the data padd in her hands onto the table and folded them in front of her. "Yes, Captain," she lifted a brow and waited for impact.

"As Captain Caldwell pointed out, you've obviously done your homework, and you've managed to cram seven years worth of Federation history into a few months' time. I was wondering Admiral, when did you have time for all of that?" Will smirked at her. "As I remember it, history wasn't a subject that you were especially fond of. You were always running off to finish a paper about one cosmic phenomena or another."

Kathryn shook her head at him. Hidden in the reminder of their Academy days, and the well-known fact that nothing had interested her then so much as the Quantum sciences, was the inherent joke that she had been expecting. "Well, Captain, when you find yourself in a situation where your First Officer refuses to stop and ask for directions, you end up having a lot of time to read."

Chakotay leaned back in his seat and turned it toward them. He met Riker's gaze and shook his head. "The best part about not being someone else's first officer anymore is not being blamed when they choose to remember events differently than everyone else. Enjoy it."

"Hm." The admiral tapped her bottom lip while she considered that. "Tell me something, Captain, just how is _my_ ship these days?"

"The replicators have stopped malfunctioning, so it must be fine," he shot back.

As the others chuckled, Kathryn decided that round could go to him. "Thank you, everyone. Dismissed." She watched them file out, save for two, and made a mental note at the responses she had received from the first briefing. It was promising. Caldwell was one of those Captains with a penchant for thinking outside the box, she was ambitious, but methodical. Kathryn appreciated her views and looked forward to the discussion that would come once the Captains had time to review the rest of the data they had been sent.

Their mission was shaping up to be just as interesting as she had anticipated it to be.

**-TBC-**


	2. Chapter 2

**Crossroads**

**By Kadi**

**Rated T**

**Disclaimer:** It has never been my sandbox, but I do enjoy playing in it.

* * *

**Chapter 2**

While the others rose to leave, Picard and Riker remained. Kathryn pulled her chair back and sank into it. "You'll have to thank Commander Worf for me," she told the elder of the two Captains. "I know he was instrumental in brokering the deal with Chancellor Martok. If the Klingons hadn't agreed, I don't think President Bacco would have risked making diplomatic overtures at this point."

"I'll pass along your regards." Picard leaned back in his seat. "Worf still has some pull within the Empire, despite his resignation as Ambassador. The Klingons recognize that diplomats are necessary, but Martok understood that Worf preferred to be on the front lines."

"Rumor has it that he'll have that chance now?" Kathryn reached for her coffee cup and grimaced. It was cold by now. She put it aside with a sigh. "I heard that you've asked him to stay on as your new XO."

"Is he still thinking about it?" Riker knew the offer was going to be made, but hadn't heard anything further. The Captain had been otherwise occupied between his time spent with Deanna while they honeymooned, and later with getting _Titan_ ready for deployment.

"He's agreed to accept the position temporarily, in an acting XO capacity, but I'm optimistic that I can convince him to remain." He tugged on the edges of his jacket to pull it down before crossing his legs and focusing on the Admiral. "I was concerned I might be replacing my Chief Engineer too. Commandant Jameson has been making the rounds. Fortunately for me, engineers are a unique breed; Geordi isn't willing to trust _his _ship to anyone else."

"Hm." Kathryn chuckled quietly. She folded her hands together in her lap. "That is something that I am incredibly familiar with. They allow us to think these ships are ours, but they are incredibly possessive of them… and protective. I can't begin to tell you the number of times that I was ordered off my own bridge and into a jefferies tube because Lieutenant Commander Torres needed an extra pair of hands and not just anyone would do." The truth was that the two of them had been all through that ship. They'd both had chaffed knees and scraped knuckles, and there wasn't a section of the ship they hadn't repaired over the years. If there was anyone she was willing to share custody of _Voyager_ with, it was B'Elanna.

Riker looked incredulous. "Your Chief Engineer assigned you to a repair crew?"

"We didn't have the option of putting in to space dock in the Delta Quadrant, Will." She shrugged. "I don't think any of us really understand how many advantages we take for granted until we don't have them anymore."

"Who is Admiral Nechayev considering to replace Ellis?" Picard asked. He couldn't imagine there were many options at this point in the mission planning. He could think of a few alternatives, but he wasn't going to get involved in the inner workings of Starfleet Command, lest someone get an idea they shouldn't.

"Are either of you familiar with Jacob Paris?" The information wasn't privileged, and she was sure that she could trust them not to speak out of turn. "I know him by reputation, obviously, but I've never met him. Most of what I know comes from the few anecdotes that Admiral Paris has shared with me over the years."

Picard shifted in his chair while he thought back over the names of the Captains he dealt with during the war and recovery effort. "Only what I've read in the after action reports from the war. I knew his father. Cole and I served aboard the _Stargazer_ together. He was a pilot as I recall. He was offered a position as the chief helm officer on another ship not long after I was given command."

"I know the Admiral's brother was killed in action while I was serving aboard the _Mary Kingsley_, but I don't know the specifics." She replied. "Captain Paris was a year or two ahead of me at the Academy, I believe. What I know about his father, Commander Paris, came in snippets of conversation, usually when the Owen was bragging about his son. He told me once that he believed Tom was even more talented than Cole had been. He said the talent must run in the family. He's only mentioned his nephew in passing." Kathryn shrugged at them, "I honestly don't know anymore than that. Admiral Nechayev seems intent on his inclusion to the mission."

"There might be a reason for that," Riker pointed out. A deep frown had drawn his brows together. "Paris was the XO of the _USS Socrates_. It was destroyed near the end of the war. He was promoted, but instead of taking command of the ship he was offered, he shipped out to Starbase 234. It's near the edge of the Beta Quadrant, not far from Romulan space. He's been in a good position to know all ship and trade movements in the area for the last several years." He rubbed at his bearded chin. "Paris was offered the _Jamestown_, but he turned it down. Admiral Ross mentioned it when they offered it to me."

"You didn't tell me you were offered the _Jamestown_," there was a slightly accusatory note in Picard's tone.

"They used to pull the chair out every few years," Riker shrugged. "After a while, I could set a calendar by it. I was waiting for the right chair." He hooked a thumb in the Admiral's direction. "This one doesn't like to be told no."

"I knew you were going to be trouble," Picard shook his head at her. He had met Janeway years ago, before he took command of the _Enterprise_, she was only a young Lieutenant then, but she had risen quickly through the ranks. "Does Alynna know that you're after her job?"

"Oh Jean-Luc," She clucked her tongue at him. "Alynna isn't concerned about that. They're saving it for you." She laughed when his mouth twisted in distaste. She knew exactly how he felt about the idea of being promoted to the Admiralty. She pushed up from the table. "Captain," she addressed Riker again, "I'll let you know as soon as I've been given a final answer about the _Aegeus_. If you'll both excuse me, I have another meeting." Kathryn retrieved her coffee cup and after bidding them both a good day, she took her leave.

Decan was waiting for her in the hall outside the briefing room. He fell into step with her as she passed him. "Commander Troi was not certain how long you would be delayed with the Captains, so she asked me to relay her intention to wait for you in your office." He passed her another data padd as they walked. "I downloaded Captain Paris's service record. I found it to be suitably impressive." By now, while he knew that the Admiral would read the service record for herself later, he had prepared to summarize it for her as they made their way back to her office. "The Captain trained as a pilot, and while at the Academy he was a member of the Nova Squadron group. There is a note in his file from his first crew evaluation that he was more interested in engineering than helm control, and so he was transferred to that department during his first posting. It would appear that the Captain once had an interest in starship design. This should assist with building an easy rapport with Captain Grant." When they reached the lift, he folded his hands behind his back. "The Captain graduated from the Academy on the command track, however, so unlike Captain Grant he sought opportunities for advancement beyond his Engineering duties."

"Ship design? Really?" Somehow, knowing he was a pilot, and knowing the family that he came from, that did not surprise her. Kathryn thumbed through the data on the padd, her interest piqued. "It isn't only Captain Grant that he should be able to get along with." She didn't know much about Tom's relationship with the rest of his family, but she thought that might give them a conversation starter, if nothing else.

When the lift doors opened, they stepped inside. Decan inclined his head but did not comment on that piece of information. "Level 52," the aide stated, and then continued, "his post mission review following the destruction of the _USS Socrates_ referenced a treatment plan for survivor's guilt, but listed him capable and competent to return to duty. His efforts in preventing further loss of life in the battle that destroyed the ship earned him a promotion to Captain."

Kathryn scrolled through the evaluation notes surrounding his promotion and subsequent assignment to Starbase 234. "There doesn't appear to be anything out of the ordinary in his service record. He requested the posting and it was granted. There are a few minor disciplinary notes from his time as an ensign, but I know a few Admirals with a more colorful record." She shook her head. "There are no red flags or unusual entries. It's exactly what I would expect of a decorated Starfleet Captain. I can understand his uncle's frustration." The lift came to a stop and the doors opened again. Kathryn stacked the padd with the other she was carrying and moved down the corridor toward her office. "Contact Admiral Nechayev's office," she instructed, "find out what time this afternoon she will be available to meet."

They rounded a bend in the corridor and a pair of frosted, transparent aluminum doors that each bore a Starfleet Insignia opened to admit them into the small suite that the Admiral and her staff occupied. In addition to Lieutenant Decan, who was assigned as Kathryn's full-time aide, there were also two other junior officers that comprised her staff. Both were ensigns and recent Academy graduates who were assigned to assist with research and report compilation. They also monitored the office when the Admiral and her aide were otherwise occupied or traveling. While Decan occupied the desk directly outside Kathryn's office, the other two officers were seated at smaller desks on the opposite side of the suite's outer office. It reminded Kathryn of a waiting room with the two chairs and small couch that also made up the space. There was a small briefing room, too, that would hold four or five people comfortably, which was why she had scheduled the taskforce briefings in the larger East Tower room.

When they entered the office, Kathryn came to a stop. She had anticipated Commander Troi, although she had actually expected one of the ensigns would show her into the main office, but she had not expected that Captain Chakotay would also be waiting. Kathryn supposed that she should have, although aside from the briefing they had not made any specific plans to see each other that day. The two had been seated in the chairs on the wall opposite her aide's desk, in obvious conversation, but stood when she entered. Kathryn glanced at Decan beside her. "Let me know what the Admiral says," she told him, and passed both data padds in her hand into his keeping. As he moved to take his seat, she turned her attention on the other two officers. "Commander, my apologies for keeping you waiting, again," she added with a wry smile. "If you'll step into my office, I will join you in just a moment."

"Of course." She turned to the Captain beside her; there was an amused glint in her eyes that she was unable to suppress. She usually tried not to eavesdrop on the emotions of others, without a specific purpose at hand, but the conflicted nature of the emotions that these two were giving off was difficult to ignore. What she knew was relegated to her function as a counselor aboard _Voyager_ the previous year, but she would wager that it was going to be an interesting few weeks. "Captain, it was nice speaking with you again. I look forward to working with you."

"As do I, Commander." Chakotay offered her a polite, but warm smile. He waited until the doors to Kathryn's office had closed behind her before he clasped his hands together in front of him and tilted his head at the Admiral. "I was hoping you might have enough of an opening in your schedule to have lunch with an old friend," he explained.

"I didn't know Tuvok was here," she teased, "does he know that you've taken to scheduling his appointments for him?" Her smile turned apologetic, Kathryn shook her head at him. "Not today, I'm booked through the rest of the day, and I have plans tomorrow. Rain check?"

Chakotay suppressed the urge to sigh. He didn't know why she was deliberately dodging him, but he knew that she was. He thought they were beyond all this. "I guess that will have to do." He jerked a single shoulder in a half-hearted shrug. "Aside from a little light reading, and routine maintenance aboard _Voyager_, my calendar is pretty open. If you get an opening, let me know. It's been too long, Kathryn."

"You're right," she told him. The way he said her name always managed to disarm her, at least a little. She couldn't put her finger on exactly why she was reticent to see him, and only a few minutes ago she had been happy to have his insight, but she felt herself balking at the idea of anything more personal. It seemed a little odd for two people who had been as close as they were, but they had been apart for several months now and Kathryn decided that she had gotten comfortable with that. It was difficult at first, but as days and weeks had turned to months, and he settled into his new command, their letters had grown fewer and farther apart. Kathryn offered him a more genuine smile. "It has been too long," she said softly, "and I really do have plans tomorrow. I go home for dinner once a week, and since I was a terrible daughter who didn't bother to call for several years, I try never to break a date with my mother." She watched him grin, saw the dimples appear, and felt her heart flutter in a way that it hadn't in a while.

"Well, it's not your fault that your first officer wouldn't stop and ask for directions," he drawled, grin widening when he saw the light flush of her cheeks. "Terrible guy, I hear the universe got even with him. _His_ first officer is constantly trying his patience and won't let him have any fun."

"He should probably be commended." Kathryn's smile softened. "Let me look at my calendar. I don't think I have anything planned after tomorrow. I'll get back to you, I promise. Right now, I have an appointment waiting, and I really should get back to work."

"I understand." Chakotay had expected her to be busy. With the mission that she had put together, he supposed he would be lucky to get this much of her attention. When she was focused on a problem; Kathryn was almost impossible to distract. "I'll go, but Kathryn, if I don't hear from you, I will come back."

There was enough edge in his tone to belie the teasing twist of his mouth. Kathryn's eyes narrowed slightly. "You'll hear from me soon, Captain. In the meantime, I'll make sure to send your first officer a few ideas for keeping you occupied." She looked past him to her aide, "Decan, unless Admiral Nechayev's office returns our calls, make sure there are no more interruptions."

"Yes, Admiral." The Lieutenant fixed the Captain with a cool look. "If you would like to make an appointment to speak with the Admiral, I believe there is an opening in four days at," he made a show of glancing at his computer terminal, "1400 hours."

Kathryn fought the urge to smirk as she left Decan to wrangle Chakotay and stepped into her office. She walked quickly toward her desk and ignored the small, knowing smile on the Commander's face. "I don't want to talk about it."

Deanna was seated, hands folded in her lap, and trying very hard to stop the smile that was curving her lips. "Talk about what, Admiral? Was there something in particular that you felt I might find interesting about that interaction?" Her lashes fluttered, but when the other woman glared at her, Troi simply stood and walked to the small replicator on the far side of the office. She ordered a plain, black coffee and a hot chocolate. When she returned with the drinks, she placed the coffee on the desk before reclaiming her seat. She leaned back in her chair and crossed her legs, all the while allowing the Admiral to have another moment to regain her equilibrium. When Deanna spoke again, it was with a calm understanding of what she had sensed. "You're struggling with something. You don't understand what it is, or why, but it is directly related to Captain Chakotay. You were happy to see him but you hesitated just now. That wasn't the point of our scheduling this meeting, but you've assigned the Captain to the Romulan Taskforce, and if those feelings could have any bearing on this mission, it would be irresponsible of me to ignore them."

Kathryn rubbed her fingers across her brow; then she reached for the coffee and sat back in her chair. She sighed quietly. When they met the previous year, she had felt uneasy about speaking to the empathic counselor. They had agreed during their first session together that week that honesty would put Janeway at ease. Kathryn didn't want there to be any assumptions made about her emotional state, so she had decided that if the other woman had questions or concerns about anything she sensed, they would discuss it. She didn't want to be maneuvered toward an emotional epiphany; Kathryn preferred to be more straightforward than that. "To be honest, I'm a little annoyed. I just haven't decided if I am annoyed at him, or myself."

"Are you able to discuss the source of that annoyance?" Deanna inclined her head. While she was concerned at the impact on their mission, she was also genuinely interested in the Admiral's wellbeing. She and two other counselors had been assigned to _Voyager_ during the week it had taken them to reach Earth after they had appeared, quite unexpectedly, from the Borg transwarp corridor that had carried them back to the Alpha Quadrant. Deanna had discovered, very quickly, that she would not be able to counsel both members of _Voyager_'s command team. A single session with the ship's former Captain had revealed a deep well of emotion, and quite a bit of regret, where her First Officer was concerned. Deanna understood lost opportunity and regret just a little too well, and as objective as she was capable of being, those kindred feelings allowed her to connect with the other woman in a way that lent itself toward helping her.

Kathryn knew that Troi was really asking if she was _willing_ to discuss it. She was testing her, although not overtly. The Admiral could shut her down and turn their discussion back toward the finer points of the mission, and the Commander would be well within her rights to refer her to her usual counselor, and then allow the matter to drop – unless she thought it was posing a greater problem later. Kathryn shifted in her chair and turned it slightly so that her gaze moved to the windows along the wall adjacent to her desk. "It isn't that I am unable, or unwilling," she began, choosing her words carefully, "I'm just not entirely sure that I can explain it. My relationship with Chakotay is complicated, it always has been, but lately it feels…" The word came to her, and with it, enough clarity to heighten her sense of annoyance. "Convenient." She met the Commander's gaze. "This isn't the first time he's been back in this sector, but it's the first time he has attempted to reach out on this level. We've spoken. We're both busy people, though. I understand that. I haven't been off world in months; it isn't as if I've been hard to find." She shook her head, a bit ruefully, "I don't even know that I have the right to feel this way, but I do."

"Emotion isn't meant to be logical," Deanna explained. "Understanding emotion gives us enlightenment. When we are able to untangle all of the things that we are feeling and assign them meaning, we gain clarity and insight. It is what we do with that insight that helps us achieve emotional health. Emotion itself can be overwhelming and messy. The right to feel any one way is contradictory to the nature of emotion; it's actually a form of emotional avoidance. It's a negative coping mechanism that occurs when we don't want to process the emotion that it has been directed at." Deanna could sense that the Admiral was listening to her, and processing what she was saying, but she still felt an underlying layer of confusion. "You told me last year that with the exception of routine post mission evaluations, you had only participated in therapeutic counseling following the deaths of your father and fiancé. It was my recommendation, based on your experiences in the Delta Quadrant and our discussions that you continue those sessions. At the time I was unaware that your return to duty would be made dependent on it, but I can't disagree with decision."

"Yes, and I would hate for Counselor Davis to feel like I've been cheating on her when we speak later this week." She lifted her coffee cup and took a sip from it, and although she hid her smile in the act, the Commander's answering smirk came in response to Kathryn's reluctant appreciation. Troi had recommended the Lieutenant that she was now seeing on a monthly basis. As a result of the work that she had done during counseling, their appointments had progressed to a point where they could occur less often. Kathryn had approached the other counselor hesitantly, but had capitulated after only a few sessions. She was glad of that now. She was finally able to understand some of the decisions she was forced to make, and what had prompted the darker side of her nature to appear. Kathryn was still working through some lingering feelings of guilt, but she felt like she had finally achieved a level of acceptance that previously eluded her.

"The point that I am attempting to make," Deanna said lightly, recognizing the evasive maneuver when it was presented, "is that following that personal, traumatic loss you were able to reach a place of self-compassion. You understood that you needed to experience those feelings of grief to be able to move forward with your life. What Counselor Davis and I worked with you on was in reaching the understanding that your time in the Delta Quadrant was also traumatic. The emotions that you are still experiencing are a result of that, but not all of them are in response to the trauma. The instinct to withdraw is another avoidance tactic. We think that if we try to push an emotion away, we won't be impacted by it. What happens is that it prolongs the body's response, and when we try to numb negative emotions we also end up numbing ourselves to positive emotions. What has happened is that you've conditioned yourself to think that you shouldn't feel something that you think might be detrimental to a given situation. If you were disappointed, then your crew might feel that they had failed you. If you were frightened, the crew might interpret their situation as hopeless. Anger might promote resentment; grief could give the appearance of weakness. Something that Captain Chakotay has done his produced feelings of irritation and disappointment, I believe that you want to see him, and you want to spend time with him, but you are concerned that if he perceives those feelings it could have a negative impact on your relationship. The habit has become ingrained, almost instinctual."

"Yes." Kathryn leaned forward and rested her hands, which were still curled around her coffee cup, on the surface of her desk. Seven years in a heightened emotional state had given her some very poor coping mechanisms. It was something that she and her counselor had worked on. "During those last few months that we were together on _Voyager_ Chakotay was avoiding me. I didn't know why until later. Once we were home, and that situation was resolved, it seemed as if he was more than willing to enjoy my company again. At first, I was overjoyed. I missed my friend. As time progressed, and we saw each other less, I was…" She struggled to find the right word. "Confused, I suppose. There was a time when I didn't think that I could manage without him, and maybe out there I couldn't. Here, with our lives and careers pulling us in different directions, I was surprised, but pleased, that we were able to live outside the bubble we created in the Delta Quadrant. When I reached a place where I could look back and analyze each situation and how I felt about it, I realized that while I felt regret at the loss of certain opportunities, I was annoyed at his actions. I didn't agree with them, not because of how it impacted me, but in response to the impact it had on someone else to whom I am very close." Kathryn sighed. "I'm not trying to be evasive," she added, "I just don't think that it's my place to reveal the specific details of those actions."

"You feel like you would be breaking a confidence," Deanna surmised. She was pleased at what she sensed now. The woman that was sitting before her was vastly different, from an emotional point of view, than the woman she met several months ago. "Is that event and the way you feel about it now the reason that you chose _Titan_ as your flagship for the Taskforce instead of _Voyager_? Was your decision about the Captain's assignment a response to your current personal regard for him?" That was the bigger question. If the Admiral had allowed her personal feelings to impact her professional decision, then Deanna would have to recommend _Voyager_'s exclusion from the mission.

"No," Kathryn replied honestly. "I don't believe I did. If we are completely candid about it, the Romulans have agreed to speak to us, but we don't know what we are going to find when we arrive. There is no one better at sweeping in at the last minute and getting me out of trouble than _Voyager_'s crew and her Captain. More than half the crew is new to the ship, but most of the key positions are still held by our original staff. Captain Chakotay has a skillset that I believe would be beneficial to us there, but I don't want this mission to be defined by _Voyager_'s presence. To be perfectly truthful, _I_ don't want to be defined by _Voyager_'s presence. That was the only reason I hesitated in choosing Chakotay at all. What I know is that this will be a good experience for the Captain and his crew. There are many that still don't trust his motives, but they haven't served with him, and they don't know him in the same professional capacity that I do. Working with Grant's fleet will give him the opportunity to show others what I already know, and that is just how capable an officer and a tactician that Chakotay is. Starfleet, and much of the rest of the Federation, seems to have a convenient memory when it comes to the Maquis. There are those who hail them as heroic dissenters who tried to warn Starfleet Command and the Federation Council of the danger of trusting an enemy that almost destroyed us. Some, more than I would like, still see them as radical elements of chaos, a poor reminder of things they'd like to forget. What has been forgotten by many, or what others have simply not bothered to learn, is that before he resigned, Chakotay was one of the Academy's better Tactical instructors. The past can't be rewritten, and it shouldn't be forgotten, but I want the Captain to have an opportunity to establish himself and his career in the _now_."

"Then you aren't worried that he will question why he isn't working more directly with you." It was a statement rather than a question. She had sensed the truth in the Admiral's explanation. She truly believed it would be beneficial, and her reluctance came from professional concerns. "You would be able to give the Captain the same explanation, and you know that he would see the logic in it." Deanna tipped her head to one side, she thought about the remaining crew and the positions they now held. "_Voyager_'s reintegration into the fleet has been slow. They've been investigating space anomalies and transporting dignitaries. They haven't faced a major engagement, or minor one for that matter, or provided support for an operation since the ship was returned to active duty. If you selected _Voyager_ as your flagship it might feel no different than any number of situations you encountered while you were in command." Realization had come quickly, and Deanna smiled as it sank in. She approved of the Admiral's thought process. "You don't know how you'll react to another Captain, or his crew, and you want to give Captain Chakotay the opportunity to prove himself, not just to Captain Grant or the rest of the taskforce, but to _his _crew. You didn't want _Voyager_ to be defined by _your_ presence on this mission."

"I can understand why Captain Picard was so reluctant to let you go," Kathryn replied. She leaned back in her chair and lifted her coffee cup again. Her eyes sparkled over the rim of the plain, standard issue mug. She savored the taste of the rich, dark liquid. She also felt more at ease with her own motives, now that she had given voice to them. "I'm annoyed with him," she said, "but I still want him to succeed."

"Talk to your friend," Deanna suggested. "Our relationships don't survive because of an absence of strife, but because we are willing to resolve the conflict."

"I will." How that conversation would go, she couldn't predict, but she hoped he would understand why she had been distancing herself. She also hoped that hearing his side of the issue would help her to understand and resolve her feelings on the matter. "But not today. We have a lot of material to go through, and we should get started."

The shift was immediate for both of them. Deanna put her hot chocolate aside and reached for the data padd that was passed across the desk toward her. While officially she was the _Titan_'s Diplomatic officer, she would be the admiral's primary advisor for the duration of the Romulan diplomatic mission.

Kathryn turned her attention to her computer terminal, and with a few commands cued up the same information. "I'd like to start with your report on Commander Donatra…"

**-TBC-**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

* * *

Six days, two starships, and an incredibly foul mood later, Jacob Paris got his first look at Earth in over a year. He usually took the more leisurely route home, when he bothered to make the trip at all, and spent nine days moving between transport vessels and transit stations. This time he had been _ordered_ home, and so he had caught a ride, first to Vulcan and finally to Earth for the last leg of the trip. To say he wasn't pleased was a bit of an understatement. Jake did not appreciate being pulled out of his comfortable, quiet little space station with little choice in the matter. Nechayev had informed him, without even trying to mince words, that he would be taking command of the _USS Aegeus_ or she would find an outpost so uninteresting, and so under populated that even the Borg would ignore it, and stick him there until the base's bulkheads rotted.

She didn't exactly paint a pretty picture, but then, Alynna Nechayev rarely attempted to. Since she wasn't in the mood to play, Jake decided he wasn't either. He demanded to know what was so all-fired special about the _Aegeus_ and why he was being given an ultimatum _now_, when Command had been perfectly happy to leave him alone for the past four years. In response, the Admiral had sent him the ship's mission brief. He only managed to read two sentences before he read a name that had him seeing red.

_Janeway_.

All at once Paris was able to do the math; two plus two equaled six, which was exactly the number of pips he wanted nothing to do with, and he wasn't going to stand for it. Nechayev could put him any damned place she pleased, but he wasn't going to capitulate because someone else had decided to meddle in his life.

It was late when he stepped off the transporter pad at Headquarters, after 1900 hours. The ship that ferried him to Earth from Vulcan had let him off at Earth Dock, and from there, he had beamed to the surface. The central computer system at HQ told him that his quarry was still in the building, though, so he made his way up to that level. Level 52 had a good view. On another day he might have decided to enjoy it, and he was certain that some Admirals must get to live the good life, but Jake was in no mood for that.

He swept into the Admiral's office and tossed the standard issue duffel he was carrying onto a chair in front of the aide's desk. "Is the Admiral still in?" He knew that must be the case, since the aide wouldn't still be present otherwise. It must be nice holding up the lives of mere mortals for the sake of professional gain and not having a personal life. Jake didn't wait for an answer. He walked right past the aide and through the doors that would admit him into the Admiral's inner sanctum.

"I'm willing to admit that you probably got pulled into a bad situation," he began, not caring about the surprised look he was getting, or the fact that he could be interrupting something. He'd had several days to work up a full head of steam, after all, and since he was headed to the most remote, run down outpost in the known galaxy, he didn't really care if he was addressing a superior officer in a manner that would get him busted back to lieutenant… or possibly crewman. The night was young and he was on a roll. "I told that old mule to stay out of my career, so maybe you can tell me why the two of you think my future prospects are any of your damned business."

Kathryn blinked a few times. It took her a moment, because he was a few years older than the picture that had accompanied his service record and his hair was streaked through with more silver than brown, but the flashing blue eyes, the unhappy twist of his mouth, and the beleaguered manner quickly gave it away. Jacob Paris had finally landed, and apparently she was the perpetrator of all the current wrongs in his life. She opened her mouth to respond, but he carried on before she could. While he ranted, she looked behind him to where Decan now stood, prepared to contact security. She dismissed him with a barely noticeable shake of her head.

"If you need another reclamation project," he paced the floor in front of her desk; he flung his hand in her direction, gesticulating angrily to make his point, "I'm sure you can find one, but the last time I checked I had already put my ass on the line for this Federation. I don't need you fighting Owen's battles with his next wayward _progeny_."

Her lips twisted together in an effort to suppress her smile. It was rather difficult. If he thought he didn't have anything in common with the rest of his family, he was mistaken. She couldn't even count the number of times he had watched Owen work himself into a full fit of temper like this, and he was willfully carrying on in a manner that she might have expected of Tom. With her amusement growing at each accusation, Kathryn tilted her head and tried to look as though she was seriously considering his words.

"Yes, I know, you did such a fabulous job with the last one, believe me, I've heard all about it, but my life isn't off the rails." Paris snorted indignantly, "I know your type, you and my Uncle, and you're always chomping at the bit to go on the next great adventure. Well I've had enough adventures for a while. You can take your starship, your taskforce, and find another flying monkey because I'm perfectly happy sitting on my Starbase counting space rocks." He came to a stop directly in front of her desk and faced her. Jake stared at her, hands on his hips, and glowered darkly at her. He waited the space of a few beats for her to respond, and when she didn't, his teeth ground together. "Well?"

If she was aware of anything regarding the Captain's disposition following his little tirade, it was that he had absolutely no problem speaking his mind. Kathryn decided that would bode well, as long as he did it within reason. She appreciated an officer that was willing to tell her when they thought she was wrong. She may not want to hear it, but Kathryn wasn't in the habit of surrounding herself with those incapable of thinking for themselves. While she rubbed her lips together in a final attempt to suppress her mirth, Kathryn could see the Captain gearing up to launch into another round of accusations and judgments about her character. She held up a hand to ward him off. "Chakotay, I'm going to have to call you back. Something has come up."

"_Yes, I can hear that._" Had he not been able to see Kathryn's amused response via the comm, he might have been concerned. He choked to cover a low chuckle when he saw her jaw working as she tried to retain a stoic façade. She was failing miserably, at least to his eyes. "_I'll call you tomorrow and let you know how the run went_."

"I would appreciate that, thank you." She reached over and cut the link. As her computer terminal went dark, she folded her hands in her lap and regarded the Captain in front of her. "I suppose that was your way of telling me that it was okay for me to speak now. I have to admit, I wasn't exactly sure." She had allowed him to vent, and now she could only assume that he was finished. "I feel that I should also add, Captain, that if this is how you treat your superiors then I feel incredibly sorry for your first officer."

Paris's blue eyes flashed. He opened his mouth to respond, but then he saw the way her lips pursed. He took a moment to take a breath and realized that her eyes were sparkling at him and they had crinkled at the corners. She was amused. He huffed a sigh. Jake dropped his long body into the chair in front of her desk and scowled at her. "How did my smart-mouthed little cousin survive seven years with you and get his commission restored if you're such a sarcastic pain in the ass?"

A single, perfectly sculpted brow rose in response to his statement. That alone was enough to earn him a formal reprimand, and possibly cost him a pip, if she was willing to file all the paperwork to make it happen. Luckily for him she wasn't in the mood, instead she averted her gaze to her nails and made a show of checking them. "Well," she said at length, "unlike his older and obviously less wise cousin, Tom has learned to stop when he's behind." Finding her nails still perfectly manicured, she propped her elbow on the arm of her chair and rested her chin atop her fingers. "At the risk of tempting your ire again," there was a falsely demure note in her tone, "let me assure you that your commission was not requested by this office."

The captain's eyes narrowed. He wasn't sure that he believed her, but she was certainly making a good case at displaying how unaffected she was at his displeasure. Cool as the proverbial cucumber, as some would say. Jake folded his arms across his chest. "And yet, it's your name on my mission orders," he pointed out.

"Yes." Kathryn replied easily. "I was informed that your name was on an incredibly short list to replace Captain Ellis, and given the specifics of the mission to which the _Aegeus_ has been assigned, it was decided that you were the better candidate. As I understand it the only advisement that Admiral Nechayev took into consideration was her own. That your dissent has been brought to my attention, instead of being lodged more formally with the Fleet Admiral's office tells me that you are aware of how futile that action would be." She stroked a single finger across the curve of her chin while she regarded him. If he was feeling at all chastised, he wasn't showing it. He met her gaze and while he appeared to have calmed, he was no more pleased than he had been before. "I suppose you made the assumption that my involvement bore some sort of partiality, a favor if you will, for my mentor, your uncle, or the _old mule_ as I believe you called him, given his obvious opinions about your career path. I can assure you now that is not the case. My name appears on your mission orders because your ship was already assigned to my taskforce before you were recalled form Starbase 234. Admiral Nechayev chose you because you are familiar with the area. You can provide insight and have the added advantage of having commanded a starship before. As far as Admiral Paris is concerned, he and I have not discussed your return or your inclusion in the taskforce, as he and I have both been very busy. I believe, if the rumors are true," her eyes sparkled happily, "that your uncle is occupied with preparing for a transfer to Startfleet Intelligence."

Jake sighed. He now felt appropriately taken to task. That really didn't make him feel any better about the whole damn thing. His arms dropped to rest against the sides of the chair he was seated in. His mouth turned down in a grimace. "Then I guess I owe you an apology," he said, just a little bit grudgingly. He didn't like admitting he was wrong. He could do it, but he didn't like it one iota.

"I guess you do." Kathryn pushed up from her desk. "Can I get you anything?" She walked to the replicator, suddenly more in need of a cup of coffee than the dinner that had been canceled just prior to Paris's arrival.

"As long as it doesn't come with a trip to the brig," Jake remarked wryly, "I'll take a coffee."

That was a point in his favor, she decided. Kathryn ordered the beverages and considered what to do with him while she waited for them to materialize. With the drinks in hand, she returned to her desk. "The first thing that we need to establish, Captain, is that if we are going to have any sort of suitable working camaraderie, you are going to have to learn very quickly to accept that coffee is a food group."

His brows rose in surprise. Jake thought about that as he accepted the cup. He watched her round the desk and reclaim her seat. He couldn't decide if she was joking or not. Finally, he shrugged. "I suppose I could see the validity of that argument. Technically, coffee is made from the _coffee bean_, which is actually derived from the seed of a plant, and produced when the beans are ground and hot water is added." A corner of his mouth quirked up in a crooked grin as he met her gaze, "by that way of thinking, you could even go as far as to suggest that the substance generated when the water is added to ground beans is a broth. So I guess you're telling me that you're always in the mood for vegetable soup?"

Kathryn decided she liked him. "If you can sell that to Starfleet Medical and get every doctor that I've ever known, particularly one incredibly stubborn EMH, off my back… Well, Captain, I'll sign the orders to send you back to your Starbase myself."

Jake chuckled quietly. He shook his head and slumped a little more comfortably in his chair. "I guess Sovereign-class isn't really like riding in a bucket of bolts. I'll just have to learn to like it."

"Damn." She sighed. "You were showing such promise, too. I'm going to have to look past this little disappointment and let your work over the coming weeks speak for itself. I will try not to hold this failure against you, but I have been accused of being biased. Quite recently, as a matter of fact."

He lifted his cup in a mock salute. "Then I guess we'll just have to learn to overcome our shortcomings together, Admiral."

"Therein lies the problem." Kathryn leaned back in her chair and crossed her legs. She held her coffee cup cradled in both hands. "I don't have any shortcomings," she explained.

It was said with such a straight face that, for a moment, Jake thought she truly believed that. Then, just as he had earlier, he saw the way her eyes glinted at him, turning a darker shade of blue and crinkling at the corners. When she lifted her cup to her mouth, he realized she was hiding a smile. "I have a feeling that you're going to be trouble, Admiral." He tilted his head to one side and his lips lifted in a crooked, teasing grin. "So is that how you did it? You bluffed your way across the Delta Quadrant and beat the Borg Queen with a sly little poker face?"

She laughed, and it was a low, throaty sound. "If only it had been that easy." Kathryn tipped her head back and let it rest against the tall backrest behind her. "Although the poker face did come in handy with Her Highness a couple of times." Her gaze shifted and seemed to turn inward, while her expression looked almost rueful. "I can't take all the credit. I can't even take most of the credit. My crew did all the heavy lifting."

"I hear the pilot wasn't half bad." Jake watched her, saw her smile soften at the mention of his once wayward cousin. "You know, he had a pretty decent teacher." Her laugh, he decided, wasn't a half bad sound. Maybe he had been away for too long, or perhaps it was just the war, but he couldn't remember the last time he had heard anyone with an Admiral's bar laugh so freely. "If you're wanting to hand out some more of that credit." He leaned forward and placed his cup on her desk before he settled back, getting more comfortable. "I bet you get tired of being asked about it. I only read part of that mission plan, and it's pretty damn ambitious. It sounds like the kind of thing someone might come up with if they didn't want to be forever marked by something they'd rather put behind them."

"Maybe." He had been traveling for several days, but she didn't think the weary look in his eyes was entirely related to physical fatigue. Kathryn sighed as she put her coffee aside. "You weren't entirely wrong earlier. I was one of those types, always looking for the next adventure. I wanted to explore the galaxy, discover new things, and see the kind of phenomena that no one had ever imagined could exist. After I switched to command, that didn't change, but I planned to do it from the bridge of a starship."

"I think we all joined the Fleet with that kind of adventure in mind. I sure as hell didn't do it to watch my friends get blown apart." Jake leaned forward and rested his arms across his knees. His lips thinned, and a deep frown drew his brows together. "I wanted to command a ship of my own, but I wasn't in any hurry to do it. I liked my work. I _liked_ getting to know a well-put together engine, or putting together just the right crew as the XO. I wanted that fourth pip, but I didn't think getting there was a race. I was on the _Socrates_ for five years. I went from Chief Engineer to XO, but you know all that, because I'm betting by now you're as familiar with my service record as I am. Captain Andrews was a good officer, and she was a damn good friend. I still talk to her husband, usually around the anniversary. Both her kids want to go to the Academy and Paul is having issues with it. I can't blame him. You see, when that kill shot came, when we knew that there was nothing else we could do, that the _Socrates_ was going to be lost, Maria ordered everyone off the ship. The hell of it is, the Jem'Hadar were picking off the escape pods. It's what they did. We were going to have to put the ship between them and the crew, or no one was going to make it out alive. Our weapons were gone, so we sent our Tactical Chief to make sure everyone got out."

As he spoke, his tone grew more somber, until it was rasping thickly, as if the grief and regret he felt was caressing every word that crossed his tongue. "The bridge had already taken pretty heavy damage, and our engines were damn near shot. Engineering had already transferred everything to the bridge so they could evacuate and I had my hands full. Aaron Michaels. I'll never forget him, he was a hell of a pilot, but it was like trying to turn the _Titanic_ away from that godforsaken iceberg. He was probably the only one who could do it. When the relays blew Maria knew what was going to happen. She wasn't a half bad pilot, and she would have given it her all, but it was Aaron we needed in that moment. She put her body between him and the blast."

His jaw clenched. Five years later it was still fresh, still as keenly bitter as it had ever been. "He had some injuries, but he could still fly. He got the ship turned around. We turned our belly toward the beasts, made ourselves a bigger shield, and a hell of a lot bigger target. Then I picked up my Captain and we got the hell out of there. When it was over we lost thirty, out of a crew of almost five hundred. It was almost unheard of in those days. Ships were being lost with all hands, hundreds of thousands were lost on Betazed during the occupation, thousands more on Earth when the Breen attacked. We lost _thirty_, and Maria Andrews died to make it happen, but Starfleet put a medal on my chest and an extra pip on my collar. By the time I was cleared to get back out there the war was over. The thought of standing on another bridge, of watching the _kids_ that were crewing those ships get put into a position where they might not see their parents again… Where someone that had barely had a chance to even live might have to make a life or death decision for someone else? The only choice I had was to take the pip or muster out. It felt like doing the latter would be a slap in the face to the sacrifice Captain Andrews made, to the nightmares her kids were having after she died. I found the posting on Starbase 234 by accident, but it was a lifeline. I found a quiet little corner and I crawled into it, and I'll tell you, the Counselors keep clearing me, but I think it might be because I'm not the only one waiting for hellfire and damnation to rain down on us again."

Jake shook his head. While he spoke, he watched her face grow somber, watched her mouth turn down and sadness color her eyes to a pale shade of gray. He didn't want to bring her down so far, but she needed to understand. He thought maybe she already did, but it was hard to know when she hadn't been there for the war. She missed it all, but he didn't imagine that meant she'd had it any easier. "When you read about the greats, all those Captains that came before us, the ones that risked everything so we would be here today, you wonder what they would do. Pike said that _Starfleet is a promise_. _I give my life for you, you give your life for me, and nobody gets left behind. _Well, Admiral, we left people behind. The Dominion walked into our house and delivered a sucker punch to the Federation that it still hasn't recovered from."

"I know." Kathryn leaned forward. She clasped her hands together and laid them on the surface of her desk. She leaned against the edge with her weight on her elbows and met his gaze. "I want to prevent that from happening again. I won't say that our experiences were similar, far from it. My ship wasn't at war, even if it felt like it sometimes. There were days when we didn't know if the first contact situation we were in would lead to death, destruction, or the supplies we so desperately needed. We had no idea what was happening here, and to get back and find out how devastated our homes were in our absence was a traumatic experience of its own. We know that our friends and families suffered, that we lost colleagues and mentors, and entire colonies were wiped out. I can't imagine what it must have been like to live through that. I knew Maria Andrews. She was aboard the _Billings_ with me. I considered her for first officer when _Voyager_ was commissioned, but she was offered the _Socrates. _You're right, she was a hell of an officer, and I can easily picture her final moments on her bridge. That was the officer that I knew, too. I want to prevent another conflict, another _war_ like that one. We could take advantage of the Romulan situation, but that isn't who we are. That isn't what the Federation was created to be. I left enough people behind in the Delta Quadrant," she said thickly, "I won't do that here. Not if I can help it."

He held her gaze for several long moments. Jake saw the truth of it in her eyes. She had been through her own version of hell. If some of the accounts of it that he read were true, she was lucky to get as much of her crew home as she had, much less get home at all. Like him, she wasn't looking to let the universe kick her in the teeth again. Jake had gone to a quiet corner of the quadrant to nurse his battered spirit and try to find a way to heal from all the things he had seen, and done, and been through. He realized, staring back at her, that she was doing that from her desk. Only her method was a little more proactive. It was also a bit humbling.

"Okay." Jake nodded once, decision made. "Tell me how I can help, Admiral."

Chakotay was still quietly laughing when his computer terminal went dark. He picked up the padd he was reading when he remembered that he needed to call and cancel their dinner meeting. It was the second time since that day in her office that one of them had needed to postpone. The first time, it was Kathryn. He thought she might be dodging him, despite her claims to the contrary, and while she might be an expert at the act of misdirection and avoidance, even she wouldn't fabricate a summons to Presidential Headquarters. Bacco and her senior advisors had requested a briefing on the Romulan situation and a status update on the mission plans. Kathryn, along with Admirals Nechayev and Akaar, and Captain Riker, made the trip to France to attend the meeting.

They rescheduled their dinner and had avoided moving it to a lunch date to prevent work from interfering again. Chakotay was beginning to wonder if maybe the universe was trying to tell him something. This time he was the one with the unavoidable change in plans. During _Voyager_'s refit several months before, two of the items on Engineering's wish list had been a new warp engine and a navigation system. Many of the enhancements they made in the Delta Quadrant were folded into the refit, but over the last several months they had found that the ship just wasn't running the way it should. It didn't require any major maintenance, but Torres wasn't satisfied with the work that the engineers at Utopia Planetia had performed. She had taken advantage of their down time to do some upgrades and wanted everything tested and approved before much of the crew, herself included, went on leave.

The ship was going to be deployed in another couple of weeks and the mission plan was anticipating several weeks of patrol on the Romulan side of the Neutral Zone. The crew of _Voyager_, along with the crews of the other ships that were being pulled in for the taskforce, was being granted a rotating leave schedule so they'd have fresh, clear minds when they hit that sector of the Beta Quadrant. Chakotay couldn't disagree with B'Elanna's thinking. He wanted the ship's systems in top shape before they reached that area of space and ran into any potential trouble. With the Chief Engineer's corrections in place, _Voyager_ was going to make a quick run to Vulcan and back, put the ship through its paces, and test out those engines. The ship was leaving first thing the following morning and Chakotay wanted to make sure that everyone was on board and accounted for, including the Vulcan Scientists they were giving a ride.

In place of having dinner with Kathryn, and finally having a conversation he thought they were overdue for, Chakotay found himself in his ready room reading through the last engineering report. At the sound of his door chime he put the report down again and suppressed the urge to sigh. At this rate he might never get it read. "Come in."

Tom appeared, carrying with him another report. He waved it in greeting as he approached the Captain's desk. "Ensign Breon and I just finished running the final diagnostic on helm control. Everything checks out, and B'Elanna is promising me we won't have that delay in the port thrusters anymore." He passed the report into the Captain's hands and, when he was invited to sit, lowered himself into one of the chairs in front of the desk. He tugged at his uniform jacket; Tom wasn't sure he liked the new style. "I thought you had plans tonight," he asked, "shouldn't you be getting out of here if you're going to make it on time?"

"We decided to wait until _Voyager_ gets back from Vulcan," he replied, already skimming through the new report. Chakotay put the padd aside, with the others that were waiting for his attention, and leaned back in his chair. "It's just as well, she had an unexpected… appointment… arrive while we were talking." Thinking back on it, Chakotay fought the urge to laugh again. "Your next family gathering ought to be interesting. I got the impression that _Captain_ Paris isn't thrilled about his reassignment."

"I'm looking forward to not being the black sheep in the family anymore," Tom grinned. "From ne'er do well to first officer on one of the most well known ships in Starfleet? It's about time my dad had someone else to focus all his _well-meaning_ advice on. These days the only thing he asks me for are new pictures of Miral. It's not my dad I'm worried about right now, though." Tom smirked. "I doubt Jake has any idea what he's getting into. I wouldn't mind being a fly on that wall, as the saying goes. It's been too long since I was able to watch Admiral Janeway take someone down."

"She was still a Captain the last time either of us had that opportunity, I think." Chakotay shared a nostalgic look with his XO. Times had changed. It was his ship now, and if anyone had asked him seven years ago if he thought that either of them would end up where they were, he'd have laughed at the absurdity of it. "What can you tell me about him?"

"Jake?" Tom shrugged. "There's not a lot to tell, really. We weren't close, mainly because he was older than me. It wasn't like I grew up with him. Jake was already at the Academy when I was a kid." He scrubbed a hand through his hair, but grinned as he thought back. "He used to take me to the flight simulator. I was barely big enough to sit in the thing." At Chakotay's surprised expression, Tom shrugged. "It started out as a lark. He found me sitting outside my dad's office one day. The old man was running behind, again, and I was about two seconds away from having my dad's aide shove me in a shipping container headed for Deep Space 6. I guess I could be a bit of a handful as a kid."

The Captain laughed. "Paris, you were a handful as a Lieutenant." He settled more comfortably in his chair and gestured for him to continue. So far the other Paris didn't sound too bad, but it wasn't hard to look out for a kid that wasn't getting the attention it needed. "What happened?"

"Jake was headed over to the flight control building. He was a fourth year, I think. He took me with him. Jake was on Nova Squad, he was getting ready to use the simulator to test out a flight plan. I had been in the sim before, but my dad didn't always have time to hang out. Jake hadn't believed the stories he'd heard from dad or the FCO about the little kid that was handling the simulator better than some ensigns. After seeing it once, if he was free and my dad got held up, he told Dad's aide to contact him and we'd go over and get some flight time in. Fourth year Cadets don't have a lot of free time, but Jake was a fleet brat like me. Uncle Cole was always deployed somewhere, so Jake knew what it was like." The commander shrugged. "Those might be some of my better memories of my dad when I was a kid. I get it now, but I didn't back then."

"He doesn't sound like a bad guy." Chakotay grinned crookedly. "Actually, when he barged into Kathryn's office and started reading her the riot act while we were talking, I thought he sounded more frustrated than insubordinate. I guess we'll find out if he survived the encounter. She looked like she was trying to decide whether to laugh or find a ship with some particularly nasty plasma manifolds to toss him onto for a while."

"I can't believe we're missing that." Tom groaned. "This might be the first time that I really thought our promotions were inconvenient. You know, I remember this one time that Jake was able to pick me up at Dad's office. Dad got held up in this meeting. It was another cadet, younger than my cousin. Jake said she was crazy, beyond nuts. She had gotten my dad to be her advisor, and he made her write a thesis proposal in a single weekend. Even fourth years weren't made to do that, but that's my Dad. He didn't waste time with people who couldn't meet his expectations. I didn't know who it was until after we got back." That was after he had finally talked to his father and actually listened to what the other man had to say. Their relationship was better than it had been. It wasn't perfect, but it was nice to be able to talk without every conversation ending up a shouting match. His dad had told him some interesting stories about his former Captain. "As it turns out," Tom continued, missing how things on _Voyager_ used to be, just a little, "Jake was right. She is a little insane. She likes to fly through binaries and stick it to the Borg, and man can she hustle a mean game of pool."

Chakotay snorted a laugh. "You should see her play velocity." He was sure his shoulder would never be the same. After that, he had begged off, deciding it was safer to play with B'Elanna, and convinced Kathryn to teach Seven the game instead.

"Captain, with all due respect, everyone who was on board knows that you gave those games a wide berth. You had more evasive maneuvers when it came to the Admiral and Velocity than I had in the middle of a Kazon ambush." There was also a part of Tom that was still wondering why the two of them were still evading each other. B'Elanna thought that they might have just missed their chance. After all, time wasn't going to stop or slow down just because their relationship decisions were still up in the air.

"Speaking of evasive maneuvers," Chakotay had witnessed Tom's expression turning a little too inquisitive. He wanted to cut any more questions or comments about the Admiral short before they could turn too personal. "Since I had to cancel dinner with the Admiral so that you and our Chief Engineer can test the new navigation system and her engine upgrades, let's make sure they work."

"Aye, Captain." Tom stood up and straightened his jacket again. He could recognize a dismissal when it was issued and decided the hour was too late to try pushing his luck at finding out more. He had a few other tasks to complete before he could call it a night, and he knew that Miral would have him and B'Elanna up well before their alarm sounded. As he headed toward the door, he called out a jaunty, "One successful trip to Vulcan coming right up."

"Good." Chakotay reached for the engineering report again. "And Tom, try not to break the new helm officer. This is the third one in six months. They aren't all going to be you."

The first officer paused at the door. His brows rose in mild surprise. "Captain, was that a compliment?"

Chakotay narrowly avoided rolling his eyes at the other man. "An observation."

"No," Tom drawled. "I think it was a compliment. I think you're finally going to get around to admitting that you like having me around. That's why you wanted me to be your XO."

"Actually," Chakotay turned back to his reading, but his dimples appeared when he grinned, "I just thought you could keep the spot warm for Harry. He's still a couple of promotions behind." The truth was far more astonishing; there was no one he trusted more to be in that position now than Paris. "You're dismissed, Commander."

Chakotay waited until he was alone again to toss the report back onto his desk. He was wishing that he hadn't canceled dinner. Aside from a healthy dose of curiosity for how that meeting had turned out, he was looking forward to their evening. He missed her. He couldn't remember the last time they had been able to just sit and talk without being rushed or interrupted. If he thought hard enough, he decided it might have been before she had offered him _Voyager_. It was enough to make him wonder if the ship was just destined to be an obstruction, the one thing that would always keep them apart.

He rubbed a hand over his face. There was nothing he could do about it at the moment. He had a transport run to make, engines to test, and a crew that needed to go on leave before they got deployed to a volatile location. Chakotay resolved to put it aside until they got back from Vulcan. He would reschedule with Kathryn then and they would have the conversation they had avoided for entirely too long. If they didn't do it soon he didn't know what that would mean for them, or if it would even mean anything at all.

**-TBC-**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

* * *

A few days later Jake Paris was wondering if he had ever seen so many different sensor analyses in his life. The ships that were crossing through the Neutral Zone to raid outposts along the Romulan border were not being picked up on the sensor net that extended along the Federation side of the zone. Factions inside the Romulan government were convinced that those runs were the work of Starfleet Operatives intent on stealing secrets and technology. The seeds of distrust were being sown ahead of the Diplomatic talks; discord was beginning to rise among those vying for control of the government. The power grab that Janeway, and others, had predicted weeks before was starting to intensify. Players on both sides of the equation were beginning to make their voices heard. There were a few that were in favor of Federation assistance and while they had the support of small pockets of the population, the loudest detractors were those with backing in the military, or those among the ranks of the wealthy; all with something to lose.

To combat the rising tensions and prevent the Diplomatic mission from failing before it had even truly begun, steps were being taken to locate and neutralize those that were promoting the growing unrest. Starfleet Intelligence had already moved to put a team on the ground inside Romulan space. It was believed that most of the dissonance was being spread by agents of the Tal Shiar. Early reports had already linked the Tal Shiar to Senator Tal'Aura, and a theory was being formed that the Senator had assisted in Shinzon's coup on the order of the Tal Shiar. With the Praetor and most of the Senate dead, the Tal Shiar would be able to move forward with planting their own people in a position of power. No longer would the organization be bound by the rule of law that had previously restrained it.

The plan was to locate each of the agents responsible and provide proof that they, along with the Senator, had started the destabilization in the region. If there was to be any true diplomacy in the area the Romulan people would have to be given a chance, and a true look at all of their options.

While the Intelligence operatives were gathering information and taking scans of the area, those getting ready to deploy to the Neutral Zone were pouring over the data to close the gaps in the sensor net and provide more security for the vulnerable outposts that had become prey to raids and attacks. That the raiders were using weapons with a Federation signature had not strengthened the mission's chances of success. Finding those responsible was the first order of business, figuring out where their weapons had come from would come next.

It all sounded simple when presented as a project brief, but the application was a little more involved. Jake leaned back from the grid he was studying and pressed his fingers to his eyes. Words and numbers were beginning to blend together on the screen in front of him until he couldn't separate them from the energy variance lines that he was analyzing. "How many grids is that now?"

"Four." On the opposite side of the table the Admiral abandoned the padd in her hand and slumped in her chair. She reached up and rubbed the ache that had settled into her shoulders and neck; a tired sigh passed her lips when she considered the late hour and how much data was left to review. "There are still six to look over before we move to the next section." Kathryn rolled her head from side to side before straightening in her seat again. She had initially waved off the Captain's offer to help with the analysis, but much of the data was from Starbase 234 and the algorithms inherent to those sensor arrays was assisting with discarding the irrelevant sensor noise, so she had relented to his more sensible argument, and was glad for that now. Had Paris only given her the data, she would probably still be working her way through the second grid.

"I don't think I studied this hard as a cadet." Jake stood up and felt his back and knees creak with disuse after a too many hours spent hunched in one position. He headed toward the replicator, thankful that they had decided to leave her office for the larger, better-stocked Officer's mess. They could get almost anything they wanted from her replicator, but she didn't have a galley. Jake keyed in the order for a fresh carafe of coffee, and while he waited for it to materialize he walked into the nearby galley to grab a small tray of fruit from the stasis container.

A small laugh and a tired smile greeted him when he reappeared from the galley. "I'm not even sure that _I_ studied this hard as a cadet," Kathryn drawled. "Remind me again why I thought it would be a good idea to do this myself?"

"You're a glutton for punishment with a hedonistic need for absolute perfection, which I find incredibly odd considering how often you're rumored to have defeated the conquerors of all things perfect and ordered." Jake strolled back toward the table with his offerings. He set the tray and the coffee on the table and reclaimed his seat. "I mean, that's only one theory, and I'm still working on it."

She reached for the coffee carafe and leveled him with a hard stare. "Maybe you should work a little harder on that." She found herself smiling, however, despite his impertinence. She filled her cup, and after taking a couple of grapes from the tray, Kathryn sat back and got a little more comfortable. She drew a leg up and hooked the heel of her boot against the edge of her chair. The new position took some of the stress off her spine. She draped her wrist across her knee and let her hand dangle loosely while she appraised him. "Has your regard for authority always bordered on insolence? Or is this something new that you're trying? When I reviewed your record I didn't find anything that would indicate you'd gone maverick."

Jake chuckled as he dropped a napkin in his lap and occupied himself with peeling a banana. When he had finished the task he broke it into smaller chunks before he reached for the carafe and filled his own cup. "Insolence? You've been spending too much time with Nechayev and her pal Jellico." He popped a chunk of banana into his mouth and chewed. When her nose wrinkled in distaste and her lips turned down, Jake snorted and almost choked. He swallowed quickly and reached for his coffee. She didn't seem to have a problem with the Fleet Admiral. The older woman had been mentioned a few times between them. No, Jake decided it must be the other one that she objected to. "Not a fan, I take it?"

Kathryn drew a breath. She suppressed the urge to grind her teeth together. Just the man's name set her on edge. "We'll just say the Admiral and I don't move in the same circles, and that it's something neither of us is in any hurry to remedy." Edward Jellico was a martinet in the truest sense of the word. His strict adherence to rules and regulations was as rigid as the perfectly pressed creases in his uniform. "I don't think the man has ever bent, skirted, or interpreted a single rule in his entire life. In his opinion they are as they appear and there is no room for disagreement."

"Don't hold back on my account, Admiral." Jake's head inclined while he considered her assessment. "I would say that about sums it up where Jellico is concerned. His approach to just about any situation is to _get it done_, but with as little deviation as possible. He's the guy that gives all the rest of you a bad name."

"All the rest of us?" Her brows lifted in response. "That's a little invidious don't you think?" She reached for her coffee, and cradling it in her hands, settled more comfortably. "Wearing the brass doesn't mean that all of us can be lumped into any one particular category. For example, I would never consider undermining the authority of one of my colleagues by changing the parameters of a mission without their input, thank you Admiral Hargrove. I would certainly not offer extra credit to cadets on the cusp of academic probation for the collation of reports and the performance of personal errands, Admiral Michaelson, and let us not forget the abject intolerance of Admiral T'Norak who insists that a starship Captain must be tethered to their bridge during any away mission and prohibited from the participation thereof. I would like to think that there are a few of us who have not been trapped behind a desk for the majority of our careers and still understand what it is that goes on out there beyond Sol system."

"Fair point," Jake nodded. "I think we could even agree that neither of us would ever expect to find any of the afore mentioned officers still at the office at half-past 2300 hundred hours with more work still ahead of them before the day could be considered over." His lips twisted thoughtfully. "You sound especially unconvinced of T'Norak's idea of how a Captain should behave. Does that mean you didn't like being told no every time you wanted to leave your bridge?"

"Of course." She laughed. Kathryn leaned forward and placed her cup on the table. She shifted her weight again and gripped the top of her knee as she leaned against her bent leg. "Who wants to be stranded on the ship when they could be traipsing around on an uninhabited planet in the Delta Quadrant. Besides, I never felt that I should ask any of my crew to take risks that I wasn't also willing to take. I can't imagine how long that trip home might have felt if I wasn't able to maneuver my way on to an away mission or two." She pointed a finger at him, "And no matter what you hear from one Thomas Eugene Paris they did _not_ all end in disaster, and the ones that did were not my fault."

"Oh," Jake held up a hand, as though swearing an oath. "I believe you, Admiral. Although you have to admit," he smirked at her, "when you start hearing basically the same story from multiple sources there might just be some small kernel of truth to it."

"Hm. Well, as I understand it, your First Officer was an aid to Admiral T'Norak for a year following her graduation." She smiled triumphantly at him. "We should reconvene after you've served together for a few weeks and you can tell me if you still feel that way."

"My god, don't remind me." His shoulders slumped a bit. "We've already had that discussion. I have a feeling I'm going to have a fight on my hands. I have absolutely no intention of sitting around and letting everyone else have all the fun. Somehow, I'm not sure that Commander Merin understands the meaning of the word." He had taken command of _Aegeus _a couple of days after his arrival and was already getting to know the ship and her crew. He was finding, too, that he had a few positions to fill. The Chief Tactical Officer had transferred as soon as Captain Ellis's reassignment to the Academy was announced. Paris was already considering possible replacements.

"Why is it," Kathryn asked, "that they think that fourth pip on our collars makes us suddenly incapable? Even the simplest away missions become a battle of wills. It's even worse when a third of your senior staff starts to gang up on you." She shook her head. "I finally decided late in the trip home that the only way I was going to be able to assert my authority to assign whomever I wanted to an away mission, including myself, was to leave both my first officer and his partner in annoyance, who just happened to be my Tactical Officer, on the ship until they both came to the conclusion that it was still _my_ ship, and _my _crew, and _my _away mission." A bright, but somewhat nostalgic smile lit her face when he laughed. "I'm not kidding, I grounded both of them and took one of Commander Tuvok's senior security officers with me."

Jake leaned forward, both intrigued and amused at her tale. "What happened? I can't imagine either of them was pleased with that." Most of what he heard about _Voyager_'s sojourn in the Delta Quadrant revolved around a few grand tales, those that Starfleet had allowed to be released as general knowledge. Tom had embellished on a lot of it, but there just hadn't been time for any further sharing. To be honest, their only real encounter since _Voyager_'s return had been a dinner, a few nights before, that his aunt and uncle had hosted in their home to welcome him back to Earth.

"Well," seeing that she had a captive audience, and not wanting to return to the sensor analysis just yet, Kathryn launched into the story. "We had stopped to gather deuterium and a few other supplies; we were always needing something. The planet we found was in an uninhabited system, which was pretty rare for us. We usually had to trade for supplies or fight our way to them. Our scans had picked up a relatively pure source of fuel, and we were also finding that the vegetation would be compatible for humanoid consumption. During one of the early surveys one of the teams also found a series of crystallite formations in caves near the planet's equator that were putting off strong energy readings. It was playing havoc with our sensors and tricorder readings, but from what we could figure out, the crystals appeared to be a source of raw energy. The only problem was that they were located in an area that was going through a tumultuous weather season. It never stopped raining for more than an hour or two at a time. The topography of the region indicated that the area would be prone to flash flood, but we thought that if we could get a sample of it back to the ship we could use the more advanced sensors to determine if we could harness that energy. Naturally, with the way the formations were impacting our sensors we decided it wasn't safe to transport to the surface and the away team would need to take a shuttle. Just the thought of being able to function without rationing replicator use was worth taking the opportunity." She gestured as she spoke and reached for her coffee cup again. "Of course, being the scientist that I am, I wanted to get a closer look for myself. We had already come to the conclusion that we would be able to shuttle to the surface, extract the sample, and return before the next storm system unleashed its fury on the area."

"Of course." Jake waved a hand at her. "That all sounds reasonable to me; scientific discovery, advantages for the ship, and a safe course of action for achieving the objective. Let me guess," he sighed, empathetic to her plight, "they said no before you even had the words _I'm going to the planet_ out of your mouth."

"Absolutely." Her chin lifted, and the look that crossed her face was both indignant and defiant. "There was no reason for either of them to object, except for the fact that by then it had become habit." She relented, a little sheepishly, "there might have also recently been the matter of my last away mission ending in Borg assimilation, but we hadn't seen a cube or scout ship in over two months, and the assimilation _was _part of the plan. They were overreacting."

This was not a story that he had heard. Jake arched a brow at her. He had a few more questions about that. He wasn't sure if he was shocked, intrigued, or disturbed by the idea. Make that many more questions, but for the sake of their current conversation, he just nodded. "Clearly."

"I wasn't in the mood to indulge them, and it was really time that things got back to some version of normal, so I decided to leave them both on the ship and I took Lieutenant Ayala with me. Mike was one of the former Maquis crew who was assigned to security, and in adding him to the away team I was, technically, still following regulations. Seven believed that she could more ably extract the sample we needed, and at the very least an up close analysis would give her a better idea of how we might counteract the sensor interference, so she joined us as well. Everything was going fine until we actually got to the planet and the energy output from the crystal formations began to overload our extraction equipment. We burned out two laser cutters in the first fifteen minutes and decided it would be more prudent to extract what we needed the old fashioned way. With hammer and chisel, of a sort. That meant that the we would be on the planet for longer than we planned, but Seven and I both thought we would be able to get out before the next storm. We almost made it, too." She rolled her eyes. "The storm began building as we were packing up to leave. The atmospheric disturbance was much stronger than we anticipated, and with the region's sensor interference, we knew that flying out would be a little more difficult than flying in had been. We decided we would stick to the lower atmosphere until we cleared the storm. That was all well and good until a lightening strike took out one of the engines and we had to make an… unscheduled detour."

"You crashed." It was all he could do not to smirk at her, or laugh outright. When she rolled her eyes again and her mouth quirked up in a small, rueful grin, Jake couldn't stop the rolling rumble of laughter that escaped him. "So in your effort to prove that you could leave the ship without encountering a disaster you actually ended up encountering a disaster."

"More or less." She sighed. "No one was seriously injured. The Lieutenant had a mild concussion, but Seven was undamaged, and to be honest a broken wrist was the least of my worries. The two of them, Chakotay and Tuvok, _never _let me forget it. Lieutenant Ayala, though, took the blame every time it was mentioned, not that anyone ever believed him. Whether or not _he_ ever forgave me is another matter."

"The most pressing question that comes to mind," his voice shook with barely contained laughter, "is how many away missions did they let you go on after that?" If it had been him, he might have locked her in her ready room every time they approached a planetary system.

"Not many," she admitted, "but the law of averages was on their side. The sample data was too low. Obviously if the number of examples was limited the negative result was bound to be elevated. What were they going to do, keep me confined to the ship for the next fifty years?"

Jake rubbed a hand across his mouth. He inclined his head and pretended to give it some real consideration. "That… may not have been a bad idea from the two examples I just heard." He waved a hand at the two computer terminals and the array of data padds spread out on the table between them, "I'm starting to feel a lot more nervous about all this. It seemed pretty straightforward in the beginning, but I'm a little less certain now."

It only took a moment upon meeting his gaze to see that his merriment far outweighed his concern, if he actually felt any. "Remind me to add teasing a superior officer to your list of insolent crimes," she decided, a smile playing at her own lips.

"There's that word again." Jake heaved a sigh. "I like to think of it as confident."

"I think the word you may actually be looking for is brazen," she shot back.

"Somehow I get the feeling that you would know better than I would," he remarked.

They stared at one another, and for the space of a few beats, a battle of wills was waged. When neither of them wavered, Kathryn leaned forward and picked up the data padd she had been studying earlier. "What I would suggest," she decided, "is that we get back to this if we want to have any hope of finishing tonight."

"Whatever you say, Admiral." He turned his computer terminal back toward him and keyed up the display again.

"Kathryn," she said. "If you're going to stay up this late helping with sensor analysis, you can call me Kathryn."

His brows lifted in mild surprise. Jake studied her for a moment, but her attention was already on the report in her hand. "I'll keep that in mind." His gaze lingered for only another second before he returned his attention back to the work that was spread out before them.

They worked into the early hours of the morning before the inability to focus on the data in front of them prevented any further progress. The decision was made to reconvene the following afternoon, and after another two hours, they had finally found what they were looking for. It was at that point that Kathryn called a briefing with the other leaders of their taskforce.

Of the eight starships that formed their Diplomatic fleet, only six were available. The _Jamestown _and _Gryphon_ had been sent ahead to pick up the Diplomatic representatives that would be joining them from their current posts, and would rejoin the fleet at Starbase 84. The plan was for the fleet to make the several-day journey to the Neutral Zone at cruising speed for their individual vessels, and then meet at the Starbase for one final mission briefing before moving into position for their specific tasks. It was thought, with their detours, that the other two ships would beat the rest of the fleet by a day, perhaps two, but no more.

Admiral Janeway considered that, and the new information that she and Captain Paris had uncovered, but did not foresee any need to adjust that part of their plan. As she strode into the briefing room, Jake in step beside her, she wondered if the Federation Council had delayed the start of their mission too long. She couldn't argue that it required careful planning, recent discoveries bore that out, but they could have been underway weeks ago if the Council had not initially delayed the approval process. Politics, she decided, did not move at an efficient pace.

"Good afternoon, Captains, Commander Troi, thank you for joining us on short notice. Please," she said when they began to rise from their seats, and waved a hand stop them, "don't stand up. I know we've kept you waiting." She and Jake moved to the end of the table, where she usually preferred to sit, and stood there to survey the rest of the table. "As you all know, Captain Paris has taken command of _Aegeus_, but he has been unable to join us before now." She gestured to the tall, broad shouldered man near her seat on the right, and the petite woman beside him. "Captain Riker and Commander Troi of _Titan_," she introduced. She waited for their nods before she went quickly around the table. "Captain Grant, of _Hamilton_, who will be leading our patrol fleet. Captain Udora of the _Odyssey_, and on the other side of the table we have Captain Caldwell of the _Cerberus_, and Captain Chakotay." Her eyes fell on the last officer and she inclined her head. "I understand _Voyager_ got back yesterday afternoon after an unscheduled side trip. How is the ship, Captain?"

He ducked his head, even as a dimpled grin appeared. They had been sent to provide aid at a small mining colony near Vulcan when the colony had experienced a mudslide during the planet's rainy season. She might have refrained from actually saying the words, but her tone and the wry quirk of her lips implied that she was asking for an update about _her_ ship. "The engines are back to peak efficiency, and the navigation system is responding the way it was meant to. It handles like Commander Paris is at the helm, so I think she's finally getting used to the idea that someone else is going to be flying her from now on. His ego may take a little longer to get over it, but I'm confident he'll make a full recovery."

"Is it true," Eva Caldwell asked, "that you've gone through _three _helm officers in the last few months?" She inclined her head at him. Her dark eyes sparkled teasingly, and when he tugged at his ear – something she was beginning to realize he did as a sort of nervous gesture, or even a delaying tactic, she smirked. "That's a pretty high turnover."

"I am aware." Chakotay nodded in agreement with the woman seated beside him. "It's a conversation my XO and I have had more than once. He's agreed to go a little easier on this one." He met her gaze and shrugged. "He has very high standards, and while I understand them, it's something we're working on." He held up his hands, as though in defense of himself, "In all fairness, I have to admit the Commander learned by example, it's hard to hold his demanding command style against him when I know exactly where he learned it."

While all eyes in the room had turned toward her, Kathryn had leaned close to Jake. "Demanding, exacting," she ticked off in a low voice, "impatient and unyielding with the skills of others, that does sound incredibly familiar."

Jake had his hands clasped behind his back. "My uncle will be overjoyed," he replied, his tone rumbling quietly. His eyes glinted in the overhead lights, and then narrowed in jest. "He obviously taught you well."

She placed a hand against his shoulder as she chuckled. "That's a fair point, and one I will agree with, but what was I supposed to do? I couldn't allow the inmates to take over the asylum, they already weren't letting me have any fun."

"With good reason from what you've told me." Jake grinned crookedly at her, and when she held out a hand, he passed over the data padd they'd brought with them.

"Everyone is a critic." She leaned against the high backed chair beside her and waved a hand toward the view screen on the wall. "Captain, if you would."

"Certainly." He walked over and took up position near the display.

Beside him Riker felt his wife shift. He glanced toward her and noted a pensive look drawing her brows together. When she sensed his attention on her, and their eyes met, she shook her head at him. Whatever she had sensed he would have to wait before she would share her insight. Riker let his gaze quickly sweep the room.

The others, while amused, were now turning their attention to the reason for the meeting. His survey of the room paused briefly when it reached Captain Chakotay. The other man looked suitably curious, but there was a line drawing his brows together now, and his gaze seemed to move between the Admiral and the newest member of their group, as though he seemed to be trying to reach a conclusion of some kind. Will glanced at Deanna again and gave an almost imperceptible tilt of his head. Her lips pressed together and her chin dropped fractionally. That was all the affirmation he needed that he had rooted out the source, but discussion would have to wait.

Kathryn keyed on the display from the padd in her hand and watched as the schematic that she and Jake had spent the afternoon putting together filled the screen. "As recent reports of an increased number of attacks and raids in the area along the Neutral Zone have reached us, those same reports are reaching Romulus. Tensions in the area are on the rise and further study has pointed to a Federation signature on the weapons that have been used at each outpost. Grid data from the region has been compiled, and with Captain Paris's help, the sensor logs from Starbase 234 have been reviewed and we believe we've located where ships are crossing our sensor net."

"Here," Paris pointed at the screen, and the area was enlarged to reveal a section of neutral zone near several outposts. "What we believed was noise in this grid near Starbase 39-Sierra now appears to have a specific pattern to it. Each fluctuation in the readings, which would look inconspicuous at first glance, has corresponded to an interval of thirty-six minutes prior to each of the reported attacks. All of the ship movements in this sector appear on a flight plan filed at the starbase, or at Starbase 10, which is only twenty-two light years away. The ships that fly routinely between these outposts," his finger trailed the line stretching from Starbase 10, past 39-Sierra, until the grouping of outposts began to thin near Starbase 23, "are not required to file a regular flight plan beyond the transport control at each individual location. Sensors track their movements, and deviations are logged, but they aren't investigated unless it appears that the border of the Neutral Zone has been illegally breeched."

"What we believe is happening," Kathryn continued, "is that one of the transport ships is carrying a shuttle, and at the moment the sensor fluctuation occurs, that shuttle is crossing the border into Romulan space. A shuttle, small enough to be masked by sensor interference, could easily make the trip across the Neutral Zone, carry out a specific objective, and return to be picked up when the ship passed again several hours later." She keyed another command into the data padd and the grid changed. The image zoomed out and markers were added to represent each of the ships in their mission fleet. "This is the planned patrol route that Captain Grant has disseminated to each of you. Captain Paris and I are proposing a few minor changes." She placed the padd on the table and walked over. As she gestured to the display, the ships moved, indicating their new patrol route. "_Voyager_, _Hamilton_, and _Aegeus_ have the most advanced Astrometrics labs available to our mission. Those sensors can be reconfigured to monitor this section of the Neutral Zone. Their cartographic purpose can be tuned to cut through the noise and trace the source."

"Once our presence in the area is known," Jake explained, "it's probable that the raids will either stop, which is not disparate to our purpose in the region, or the crossing location will move."

Grant leaned forward in his seat. His eyes narrowed as he studied the new information and the proposed changes. "We can keep _Odyssey_ in place, near the Klingon border, but yes, I see what you mean." They had moved _Voyager_ more central to the line that indicated the Romulan and Federation border. _Cerberus_ would provide support to the slightly smaller ship while the two larger vessels, _Aegeus_ and _Hamilton_, would move farther away. "It will look like we've spread our forces too thin, and unless our raiders have done specific research of _Voyager_, they won't expect an Intrepid-class ship to have the sensors to pick up their movements."

"Exactly," Paris nodded. "It will look like a power move, a show. The _Enterprise_ was damaged dealing with the Shinzon threat, but name a better-known ship in recent Starfleet history. It will appear as if we are using _Voyager_'s presence as the detractor, not that we have any specific indication of where the crossings are happening."

"Starfleet Intelligence already has operatives in the area, they are going to know that you are coming. We," she looked at Captain Riker, "will continue on as originally planned."

Riker nodded. "Isn't it a little unexpected that they're choosing to cross so close to the Starbase? If they aren't detracted by that, do you think _Voyager_'s presence will minimize their activities?"

"Not entirely," Kathryn agreed. "Which I am hoping will make the perpetrators easier to catch. I am also considering that the location may be _convenient_. That sensor noise may be originating from the Starbase itself, and that is something that Captain Grant's teams will be charged with investigating." Her attention focused on the man seated on Commander Troi's other side. "An operative has either been placed on the Starbase or someone has managed to gain access to the sensor array. Either way, I'd like to know who and remove the threat."

"Admiral," he nodded. Grant sat back, his mind already tuned to the problem and how they might resolve it.

"It occurs to me," Kathryn turned her gaze on Chakotay, "that you might be able to curb some of your First Officer's more demanding nature if you were to give him something to concentrate on that spoke to his… unique skills." The corner of her mouth curved into a small, crooked smile. "He may not mind taking the _Delta Flyer_ out for a spin, perhaps to scan for any unusual activity near those outposts that have already been targeted?"

"An interesting proposition," He nodded. "I'll take it under advisement." It was exactly the thing that Tom might enjoy, but he thought he might make a few of those trips himself.

"Don't worry," Caldwell quipped beside him, "while you're preening for the locals, the rest of us will be doing the real work. We'll keep an eye out for trouble," she teased.

Jake stepped up alongside the Admiral again and folded his arms across his chest. "I'll be sending the sensor report that we compiled to both of you," he addressed Grant and Riker, "it notes a few more areas along the border that we think could pose a problem along with what we know about current Romulan movements in the area. If the Tal Shiar is initiating these occurrences, as Intel believes they are, it might be necessary to rotate the patrol routes accordingly."

"All of this," Kathryn waved a hand at the screen behind them, "is entirely preliminary based on our research. I'd like you to review it, send back any suggestions or changes you think are prudent, and we'll finalize it before we leave."

Riker glanced at his wife beside him. "What do you think?" She had more experience with the Tal Shiar than he did.

"It's entirely probable that there is a Romulan operative at Starbase 39-Sierra. The influence of the Tal Shiar isn't contained within their own space." Her dark-eyed gaze moved from him to the officers standing near the end of the table, "there are any number of ways, fear perhaps, that they would have gained support within Federation Space and aboard one of our starbases. Motive will be hard to determine until the responsible party, or group, is located."

"Discovering motive will be a secondary objective," Janeway agreed. "We'd like to find them first and stop the threat. If we can trace them back to factions seeking control of the government, or even to Senator Tal'Aura, even better." She shifted position and moved to lean against her usual chair again. "We never said this endeavor would be easy."

"Leave it to you," Riker quipped, "to turn a simple desk job into a Diplomatic conundrum with so many layers that a Vulcan would have difficulty untangling all of the moving strategies."

"Yes, now aren't you glad I offered you the job?" She smirked at him.

"I'm beginning to feel maneuvered. This wasn't how you sold me on it." He looked at Deanna again. "Long range exploration, scientific discovery, the opportunity to get back to seeing what others had never seen before. I don't remember anything in the brochure about political intrigue, power struggles, and ferrying diplomats. Do you?"

"I didn't actually read the brochure," her dark eyes sparkled joyfully. "I thought it was inherent in my secondary title of Diplomatic Officer that we might find ourselves in this sort of situation occasionally. I was sold by the bigger office."

"How _is_ it that you ended up with a bigger office than I did?" That was still a matter of some consternation for him. Not that he truly minded, because he didn't like being cooped up in an office at all, but it was a particular design quirk of their new ship that intrigued him.

"I am sure that is something you will uncover in time," she said knowingly. As she recalled, years before, he spent weeks investigating the _Enterprise-D_ until he believed that he had learned every design quirk and the mystery or reason behind it. As time wore on, and there were occasions when he was presented with those he might have missed, she had always sensed that he was delighted. He had done the same thing when they were assigned aboard the _Enterprise-E_, although on that occasion he had taken his time. Deanna was certain there were still mysteries to uncover, but now Will had his own ship to get to know and she knew he was enjoying himself quite a lot.

"If there is nothing else," Kathryn said, her tone light as the tension in the room had been broken by the camaraderie that was beginning to mark their taskforce. "I know Captain Grant intended to meet with his group and their first officers today. I will allow you to adjourn to that."

As those around the table began to move, Jake inclined his head at her. "You know, I realized earlier that you never told me how it turned out with those crystal formations. Was all the trouble worth it?"

She bowed her head and chuckled quietly. "Unfortunately once they were removed from the planet the energy signal degraded quickly. The specific composite of the caverns where we located them coupled with the atmospheric conditions gave them their unique energy output. We were never able to devise a way to prevent the degradation, or replicate the conditions in which we found them. It was a good opportunity, but one that didn't pan out."

"That's a pity. So that uninhibited use of the replicator that you were after had to wait?" He hitched his hip against the table and leaned against it, facing her.

"Until we got home, yes." Kathryn sighed. "It's something that I'll never take for granted again."

"Noted." Jake flashed a rueful grin at her. "I wouldn't worry, I've ordered my XO to stock _Aegeus_ with several shipping containers of coffee beans. After hearing the lengths you're willing to go to for an unimpeded supply of coffee, I decided to be proactive." The corner of his left eye twitched in a quick wink as he turned away. "Good day, Admiral."

She watched him trail out of the room behind his counterparts and reached up to rub her brow. He was definitely impertinent, but she couldn't seem to _not_ find that amusing as hell. There was something about his manner and the way he wasn't blinded by the rank bar on her collar that was a welcome diversion to the tedium of her everyday routine.

As they left the room ahead of the others Riker glanced at his wife again. "Trouble?" He asked it simply, knowing she would explain what she had sensed if it was pertinent to the mission.

"Not yet," she explained quietly, "at least I don't think so. A wrinkle, maybe." Deanna's head inclined while she fully considered it. She had detected confusion and a sense of displacement from Captain Chakotay that seemed to be directed at the easy working relationship that Captain Paris and Admiral Janeway had formed in a short period of time. She wondered, also, if he was noticing the curiosity and latent fascination that appeared to be developing between that pair. While the Admiral was still regarding her former first officer with the same friendly familiarity she had before, Deanna could not detect any resolution to the previous conflicted emotions she sensed from the two. She had felt, though, the first stirrings of what might be jealousy. The encounter was too brief to form a full hypothesis and she had shielded herself to it before she could glean more than was probably necessary to their current objective. "I don't think it will detract from the mission, but it might present a complication at some point." She touched his arm and smiled warmly. "I'll let you know if that changes but what I was sensing in the room was personal." She wouldn't break that confidence, although an unspoken one, unless it became necessary.

"Okay," he nodded. That was good enough for him. There was no one that he trusted more, in any situation, be it personal or professional. If Deanna felt their mission was in any way jeopardized, she would tell him immediately. Until then, he would turn his attention to other matters and leave those details in her very capable hands. "Dr. Ree is coming aboard today, isn't he?"

"Yes." Her lips quirked toward a smile; Deanna could tell that from his more generalized sense of curiosity that Will had not read the file on the Pahkwa-thanh, the very unique species to whom Dr. Ree belonged. "He should be joining us in another hour. We probably have time for lunch in the city if you'd like to make a detour."

He thought about that as they reached the lift. "Why don't we make it dinner instead and head back to the ship now." There was something in the amused glimmer in her eyes that he wasn't sure he was comfortable with. He almost felt like she was setting him up, and falling into her little trap would be no one's fault but his own.

"Dinner it is," she agreed. "I wanted to complete the manifest report now that the majority of the crew has reported aboard ship. Dr. Ree is the last, and I should have it on your desk tomorrow morning." Deanna flashed a small, teasing smile when she moved into the lift ahead of him. "So it looks like I'll be spending the afternoon in my office," her more spacious office, although the fact did not require a verbal reminder.

"If I didn't know any better I would think you had something to do with that," Will followed her into the lift. "Laugh it up, Deanna. There's no rule that says unequivocally that the Captain's Ready Room has to be on deck one. It's a tradition, that's all."

"We'll see." The doors of the lift closed on the sound of her tittering response.

**-TBC-**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

* * *

If there was one thing that everyone could agree that Starfleet still did well, it was the pomp of a formal banquet. The organization's Public Relations department found a few reasons to hold one each year, but the Annual Admiral's Ball was the centerpiece of those events. Held in Starfleet HQ's grand ballroom, the occasion was attended by officers, diplomats, and politicians. It was an opportunity for networking and boasting, to be seen and commended, and for most of the officers that would rather be anywhere else it was a damned inconvenience.

Attendance could not be mandated, but for the majority of Starfleet's brass attendance was highly _recommended_. With the looming promise of the Romulan Diplomatic mission, everyone who had been assigned to the taskforce with three pips or more had been requested to attend. The crews assigned to the taskforce were deploying in less than a week, and this was a chance for the Brass and politicians not directly involved to get their piece of that opportunity, and for the Public Relations department to sell the upcoming mission as Starfleet's first major engagement in getting back to the Federation's pre-war principles of cooperation and peace.

Admiral Janeway would have liked to be anywhere else. The Delta Quadrant was even looking like a suitable escape plan. Her face was beginning to ache from the polite, forced smile that she had worn for most of the evening. Admirals and politicians that she barely knew, but whom she had to tolerate nonetheless, had been vying for her attention throughout the course of the event. It was one of the tasks of her new job that she didn't particularly enjoy. It didn't help that she wasn't especially in the mood for socializing.

In all fairness, the night hadn't started out that way. While she didn't exactly look forward to the ball, Kathryn had filed her participation away as a necessary function of her profession, and intended to greet it with the same efficiency, if not enthusiasm, that she applied to the rest of her work.

She was initially tempted to conveniently ignore the _suggestion_ that she arrive in something other than her uniform, but she decided that she couldn't disagree with Commander Troi's assessment of how rare it was that any of them had the opportunity to wear something that was not their uniforms, and allowed them to interject just a little of their own unique individuality into Starfleet's almost sterile aesthetics. While it didn't exactly give her any further reason to enjoy the evening, she had felt at least a little optimistic about it.

That optimism was gone now.

While Kathryn had not dressed with anything in mind but her own preferences, she was well aware that she would not be entirely displeasing to look at. She would also admit to the fact that the thought had crossed her mind, however briefly, that there might be one other person who would enjoy her appearance. It was brushed aside, of course, because that was not the purpose of the evening, but the thought was there. Kathryn admitted, too, that she looked forward to seeing him. She knew that Chakotay would arrive in uniform, and if she was honest with herself, she was looking forward to _that_ too. The new style of dress uniform suited him. The white would offset his bronzed complexion, and the outline of the jacket would highlight his broad shoulders.

That they simply had not been able to steal away for a few minutes, or finally have that dinner they kept rescheduling, was another reason that she was _almost _looking forward to the evening. It was possible that they might just be able to sneak away, and with most of the people who had been the cause for their hectic schedules in one location, it was less likely that they would be interrupted this time.

She was a little surprised that Chakotay had not contacted her before the ball, as in the past he would have asked to be her escort for the evening. That was how they had always handled these kinds of situations aboard _Voyager_, but then, Kathryn had to remind herself that was as much a part of the problem as it could be any sort of solution. They weren't on _Voyager_ anymore, at least she wasn't. Her surprise quickly gave way to dismay, though, when upon arriving she had learned that his silence had another reason.

Chakotay had found another date.

Kathryn chided herself for feeling that way. It wasn't as if there was really a _them_; there never had been. Chakotay continued to make that readily apparent. First there had been his relationship with Seven, and whatever he had been up to in the months since that ended, she couldn't say, but she believed his insistence to spend time with her might have been an indication that it was time to finally approach the subject of _them _in their post Delta Quadrant life. It seemed that she was wrong about that, and maybe it was only their friendship that he was trying to get back on track, or perhaps he had just gotten tired of trying, again. His persistence was a bit waning if this was his reaction to a few rescheduled attempts at spending time together.

Not that she could blame him, really. Captain Eva Caldwell was a beautiful woman. She was bright, tenacious, and Kathryn had enjoyed both her wit and intelligence during the pre-mission briefings of the past few weeks. She had the innovative thinking that would take her further than a Captain's rank, if that was her ambition, and the dedication to her duty that would keep her ship and crew, and the Federation that she was serving, safe. She did not blindly follow, nor was she insubordinate. She was an excellent addition to their taskforce. Captain Grant had scheduled his own briefings during the course of their planning, and it had not surprised Kathryn to learn that Chakotay and Caldwell had found a quick camaraderie. The younger woman was damned likeable, and that just made it all the more unsettling to see them together.

Caldwell was his equal, and on that particular night she was also stunning. She was of medium height, but she had a lean form, and the simple white gown she was wearing contrasted beautifully with her ebony complexion. Standing next to Chakotay, who looked just as handsome in his dress uniform as Kathryn had expected he would, the pair made a striking couple. Not that their appearance together necessarily meant anything of the sort, but they certainly appeared to be friendly.

Kathryn decided that must be par for the course for her. Her professional life was going wonderfully, she was delighted with where it seemed to be heading; it was her personal life that was another matter. She was not a woman that specifically _needed_ to have a busy social calendar, and truthfully, she preferred to have a small group of close friends rather than to be pulled in many directions by people she barely knew. Nor had she ever needed a partner to feel as if her life was complete. It was something that she had wanted, once, and wouldn't object to now that she felt as if she was free to pursue such an avenue. That just didn't seem to be where her life was headed. She could be content with that, she truly could.

She just thought it might be time for something _more_. She began to wonder if her annoyance with Chakotay about certain personal decisions he made might mean that she was finally ready to consider _other_ ways in which they might be closer. She wouldn't deny that it was disheartening to find him otherwise occupied. Maybe they just had the worst timing of any two people she had ever known. Maybe he was just comfortable. There was a time when she thought he had the power to turn her life upside down and inside out, and she had longed for the opportunity to test that theory. She really only felt that way once, and she had no romantic notions of life being built on the basis of individuals having only _one great love_ in their time.

While Kathryn was trying to convince herself that she wasn't jealous, but merely disappointed, the party continued. She mingled, she smiled, and she made the small talk that was expected of her. At the first opportunity to find a glass of something appropriately alcoholic, she took it. With a glass of wine in her hand and her feet aching in the ill-advised heels she had worn with her dress, Kathryn found a corner and tried to give herself a moment of respite.

"Oh no," a voice interrupted her quiet musings. "This is the _Admiral's _Ball," he told her. "You're the Admiral. You have to look pleased as punch while the rest of us mere mortals get to look absolutely miserable. You don't get to look like you're waiting for a Borg invasion to sweep in and rescue you from the tedium." Jake Paris dropped himself into a chair beside her at the out of the way table she had located in a corner of the ballroom, and slumped in it. Despite the crisp white lines of his uniform he looked decidedly non Captain-like in that moment.

She snorted at him. "That might be overstating it just a bit. A nice, civilized, alien rebellion of some kind would probably do the job too. There's no reason to be melodramatic about it." She saw Admiral Hayes look in her direction and he seemed as if he was about to head that way and she groaned. "On second thought…"

"God no, not Hayes." Jake sat forward in his chair suddenly. He propped an elbow on the table and leaned close to her. He pitched his voice low. "Pretend we are having the most intense discussion of your life." He caught and held her gaze. "Don't look away, whatever you do. I need you to act like you are hanging on every word that I am saying right now, as if the very fabric of the universe is at stake, because it might be. If that man catches us now, there's no way that either of us is getting out of here for at least another two hours, and by god Kathryn Janeway if I have to hear about that man's latest attempt at making a Bolian soufflé, I am going to hold you personally responsible."

"His discussion of the Bolian soufflé is nothing compared to his attempts at recreating the recipes that Neelix left in the _Voyager_ database. I can tell you right now," she stared back at him, her gaze unwavering, determined, despite her sudden amusement, "there has never been a more intense conversation in my life than the one we are having right now. If he corners us with questions about hair pasta and leola root, I will not be held responsible for my actions."

"I'm so glad we're agreed, but I don't think Hayes is getting the hint. How badly are your feet hurting?" It was time for evasive maneuvers, and he would sacrifice her on the altar of his own conversational self-preservation.

"What makes you think my feet are hurting?" She arched a brow at him, challenging his assumption. They were, actually, but that was incredibly presumptive of him. Over the past couple of weeks, however, as she had gotten to know him better, she had learned that Jake was not put off by her rank in the least. He was respectful, of course, and he followed her orders, but he did not demure to her. That was something that she had missed with the officers that surrounded her now. His insight into the Romulan situation was also unmatched. The man had a keen analytical mind, and his instincts were as good as any she had ever encountered. Nechayev was right to get him back on the bridge of a starship. It was where he was needed. She also knew that he was finally settling in on _Aegeus_, and getting to know his new crew. By the time they shipped out in a matter of days, he would be ready. On the whole, she just liked working with him. He was a good fit to the taskforce.

"I have eyes," Jake replied, and his mouth twisted into a smirk. His eyes sparkled knowingly at her. "I saw those heels and they're completely ridiculous. Don't get me wrong, you wear them well, but just looking at them made my feet hurt." While he had been looking at her feet, he had also noticed the rest of her attire. The black gown was simple, but elegant. It looked as if it had been cut just to fit her, and for all he knew about women's fashion, it might have been. The simple halter bodice had revealed pale shoulders with a light dusting of freckles, and he had to admit that he had wondered just how much of the rest of her was covered in those enticing little spots. He was a man, and she was a beautiful woman, so he wasn't going to feel guilty about that. She was also funny, smart, and damn but she was a firebrand, as his dad would have said. She was also his uncle's protégé; his cousin couldn't sing her praises loud enough, and if that wasn't enough to stop him from having thoughts of pursuing her, he had been hearing stories that she might not be available. Jake knew he might be a fool about a lot of things, but he wasn't a stupid fool. He wasn't going to put his ass on the line without doing a bit of his own research. Tales of the conquering Delta Quadrant heroine aside, he wanted to get to the truth of it all. Starfleet could spin a pretty story when it wanted to, that didn't mean it was true.

He believed what his cousin told him, however. If Tom's version of events wasn't enough, that wife of his didn't exactly mince words. He could understand why his cousin was so devoted to her, and how easily she had captured the rapt attention of his aunt and uncle. It also helped that she was an engineer. In Jake's experience, engineers didn't have time for tall tales. What B'Elanna Torres had, though, was a healthy dose of respect for the woman that had saved her life more times than she could count. It wasn't built on hero worship, as she was candid about the woman's flaws too, but she would follow her into hell, had done so, and would do it again.

While Tom and B'Elanna were in the mood for sharing, he asked about the undercurrent of tension he picked up between the Admiral and her former first officer. On that subject they were both a little more hesitant, but B'Elanna had finally admitted that there might have been something, _once_, but whatever it might have been was over. It had given Jake a foundation for forming his own opinions.

During the couple of weeks leading up to the Admiral's Ball, and through the evening of the actual event, he had picked up on something between the pair. He couldn't put his finger on what, but the fact that Captain Chakotay had shown up with a date that was _not_ the Admiral was enough to tell him that B'Elanna might be right. The Admiral was good, he'd grant her that, but she hadn't fully managed to hide the dismayed look on her face the first few times she had seen them together.

Jake still hadn't decided if he wanted to involve himself in the situation, but he was getting closer to a decision all the time.

Something in his gaze had shifted, and his eyes had darkened. Kathryn watched his eyes drop and felt the fine hairs on the back of her neck stand up, while a tingling sensation of awareness moved down her spine. She wasn't so far removed from simple, basic human interaction that she didn't know when another person was noticing her. Jake's eyes rose from checking out the rest of her attire to meet her gaze again. She saw his chin tilt, almost defiantly when he caught her studying him in return. The challenge in it couldn't be denied, or ignored. "What are you proposing, Captain?"

"Evasive maneuvers, Admiral." He took her hand and stood up. He gave it a light tug and jerked his head toward the dance floor. "He'll never get to us there, too many people to stop and talk to. Think your fancy shoes can handle it?"

"I'll take them off if I have to, propriety be damned." Kathryn took a final sip of her wine before abandoning the glass with the table and following him.

"I've been hearing that you're able to think on your feet," Jake quipped, "I'm glad to know that isn't just a euphemism for something else." He walked them toward the dance floor in a wide berth around Hayes, and on a path that took them directly past his uncle, whom he winked at for the hell of it. Then Jacob pulled her to him and turned them into the moving bodies with the ease of two people who might have been dancing together all their lives… if they hadn't only just met.

When they moved together, his hand against her back, high enough to present a picture of proper decorum, but with his fingers spread unabashedly against the bare skin above the moderately conservative hem of her dress, Kathryn was unable to deny the fact that he was not being entirely altruistic about their method of escape. At the feel of his thumb stroking the soft skin between her shoulder blades, her head tilted. "It's nice to know that you haven't completely forgotten all your advanced tactical training while you were out there on that starbase, but I think you're a little rusty, Captain."

"Really?" His eyes gleamed in the overhead lights, and while her tone had turned suitably ambiguous for their surroundings, the amusement in her gaze was undeniable for someone who had taken the time to learn to read the signs. Jake grinned in response. "At ease, Admiral. There are plenty of people watching and they might decide you need a new partner. I heard Admiral Hayes loves a good waltz."

His hand was warm, and not entirely unpleasant. "It's funny you should mention that," there was velvet in her low tone. "I've heard the same thing about Admiral Nechayev." Kathryn laughed at his sharp glare. "You started it, Captain. I was only returning fire."

"It was a warning shot across your starboard bow." Jake huffed. "That was a completely inappropriate and excessive use of force. Frankly, I'm wounded." To prove that point, his thumb stroked her skin again. He was right about her eyes reflecting her changing moods, Jake decided. As close as they stood together, he was able to see that the gray that usually indicated amusement reminded him of the ocean, not the deep blue, idyllic hues of an island paradise, but the way the it looked just after a storm, raw and wild.

"Careful, Captain. You're drifting hard to port." Her fingers tightened against his shoulder for a moment. Kathryn risked a glance at their surroundings, they were being watched as he suggested. "You realize, don't you, that you've earned us both an interrogation?"

Jake turned them, ever so slightly, so he could follow her line of sight. "Yes, I think you're going to have some explaining to do. I'm used to it, remember? That old curmudgeon is going to be more concerned that I'm being a bad influence."

She laughed. "You're terrible." Kathryn decided three days after they met that he was fond of the _curmudgeonly old mule_. He and Owen gave each other a hard time, but there was no real malice in any of it. Kathryn had noted that Owen looked a little nostalgic, the one time that she had been alone with the two men, and wondered that he must see a lot of his younger brother in Jake. "I'm also insulted that you think you could ever unduly influence my good sense."

They stopped dancing and Jake bent his head closer. He met her gaze with a deep, unwavering look. "I'm thinking of a particular encounter with the Borg in which you showed the absolute opposite of good sense, I don't think that argument is going to fly, Admiral."

"Your engines have stalled, Chief." She took a half step closer, and while they were still decently separated, the idea of personal space became moot. "You might want to recalibrate those thrusters before the enemy overtakes your position."

He pulled her back into the sway and tempo of the music. "Have I mentioned yet that I love it when you talk starship to me?" Her laugh echoed behind them as he maneuvered her through the moving bodies.

It took two songs for them to make their way across the dance floor, to the opposite side of the ballroom. Once they were free of the moving bodies, Jake let her go. He kept a hand on the small of her back, though, and guided her through a group of tables. At the edge of the room, he stopped. He extended an arm toward a set of doors that opened to the terrace, and beyond that, the well-manicured grounds of the Jefferson garden. "Your evacuation route, Admiral."

"Remind me to log a commendation on your record, Captain. That was a creative solution to a dire situation. Well done." She inclined her head at him when she took a step toward the doors, but he didn't follow. "Captain?"

"If we leave together, people will talk." His eyes sparkled teasingly. "Go ahead, but meet me at the north fountain. I shouldn't be more than about ten minutes." He didn't care about wagging tongues, and he got the impression that she didn't either, but the evening had finally taken an enjoyable turn and he wasn't going to give up the game yet.

"I see." She smirked. "As you were," she added with a nod. Kathryn strolled toward the doors, but as she pushed through them to make good her escape, she cast a look back at him from over her shoulder. When he bent slightly, hinting a gallant bow, and tossed off a playful salute, she snorted a quiet laugh, and with a shake of her head, slipped out of the room.

More than one pair of eyes had seen the movement of the pair across the dance floor, and then noticed that both individuals had disappeared from sight at roughly the same moment. After they moved out of sight, looking nothing if not fully engrossed in one another, Admiral Paris turned to the man beside him with an expression of such consternation that the waiter standing nearby with a tray of drinks quickly retreated.

Tom shrugged in response, unperturbed by his father's change in mood. "Don't look at me, you spend more time with both of them than I do. If you tell me this has been developing right under your nose, and you never noticed," he grinned, "I'm going to have to rethink every opinion I've ever had of you."

"Yes, well." Owen straightened and tugged at the jacket of his dress uniform. "I'm not privy to the personal lives of my colleagues," he announced. He was still obviously perplexed, however. "I just thought Kathryn was… otherwise occupied, that's all." They didn't discuss matters of that nature, although usually in the past she might have hinted at something.

"Really?" Tom's head tipped to one side inquisitively. He hadn't heard that she was seeing anyone, and thought surely the rumors of that would have reached his ears already. The only person he could think of that might be orbiting in the Admiral's personal sphere appeared to have found his interests cast elsewhere. Tom's eyes widened suddenly and he stared incredulously at his father. "You bought into the rumors, didn't you?" He shook his head, both surprised and delighted. "Dad." Tom clapped him on the shoulder and turned them slightly. "Trust me when I say, that's not happening." Directly in their line of sight now were his Captain and the woman who had been holding his attention throughout the evening. "Don't get me wrong, there was a time when I thought it did, or at least they were close to getting there, but the Admiral is a free agent."

Owen's brows drew together. "That is surprising." He knew his protégé was feeling adrift earlier in the year. He thought her discomfiture might have a certain personal component, and when she appeared more at ease, and truthfully, happier than when she first arrived home, Owen believed the situation to be resolved. Apparently whatever that resolution might be it was nothing that he expected. "It may not be as astonishing as I initially believed," the Admiral realized. When he considered what he knew of his nephew, if their perceptions of the evening were correct, it was entirely probable that Kathryn had identified something familiar in him. Owen shook his head. "I'm not going to think about it anymore." Those were thoughts that he didn't need or want. He glanced at his son. "If she ever asks…"

"We never had this conversation," Tom immediately agreed. The two men shared a look and then they both nodded and went their separate ways, each in search of their respective spouses.

Several tables away one of the topics of their discussion was not as engrossed in his date as the two had believed. While a lovely enough time was had with the alluring Eva Caldwell, Chakotay's attention was diverted the moment a familiar head had passed the periphery of his sight. He had seen Kathryn a few times during the course of the night, and they had even spoken briefly earlier, just after both of them had arrived. She was stunning in the long, form-fitting gown. Against the black material, that seemed to shimmer in the overhead lights when she moved, her pale complexion had appeared to glow.

Her hair, longer now than it had been at the end of their journey, was drawn back in a loose knot behind her neck. On those occasions he was able to get a glimpse of her without appearing obvious in his scrutiny, he had noticed the russet wisps that were left free to frame her face and neck. He had imagined following the trail of them against the elegant curve of her neck with his fingers and had to pull his focus away from her. He placed his attention back, fully, on Eva, and every time she laughed he was reminded why he asked her to attend with him that evening.

She was witty and open, with none of the baggage that he and Kathryn carried after seven years. They were already working well together, although Chakotay had a feeling that Eva would steal Lieutenant Kim from him if she thought the younger officer would be willing to transfer. She was proud of her ship, the Akira-class _Cerberus_ that was only slightly bigger than _Voyager_, and her eyes lit up when she talked about it in a way that, if he was honest about it, reminded him of Kathryn at the beginning of their journey in the Delta Quadrant. They had shared a meal together, just a few days before, and Chakotay could admit that his invitation of attending the Ball _together_ was a little spur of the moment, but he was captivated by her easy manner. That she was also a striking beauty did not detract from his reasons.

As his hand moved to her lower back as they stood closer to one another, and he pretended to be focused on every word of the story she was telling him about having grown up on the planet Deneva to parents who were artists, Chakotay thought about the contrasts between the two women again. There had been no opportunity to speak to Kathryn alone for the last several days. Since _Voyager_'s return from Vulcan she had been busy, occupied he realized now, by other matters.

Maybe it was time that he gave up on the idea of her for well and good. If the two of them couldn't get on the same page about anything that wasn't mission related, that had to be a sign, didn't it? The only problem was that he had not expected the image of her, laughing as she had, in the arms of another man, to fill him with such bitter jealousy. It was ridiculous, he knew. If he had wanted to spend the evening with Kathryn he should have just asked her. He had asked Eva instead, and he didn't regret that, not entirely.

Chakotay tried to keep that in mind, especially when on a simple survey of the room, he caught Kathryn slipping out one of the exits on the other side of the dance floor, but not before he saw her cast the same coy, radiant smile she used to bestow on him. He forced his jaw not to clench. All of the attention she was now directing at Captain Paris used to be reserved for him. He was finding it difficult to come to terms with that. From the way she touched the other man's shoulder during a briefing, to how they stood together as they addressed the taskforce. That used to be _him_, he thought. Chakotay wondered what had occurred while he was on his way to Vulcan, and if it would have been any different had he not canceled dinner that evening.

Would he always have unanswered questions where Kathryn was concerned?

At the moment, however, Eva was leaning toward him and he was drawn back into the dark depths of her almond shaped eyes. His attention shifted again and he pushed the images in his mind of pale skin and reddish gold hair aside.

"Why do I think," Will Riker's voice was low, and pitched toward the shell of his wife's lovely ears as he leaned against her back and let his arms slide loosely around her waist, "that you are still not going to tell me what it is that keeps putting that little frown on your face?"

"Because you would be absolutely correct," she smiled as she settled back against him. Her arms settled over his, and she stood like that for only a moment before she turned. Deanna laid a hand against the crisp white front of his uniform and let her fingers trail along the thin, gold, brocade piping that offset the jacket's plainness. "It's still complicated, as human emotions often are. I'm still not convinced it has anything to do with us." He was curious though, but underneath that she felt a deep well of concern. Deanna smiled gently at him. "Consider for a moment how you might have felt a few years ago, when we decided to explore certain opportunities again," she angled her head to the side and let her gaze drift in the direction of the emotions she had sensed earlier, "If those opportunities had stalled, and then in the absence of any forward movement, I had decided to move on with my life." She shook her head at him. "We learned, maybe the hard way, relationships do not evolve without intent. In fifteen years of serving together nothing happened until we decided that it should."

"It's personal," he said, repeating what she told him earlier in the week. Will nodded. "I'll mind my own business, for now." He took her hand and held it in his. "What I don't want to do is end up in Romulan space with all our backs against the wall while someone is having a jealous snit." His thumb swept over the soft, elegant lines of her fingers. "Although from what you described, there may not be a chance for that."

"Exactly." She turned her hand over in his and laced their fingers together. "Each of the involved parties will be on a separate ship, in a separate section of the Neutral Zone. I'm not concerned at this time, if that changes, Captain Riker, then I am certain Counselor Troi will tell you. Until then, your wife is thinking that we have put in enough of an appearance this evening."

"By all means," a grin lit his face. His eyes crinkled, and their blue depths sparkled happily. "I make it a habit to always follow her recommendations. Would you like to join me for a walk? I think there's a quiet place to call for a transport home not too far from here."

"That is the best news I've heard since we arrived this evening." She graced him with a dazzling smile and when he pulled her hand through the crook of his arm, she leaned against his side. Together they walked away from the press of bodies and emotions to the promise of a quiet, peaceful conclusion to the evening.

It was a cool night. Kathryn looked up as she strolled through the garden, in no hurry now that she was free of the crowded ballroom, and was delighted that they'd managed a clear night. They had entirely too few of them this time of year, and a layer of fog was usually obscuring the night sky. Kathryn drew a deep breath and let it out on a long sigh. She missed the stars. Soon, she promised herself, she would be back among them, even if it was only temporary.

When she reached the fountain she sat on the low granite ledge. Kathryn folded her arms around herself to ward off the cool night air and enjoyed the quiet. In the distance she could hear the soft strains of the music that was playing in the ballroom, but she was far enough away from it to finally be able to enjoy the evening. Unable to bear the ache any longer, she reached down and tugged at her shoes. A sigh of abject relief was wrought from her when her toes were finally free to stretch and curl. Kathryn hummed quietly, and hunched over her knees, she rubbed first one foot and then the other.

"I thought you said they didn't hurt," the quiet admonishment came from in front of her.

She looked up and met Jake's gaze as he approached. There was something draped over his arm and it obscured what he was carrying. "I don't recall actually answering the question," she replied.

"That's a fair point. Luckily we won't need to walk where we're going." He held out a hand, palm up, and tilted his head at her. "Think you can trust me?"

Her lips pursed while she considered that. "Well, you did hold up your end of the bargain. I suppose it wouldn't be very nice of me to start questioning your methods now. Are you going to tell me where we're going?"

"That defeats the purpose of asking you to trust me," he replied, "don't you think?" Jake arched a brow at her. "Well?"

Kathryn scooped up the straps of her heels with one hand and placed her other in his. She stood slowly, and although her feet still tensed uncomfortably, they no longer ached as keenly as they had. "Very well, Captain. I am willing to grant you some leeway."

"That is decidedly judicious of you, Admiral. I am impressed by your adaptability." He tugged her closer to him.

She snorted. "How sensible it is, or not, still remains to be seen. I'm going to reserve judgment on that."

"We'll see." He let go of her hand to tap his combadge. "Paris to _Aegeus_, two to transport." They dematerialized in a shimmering glow of blue and white light, only to appear again a moment later atop a grassy ridge on the other side of the bay, in the preserved wilderness that was Golden Gate National Reserve. From where they stood they could see the lights of the bridge, the flashing beacons of the bay, and in the distance, the glittering lights of the city. It was laid out before them in a glowing, sloping display of life. Overhead they had the moonlight and the stars to light the area around them. Jacob took the light blanket he had discreetly replicated and shook it out. He spread it carefully on the ground and gestured for her to sit.

"You are certainly full of surprises, Captain." She tugged the long, narrow skirt of her dress around her legs as she lowered herself onto the blanket, and folded her legs under her. "That is definitely a better view," she agreed.

"I've always thought so." Jacob folded his much longer body onto the blanket beside her. He held up his other hand to reveal a thermos and two cups. He flashed a wide, playful grin. "I didn't see you eat anything all night." He handed her both the cups and twisted the top off the thermos. The rich smell of coffee wafted toward them a moment later.

"I'm not sure plying a superior officer with coffee is going to get you a promotion," she said, voice lilting with barely suppressed glee, "and even if it does, I don't know that it will get you back to your starbase." She waited for him to put the thermos aside and take one of the cups, but before he did, he shrugged out of his jacket and draped it across her shoulders. A corner of her mouth lifted in thanks. When he did finally take the extra cup from her hand, she wrapped both hands around hers and lifted it. She inhaled deeply and hummed. "It will, however, gain you my everlasting appreciation."

He watched her take that first blissful sip and shook his head. "You know, I think I'd rather stick with that. Besides, I already agreed to give up the starbase dream. I'm starbound, and the closer we get, the more I find that I'm actually looking forward to it." Jake leaned back, he stretched his long legs out in front of him and propped his weight on his elbow as he reclined. "I used to come up here when I was a cadet. I'd hike the trail, and no matter how many different paths I took, I always ended up here."

"I didn't make it to the reserve until later, after I had graduated." Kathryn glanced down at him and shrugged a single shoulder. "I was always too busy with my nose in a book, or writing a paper, or spending entirely too many hours in one of the labs. After that first mission, the one with Owen," she clarified, although much of it was still classified, "I wasn't ready to go home yet and I didn't want to be around anyone. I came out here to disappear for a couple of hours. I walked until my legs burned and ended up on a ridge like this one. I just sat and watched as the sun faded and the lights came on, and then the moon rose and the stars came out. I felt that pull and remembered why I wanted to go out there among them in the beginning." She sighed and shook her head. Kathryn unfolded her legs, and leaned back beside him. "I had forgotten how beautiful it is."

Jake slanted a look at her. He watched the light bay breeze catch the tendrils of hair escaping the intricate knot at the nape of her neck and lift them away from her face. Her face had softened, and she was watching the night sky with an expression that was almost reverent. "Have you forgotten what it's like to be out there?" He asked, and decided they both needed to know the answer. It had been almost a year since she spent any significant time in space.

"I think I had to." She turned her head to meet his gaze. The response was quiet, but honest. "I think this past year has been a little like your starbase. I needed to have a solid foundation under my feet for a while before I could appreciate, again, what it means to be out there, doing the work that we do. Now that we're getting down to it, finally, I can't wait. The circumstances aren't ideal, and I do feel a great deal of compassion for the Romulan people, and everyone else living near the neutral zone, but I'm looking forward to getting out there and finding out what we can accomplish."

"Forward movement," Jake nodded. "I can appreciate that." He turned his gaze back to the city and let the silence settle over them while they enjoyed their coffee. Minutes stretched indeterminately, and he thought about topping off their cups. Instead, Jake cast a look at the woman beside him. "There's something I really need to ask you before it gets any later."

"Hm?" The quiet rumble of her voice intrigued her. Kathryn pulled her gaze away from the stars to look at him. The intensity of his expression drew her in, but he looked more genuinely curious than anything else, and she decided that intrigued her.

"If coffee is a food group," he watched her eyes crinkle in silent mirth and the corners of her mouth twitch toward the promise of a smile, "would you agree this isn't the first meal we've shared together?"

"On the basis of the evidence you have used to formulate that hypothesis," she replied, "I would have to conclude that this was not the first meal that we have shared together. Although I confess to a level of disappointment that you have not yet submitted your report that the substance we are enjoying should be reclassified as broth."

"I do apologize," he said, "I've been otherwise occupied. The tasks to which I've been assigned have prevented any extraneous report publication. I have noticed, though, despite other, more professional distractions, that by my count that would make a total of two meals shared in an informal setting, would you agree?"

Her lips pursed as she recalled the other, and remembered the evening only a week before when they had adjourned their late night of work to the officers' mess more than a dozen levels below her office. They had needed a change of scenery, and over a fresh pot of coffee they spent another few hours pouring over sensor reports and ship movements into and near the neutral zone. A lot of the information was from Starbase 234's sensor arrays, but Jacob hadn't needed to go over all of the reports with her. She had intended to spend the evening analyzing it with Decan's assistance, but the Captain had insisted on staying. She admitted that they'd gotten through it more efficiently with his help. The following afternoon they were able to present it, together, at a pre-mission briefing. In spite of their less than orthodox first meeting, they were able to work well together.

"Yes," she decided with a smile. "I would concur that this is the second. Are you keeping score, Captain?"

"Not exactly." Jake leaned closer, fractionally, and never took his eyes off her face. "I just thought I should point that out, Kathryn, before I invite you to dinner."

"I see," her brow arched. "Your attention to detail is appreciated, Jacob. I feel I should make that clear before I accept."

"Good. I'm pleased that we're on the same page." He tilted his face toward her and, surrounded by the light scent of her perfume, mingled with the salty breeze off the bay and the grass beneath them, Jake let his lips brush the corner of her mouth. "You should also know that I don't mind pursuing a beautiful, intelligent woman, even if she outranks me. I'm not cowed by extra pips, and all that confidence is damned alluring. If that's not okay with you, Kathryn, you can tell me now, and I'll respect you all the more."

"I think…" She placed a hand against his shoulder while she considered his words. Her lips tingled at the promise of a caress, and she decided she didn't mind that sensation at all. "I like an individual who is direct about his intentions. You should know," her hand slid across his shoulder to lay against his neck, "I don't engage in casual relationships, especially with subordinates."

"A decision I both support and respect. It was never my habit either. Just so that there is no misunderstanding, I have every intention of kissing you." His lips moved against the strong line of her jaw when he spoke, and at the quickly inhaled breath, he drew back and looked at her again. "I didn't decide that I was going to do either of those things until about twenty minutes ago, but in the interest of open dialogue and continued cooperation, I thought you should be aware."

"I will consider myself duly notified. In the interest of sharing, I decided about fifteen seconds ago that I was going to let you." She had lived her life in a version of personal suspended animation for entirely too long. She wasn't the kind of person that engaged in coy relationship games. Kathryn had already decided she liked him; he was attractive and intelligent, and if she learned anything at all in the last five minutes it was that she was also attracted to him.

"I'm glad to hear that," he husked, "I think we'll get along fine." Before she could respond again his mouth moved over hers, lips gentle as they explored, for the first time, something delightful and pleasurable. It might have lasted moments, or it could have lasted hours, what he knew for certain was that she tasted of coffee and wine, that her lips were soft but they were not pliant and neither was she. When he pulled away to meet her gaze again, he decided that was exactly how he liked her.

**-TBC-**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

* * *

Kathryn could remember with almost startling clarity the first moment that she beamed aboard _Voyager_ almost a decade before. The ship was still in space dock then, with design and prep teams moving through her decks as construction was completed and the ship was readied for launch. At the time that Kathryn had taken command, her little ship was one of the most advanced in the fleet. The Intrepid-class ships were designed with exploration in mind, but created to be versatile tactical vessels. As Kathryn looked around at the interior of _Aegeus_'s transporter room, she had to admit that the Sovereign-class ships that were launched later came with sleeker lines and a more stream-lined tactical feel to them.

_Aegeus_ was not the first Sovereign-class ship that she had been aboard, but it was one of the newer vessels. The ship was launched only three years previously, the first in a series of replacement vessels that the shipyards of Utopia Planetia were creating to fill Starfleet's depleted post-war vessel manifest.

There was an almost no-nonsense feel to the ship's design, although its creators had not spared the technological advancements available to them. That line of ships certainly came with a number of bells and whistles, as the saying went, but there was beauty in the efficiency of its layout.

In the turbolift she turned her attention back to the padd in her hand, the reason she had come aboard to begin with, or at least, the excuse that she had used. The report could have been sent from her office, or she could have waited until she was settled in aboard _Titan_ to transmit it, but she had an opening in her schedule and saw no reason not to take advantage of it. A small smile curved her lips as her thoughts drifted.

Two dinner dates in the space of just under a week; she hadn't allowed herself to spend this much time focused on personal matters in longer than she could recall. There were some that might consider starting a new relationship at the same time they were both scheduled to depart on a long and tension-filled mission was ill advised. Kathryn thought they were simply living their lives in motion. Was there any other choice for someone with a busy, successful career? The reality was, aside from subspace communications, they weren't going to see each other again for at least a few weeks. She was enjoying herself, and it was a state that she intended to allow to progress. The parameters of their mission didn't preclude the development of whatever this burgeoning relationship was going to become. Jake's assignment was clear. While he was commanding his own ship, he would be coordinating with her through Captain Grant. There was enough of a buffer to that command chain to remain true to the protocol Starfleet regulations required. She lived for seven years with the largest parts of herself buried beneath so many layers of protocol it was difficult, sometimes, to determine where she ended and the handbook began.

Kathryn had no intention of living like that again. There was just no part of her that was still capable of it, and she wasn't even the least bit sorry about that. She was relishing in the thrill and anticipation that always accompanied the start of something new, and if for no other reason than she hadn't laughed so much, or so hard, in a very long time. Jake wasn't trying to push or maneuver her in any specific direction, either. He appeared to be as content as she was to allow things to develop naturally between them.

The turbolift came to a stop and Kathryn schooled her features into a more casual, neutral expression. The doors opened and she stepped out onto the bridge. She glanced at the padd in her hand again as she strolled toward the Captain's ready room.

"Admiral on deck."

The greeting came almost immediately. It was so commonplace in her life now that Kathryn nodded a polite acknowledgement. The voice, though, was familiar enough that her eyes were drawn in the direction of the owner. She blinked and did a double take as surprised delight lit her eyes. A broad smile curved her lips at the sight of Lieutenant Ayala standing behind the tactical station. "Mike, I didn't know that you were back from Deep Space Nine."

"Yes ma'am," he stood proudly at his station. "I got back a couple of weeks ago. I was going to take a position at the Utopia base control on Mars. Captain Paris reached out a few days ago. He had an opening, and I guess my name crossed his desk." He didn't know where that recommendation might have come from, but he had his suspicions, and he was appreciative.

Kathryn had only mentioned the Lieutenant the once, but somehow she wasn't surprised that Jake had taken that into consideration when he was looking for someone to fill his open Tactical position. Ayala was a good choice. She was pleased that her impressions of the Captain's ability to be a quick and sensible judge of character had not been mistaken. "I'm glad it did," she said warmly, "how are the boys?"

His sons had grown up almost entirely without him. His wife had a new life now, and a new husband. It was hard to accept at first, but he was working on that. Mike was still building relationships with his kids, though, and he was thankful for that. "Weeds," he replied. Both of the boys were as tall as he was now, and he had a feeling that the younger of the two would grow a few more centimeters before he stopped. "They're doing good. Thinking about the Academy. Juan wants to be a pilot. I might send him to Tom first."

"He's still the best in the business, but let's not tell him that." Kathryn chuckled affectionately. Many of them had gone their separate ways, but she would always have a soft spot for those who had been part of her crew for so long. "If the boys apply, let me know." While she wouldn't pull any special favors, those from _Voyager _took care of their own, and she'd do what she could to make the process as smooth as possible.

"Yes ma'am," Mike nodded, "thank you."

Kathryn sighed, she affected an appropriate look of mild admonishment, "Lieutenant, I let it go the first time, but you know how I feel about that."

Ayala flashed a crooked grin at her. He was more than aware. "It's always crunch time when you're on the bridge, Admiral. It's how the security and tactical teams know to be ready for anything."

Her expression became suitably bland, but it didn't belie the mirth that was shining in her eyes. "We're still in space dock, Lieutenant."

"Yes ma'am," he quipped, and couldn't manage to suppress his knowing smile. Trouble could find her just about anywhere.

She groaned quietly. She had commanded an entire crew of comedians, it seemed. From the corner of her eye she spied movement in the direction of the Ready Room and glanced toward it. The Captain would have been informed of her arrival by the transporter room, and Jake had stepped out to find out what was keeping her. "As you were, Lieutenant." She was still smiling when she crossed the bridge. "Captain."

Jake stood to one side to let her pass into the ready room unimpeded. "Admiral. This is unexpected," but his tone did not indicate that it was unwanted. "To what do we owe the honor?"

"I had some time before I was due aboard _Titan_ and I wanted to drop this by in person." Kathryn turned and when the doors closed, shutting them off from the rest of the bridge, she inclined her head at him. "You didn't tell me that you'd requested Mr. Ayala to join your crew?"

"Didn't I?" Jake grinned. "It must have slipped my mind." He stopped in front of her, close, but with enough distance to observe professional propriety. "I thought it would make a nice surprise. It looks like I was right." He shrugged. "Your obvious respect stayed with me, so I checked out his service record. Lieutenant Commander Tuvok left glowing remarks in his file, for a Vulcan."

"He was a good officer," she agreed. "It didn't bother you that he's never been to the Academy? His rank was provisional aboard _Voyager_."

"He attended the necessary training that Starfleet offered for the Maquis crew that wanted to stay in Starfleet," Jake shrugged. "If you ask me, seven years in the Delta Quadrant on _Voyager_ is a lot more training than any of us ever got at the Academy. I read the intelligence file Starfleet put together on Captain Chakotay's Maquis cell. Lieutenant Ayala was one of the members that joined to protect the colonies in the Demilitarized Zone. I may not have agreed at the time, but hindsight allows us to see things differently, so I can respect it. Other people joined the Maquis for reasons that were a lot less noble."

"Your cousin," she noted, "for example." Kathryn took a step forward and let her hand rest against his chest. "Tom was angry. He was… adrift," she said, "and I'm sure there were others like him. I don't have the right to comment on your staffing choices, but I think that was a good one."

"I didn't do it for you," he said, because he thought that it needed to be put out in the open. She knew that, but he thought it was important that she also know that _he_ knew that she was aware. "He is a good choice." A grin softened his expression. "I need someone in my corner that's going to let me off the ship every now and then." Before he could get lost in her eyes, Jake straightened. "You said you brought something for me to review?"

"Yes." Kathryn took a step back. She held the report out. "I had a friend of mine take a look at the algorithms we're using for the sensor analysis. She has a particular talent in that area. She supplied a few improvements that I think you'll find useful during your patrols." She had sent the data to Seven a week ago, but the report had only just reached her that afternoon. She was only sorry that Seven wouldn't be able to get away from her current duties to join them. Kathryn missed her.

Jake accepted the report and skimmed it quickly. "Yes, I think this will be helpful," he said. He moved around her as he walked toward his desk. "Can I get you something?"

"No, thank you. I don't have very long." She turned where she stood and clasped her hands in front of her.

He stopped at his desk and read through the report a second time. He would need to study it further, but on the surface it appeared they would have an advantage. It could have been sent via data transmission, however. It didn't need to be delivered in person. Jake dropped the padd onto his desk and turned. He leaned against the edge and folded his arms across his chest. "When are you due on _Titan_?"

"In an hour," Kathryn strolled along the edge of his office. It was bigger than her Ready Room aboard _Voyager_ had been, but he wouldn't have the view of the stars she'd had. "I had some time to kill."

"I see." Jake watched her make a circuit of the room. "Then this isn't an official visit?"

"No," she slanted a look at him, with an expression that was almost coy. "Not entirely."

"I see." When she was close enough, Jake reached out and curled his hands around her wrist. He tugged her toward him, until she was standing close, positioned between his legs. He draped an arm loosely around her waist and pressed his hand against her lower back. "It occurs to me, and not for the first time, that it is going to be a long couple of weeks." Jake looked up at her, his voice hitched slightly, growing thicker. "Permission to kiss the Admiral."

"Granted," She said, and with no little amount of relief. She was still smiling when his other hand moved to the nape of her neck and he drew her closer. Kathryn looped her arms around his neck and leaned into him when their lips met. Technically she was in transit, and so not exactly on duty at the moment.

Jake groaned at the feel of her nails, combing through the short, salt and pepper hair at the base of his skull. He nipped playfully at her bottom lip. "I knew you were going to be trouble the first time I saw you," he rumbled.

"Is that why you yelled at me?" His mouth moved along her jaw, to her neck, and she hummed.

"That is exactly why I yelled at you." If they had more time he would free her hair from the pins holding the efficient chignon in place. They didn't, however, and his ready room was hardly the place for the thoughts that he was having. He thought about the very long evening they'd spent, just two nights before, making out like a pair of cadets on the sofa in her apartment before he finally left her for the night. She wasn't the kind of woman he intended to take to bed just for the sake of getting her there, but he was finding it harder to walk away. "Okay." Jake set her away from him and stood up. He ran a hand through his hair and pointed a finger at her. "Definitely trouble."

Kathryn chuckled as she exchanged positions with him and sat on the edge of his desk. She leaned a hand against the edge to balance herself and reached up with the other to sweep her finger along the edge of her lower lip, removing the lipstick smudge she knew would be there. "I will admit, this wasn't exactly the reason that I came by, but I did want to see you before we left."

Jake looked back at her and felt his jaw clench. With her cheeks flushed and her eyes bright, leaning as she was against his desk, she was even more alluring that she had been in her evening gown on the night of the Admirals' Ball, or in the blue dress she had worn to dinner the first night he had taken her out, and just when he thought the casual blouse and skirt she had worn two nights ago was his new favorite, he had another image that was going to fill his imagination and keep him warm for the long days to follow. "I can't decide if you're doing that on purpose, or if I'm just damned lucky." He leaned over her, and taking her face in his hands, kissed her again. Touching her was a mistake, though, so he let his hands fall to lie flat on the desk on either side of her thighs. "Starbase 343," he mumbled against her mouth. "There's a cozy little restaurant on level 14. The food is good, the lighting is dim, and the wine is decent. Have dinner with me there, and when we're done, I want to finish this conversation."

"It's a date." She gripped his chin and kissed him one more time before she pushed past him, knowing they'd passed the need for more physical distance some time ago. "I should be going. I don't want to be late."

"If you'll give me a minute to remember my own name, I'll walk you back down to the transporter room." Jake folded his arms across his chest and thought of everything he could imagine that would cool the heat coursing through his veins. He watched her straighten her uniform, make sure her hair was still in place, and shook his head. "Kathryn, do me a favor and watch your back out there. The Romulans that are resisting our attempts to provide help and peaceful resolution aren't going to give up easily." It was as close as he would come to admitting he would like to be the one keeping an eye on her. That would be crossing a line, however, and he wouldn't do that, but he had a vested interest now, even if it was all still new.

"I will," she promised. "I have every faith in Captain Riker's crew. I'm more concerned about the trouble the fleet might run into while we're otherwise occupied."

Jake nodded. "We'll all be careful." He let out a quick sigh and nodded. "Alright, let's get you back to where you're supposed to be before Decan comes looking. I'm starting to think he doesn't like me."

"Well, you did make an interesting first impression on him," she drawled. Kathryn fell in step with him as they left the ready room. "I think he just needs to get to know you."

"I'm going to take your word for it, I can feel his disdain from here." As they crossed the bridge, he nodded to the Lieutenant at Tactical. "Mr. Ayala, will you let _Titan_ know that the Admiral has concluded her business here and will be joining them in a few minutes."

"Yes, Captain. Admiral, it was good to see you again."

"Thank you, Lieutenant. I trust you'll keep Captain Paris in line. You may find he has a penchant for trouble that you're very familiar with." She cast a crooked smile at the Captain in question.

"Absolutely, ma'am." The lieutenant's dark eyes glittered with mischief. "I have an entire file of techniques for dealing with those sorts of situations that I got from Lieutenant Commander Tuvok. You'll also be happy to know that I sent a copy of it to Lieutenant Kim aboard _Voyager_."

The Admiral clasped her hands behind her back and turned to the Captain beside her. "Well, I think that fully establishes that I am leaving you in very good hands, Captain. I'm familiar with most of the items in that file, and speaking from personal experience, you should probably start thinking of counter measures now."

"I'm going to take that under advisement." He shook his head. "You were so promising too," he told Ayala, but as he turned away, he winked at the man. He had a feeling they were still going to have a good deal of fun. Even the famed Mr. Tuvok couldn't be as rigid as Commander Merrin. Jake cast a look at the Admiral from the corner of his eye as they finished crossing the bridge. "Getting back to Lieutenant Decan, does he take gifts? I'm not above bribery."

Kathryn laughed as they moved into the turbolift. "I'll leave you and Decan to work that out. I don't want to get involved."

"Thanks a lot." He kept his hands clasped behind his back as the rode the lift down. "There's just one other thing I need to know. That report you brought, does Captain Grant already have a copy."

Without diverting her gaze from the doors in front of them, a small smile curved her lips. "He does." The Captain would be distributing it before they got underway.

"I see." Jake filed that away for further contemplation. She had, apparently, stopped by just for the hell of it. The lift came to a stop and he waited for her to step out before he fell in step with her again. "I think, Admiral, it would be prudent to point out that there is an overload in your forward EPS manifold."

"I wouldn't worry, Captain." Her eyes crinkled with amusement. "It's manageable. All systems are functioning within acceptable parameters."

"That's good to know. Momentary deviations, then, are to be expected on occasion?" Jake arched a brow at her.

"On occasion, yes. I wouldn't expect a regular occurrence." Once they had deployed, they would have to operate within the confines of a more formal structure, but there was a time and a place for every interaction.

He would make note of that. They moved into the transporter room and Jake dismissed the technician at the controls with a slight jerk of his head. He stepped over and laid his hands against the panel while she moved onto the pad. "Have a safe journey, Admiral."

"You too, Captain."

"Starbase 343, Kathryn." He keyed in the coordinates for _Titan_ and looked up at her. His eyes held hers for several moments. "I'll see you in a few weeks."

"I'm going to look forward to it," she promised.

She disappeared in a shower of light and Jake sighed. It was going to be a long damn trip.

When Kathryn rematerialized aboard _Titan_ she was not surprised to find Commander Troi waiting for her. She took a moment to reorient herself to the new ship, and felt a polite smile curve her lips as she stepped down off the transporter pad.

"Admiral," The Commander stood with her hands clasped in front of her, at the relaxed parade stance she knew the other woman appreciated, rather than being at full attention. "Welcome aboard _Titan_. Captain Riker is currently in a briefing with Captains Mason and Harris. He will have an update for you on their status when that has concluded. Until then, may I show you to your cabin?"

"Of course, Commander." Kathryn moved into step with her as they left the room.

"Lieutenant Decan has already arrived," Deanna explained as they walked. "You'll both be in quarters on Deck 4, the Lieutenant has made sure that your belongings arrived with him, and has seen to it that they were moved to your cabin."

"I honestly don't know what I would do without him," she admitted. They stepped into the turbolift near the transporter room and Kathryn faced the doors. There was always something just a little enigmatic about the other woman. The Admiral could never decide if it was those fathomless dark eyes that marked her heritage, or the small smile that was never far from her expression. It could be, she supposed, that she was projecting her own thoughts into her perceptions, after all with an empath there was always a part of her that felt on display. This time, however, Kathryn could almost swear she felt the Commander's amusement reflected back at her. She cast a sidelong look at her, and indeed, the corners of her mouth were twitching toward a smile she was attempting to suppress. Kathryn sighed quietly. "Okay, out with it. I think I can actually hear the wheels of your mind turning."

Deanna chuckled quietly. "The Lieutenant didn't mention that you'd be joining us from _Aegeus_. Can I assume that means he didn't know?" She lifted her brows, but there was a knowing glint to the look in her eyes.

"It was a last minute decision," she admitted. "My aide doesn't need to know about every second of my day." She felt immediately boxed in as the lift moved upward. Kathryn sighed. "Is this the part where you are going to tell me that you disapprove?"

The Commander's head inclined. "Should I?" She studied the other woman, the feelings she had been sensing shifted from those of anticipatory delight and contentment, with an undercurrent of desire to something more pensive, and as they stood together, she could tell the Admiral was trying to push it all back, suppress it behind a wall of indifference. "Is there something about your relationship with the Captain that you believe I would find inappropriate?" Deanna waited a few beats before she added, "or is it only that you're so used to denying what you feel that it's instinctual now? I thought we were beyond that."

"So did I," she sighed. Kathryn shook her head. "The relationship does have certain personal aspects to it. We're also friends, I think, and I've known members of his family for most of my adult life. Some of them are very important to me." She shrugged. "We aren't breaking any rules, written or not, and he doesn't seem to mind the rank disparity."

"Ah." Deanna understood now, more than she thought she had before. The lift came to a stop and the doors opened. She held out an arm, allowing the Admiral to exit before her. "I can understand where that might be an issue. We are not all built with the ability to separate our professional and personal lives, and even outside a direct chain of command, difficulties can arise. I don't think that's why you were expecting that I would disapprove, though. You were being evasive. When we spoke a few weeks ago there was a specific conflict that was in need of resolution. I don't believe that's happened yet."

"No it hasn't." There was nothing she could do about that if the two of them couldn't find the time to talk it over. "That has nothing to do with Jake."

Deanna considered that and nodded. "I believe you. It isn't that I approve or disapprove," she added, "your personal life is none of my business. The emotions, however," she smiled brightly at the other woman, "were very close to the surface when you arrived. It was difficult to ignore them."

Kathryn groaned. "Yes, I imagine they were. I'm sorry about that." She was going to have to get that under control. The issue was only that it was so new. She was going to have time to work on it, though, while they were in transit to Romulus.

They came to a stop outside a cabin on Deck 4 and Deanna keyed the door open. "Your home for the next few weeks," she said, and waved the Admiral in ahead of her.

The quarters had the usual low lighting she had come to expect aboard a starship. The rooms were spacious enough, larger than she'd had aboard _Voyager_, but she expected that of a starship's VIP suite. Kathryn moved to the center of the outer room and turned. There was a row of viewports along the outer wall, beneath which a sofa and chairs had been arranged. The workstation was in a corner of the room, near the door, and she could see that her bags had been left there. She knew that Decan would not have encroached upon what was to be her personal space anymore than was necessary. "Thank you, Commander, this will do nicely."

"I will pass your regards along to the Captain," she said lightly, "and let him know that you are getting settled in. His briefing with the Captains should not take much longer, I would expect that he will be contacting you in no more than half an hour."

That should give her sufficient time to get acclimated to her new quarters and get caught up on any communiqués that she had received since leaving her office. "Noted," the Admiral nodded.

Deanna clasped her hands in front of her and inclined her head. A smile appeared. "You're happy," she said, returning to their previous conversation for the moment. "It wouldn't be prudent for me to disapprove of that, especially considering my own circumstances. Despite the progress you've made this year in attending to your emotional health, there is a part of you that hasn't been happy in so long that you've forgotten that it's okay to feel that way. I would only interject myself if I felt that it was going to be detrimental to our mission. At this point in time, I can find no indication that would be possible. To be perfectly honest, if there is anyone that I trust to be able to put their personal concerns aside for the sake of a mission, she is standing in front of me. My perceptions of your current emotional state are those of a Counselor who is pleased at how far you have come since our first session together. That is all."

Kathryn folded her arms across her chest and walked over to lean against the edge of the desk. "I am," she admitted, "happy. For the first time in a very long time I am feeling both professionally and personally challenged. There is a part of me that is expecting the bottom to fall out, though. It always does, and I know that isn't rational. I am aware that I can't live my life looking over my shoulder for the next disaster, so I've chosen not to."

"And that," Deanna pointed out, "is more than I could have hoped for a year ago. Well done." She waved a hand at the room. "I'll let you get settled now."

"Thank you, Commander." The admiral straightened with a nod. Once she was alone, Kathryn picked up her travel case and carried it into the sleeping quarters. The bed was positioned under the viewport. There was a closet and a small bureau, and the door leading into the 'fresher was standing open. Kathryn dropped the bag on the bed and walked in to survey the attached room. A smile immediately lit her face. There was a sonic shower, but there was also a bathtub. Perhaps this trip wouldn't be so long after all. She turned on her heel, and with a little extra spring in her step, she got down to the business of unpacking.

Later that evening, once the ship had left dock and was on its way to Romulus, the Admiral was treated to dinner in the Captain's quarters. They had talked about the mission, and the latest intelligence reports before the conversation had turned to lighter topics.

Will had finally gotten around to asking about her time in the Delta Quadrant. He had refrained all these weeks, largely because Deanna had asked him to, but he was no longer able to ignore his own curiosity. After listening to one outlandish sounding tale after another, he couldn't decide if the Admiral was having him on or not. From having met the famed and historic Amelia Earhart, or some version of her, to fighting off giant, airborne macro viruses, and finally something he simply couldn't wrap his head around… being wooed by an omnipotent being.

"Q?" Riker stared incredulously at her. "_Our_ Q, and he wanted you to…" He waved a hand at her. Will couldn't even say the words. He wasn't even sure that he wanted to.

"Yes." Kathryn laughed at the way he blanched. She reached for her glass of wine, but lifted her other hand. "I swear, that actually happened; he pulled out all the stops. He gave me roses, and compliments, at least as far as he was concerned they were. There was a puppy, and when all that failed, of course he used the one thing he thought I couldn't say no to, the chance to send my crew home with the snap of his annoying little fingers."

"Of course you said no," Deanna pointed out. _Voyager_ ended up finding its own way home, and there was nothing in the Admiral's record to indicate that she had actually mothered the omnipotent being's child.

"Of course." Kathryn took a sip of her wine. "Hm. It wasn't really _me_ that Q wanted, it was my help; he just didn't know how to ask for it. In the end, reproducing to find a way for the continuum to evolve was the best way to prevent them from tearing themselves apart, but he had another Q to help him with that. All I got out of the ordeal was a headache and an omnipotent godson."

"I'm not sure that I want to understand how _that_ works," Will shook his head. He leaned back in his chair. "It's amazing to me that you survived out there as long as you did, much less made it home. I can't imagine some of the things you had to face, and without any support. We're headed to Romulus, fifty-two light years away from home with eight starships, and you had _one_ ship seventy thousand light years away. I don't know that I could have done it."

"I wasn't sure that I could either, at times. There were moments." She tilted her head and smiled at him. "Don't sell yourself short, Will. I remember a very enthusiastic young man who was hell bent on leaving his mark on the galaxy." She glanced at Deanna. Her blue eyes sparkled with mirth and mischief. "Q was not the first unwanted blind date that I had ever been on."

Will groaned. He leaned forward and covered his eyes with his hand. "I was really hoping you had forgotten about that. Do you have any idea what it's going to do to my reputation if it ever gets out that I got jilted on a date by the famous Kathryn Janeway?"

"I think infamous might be more apt," she laughed at his reaction.

Deanna's brows had risen in interest. She leaned forward, and elbows resting on the table, she gave the Admiral all her attention. "I've never heard this story. How in the world did the two of you end up on a date, and _when_ did this happen?" She cast a look at her husband, and his obvious discomfort did nothing to lessen her own curiosity, or immense amusement.

"Our fourth—no, third year at the academy," Kathryn said. "My roommate, my very kind, very social roommate, could not wrap her mind around the idea that I simply was not interested in dating, or partying, or otherwise being distracted from my studies. She thought I just hadn't met the right guy yet, so she and another friend arranged a blind date. I couldn't believe it, and it happened to be the weekend that I was working on my thesis proposal for…" Kathryn stopped and met Will's gaze again. "What did you call him?"

Riker sighed. "The Scorcher." He was resigned to his fate now. Deanna was hanging on every word and through their bond he felt her merriment at his expense. Will shook his head. Given where they were going, and the memories it would produce, he decided to let her enjoy herself. "It's what all the cadets called Admiral Paris back then. He was the worst, the hardest, the most difficult to work with. He left nothing but tears and broken dreams in his path. Or so the story went."

"Perpetuated no doubt by those who were unable to live up to his standards," Kathryn pointed out. "He was tough, but he wasn't impossible." She waved a hand through the air, because that was not the purpose of the story. "I had already seen Will around campus, and he already had something of a reputation."

"Oh, I'm sure." Deanna cast a look at her husband. She was remembering the young man she had met almost two decades before. He was ambitious and arrogant, and he pursued her with the belief that she would capitulate to his charms with ease. He was confused when she hadn't, and that only made him all the more relentless.

Will returned her look. He offered a small, sheepish smile in remembrance for the man he had been. "What the Admiral isn't telling you is that she already had a reputation too," he pointed out. "I wasn't the first guy sacrificed on the altar of her academic success."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Kathryn denied. "That was the entire point of ditching the date as quickly as I could, I didn't have time for that kind of socializing. I had very big dreams, and so did you. You were going to Captain your own ship, and maybe if I was lucky I could be your Chief of Science. I was incredibly surprised to get back from the Delta Quadrant and find out that you _still_ had not accepted a commission. The young man I knew couldn't wait."

"And he sacrificed a lot to figure out that he was chasing the wrong dream." Will leaned forward. His arm slipped across the back of Deanna's chair. "Some things we just have to learn the hard way. When the offer was right, and the time was right, I finally sat down in that big chair."

Deanna reached over and laid a hand on his leg. "I can't believe you never told me. Now I understand that comment you made when you found out that she was given _Voyager_." She smiled brightly and turned her attention on the Admiral. "Will found out after the fact that the two of you were in contention for the same ship, there was no indication that he would accept if he was offered command, but every few years…" She trailed off, knowing the Admiral knew very well how often he was offered a ship before he finally relented.

Laughter rumbled quietly in Will's chest. "I told Deanna that maybe I should be _your_ Science Officer."

"You'd have had plenty to explore," Kathryn told him, "but I couldn't recommend the neighborhood or the locals."

"Well, I don't have any openings," Will drawled, "but I'm sure my current Science Officer could find another posting, if you get tired of playing with the brass."

"Oh god no," the Admiral shook her head at him. "I still love science, and I love the thought of discovering new things, but to spend all my time in a lab now? After everything I've seen? Oh no, but thank you for the offer."

"Let it never be said that I didn't make good on it," Will smiled at her, then he reached for his glass and lifted it. "To the adventures we've known and the lessons we've learned."

"Here, here." Kathryn tapped her glass against his. It was odd how their lives evolved and dreams changed. They had all lived so much already, but there was still far more on the horizon, opportunities and adventures. It would be interesting to see where it took them.

**-TBC-**


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

* * *

"Why is it," Captain Riker stated, frustration leaking into his tone, "that every time the Romulans invite us to visit, they leave us waiting on the front porch?"

Beside him, and to his left, Commander Christine Vale, the _Titan_'s first officer, suppressed a smile. The Captain's irritation was almost palpable, and she couldn't blame him for it. "It's only been forty-five minutes, hardly any time at all in comparison to your last visit."

"The question may not be when the Romulans will contact us, but whom it will be," Deanna pointed out. "The government as a whole extended this invitation, but there are factions that would like nothing more than to have the Federation locked firmly out of their affairs. The idea of peace, or even a continued cease-fire, with the Federation is an anathema to them."

"Not to mention," Riker pointed out, "that the power struggle at play here is fluid. For all we know in the time it took us to get here from the Neutral Zone, Commander Donatra was removed from the Imperial Fleet, and any hope we had of diplomacy is already gone."

That was the only reason that these talks were even going to be happening, and they were all aware of it. On Romulus the Praetor's power had always been dependent upon the Imperial Fleet. Senator Tal'Aura's claim on that position was tenuous at best. Their intelligence reports indicated Donatra's fleet was not supporting it. For himself, sitting there, on the bridge of his ship, their presence in Romulan space felt like a double-edged sword. The last time he was there he was forced to stand on the sidelines, to watch as the would-be conqueror that called himself Shinzon had attempted to steal the sense of self that his Captain, his mentor and friend had so long fought to hold on to. After encounters with the Borg, the Cardassians, and so many others, it felt inconceivable to Will that it was a battle he could not directly assist with. Then, to make matters worse, there had been Shinzon's fascination with Deanna, his need to possess her, and Viceroy Vkruk's telepathic violation in that attempt at conquest. A part of him would never forgive himself for not being able to protect her, nor would he ever regret his part in Vkruk's end.

Will felt Deanna's eyes on him and silently grimaced. She had sensed the dark and savage turn that his thoughts had taken. He met her gaze, and his eyes were apologetic. He knew she tried not to eavesdrop on his emotions, and would not directly involve herself unless she felt it was needed, but he felt badly for having inflicted that on her.

A small smile curved her lips. Deanna looked away again, back toward the silent view screen and the image of Romulus below them as _Titan_ moved in synchronous orbit. This was not easy for her either, for many reasons. A chill had gone down her spine when they had achieved orbit and she recalled the last time they were here, on another ship, so many weeks ago. The loss of Data was still fresh and raw, but it was the memory of that cold, dark mind touching hers that had given her pause. She would not begrudge Will his feelings on the matter, but they would not be helpful to _this_ situation.

"Captain," The ops officer to his right turned in his seat. "We are being hailed."

"It's about time." Will stood up and straightened his uniform. He walked toward the center of the bridge. "On screen, Ensign." The image of Romulus was immediately replaced by that of the familiar visage of Commander Donatra. Riker kept his arms lowered to his sides as he met her gaze via subspace. "Commander, it's good to see you again, under much better circumstances."

"Captain Riker." The Commander bestowed a small, polite smile in greeting. "I apologize for keeping you waiting. Coordinates are being sent to you now. I'm afraid, as you know, matters on my world are not as straight forward as many of us would prefer. _Praetor_ Tal'Aura has agreed to meet with us, along with those who have put forth their names for consideration to join the Senate when it is reconstituted. We can only thank you for assisting us in this matter."

"Commander, it was the least we could do after the risk your fleet took to save our lives. We look forward to speaking with you, and I hope that our two peoples can come to an agreement." Will knew there was much that she wasn't saying, and couldn't say, but he read the tension in her face. It appeared that affairs on Romulus had degraded further than their intelligence reports indicated. They were going to have their work cut out for them in untangling it all.

"I look forward to that too, Captain. I will see you soon." The call was ended and the image of Romulus returned.

Will shifted where he stood and did a half pivot to cast a look over his left shoulder. "Counselor?"

"The Commander believes what she is saying to be true. She genuinely wants to reach some kind of stability for her people. I think her feelings about the new Praetor are readily apparent. Commander Donatra defected from Shinzon's rule, and why she supported him to begin with, we can only theorize. I believe she knows more than she has revealed thus far, but we already knew that." Deanna shook her head at him. "We won't know more until we meet with the Romulan delegation on the planet."

"Coordinates have been received," Commander Vale reported. "You'll be beaming down to the Imperial Senate, but the instructions that were sent indicate you are to transport into a small council chamber. They will not be holding these talks in the Senate Chamber."

"That isn't surprising," Deanna stated. "Shinzon wanted to use it as an example of his power, proof that he had demolished the Romulan Government as we knew it." She rose from her station and moved toward the Captain. "It's a good sign. They're taking these negotiations seriously, at least on the surface."

Riker nodded. "Well, let us not keep them waiting." He reached up and tapped his combadge. "Riker to Janeway. Admiral, we've just heard from Commander Donatra. Transport coordinates and meeting instructions have been transmitted."

"_Understood, Captain. Ambassadors T'Kara, Naral, and I will meet you in the transporter room._"

"The Counselor and I are on our way now. Riker out." He turned. "Commander Vale, you have the bridge. Inform Captains Mason and Harris that we are transporting to the surface and they are to stand by for further instructions." Upon their arrival in Romulan space, the ambassadors that the two ships had been sent to retrieve were beamed aboard _Titan_. Until the initial talks began, and an agreement was reached as to the aid that the Federation would be supplying, the two support vessels would remain in a holding pattern.

"Understood, Captain." Commander Vale rose and clasped her hands behind her back. "Good luck. We'll keep the porch light on for you."

"See that you do," he quipped back. Will held out an arm in the direction of the turbolift. "Counselor, after you."

The antechamber they were beamed into had stunningly high ceilings, and walls built of a composite that looked like a mix of granite and marble. The windows, with glass in varying hues of green, were set high so that the rays of light that flowed into the room cascaded down upon the occupants, casting a pale green glow over the room.

Commander Donatra and two other trusted members of the Imperial Fleet stood present to greet their guests. Praetor Tal'Aura joined them, along with the two members of the Romulan high caste that she had chosen to represent her interests in holding on to the highest position of the Romulan government. Joining them, too, was the imposing faction who presented themselves as representatives of the people, although Donatra's operatives informed her that the Tal Shiar had placed them there.

The Tal Shiar, whose agents were largely unknown within both the military and the government, had long ruled both entities with secrets and fear, by dispatching those who would oppose them or otherwise threaten their power. Whole families had been known to disappear, their wealth and lands redistributed among those who remained loyal to the Tal Shiar's cause. Donatra eyed the two representatives with polite disinterest in an effort to disguise her distrust.

The Imperial Fleet would not support Praetor Tal'Aura. Commander Donatra had made certain of that, but already there was growing dissent within her ranks. The Tal Shiar had started their campaign of fear, sowing the seeds of discontent amongst her fleet commanders and their crews. Raids along the Neutral Zone had done little to dispel the growing unease. That, too, was the work of the Tal Shiar. The Commander just had not found the proof she needed. She was hopeful that the Federation representatives would assist with that matter.

Her ships had reported the presence of Starfleet ships at the border. They were holding position, waiting for permission to cross the zone that had so long separated their people from the Federation. They came with the promise of security and aid, and she would not deny her people that.

When their guests arrived, Donatra stood straighter. She immediately recognized the Captain, recently promoted, and the Counselor that had previously visited her planet. Donatra stepped forward in greeting. "Captain Riker, Counselor Troi, welcome to Romulus. I would like to introduce Praetor Tal'Aura."

"Captain." The newly installed Praetor stepped forward. Her smile was cold and hawkish. The very presence of Starfleet and the Federation in their space, on these Imperial grounds, left a bitter taste in her mouth. "I hope you will find this visit to our proud Empire more enjoyable."

"Praetor." The Captain nodded. "That is our hope too." He shifted where he stood and held out a hand toward the officer at his left. "Allow me to present Admiral Kathryn Janeway, she will be the official Starfleet representative during our discussions. Ambassador Benar Karal of Trill and Ambassador Sorpham T'Kara of Andor have been sent by the Federation Council to extend offers of peace and aid."

"Admiral, Ambassadors, we welcome you to Romulus." Tal'Aura stated. She gestured to her right, and those representatives who had, thus far, not been introduced. "Muran of the southern province of Lonara, and Denel of the city Nithraz. Our Senate has yet to be reformed, and as we move toward that goal, and to creating peace between our peoples, Muran and Denel will represent the people of Romulus who have nominated them to represent their interests here, and perhaps one day in the Imperial Senate."

"Join us please," Muran extended an arm toward the four curved tables that had been placed in the center of the room. The tables faced one another and created a forum for their coming talks.

With the formal introductions out of the way, the group took their places. Each separate faction was clearly outlined in the seating arrangement. Admiral Janeway stood while her officers took their seats on one side of her, and the Ambassadors on the other. "Before we begin," she said, "your sensors and Imperial Fleet have no doubt noticed our starships, waiting at the edge of the Neutral Zone. We are aware that there has been trouble for your border outposts these past weeks. With your permission, those ships can cross the Neutral Zone to provide aid and security for your people."

"Admiral, surely by now you must know that our investigation of those attacks has resulted in a Federation energy signature being uncovered. How do we know that your ships will not attack our people," Muran asked.

"My fleet will not allow that," Commander Donatra stated. "Many of our ships were damaged fighting Shinzon. Others have been pulled back closer to Romulus to protect the planet in these troubled times. Our forces are stretched thin. It would be prudent to accept Starfleet's aid at this time."

Tal'Aura considered it for a moment. To allow Starfleet vessels into their space could be folly, but if they could, in some way, prove that it was Starfleet committing those acts… Commander Donatra's position would be weakened. She would lose support within the Imperial Fleet. The Praetor nodded. "I will allow it. Along our border and no further, you have already brought two Starfleet ships into our space. You can understand how we would be nervous. The Romulan Empire and the Federation have not had this much interaction on this side of the Neutral Zone in quite some time."

"Our two governments were able to work together during the Dominion War," Kathryn pointed out, "I think that sets a precedent for our ability to cooperate. Refuges are flooding your interior planets from the outposts. People have been injured and frightened. Their homes have been destroyed. In addition, the Remans, who are angry at the destruction of the Scimitar and the loss of their champion, Shinzon, have started to rebel; Reman forces have attacked two of your interior worlds in recent weeks. We would like to provide aid here as well, if you will allow us. The _Jamestown_ and the _Gryphon_ are prepared to offer relief to the worlds experiencing an influx of population. They can also assist in resettlement, by helping to transport refuges to locations of your choosing. I think this would also help in assuring that your fleet is able to focus its attentions on other matters." Her attention moved to the Commander, who nodded her assent.

"My ships are dispelling the Reman threat," Donatra reported, "and have no time for relief efforts." They were fighting a battle at two separate ends, both of their own making. The Remans despised them, and they had earned that hate.

"Very well," The Praetor nodded. "Commander Suran," she indicated the man seated at Donatra's left, "will coordinate with your ships' Captains."

"Captain Riker will coordinate with our ships from our side." Kathryn took her seat then and folded her hands in her lap. Now the hard work began, diplomacy.

The meeting almost ended before it could truly begin when Ambassador Karal asked the question that the Romulans had, apparently, hoped would be ignored. Why was there not a Reman representative present?

Commander Donatra inclined her head. She did not attempt to suppress the small smile that curved her lips. She had expected the Federation to ask this. It was in their nature to consider the wellbeing of _all_ the people within Romulan Space, and the Remans were, after all, their people too. They had been subjugated, enslaved, and treated as nothing more than manual laborers, and in times of war, attack dogs. The recent uprising was not the first time the Remans had attempted to gain their freedom, and Donatra was certain that it would not be the last. If they were to prevent further hostility an agreement would need to be reached. Surely the Remans had achieved the technological skills and knowledge to oppose their enslavers.

In truth, it was the Remans who would be able to reveal how deeply the new Praetor's deception had gone. Where some had felt the only way to protect their people was to join Shinzon, Tal'Aura had chosen Shinzon as her weapon. She had never intended for the Reman Conqueror, and human clone, to remain in control of the Romulan Government. Commander Donatra was not willing to allow Shinzon and his forces to bring the wrath of the Federation down upon the Romulan Empire. Power was all well and good, but there were times when it came at too high a cost.

"The Remans were not invited," Tal'Aura explained. "There are many who believe that we should not reward them for their treachery."

"The Remans belong on Remus," Muran stated imperiously. "They are ill-equipped for being anywhere else. I would think that the Federation, of all people, would understand this after the recent display of Reman civility."

"Perhaps the Remans would be less inclined to wage war to gain their freedom if they were simply allowed to have it," Commander Suran stated. "It is clear that they are not willing to remain on Remus indefinitely."

"How often will the wealthy politicians of Romulus risk our fleet and our people to quell the Reman uprisings?" Commander Donatra spread her hands in front of her. "It is not conducive to the continued prosperity of the Empire. The next Shinzon of Remus may not be so easily defeated, _Praetor_. Should we be willing to risk war with the Federation, or the Klingons, or another Dominion, and sacrifice all that our Empire is to an enemy of our own creation?"

"Reman forces are already attacking your worlds in opposition to being pushed back to their own planet," Troi pointed out. "Your people are already at risk, and are the Remans not your people too? Their planet is within your Imperial borders."

Suran glanced at Donatra beside him and the pair shared a look. "Had I been asked even a few months ago," he said, "if I would find myself in agreement with a Starfleet officer, I would not have believed it. Our Empire, our very way of life is at risk, and what the Federation says is true. We are as responsible for the safety of Remus as we are for any of the worlds of the Romulan Star Empire."

Tal'Aura's lips thinned. She stared at the Fleet commanders, disapproval evident in the very stiff posture of her spine. She did not appreciate being backed into a corner, particularly one that could make her continued rule difficult. "Who among the Remans would you presume to invite, Commander Suran?"

"Who is currently leading the Reman rebellion?" The Admiral asked. "If we extend an invitation to these proceedings, the Remans may agree to a ceasefire."

"There are many clans among the Remans," Donatra explained. "Each has their own leader. There are elders among them, however. We may be able to secure a cease to their hostilities if we reach out to the elders. We should allow them to choose their own representative."

"This would be amenable to the Federation," Ambassador Karal said. "Peace is our objective here. In pursuing that cause, we wish to assist in rebuilding your government, if only by providing mediation."

Tal'Aura considered for a moment how she might make the situation work in her favor. Perhaps there might be a way to remove the Reman Clan elders. Without their leadership, the warriors would be in disarray, and more easily defeated. "Very well. We will reconsider extending an invitation the Remans."

Many sections away from the council chamber, on the other side of the Imperial Senate, Proconsul Tomalak silenced the transmission that was secretly recording the meeting. He rose from his seat and moved to the thin, tall window. From where he stood he was able to look out upon the Imperial Capital. "Donatra is proving more troublesome than we anticipated."

"The Federation is as arrogant as we believed." Taeg, the Proconsul's most trusted aide, curled his lip in disgust. "They should be sent from our space immediately."

"All in due time." Tomalak turned and fixed his aide with steely look. "It would be foolish to underestimate the Federation and their envoy. Starfleet would not be here without certain assurances already in place. No, we must be patient. An opportunity for removing their presence in the Empire will present itself. We will deal with Commander Donatra first. Contact our operative within her fleet. I want her movements watched. I have a feeling it will lead us to the means for dispatching our Federation guests."

"Proconsul." Taeg nodded.

Tomalak returned his gaze to the city. They had come too far to relinquish their power now. If Tal'Aura would not listen to his counsel, she too could be replaced. Tomalak would keep his options open, and he would hold them very close to his vest.

At the edge of the Neutral Zone tension had grown thick aboard the ships waiting for orders to cross the border into Romulan Space. In his seat to the left of the Command Chair, Tom Paris shifted and sighed quietly. He glanced at the Captain beside him, who had gone silent more than an hour before. They had received confirmation from _Titan_ that the Admiral's delegation had beamed down to the planet, but no further information had followed.

Tom waited until he simply couldn't stand it anymore. He looked at the man beside him. "Does it ever feel like maybe we've learned to expect the worst?" When Chakotay's dark gaze focused on him, he shrugged. "We're sitting here, waiting for an invitation to sail into Romulan territory, and it feels like just another day at the office."

Chakotay grinned when the young Lieutenant at the helm turned and fixed the Commander with an incredulous look. "I don't think the entire ship feels that way, Tom. We've been here before with the Kazon, the Borg, the Vaadwaur."

"Species 8472," Harry supplied helpfully, from where he stood at Tactical. "The Hirogen…" When both officers turned to look at him, Kim shrugged. "Okay, maybe not the Hirogen."

"The point being," Chakotay continued, "most of this ship might have experienced a war while we were dealing with constant situations of first contact, conflict, and diplomatic relations, but this, the anticipation of it?" He shook his head. "This is new for them. For us…" He shook his head. "You may be right."

"We won't have to wait much longer." Harry looked at his console when it beeped. "We're receiving instructions from Captain Grant aboard the _Hamilton_," he reported. "The fleet has been granted permission to cross the border."

Chakotay straightened in his command chair. "Alright. We know what to do. Lieutenant Bieh, take is in, full impulse, heading 428-mark-5. Assume patrol pattern Beta-4."

"Aye Captain," the Lieutenant's fingers moved over the helm console with practiced ease. "Heading 428-mark-5, full impulse."

"Do it," Chakotay ordered. He cast a look at his first officer beside him. "You have to admit, it's a bit nice to have an invitation or once."

"At least we'll be closer if we have to…" Tom smirked, "engage in any rescue operations."

"For the record, Mr. Paris, when that comment eventually finds its way to the Admiral's ear, I am going to make certain that she is aware of exactly where it originated." Chakotay grinned, but he did not dispute the Commander's statement. If anyone could manage peace talks between the Romulans and the Federation it was Kathryn, of that he had no doubt. He just hoped she had left her reckless side in the Delta Quadrant.

He had a feeling they were going to find out soon enough. In the meantime, they had work to do. "Chakotay to Astrometrics, we've crossed the Neutral Zone. Lieutenant Marks, start scanning the area."

"_Understood, Captain._"

Chakotay drew a breath and let it out slowly. They would either pick up one of the small ships that were attacking the Romulan outposts, or they would receive a low-band signal from the Intelligence operative that had been sent into the region weeks before. "Let's keep our eyes open, people. I don't want any surprises."

Reports from the _Enterprise_ had indicated that the _Scimitar_'s cloaking device was near to perfect. Their scans were unable to penetrate it. That was disconcerting when they had no way of knowing how many other, similar cloaks existed inside the Romulan or Reman fleets. It was possible that a ship could be right on top of them, and they wouldn't know it until they were fired upon and by then it might be too late.

"Commander," Chakotay glanced at his first officer. "Make sure that Counselor Cambridge is making the rounds of the crew. I have a feeling this situation isn't going to get any easier." He hadn't dealt with the Counselor much since the man had come on board, but when _Voyager_ was first returned to duty several months before, Starfleet had seen fit to assign Hugh Cambridge to the crew. Chakotay decided they might as well make use of the man.

"I'll get right on that," Tom nodded. It wasn't a terrible idea, he just wasn't used to having a Counselor on board yet. They had gone seven years without one, but he supposed that was probably the _exception_ that should never be the rule.

_Voyager _moved silently along, sensors working as the ship moved into its first patrol pattern. The wait began again.

**-TBC-**


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

* * *

"What have we got?" Captain Eva Caldwell's voice filled the bridge as she strode out of the turbolift. She moved behind the Ops console and jogged down the two steps to the command level. It was the middle of the night, ship's time, and well into Gamma shift. After more than three days of patrolling the area of space on the Romulan side of the Neutral Zone, she had almost started to think that the _deterrent_ part of their mission was working. They had not registered so much as a blip on their sensors since they had arrived. Apparently, whoever was responsible for the raids was attempting to employ a new strategy.

"Sensors picked up activity along the sensor net fifteen minutes ago. We're already moving into place to investigate," the Lieutenant who happened to be the Gamma-watch officer that evening reported. He moved away from the command chair to take position at the tactical console, where he was normally stationed. "I'm detecting three Peregrine-class vessels. Their warp trails have a Federation signature."

"Helm, time to intercept?" Caldwell stepped up alongside the helm console and peered at the controls from over the Ensign's shoulder.

"Ninety seconds, Captain. The ships appear to be on course to the Romulan colony on Delnak," the helm officer reported.

"They have to know we're here." Eva frowned. "Why didn't they turn around and make a run back toward the border?"

"Or maybe there's something on Delnak that's worth getting caught for," Commander Rodgers stated. He had made it to the bridge just moments before. He moved to the center command console and turned it toward him as he settled in his chair. "_Voyager_ will be here in three minutes."

"A couple of Peregrine-class fighters against two Starships?" Eva shook her head. "It must be damned important." She tapped her fingers against the back of the helmsman's chair. "Alright, Ensign. Put us between those ships and Delnak." She turned and walked toward the center of the bridge. "Lieutenant Kamara, open a frequency." The Captain turned, hands on her hips. "Unidentified ships, this is the Federation Starship _Cerberus_. You have illegally entered Romulan Space. Cut your engines, drop your shields, and prepare to be beamed aboard." She waited, and when there was no response, Caldwell turned her head toward Tactical, brows lifted in askance.

"They're receiving us, Captain." Kamara's hands moved across his console. He shook his head. "The ships are moving into a standard attack formation. The lead vessel is powering weapons." He sounded as incredulous about it as the Captain looked.

"Do we have any idea _who_ is on board?" The Captain asked.

"Life signs indicate crews of three on each vessel," Kamara reported, "four Romulan, two human…" he trailed off as he read the readout. "Three Cardassian."

Eva's head whipped toward them. "What the hell are three Cardassians doing in Romulan space?"

The Peregrine-class ship was a small, four-person vessel, originally designed as a shuttle by Starfleet. The Maquis had appropriated several of the ships at the height of the conflict with the Cardassians. Their shields and weapons had been upgraded so they could be used as attack vessels. In much larger groups than _Cerberus_ was seeing, the ships could swarm a vessel and cause enough damage to disable a starship. The Maquis had often used that tactic to steal cargo and weapons from Cardassian and Starfleet vessels alike. It was during the Dominion War that the Federation had chosen to use a similar tactic, employing the Peregrine-class fighters as support vessels in close combat or atmospheric engagements where a starship couldn't easily follow.

Two or three of the small ships, however, against a single starship was a completely futile action. The fighters would be disabled within minutes. To attempt an engagement with two starships was an idea that bordered on the ludicrous.

"Shields up, red alert." Caldwell walked the three steps to the command chair and lowered herself into it. She exchanged a look with her first officer when the lead fighter fired on them. The Peregrine-class ships had phasers and torpedos, but without the strength of the much larger starships. _Cerberus_'s systems barely noted the phaser blast that encountered its shields. "Helm, bring us about heading 192-mark-4. Mr. Kamara, return fire, controlled burst. Aim for their engines. I'd like to disable them with as little damage as possible."

"You've got to be kidding me." Commander Rodgers shook his head when the three vessels broke off and attempted a swarm formation. "Well, they certainly want to be persistent, don't they?"

"Annoying is more like it." Eva cast a look at the tactical station. "Report, Lieutenant."

"Shields are holding at 97 percent, Captain." The Lieutenant shook his head. "The controlled bursts we're firing are having an effect, but they're evading. If we use any more power we risk seriously damaging or destroying those ships."

"We could try a modified EM Pulse," the Commander suggested. "If we use a modulated pulse, we can disrupt their shields and their impulse engines."

"Ensign Adams," Eva looked toward the Ops station. "How long would it take to modify that pulse?"

"Two minutes, Captain," the ensign's hands were already moving across the console as she attempted to do just that.

"_Voyager_ will be here by then," Caldwell pointed out. "Do it anyway. Helm," a smirk tugged at her lips, "evasive maneuvers, lets give our little friends a harder target to swarm."

"Yes ma'am," the pilot grinned widely. The ship rolled to starboard and the fighters had to scatter to avoid being caught in the larger vessel's impulse wake.

Eva turned her attention to the command console. "Ensign Joff, I had an enlightening conversation with Commander Paris a few days ago. He seems to be under the impression that the flight patterns he developed in the Delta Quadrant could not be completed with as much ease by a larger ship. Perhaps we should put that theory to the test. Evasive pattern Delta-Tau-259 seems to have been a particular favorite. What do you think, Ensign?"

"I wouldn't mind testing that theory, Captain." The ensign cast a look back at her.

"At least if they're busy chasing us," Caldwell explained when her First Officer cast a questioning look at her, "they aren't proceeding to Delnak. We just need to keep them busy, without destroying them, until _Voyager_ arrives. Then we can divide and conquer, and find out who we're dealing with."

"_Voyager_ is hailing us, Captain." Lieutenant Kamara reported.

"On screen." The Captain leaned back in her seat and crossed her legs. A small smirk curved her lips when the view screen lit up with an image of _Voyager_'s bridge. "Captain, it would seem that the friends we've been waiting for finally decided to reveal themselves. I don't suppose you would be interested in helping us round them up?"

"And let you have all the fun, Captain?" Chakotay shook his head. "We should be arriving in less than a minute. Have they returned hails at all?"

"No," her lips thinned. "They seem rather more interested in buzzing around like flies. We're going to try shutting down their shields and engines with a modified EM Pulse. We'll send you the frequency so you can adjust your shields accordingly."

"That pulse will be ready in just under two minutes," Ops reported.

On his bridge, Chakotay cast a look over his shoulder at the tactical station. "Harry, match the frequency that _Cerberus_ is sending us. In the meantime, fire a few warning shots. Let's see if having two starships to contend with gives them a reason to answer our hails."

From his chair, Tom watched on his tactical display as _Cerberus_ made another hard, complicated turn and rolled away from the swarming fighters. His jaw dropped slightly and he cast a surprised look at the view screen. "Did you just…"

Eva's eyes sparkled with amusement at his response. "I believe that was maneuver Delta-Tau-48. We thought we would try a few tricks the Alpha Quadrant hasn't seen before. Mr. Joff?"

"Number 46, actually, Captain." He quirked a small grin. "I can understand why those headings might be difficult in an older ship, but our engines are a little more advanced."

"_Older_?" Chakotay's brows rose. In spite of the serious nature of the situation, the smaller Peregrine-class ships did not pose a comparable threat to either vessel. "Ensign Matthews, bring is in around _Cerberus_. Mr. Kim, while Captain Caldwell and her crew attempt to remember that experience is more valuable than _youth_ let's see if we can disable those ships. Captain," he addressed the bronze complected beauty on his screen, "try not to run us over. _Voyager _out." The moment the view screen was dark his gaze fell to the young pilot at the helm. "Ensign, I don't suppose you've studied any of Mr. Paris's playbook?"

"Captain," the young man cast a small smile at him. "The Commander quizzes the entire flight crew on it regularly. Our shift assignments are determined by how well we score."

Chakotay's brow arched. Gamma-shift might not be a good indication of the pilot's skill if that was the case, although somehow he wasn't surprised that Tom was using that tactic in determining who from the very young crop of helmsmen on their ship would get the most opportunity for flight time. He would have to make sure that meant the others were getting more training time. If he knew Tom, that was exactly the case. "What about you, Ensign. When was the last time you sat one of Mr. Paris's quizzes?"

Matthews grin. "I traded shifts with Ensign Bak, Captain. He normally sits gamma-shift, but he wanted to join the Alpha-shift training rotation with Lieutenant Bieh." He turned back to the helm and his fingers danced across it as he easily maneuvered_ Voyager _on a parallel heading with the larger Akira-class _Cerberus_.

"The Ensign normally takes up the Beta-shift helm assignment," Paris explained. He shrugged at the Captain. "You told me to stop breaking them. I decided it was time to get them all up to speed instead."

"We might have to let the Ensign rotate through Alpha-shift a few times from what I'm seeing." Chakotay strode back to his chair and sat. "Ensign, I seem to remember there were a few items early in that playbook that _Cerberus_'s helm officer might have overlooked. Let's see if they can keep up with us."

"Aye Captain," the pilot grinned.

The two ships began their dance and between them the smaller vessels lost their more coordinated swarm tactics. With two starships to keep up with, they began concentrating on avoiding the phaser fire of both vessels. Or so it appeared. As the larger _Cerberus_ prepared to emit its EM Pulse, the lead fighter dropped a series of EM mines in both ship's path. The detonation lit both vessels' shields in an almost blinding array of light.

As the lights on the _Cerberus_'s bridge flickered, and then went dark, Captain Caldwell stood from her chair. "Status, Lieutenant."

"Shields down to forty-five percent. The forward phaser array has lost power. The auxiliary systems will be online momentarily. If we take another EM hit like that, we'll lose shields."

"And engines," the helm reported. "The impulse engines are at half capacity."

"Looks like they had the same idea we had," Rodgers stated. He cast an irritated look at his Captain. "The question is, what is their plan?"

"I intend to find out." Eva ground her teeth together. "Okay people, our friends don't want to play anymore. Lieutenant Kamara, focus on the lead ship. Take out their engines, full phaser spread."

Rodgers' fingers moved across his command console. "_Voyager_ is in slightly better shape than we are, our shields took the brunt of it. They're coming around to flank our position. They've drawn the fire of the third fighter."

"Captain," Kamara reported, "That second fighter is breaking off. It's making a run toward Delnak."

"Cut it off Ensign Joff. I want all three of those ships in my shuttle bay, and their inhabitants in my brig."

"_Voyager_ has disabled the third ship," Kamara reported. "They're moving to intercept now. The lead ship's shields are down to thirty-nine percent."

"Fire your EM pulse, Lieutenant. Let's take them both out." Her hands found her hips again. She watched on the view screen as the lead fighter's shields lit, and then its systems appeared to go dark. "Status?"

"Their shields are down and they've lost engines," Kamara reported.

"Captain, I'm reading a massive energy build-up in the fighter's aft weapons array," the officer at Ops announced. "They're overloading their systems."

"Lock on to the ship's crew, beam them out of there," Caldwell ordered. "Hit it with another pulse, see if you can knock out those systems before it blows the ship." She cast a look at her first officer. "Why do I think there's something on that ship they didn't want us to see?"

"Get a tractor beam on the second fighter," Rodgers added. "Beam both crews directly to the brig."

"The pulse was ineffective, Captain. She's going to blow," Kamara told her.

"Back us off, helm. Ensign Adams, get every scan of that ship and its interior that you can think of before it blows," Eva told them.

"Both crews have been beamed to our brig," Kamara reported. "_Voyager_ is reporting that they have the crew of the third vessel secured."

"Commander, I think it's time we found out who we're dealing with." Caldwell turned toward the turbolift. "Stand down red alert. Have a medical team meet us in the brig in case they sustained any injuries. Lieutenant Kamara, you have the bridge. I want damage and injury reports from all departments. Scan both remaining fighters, and if they check out, let's tow them into the shuttle bay for further investigation. Relay our status to _Voyager_, and let them know we'll be ready to brief in an hour."

"Aye, Captain." Kamara nodded, he was already putting her orders into motion. "Ensign Joff, bring us around alongside _Voyager_, all stop while we survey the fighters…"

The doors to the turbolift closed as the Lieutenant began relaying his own orders. Eva looked at her First Officer, eyes dark. "There was something a little desperate in that run, and I want to know why. What the hell is going on out here, and what are they doing with Peregrine-class fighters?"

"What were the Maquis doing with them?" Rodgers shrugged. "Stolen or salvaged originally, would be my bet. I'm guessing those ships were a contribution of the Cardassians that are with them. When we run their registry numbers I'm sure we'll find they were abandoned or reported destroyed. The truth is, they were probably captured and sold to anyone willing to pay the right price."

"The plot thickens." Eva folded her arms across her chest. "I suppose it's a good thing I like a good mystery, but I'd rather not deal with the odd plot-twist or surprise ending."

Rodger's mouth twisted into a wry grin. "Isn't that what makes it a _good _mystery, Captain?"

"Not when I'm sitting in Romulan territory and the full cast hasn't been revealed yet, Bryan." She shook her head. "Unfortunately, I think the Romulans might be full of odd plot-twists." When the turbolift doors opened she stepped through them. She strode toward the brig at the end of the corridor and nodded to the security officer that was posted outside its doors.

Inside the brig the lights around the four cells were lit, indicating the force fields were engaged. Their guests had been separated, two to a cell. Of the two crews they had beamed aboard, they had picked up three of the Romulans, two Cardassians, and a single human female. The Romulans looked unaffected by their change in circumstances, while the two Cardassians were glaring darkly at the Starfleet officers.

Eva moved in front of the cells and let her gaze sweep over them. "Welcome board _Cerberus_, I'm Captain Eva Caldwell. Would any of you like to tell me what you were doing in _those_ ships, on this side of the Neutral Zone?" When there was no response, she folded her arms across her chest. "Why don't we try an easier one, hm?" She focused on the Romulan prisoner in the center cell. "Who are you?" He stared stonily back at her, so she let her gaze move to the others. "No one?"

"What about you?" Rodgers stepped nearer the force field of the cell that held the human prisoner. "Or maybe a few months at the penal colony in Auckland will remind you how to answer a simple question."

The woman clasped her hands behind her back and tilted her head. Her eyes moved to the Cardassian that was sharing the cell with her.

"We have nothing to say to Starfleet," he replied. He moved to the single bench in the cell and sat. He placed his hands on his knees and stared imperiously back at them, eyes dark against his gray complexion.

Rodgers' eyes narrowed as he studied the man. Tall, broad shouldered, but older than his other compatriots. The Cardassian's hair was streaked with gray, and there were lines around his eyes. "Using a Federation ship to violate the Neutral Zone, firing on Starfleet vessels, that comes with a hefty penalty. I wonder what the Cardassian Union would think of its citizens violating the treaty?" Cardassia and its colonies had only just started their rebuilding efforts. The government was still largely provisional, and dependent upon Federation and Bajoran aid.

In the farthest most cell, one of the Romulan prisoners stepped close to the force field. "You are holding Romulan citizens, and their guests, against their will within our own space. We are not required to answer your questions, Captain."

The doors to the brig opened again, this time to admit the medical team, flanked by a full security escort. "Scan them for injuries," Caldwell ordered. "Then let's see if we have a record of their identities in our database. In the meantime," she looked at Rodgers, "we'll check with _Voyager_ and see if Captain Chakotay has garnered any more information than we have." She shrugged. "We're here at the Romulans' request, perhaps they will know who we are dealing with. Let us know what you find out," she told the medic.

"That went about as I expected it to," Rodgers stated, once they were back in the corridor.

"It would ruin the mystery if they told us everything we wanted to know right away," Eva reminded him. "I have a feeling we'll find out more than we probably _want_ to know soon enough. If nothing else, it proves we needed to be here. The Admiral was correct, other powers are making a play to try and destabilize our efforts, if for no other reason than to keep the Federation and the Romulan Empire from forming an alliance of some kind." She waved a hand through the air as she spoke, "Let's see if those ships have made it on board yet. We might find another clue there. Have an engineering crew go over every inch. I'm going to get an update on the ship's status."

"Captain." Rodgers nodded and the pair went their separate ways.

As she made her way back to the bridge, Eva considered the circumstances they found themselves in. Admiral Janeway had never said it wouldn't be interesting. Upon reaching the bridge, the Captain crossed it on her way to the ready room. "Lieutenant Kamara, contact _Voyager_ and let Captain Chakotay know that I'd like to speak with him as soon as he is available. Have status reports started arriving yet?"

"Aye, Captain. I'll have them transmitted to your ready room," The lieutenant reported.

Eva stepped into the quiet space that was all her own and sighed. She reached up to run a hand over her face. It was going to be a long day and she'd had too short a night. She retrieved a cup of tea from the replicator before settling herself behind her desk. She had only just started her review of the first status report when her combadge chirped. "Captain, I have Captain Chakotay for you."

"Thank you, Lieutenant. Patch him through." Eva turned her attention to the computer terminal on her desk. "You've been holding out on me," she drawled in greeting. "I don't remember any of those maneuvers being in _Voyager_'s system report from the Delta Quadrant."

"Weren't they?" Chakotay flashed a dimpled grin at her. "Don't worry, Captain. Your ship didn't do too badly, for a clunky adolescent beast."

"Says the man commanding the old explorer," she teased. Eva leaned toward the computer. "I assume by now you've spoken to the guests in your brig?"

"A Romulan, a human, and a Cardassian, oh my." Chakotay shook his head, smile fading, "they aren't talking, but I didn't expect them to say much. I've got Lieutenant Kim scanning the debris from the destroyed fighter. We'll pick up as much of it as we can salvage. What I'd really like to know is what was so important on Delnak."

"You're not the only one," she told him. "I've got a medical team checking our prisoners over now. When I get the doctor's report, I'll transmit a copy. Their identities might be in our database."

"One or two of them at least," Chakotay nodded. "I've got my CMO doing the same thing. Unless the Cardassians or the Romulans have ever been _guests_ of the Federation before, it's unlikely we'll find anything, but the Romulan government may have something to compare their scans to. The humans, on the other hand…"

"Might have been officers or former Maquis," Eva nodded. "If they ever served, or were interred at one of the penal colonies, we'll be able to identify them. Yes, I thought so too. When we finish gathering information here, I'd like to make a side trip to Delnak and check it out."

Chakotay nodded. "We should consolidate our guests to a single location."

"We'll get the secondary brig ready for them. I'll let you know when _you_ can bring them over," she smirked. "We can talk again in an hour, when we have something more concrete to give Captain Grant."

"An hour then," Chakotay agreed. He leaned back in his chair and his dimples appeared again. "What makes you think _I _am going to be the one playing courier?"

"Your curiosity isn't going to let you sit there. I'll be seeing you soon. _Cerberus_ out." She closed the link before he could respond and sat back with a grin. Eva leaned her head against the backrest of her seat and turned her gaze toward the viewport near her desk. The other Captain was proving to be a suitable diversion from the more tedious aspects of their patrolling duties.

Yes, this little trip to Romulan territory was proving to be very interesting.

**-TBC-**


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

* * *

"The humans in our brig are Tamara Renel and David Sullivan. Both were former Maquis, held at the penal colony on Jaros II," Commander Rodgers reported. "They were both released following the war, but what they're doing working with Cardassians," he shrugged. That would be anyone's guess, and seemed quite a bit out place, considering their history.

The briefing was being held aboard _Cerberus_. Chakotay had beamed over, and along with Captain Caldwell and her First Officer, they were discussing the matter of the captured fighters and their crews via subspace with the rest of the fleet. The remaining prisoners had been moved to the _Cerberus_ brig, and now all nine were under guard, in separate cells of the ship's two primary holding areas.

Holographic projections of the other captains, Commander Troi, and Admiral Janeway filled the briefing room. It was an odd way to communicate, Chakotay thought, but he supposed it was better than the headache of staring at a large split-screen display. He sat forward in his chair and folded his hands against the surface of the table. "Some of the cells were less discriminatory of the recruits they allowed to join their ranks," he explained. "We had a good number of mercenaries. The Orion Syndicate was known for placing people with cells because it gave them an idea of where and when they might have a good chance running weapons through the DMZ. While many of us were fighting for our homes, or against the immorality of what was happening to the colonies in the Demilitarized Zone, others were looking for a place to profit, or express their anger. Then there were the spies…" He cast a hard, knowing look at the Admiral.

Her lips thinned. Her mind had gone to Seska, too. "What about the others?" Kathryn asked, "Are we any closer to identifying them?"

"No, Admiral," Captain Caldwell reported. "We've compared the medical data we gathered to the Federation database, but there was no match. We didn't expect there would be, at least where the Romulans were concerned. As to the Cardassians, we don't have genetic profiles for our guests, but we're doing a facial recognition search. We have almost thirty-five years of historical data for the computer to search through. If there is anything there, it may be another hour or two before we find a match."

"What about the fighters?" Captain Riker asked. "Did your investigation turn up anything out of the ordinary?"

"The registry numbers matched ships that were stolen from salvage yards after the war," Rodgers told them. "We had a number of similar thefts across the quadrant," he explained for the Admiral and Captain Chakotay's benefit. "Security was tightened and the situation was stopped, but most of the stolen vessels, many of them small craft like the fighters, were never recovered. The majority of them were scavenged for parts and materials."

"Or sold to mercenary groups," Captain Paris stated. He shook his head. They had seen an increase in that kind of activity during and after the war. The Orion Syndicate had a stronger foothold in several sectors than they had ever managed to gain before. He cast a look at the holographic image of the Admiral that was being projected into his own briefing room. "You were right about the attacks being an inside job. Most likely what we're dealing with is a group of Romulan operatives that have outsourced the job to a mercenary group so it would look like the Federation was responsible."

"Most likely," she agreed. "I would like more information before we present that theory to the Praetor and the other representatives. It would help to know exactly who we are dealing with, but in the absence of that…" She shrugged. "I agree that we should take a look at Delnak. What do we know about it?"

"Romulan agricultural colony," Captain Grant reported. "Delnak is responsible for the food supplies for many of the outposts in this area of Romulan Space. That would make it a more noticeable target than those previously attacked."

"This is certainly going to add a level of complexity to our talks," Commander Troi said. "It was hard enough getting them to invite the Remans, and now that they have, I can't imagine that it's going to be well received that one of the factions is attacking their own people to undermine the process. Praetor Tal'Aura's position is already tenuous. This could tip the balance in either direction, but it will certainly cause further unrest."

"All the more reason to gather as much information as we can," Janeway replied. "Captain Caldwell, I'd like for you to take _Cerberus_ to Delnak and investigate the colony; I want to make sure that everything is what it appears to be. _Aegeus_ will meet you there for the prisoner exchange and transport them to our location."

As the two captains acknowledged their orders, Riker leaned forward in his chair. "Captain Grant will adjust the patrol routes to accommodate the changes. _Odyssey_, _Hamilton_, and _Voyager_ will continue providing a Federation presence along the border. _Jamestown_ and _Gryphon_ are carrying supplies and refugees; we can't divert them at this time."

"I'll convey what we've learned to Starfleet Intelligence," Kathryn continued. "We haven't heard anything from them in a couple of days. I'd like to know if our operatives are any closer to uncovering the identity of those responsible for the attacks before we present any of our findings to the Romulan government." She looked around the table and nodded. "That will be all for now. Dismissed."

Deanna waited until the transmissions with the other ships had ended before turning her chair in the Admiral's direction. "What is it?" She was sensing that the other woman was more pensive and frustrated than concerned.

The Admiral's lips pursed for a moment, and then she sighed. "It's all coming together just a little too predictably. We did a lot of research and gathered a lot of data before embarking on this mission, and while I don't mind understanding an opponent, or even a potential ally, well enough to predict their actions, none of this feels… I'm not sure." She folded her arms across her chest. "The Romulans have always been secretive with outsiders. What we know about their society, though, indicates a people that have a very strict moral compass. There is right and there is wrong, and very little space between the two, at least on the whole. It's the personal ambitions of individuals that have brought the Romulans to where they are today. Rigidity can promote disparate behavior." She crossed her legs and shook her head. "It's all a little _too_ convenient. Why bother with the attacks at all if their operatives are going to be caught a few days after we arrive. It doesn't exactly do any good to weaken any one opponent if it's this easy. I feel like there is something else going on here."

"You may be right. We know that Praetor Tal'Aura is lying to us. So are Representatives Muran and Denel. Each has their own motive, and it hasn't been revealed yet. The Remans aren't willing to trust anyone involved in these talks, and even Commander Donatra, though I believe her intent to protect her people is a genuine one, has secrets that she would rather not reveal." Deanna's head inclined. "It's possible this entire process is a distraction of some kind. While the Federation and Romulan Governments are busy engaging in diplomacy, a faction that hasn't yet revealed itself may be moving in position to claim power for itself."

"But who?" Riker asked. "The Remans want their freedom and the right to control their own interests. Starfleet Intelligence has reached out to their operatives inside Ambassador Spock's unification movement, and they've chosen not to involve themselves at this time. The unrest is in direct opposition of their purpose here."

Kathryn nodded. "Yes, and the Ambassador has agreed to emergency extraction for himself and his group if the situation becomes too volatile. I don't think that's it, either. We don't know enough. I'm not a very big fan of waiting, but I think that is exactly what we're going to have to do."

"I thought patience was supposed to be a virtue," Will quipped.

"Not when I have eight ships and their crews sitting in the middle of Romulan Space while tensions continue to grow," the Admiral shot back. "Besides, I'm a scientist, remember? We don't like unanswered questions."

"Oh yes, I had forgotten." Will smirked at her. "I was beginning to think you were a diplomat."

Kathryn snorted a quiet laugh. "Not by choice, Captain. It's a necessity. I can hardly go gallivanting across the quadrant chasing scientific phenomena while the continued security of that quadrant is in question. One thing at a time, Will."

"Well, might I suggest our next step be preparing for our meeting with Ambassadors Karal and T'Kara," Deanna suggested. "We should discuss the itinerary for today's meetings."

"Right you are." Kathryn straightened. "Proceed, Commander."

Aboard the _Cerberus_ Eva waited until her first officer had left the briefing room before she fixed Chakotay with her gaze. "You don't agree." She had witnessed something flicker across his face when the Admiral relayed their assignments. It was only there for a moment, and then it was gone, but Eva wanted to believe that she was getting to know him rather well.

"Flying back and forth along the border isn't my idea of an interesting time." Chakotay leaned back in his chair and tugged his jacket down. "I don't want to go looking for trouble, and I'll be glad if our little encounter with the Peregrin-class fighters is as much action as we find out here, but…" He sighed. "I don't know. I would rather have something a little less tedious to concentrate on. Or maybe I just expected something else, considering who we're dealing with."

"You didn't think she'd sideline _Voyager_ so thoroughly." Eva nodded. A warm smile that was filled with understanding curved her lips. "For seven years you were right there, ready to provide assistance if the Admiral needed it. Now you aren't. She has you out here babysitting the border while she's in the thick of it. She's relying on other Captains, other crews, but in your mind that's not how it's supposed to be."

"I don't expect Admiral Janeway to show favoritism just because we served together for so long, but she knows what this ship is capable of. It's not entirely the same crew, but for those that are still here, she knows what they can do. I thought she would feel more comfortable having us closer," he replied, and after putting it into words, felt a little foolish for it. "I guess I'm still adjusting to the new normal."

"There's nothing wrong with that, Chakotay." Eva leaned forward and laid a hand on his arm. "Seven years is a long time. This past year is only a drop in the ocean by comparison." She gave his arm a squeeze before letting go of him. "I remember how I felt after I took my first command. It felt odd knowing that my Captain was relying on someone else. I had only served aboard the _Potemkin_ for a couple of years. It isn't the same thing, not even close, but I needed a few months to adjust. I think it's going to take you, all of you really, a lot longer than you imagined to get used to the way things are now."

"You're probably right," he returned her smile.

"Of course I am." Her smile brightened. "Haven't you learned that by now?" Eva pushed back from the table and stood. "I'll walk you to the transporter room. It really is too bad we're leaving for Delnak so soon. I would have enjoyed flying a few more circles around your little ship."

Chakotay laughed as they left the briefing room by way of the secondary exit. They bypassed the bridge and walked toward the deck one turbolift that was located near the XO's office. "From where I was sitting that's not exactly how it went. I seem to remember pulling a few tricks your flight crew hadn't studied yet."

"Depending on what we find on Delnak, that little round trip detour should only take a couple of days. My pilots should have plenty of time to brush up on a few _old_ techniques. Maybe we should finish this conversation when I get back?"

"That sounds like a very good idea, Captain. I wouldn't want your crew to be misinformed about this ship's abilities. It could be dangerous." His dark eyes sparkled at her. "It wouldn't hurt to run a few specialized _drills_ while we're out here, anyway. We really should make sure both crews are ready for anything."

"An excellent point." Eva fixed him with a smirk. "When I get back, we'll do exactly that." Her head tipped to one side and her lips pursed as an idea occurred. "The loser can buy dinner the next time we're parked at Starbase."

"Deal." He nodded. "Be ready, Captain. _Voyager _hasn't let us down yet." He clasped his hands behind his back while his mouth twisted into a crooked, half grin. "I don't think she's about to start now."

"We'll see, Captain." Eva stepped into the turbolift when they reached it. As long as they were relegated to flying patrols along the border, there was no reason they couldn't have a little fun with it. If nothing else it would help to keep their crews' focus sharp during the more tedious days.

**KJKJKJ**

"Beautiful, isn't it?"

Deanna turned at the sound of the voice. The tone, the very inflection, and the way each word seemed to caress the air, it was not something she was ever likely to forget. Her head inclined in acknowledgement of the woman standing behind her. Her uniform was as imposing as ever, and Troi knew that her disdain could be far more biting than the sting from any disrupter burn.

"There is much that we never knew about your world," Deanna replied. "I am sure we all had assumptions about the places our people came from." She turned back to the glass wall that separated them from the outside world. The sun was shining brightly, the domes and ceilings of the buildings below them shined and sparkled beneath its warm rays. Not far beyond those buildings was the ch'Anath'mre, a Romulan sea. The glitter of the sun off the water was dazzling. "It is very beautiful," Deanna agreed. "It reminds me a little of my home world. That is not a belief I ever thought I would have."

"Not everything is as it seems." The Commander stepped forward and clasped her hands behind her back. "Neither, I believe, are you, Commander Troi." She slanted a look at the other woman from the corner of her eye. "Or should I say, Major Rakal?"

Deanna drew a slow, careful breath. "I sensed you were reflective. When did you put it together?"

"This morning, I think." Commander Toreth turned and met the gaze of the woman who had once impersonated a Tal Shiar agent aboard her ship. "I knew you seemed familiar when we were introduced two days ago. Your disdain toward Vice-Proconsul N'qet made it all too apparent." The Commander had been introduced to the Starfleet Officers as one of Commander Donatra's advisors within the Imperial Fleet. She had worked very hard to regain favor after the incident aboard the _Khazara_.

"I suppose that would be somewhat familiar," she agreed. From the moment that she met him, Deanna felt as though her skin was crawling every time she was in the same room with the Vice-Proconsul. He was hiding something from them, but his hate of both the Remans and the Federation was too great for her to get beyond those strong surface emotions. N'qet had seemed entirely too unconcerned when it was revealed that morning that ships responsible for the attacks along the border had been captured and there were perpetrators in custody aboard one of their fleet vessels.

"What I have not been able to work out," Toreth continued, "is how a Starfleet _Counselor_ came to be aboard my ship. As I understand it, those of your profession do not seek dangerous assignments. I am," the Commander considered for a moment, "more curious than anything now."

Sensing the truth in her words, Deanna smiled. "You can believe me when I tell you that it was not an assignment I actively sought. Much of that event has been classified to protect the lives of others, but what I can reveal is that a Starfleet Officer was needed to complete the assignment and I was the most convenient choice." She shrugged. "I was in the wrong place at the right time."

"I was sanctioned for that little situation," Toreth revealed. "Had my superiors and the very Tal Shiar that you were pretending to represent not been more concerned about learning your identity, I might have been executed." She sighed and her gaze returned to the vista in front of them. "War, however, has a way of distracting those in positions of power."

"It has a way of distracting their citizens too." Deanna clasped her hands in front of her. "For the first time in a very long time your people are asking for something they had stopped daring to dream of, an end to your government using fear and obedience as a means of control. You once described for me the fear that your people live in under the regime of the Tal Shiar and those they control. Do you believe they would also use an uprising to quell the voices of the people?"

Commander Toreth considered her words carefully. "I believe those who want power more than they want their next breath will do anything to maintain it. We must all tread very carefully, Commander Troi. There are many who would prefer not to see your Federation succeed in forming an alliance between our governments."

Deanna fixed her dark-eyed gaze upon the other woman. "Are you one of them?"

Her eyes narrowed. For a moment, Toreth's lips pressed together in a thin line. She reflected on all the reasons she had decided to give her support to Commander Donatra, despite her initial endorsement of Shinzon. Like most of them, Donatra did what she had to do to protect her ship and her crew, to protect her family, and those she cared for most. Toreth truly believed that if the Romulan Empire were to survive, the old ways would have to become a part of their history. They would have to move forward anew.

"No," she replied at last. "I want my world to become a place where a daughter will no longer have to fear that her father will be dragged from his bed in the middle of the night and shot like an animal because he voiced a different opinion than those in power. For all of our advances my people will not survive if they cannot evolve." Toreth shrugged. "I will not say that I fully trust the Federation, but it is a better solution than what we have now. Our people are dying. Our colonies are attacked. Now, more than ever, the Tal Shiar will want to silence dissonance."

"Evolution takes time," Troi reminded her. "We are not here to build your government in our image. We only wish to facilitate the process of allowing _your_ people to choose the path that is better for them, and we hope that path brings us closer to a lasting peace between the Romulan Empire and the Federation." Deanna sensed the other woman didn't fully believe her, but that was to be expected. "Take my own world as an example. Betazed has, for as long as history has been recorded, been a matriarchal society. Our government is ruled by a small group of elected women from each province, and those women elect from within their ranks a single woman to represent all of Betazed. When my government first considered joining the Federation there were things that we needed to do for that membership to be approved, but it did not take anything away from Betazed. The Federation asked us to make religious involvement a choice of our citizens, rather than part of our government rule. It was not initially an idea that my people were comfortable with. Generations later, we realize that by allowing my planet's religious leaders to tend to the spiritual and philosophical needs of our people, the government has been free to focus on socio-economical needs, security, and the general well-being of every citizen. That does not mean that what worked for Betazed would necessarily work for Romulus," Deanna explained. "Your people need to find their own way, and I think they are capable of doing that. They only need the freedom to feel it's possible."

"It is that very freedom," Toreth said, "that will be the hardest to come by." It was the hardest obstacle in their path. The government had long ruled by forcing strict obedience upon the citizens of the Romulan Empire. Dissent was not tolerated. She believed it was how they had come to be where they were today. "As long as the rule of the Empire is dependent on the power of a few, the people will never be free, and they will never truly be safe."

"Then I hope," Deanna said, "our presence here will help those who mean to change that. We are here to help, Commander. We will not choose any one faction over the other, but we will provide all of the information available to us so that a choice can be made." They believed that Commander Donatra was the better choice, but they had come to provide facts and aid. The path to peace was never a simple one.

"I only hope that those who are intent on keeping their power will not be the downfall of us all in their efforts to circumvent Federation involvement." Toreth turned her attention back to the view in front of them.

On the level above them, hidden in the shadows of a stairwell, Taeg listened quietly. The Federation representatives and Starfleet Officers were proving more problematic all the time. With the capture of the fighters at the border their situation had become far more complicated.

Taeg moved away from his hiding place. He considered the plans and actions that had already been carried out, and those that were still in motion. Something would need to be done soon to remove the Federation influence from their space.

He thought of all the machinations that were in play. The Starfleet presence was too troublesome, and it was time that it ended.

"Proconsul." Taeg entered the man's office and made certain the door was secured behind him. "I believe I know of a way we can ensure that Starfleet withdraws from our territory, and that you might enact your revenge upon the _Enterprise_ officers at the same time."

Tomalak's head tilted in askance. "Do tell me, Taeg. What has your spying uncovered?"

A cold smile curved the aid's lips. "The identity of a Tal Shiar impersonator who once cost the Empire a valuable entity. Vice-Proconsul M'ret. Had the opportunity remained to make an example of his treachery…"

"Other dissidents might have thought better of voicing opposition to the Empire's rule." Tomalak leaned back in his seat and steepled his fingers together in front of him. "Indeed. Very good, Taeg; this is something that I can certainly use to my advantage. We are in no position to challenge the Federation on this crime, but it remains an advantage just the same. My contacts inside the Tal Shiar would appreciate the removal of this disingenuous element. Better still; think of how beneficial it would be to use this information to remove other obstacles from our path. "

"With the Federation influence removed," Taeg pointed out, "and those _elements_ disentitled, you can reassert your control over the Imperial Fleet. With that support…"

"It would not be long before the chaos within the Empire could be silenced. Yes, Taeg. That is exactly what will happen." First they must make certain that the plans that were about to be implemented could not be traced back to them. That would mean removing all trace of their involvement and laying a path that could lead in only one direction. He would have to remain careful to keep himself away from that _Enterprise _empath, Tomalak's lip curled in distaste, at least until she was no longer capable of discerning his deception.

**-TBC-**


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

* * *

"You look tired."

"Exactly what every woman wants to hear when she's finally able to spend time with the man she's dating." Kathryn rested her hand in her chin and smiled as she leaned closer to the computer terminal on her desk. There hadn't been much time for personal conversations in the last week, and she hadn't really _seen_ him since just prior to their deployment to the region. When she allowed herself to stop and think about it, she realized she was missing him. There was something bright and joyful that he brought to her life, and she could admit to herself that her vanity appreciated his interest in her as a woman.

"This isn't what I would call spending time together," Jake replied. He was in his quarters. His uniform had been discarded in favor of a soft, v-neck knit pullover and loose cotton pants. The hour was late, by ship standards, and he knew the _Titan_ was keeping the same schedule. A line formed between his brows at the sight of her still in her uniform, at least partially. He could see the jacket was hanging on the back of her chair. She had at least opened the collar of the form-fitting red undershirt. "If we were actually together," Jake moved from the sofa where he was sitting to the floor in front of the coffee table, where he placed the computer for this call, "I would have to insist on that uniform being gone."

"Careful, Captain." Kathryn felt a warm flush begin to rise up her neck at the intensity of his stare, "I'm detecting an energy surge in your forward relays." She knew that she probably should have stopped working a while ago, but she was reading the reports forwarded by their ships patrolling the border. There had been no further activity since _Voyager_ and _Cerberus_ intercepted the fighters. Kathryn couldn't decide if that was a good sign or not.

"You have no idea." Jake flashed a crooked grin at her. "I've been thinking…"

"Always a dangerous endeavor." Kathryn's eyes sparkled. "What exactly are you thinking about? I have a feeling I should put us on yellow alert, I'm detecting the possibility of blown gel packs in our future."

Jake sighed, and the sound was more wistful than resigned. "I really do love it when you talk starship to me." He drew a knee up and draped his arm across it. "_Aegeus_ will be at your position tomorrow. There's no reason for us to rush back to the border. It's covered, and right now _Gryphon_ is closer to our fleet than either of us. If our fleet needs an extra set of hands, it's available. Have dinner with me tomorrow. It might be a while before we get this chance again. There's no reason why you can't come over to _Aegeus_ for a few hours, get away from it all. There isn't anything in your mission plan that states you can't have a break." His brows drew together and he fixed her with a long, knowing look. "I think you need one."

Kathryn dropped her hand and lowered her head. It was surprising, and she couldn't decide if it was unsettling or not, how easily he could already read her. She was tired, as he observed, and the constant need to be on guard with their hosts was wearing on her. It was wearing on all of them. A few hours of respite wasn't outside the realm of possibility. When she lifted her gaze again, it was to smile warmly at him. One of the things that she liked most about Jake was that he never hesitated to tell her exactly what he was thinking. "You're not entirely wrong," she admitted. "There is something at play here that I can't put my finger on, and maybe I'm thinking about it a little too hard." Her gaze drifted, and with it her thoughts. Kathryn shook her head and pulled her mind back to the conversation. "Dinner," she agreed, "aboard _Aegeus_. I'm already looking forward to it."

"Good," he told her. "I'll even make you something a little hardier than the _broth_ I know you're living off of right now."

She laughed. "It worries me how much you've learned about me in so short a time." She rested her arms on the desk and leaned on the edge of her seat. Kathryn drew her teeth across her bottom lip before she fixed him with a suitably flirtatious look. "I might start to think you had ulterior motives, Captain."

"Of course I do." He smirked at her. "I told you, Kathryn, I have no problem pursuing a woman who outranks me." He let his eyes drift from her face to the open gap in her undershirt. His sigh was exaggerated. "Damn subspace, anyway."

"Oh Jake," she said huskily, "I hate to be the one to spoil your fun, but it isn't a pursuit if I'm not running anywhere."

"Nothing about that is spoiling my fun," he promised her. "Now, in the interest of making sure you actually get some rest tonight, and you aren't so tired that you're falling asleep at dinner, why don't you talk me through the pieces that are bothering you. Even if I can't help you untangle any of it, talking might help."

Her smile softened and the gleam in her eyes gentled. "I feel like I've talked about it until I'm tired of saying the words," she told him. "I've been over everything we've learned, and all the unanswered questions so many times, I really don't know that doing it again would help. I do appreciate it, however."

"The difference is," Jake pointed out, but without pushing her in any one direction, "I'm not in command of your taskforce, nor am I your chief diplomatic advisor. I'm just a guy that doesn't mind hearing how your day was. You know, that's kind of how this works. Two people, dating, talking about their days. What's wrong, what's right, is it good, or is it bad. I've heard it's pretty conducive to building lasting relationships. You might still be wearing a uniform right now, but in this moment, you're not the Admiral and I'm not your subordinate."

"Is that what we're doing?" Aside from an understanding that neither of them was interested in having a casual relationship with a colleague, or in her case, a subordinate officer, they hadn't really talked about it in any great depth. She wondered if this was the place for that, but then she considered the paths they'd chosen for their careers. The more mundane, conventional locations for such conversations weren't always available to them.

"Isn't it?" Jake tilted his head as he studied her image on his screen. "If this isn't going to be casual then it's going to have to mean something. What that is, I don't think either of us knows, and it isn't possible that we could at this point. It's just another form of exploration as far as I'm concerned. We're getting to know each other and what we might be together, and since we're both explorers, we might as well do it right." He shrugged. "I'm not entirely sure what _right_ is, either, but nothing about this has felt wrong to me."

"To me either," she admitted quietly. It had been a long time since any relationship had felt so easy. There was something very comfortable about Jake, and she hadn't quite figured out what that was. It could be that she had known his family for so long, and that aspects of his personality were as familiar to her as her own, or it could just be that he treated her like an equal. It might be a culmination of all of that, or the parts of him that were unique to his individuality, he was right, they couldn't know the answers yet. She didn't mind embarking on the discovery. The last time she was able to slip so easily into the beginnings of a romantic relationship with another person… Kathryn stopped those thoughts quickly, and the road she knew her mind would travel if she allowed them.

"What?" Jake saw the shadow that passed over her eyes. It was something like sadness, and while he had witnessed her dismay at parts of their mission and the reports they received prior to reaching Romulan space, this was something new. Jake sat forward, and quietly cursed again that they were separated by distance and subspace. "What is it?"

"Not tonight." She laid her fingers against the edge of her screen. "It's a story I will tell you, but I don't have the energy now, and it isn't something I want to talk about over the comm." Being open with him was something else she found that came easily to her. Jake had no motives or expectations of their time together, she realized. When they were together, he took each moment as it was presented. She didn't feel judged or pressed, and she didn't have to guard herself against any misconstrued words or feelings. "If you're still willing to listen," she continued, "maybe you're right and talking through my concerns will help me untangle them."

"I can listen for as long as you need," Jake promised. He got comfortable on the floor in front of the coffee table and leaned his back against the front of the sofa. "In our last briefing, you told us that Praetor Tal'Aura was attempting to garner more favor within the Imperial Fleet. Do you think she's trying to subjugate Commander Donatra's position to further consolidate her own power?"

"I think that may be part of it," Kathryn leaned back in her chair and crossed her legs. She folded her hands in her lap while she thought through everything they had learned since arriving. "She appointed Tomalak as Proconsul to gain favor within the fleet. He was a decorated and respected Commander. Based on everything we know about Tomalak, though, he just doesn't strike me as someone who would endorse the Praetor who so closely assisted Shinzon's coup. His feelings about the Remans are well known, and surpassed only by his loathing of humans. It's odd that he is supporting her, and yet…"

"Someone that invested in Romulan Imperialism isn't going to support Commander Donatra, whose primary motivations are the protection of the people. The population of Romulus is beginning to realize what rule of law without the fear of reprisal could look like. Someone like Tomalak, who views Federation freedom with contempt, would never align himself with the young and charismatic Donatra."

"No, he wouldn't. He doesn't strike me as being any great fan of the Tal Shiar, either," Kathryn pointed out. "We're almost certain the organization is making moves to solidify Tal'Aura's hold on the Praetorship." She sighed. "Maybe I'm just making assumptions based on what I've read, rather than on what I've really observed. He's been largely absent from our meetings, maintaining governance while the Praetor is involved in diplomacy… or so we have been told."

"You don't believe him?" Jake didn't think it rang true either, but he had not been part of their talks. He had no first hand account of the Proconsul. Like Kathryn, what he knew came largely from reports, historical accounts, and the observations of others.

"The _Enterprise_ encountered Tomalak a number of times when he was still a Commander within the Imperial Fleet. Captain Riker doesn't trust him, and while Commander Troi's diplomatic instinct is to withhold judgment based on past encounters, I don't believe she does either. On the one occasion he did meet with us, she could tell he was hiding something, but that isn't unusual of anyone we've dealt with so far. We know that the Romulans don't want us here. They invited us because it is necessary."

"The needs of the many," Jake murmured, "as their Vulcan cousins would say."

"Ah, and that would be another layer of complication to all of this. The Romulan delegates are all aware that we know Ambassador Spock is part of the underground movement here to reunify their people. They don't appreciate the intrusion, but it is one more way in which the will of their people has been repressed. They can't actively speak out against it without bringing up the fact that they would much rather go back to the way things were before."

"Those _things_ are how they got here to begin with." Jake shook his head. "It's not an easy path, putting the past aside in favor of a better future. Clinging to what's known is instinctual. It's even harder to give up power. Before this is over, I think the will of the people will ultimately tip the scale one way or another. It can't be avoided."

"No, it can't." Kathryn slumped a bit. "The more worrisome question is what will it cost all of us?"

Jake leaned forward as a frown drew his brows together. "That is not a burden you have to shoulder, Kathryn. You know what is at stake here, for all of us, and what the cost of another war might be, but that doesn't mean you have to bear it alone. This isn't the Delta Quadrant, and as lovely as those shoulders are, they weren't built to hold the weight of all our worlds. The Federation wasn't built in a day, and neither were all of its alliances."

"If we don't succeed here," she began, but was cut off before she could continue.

"Then we'll keep trying. We will reach a peaceful solution. The Romulans need us here," he reminded her. "They can't afford another war anymore than we can. We might just be in for a longer haul than we originally believed."

She rested her chin in her hand again and smiled at him. "You were right, you're really not bad at listening." Her concerns were still there, but they didn't weigh so heavily with the reminder that she wasn't alone, not anymore.

"That's not all I can do, either." Jake watched her blush and grinned widely.

"Red alert, Captain. Your EPS manifolds are overloading again," Kathryn shook her head at how incorrigible he could be.

"Damn the EPS manifolds," he said gruffly, "It's the auxiliary systems that are in trouble, Admiral."

"You should see an engineer about that," she said, pleased at how sage she was able to sound, despite the salacious turn her own thoughts had taken.

"I am an engineer," he reminded her, "It's a science officer I'm needing."

"Hm." Her expression turned sympathetic. "I can see where that would be beneficial to your circumstances."

"You have no idea." Jake studied her more relaxed posture and his smile warmed. "Get some rest, Kathryn. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Yes." She touched the screen again. "Good night."

After the screen had gone dark Jake tipped his head back against the sofa with a groan. "You're in so deep old man." He stared at the ceiling of his cabin and sighed. He wanted her, but he knew that he was going to end up falling for her. She wasn't the kind of woman that he could just enjoy and walk away from, and honestly, he didn't really want to.

Jake pulled himself up and walked over to the viewport. On the other side of the many layers of pressed, transparent aluminum, the stars were streaking by as _Aegeus_ flew toward the rendezvous point at Romulus. He leaned his hip against the ledge of the viewport and folded his arms across his chest. Life, he realized, was about to get a lot more complicated, but maybe in the best possible way.

It was several hours later when the ship reached the rendezvous with _Titan_. There was nothing in Captain Paris's countenance that betrayed his thoughts, or the conversation that was had the night before, when Kathryn beamed aboard his ship. "Admiral Janeway, Captain Riker," he nodded to the pair. "Welcome aboard _Aegeus_."

Riker looked around and grinned. "Feels almost like home." The interior of the Sovereign-class ship was so similar to the_ Enterprise-E_ that he could almost pretend he had been beamed aboard his former ship.

"Captain Paris." The Admiral stepped down off the transporter pad. "Have you learned anything from the guests in your brig since our last conversation?"

Jake knew she was talking about the more formal briefing that had been held in the other Captain's ready room via subspace. "I'm afraid not, Admiral. They're still not talking; at least there's been nothing of value. The Cardassians and the two Humans haven't said a word, and beyond a few veiled threats about the supremacy of the Romulan Empire, we haven't gleaned anything from the others either."

"No surprise there," Riker said.

"No," the Admiral agreed. "I would like to see your guests for myself, Captain. I don't expect any of them will be anymore willing to share in my presence, but I am rather curious."

"Understandable." Jake gestured toward the door. "This way, Admiral." He moved in step with her as they left the transporter room. "Has the Romulan government identified our guests from the images we supplied?"

"Not that they've shared," Kathryn told him. "It isn't surprising. Someone was behind their attacks, and whoever that is, they aren't going to make it easier for us to identify them."

"It's the Cardassians that I'm the most interested in," Riker told them. "Attempts to undermine Federation attempts at peace in other sectors could have serious repercussions on our treaty. The last thing we need is them making trouble again."

"It's far more likely they're just mercenaries," Jake replied. He led the pair to the turbolift near the transporter room and followed them inside. "Computer, deck 9, brig." Without missing a beat, he continued his analysis of the situation, "The opportunities for any kind of advancement on Cardassia are few and far between right now. They're still rebuilding. Most of their citizens are living in refugee camps; their colonies are in ruins. They don't have much of a fleet or military left to speak of." The Captain shook his head. "The Cardassians are opportunists now. They would rather wait and let the Federation and the Romulans weaken each other before attempting to get involved. They wouldn't risk any involvement now, not while the Federation is still supplying aid."

"That does sound more logical," Kathryn agreed, "but when have the Cardassians ever acted logically?"

"A fair point," Paris conceded. "Even when it's in their best interests… logic eludes them."

"And that is what separates them from the Vulcans," Riker pointed out with a grin. He shook his head. "No one would ever accuse the Cardassian Empire of doing what is in the best interests of its people. Look at their alliance with the Dominion. Their quest for power brought that threat to all our doors. It might be smarter for Cardassia to stay out of Romulan affairs, but I wouldn't rule out their tendency for ambition and conquest just yet."

"Nor have I," Kathryn agreed. When the turbolift came for a stop, and the doors opened, she stepped out ahead of the others. "I think we can keep all options on the table until we have incontrovertible proof. The Romulans have asked us to transfer our detainees into their custody for crimes against the Empire. Attempting to delay that transfer of the Cardassian and Human fighter crew could prove to be enough of a bargain that they might actually be willing speak to us." Starfleet Command wasn't willing to risk diplomatic talks for the sake of retaining custody of the detainees when they were caught illegally crossing the Neutral Zone and analysis of their ships had proven they were responsible for the attacks of the Romulan outposts and colonies along the border, but Command and the Federation Council had authorized her to attempt negotiations.

They came to a stop outside the brig. "Well, you're about to find out." Jake nodded toward the inside. The _Aegeus_ brig was larger than the facilities aboard the _Cerberus_. The nine detainees they had beamed aboard from the Peregrine-class fighters were being held within the five-cell brig, two persons to a cell, with the exception of the human woman, whom they had confined alone. Jake waved the other two into the large room ahead of him. "Admiral, Captain, I would introduce you, but most of our guests have refused to give us a name. As you know, we were only able to identify Ms. Renel and Mr. Sullivan, who have been guests of the Federation before."

While the two Humans stared insolently at them, they said nothing. Kathryn moved to the center of the room. "I am Admiral Kathryn Janeway. You were detained for illegally breaching the Neutral Zone. The Romulan government has asked that we remand you into their custody, but if you can tell me what you were doing in Romulan Space, I have been authorized to negotiate on your behalf."

David Sullivan snorted. "What she means is that we have the choice between Romulan hospitality or a Federation Penal Colony. I've been one of your _guests_ before, Admiral. I think I'd rather take my chances with the Empire."

"If that is your wish," Kathryn shrugged. "I think your Romulan crewmates can tell you better than I can what the penalty is for crimes against the Empire." Her gaze shifted to the four Romulan prisoners. "As I understand it, you will each be questioned until there is no more information to be gleaned, and then you will be executed. Isn't that right?"

The Romulans said nothing. Kathryn had expected no different. They knew their fate. Even if she was inclined to negotiate on their behalf it would be futile. The Federation could not deny the Romulan Government access to citizens arrested inside their own space. "A penal colony may be the result of your return to Federation space," she told Renel and Sullivan, "but I would think it's preferable to the alternative." Her gaze shifted to the Cardassians. "Wouldn't you agree?"

The three Cardassians had remained silent, preferring not to acknowledge the Starfleet officers' presence, but with the arrival of the Admiral there was movement in one of the cells. The elder of the three rose from where he had been sitting and walked to the force field. "How do we know that you will keep your word, Admiral? What is to stop you from giving us all to the Romulans once you have the information you want?" His head inclined. He fixed her in his obsidian gaze. "What assurances can you offer, Kathryn Janeway?"

It was the voice, more than his appearance, which sent a chill down her spine. It spread outward, like an infection, until her very fingers felt numb. Kathryn's jaw clenched. She returned his stare, lost for moment in the darkness of his gaze, as the deceptively calm inflection of his voice swept across her memory. Her stomach clenched, and an icy fist closed around her heart.

"_How foolish," she said. "You must realize that one will say anything under torture. It's a ridiculous method of getting information."_

"_Of course it is. That is not the purpose of our technique." _

"_What is the purpose?" _

"_Power. Control. The satisfaction of completely breaking the will of another being_."

"Admiral?"

She jolted slightly at the sound of Captain Riker's voice and realized she had been still for too long. Kathryn blinked once, and she was no longer in that grand chamber from so long ago. Her fingers twitched and she curled her hands into loose fists. Her thumbs swept over the digits, as though to caress the feeling back into them. Her chin lifted and she walked closer to the cell.

"Camet." Kathryn thanked every ounce of training, and every year spent in the Delta Quadrant, for the steady timber of her voice. "I would say that the years have been kind, but we agreed once not to lie to one another." He was still tall, but he was no longer as thin as he had once been. There was gray streaked through his hair and lines around his eyes. The Cardassians, it seemed, were no more immune to aging than the Humans they had once sought to break.

"Did we?" His eyes narrowed. He tilted his head at her. He would admit she looked familiar, but no different to him than any other Human female. When she lifted her chin, the tilt of it stubborn and defiant, the memory returned to him. "Ah, yes, the little scientific explorer. I remember you now. You were once a guest of mine." Camet looked up and gave a show of examining his surroundings. He lifted his hands and held them out. His long, gray fingers brushed the force field and it buzzed at the contact. "It would seem, _Admiral_, that our circumstances have been somewhat reversed for this reunion."

"Yes," her lips felt dry but she would not give him the satisfaction of knowing the effect those memories had on her. "It would seem that you are correct about that." Kathryn felt a slight shift behind her, to her left, and knew that it was Jake. She felt the crackle of his concern at the mention of Camet's past _hospitality_. She ignored him and continued to focus on maintaining control of their present situation. "That does not change my offer. The Federation is willing to use our treaty with the Cardassian Union as a basis for negotiation. You would remain aboard _Aegeus_ and be taken back to Federation Space, where you would be remanded into Starfleet's custody."

"I only have to answer your questions first," Camet drawled. "We have played this game before, although as I recall, the rules were a little different."

"Your accommodations are certainly better," she snapped, growing impatient with the condescension in his tone. She was not there to reminisce with him. "Perhaps you need a little time to think about my offer." Her head turned and she cast a hard look at the Humans who were also in detention. "I would suggest that all of you think about my offer. It expires in twenty-four hours. Captains." She turned on her heel and strode toward the door.

Camet's voice called out to her before she reached it. "When it's very late, Admiral, in the silence when you contemplate the missteps of your career, can you still hear the screams?" Each word was formed with deliberate intonation, caressed by the darkness of the memories he was provoking. "You could have stopped them. Did you know he traded himself for you? You were the weaker target. A few hours with my interrogator and I'd have been able to use your secrets." Her back was to him, but he saw her spine straighten. A smile curled Camet's face. He was no longer a Gul. He had lost everything, his power, his wealth, and the respect of his peers. What he retained, however, were the memories of the man he was, and the lives that were once his to twist at his will. "While you huddled in your dark hole," he continued, each memory coming to his mind as though the event happened only months before, instead of years, "your Admiral begged for your life. Tell me, was he still fond of you when we finished breaking his spirit?"

Kathryn's head turned. She glared at him from over her shoulder. "I will assume from that response that I can give the Romulans your regard."

He walked the length of the force field and drew his fingers across it. The vibration stung his fingers, but he withdrew his hand before it became too intense. "You can do whatever you like, Admiral." She was not confined like the rest of them, there was nothing to prevent any decision she made. He was at her mercy, they all were.

She left the brig without another word. She strode down the corridor at a clipped pace, aware of the two officers following her, but not bothering to acknowledge them. She had one thought in her head, and that was getting away from Camet and the memories he provoked as quickly as possible.

Riker waited until they had gained the interior of the turbolift and she had asked for the transporter room before he gave voice to the questions on his mind. "I don't suppose you'll tell us what that was all about?"

The words were right, but the frustration in his tone was abundantly apparent. "No I will not. I believe you heard enough of the exchange to put the pieces together without me providing the glue, Captain."

There it was, Jake thought, the biting edge of steel that had gotten her through the Delta Quadrant. He exchanged a look with the other man. "What are you going to do?" He asked instead. "If we hand them over without getting any information out of them, we'll have no idea of knowing which faction they were working for."

"I'll make the request," She said. "That's all I can do. We should have Captain Caldwell's report of what she found on Delnak today. If there was anything there at all, we might have more of an advantage and I'll speak to our guests again. The Humans, Renel and Sullivan, may be our best source of information. We should separate them from the others. If nothing else, when their companions believe they've started talking to us, they may be more inclined to answer our questions."

"It's worth a try, anyway." Riker shook his head. "I can't imagine anyone that would face the opportunity of execution without even attempting to secure their life, much less their freedom. They aren't even trying to deal."

"The Romulans would know better," Jake pointed out, "but the others…"

"May think their position has already been secured," Kathryn finished for him. "Yes, I considered that too. In payment for their actions, they may have been offered immunity. Whether the offer was genuine or not, we have no way of knowing."

"I would expect not," Riker said. "The best way to ensure the silence of an operative is to remove the operative. It wouldn't be the first time the Romulans used those kinds of tactics."

"No it wouldn't," Kathryn agreed. "But I would have expected the Cardassians to know better." The lift opened and she strode out. "Captain Riker and I will return to the _Titan_ for now," she explained. "I'll make the request, and do what I can to buy us more time, if nothing else."

"Understood." Jake cast a look at her from the corner of his eye. "I believe we have a meeting later," he reminded her, "unless you would like to postpone, Admiral?" He wondered if she was so rattled by the encounter that she would cancel their dinner plans. Jake wasn't going to allow her to retreat, he decided, he would give her time to regroup and if she did not come to him, he would find his way aboard _Titan_.

Kathryn stopped just inside the transporter room and turned to meet his gaze. She considered it for a moment. She didn't want to come back to that ship, not while _that man_ was on board, but she would not be cowed. She had never appreciated bullies and she wasn't going to start capitulating to one now, even if it was only the memory of one. Besides which, the intensity of his stare promised that he would not allow her to evade him for long. She could run, but the realization that he would actually give chase was a little startling, but not at all alarming.

"No need to postpone," she decided. "I'll be back as originally planned, Captain."

He nodded. "I'm looking forward to it, ma'am." A muscle in his jaw twitched at the effort it took to suppress his smile at the glare she shot in his direction. He made a mental note to get engineering to check the integrity of the bulkhead behind him. If it wasn't melted, he was certain it must have been weakened. He waited until they were both in position on the transporter pad before he glanced at the chief beside him. "Energize."

After they returned to _Titan, _Will wisely kept his silence until they were alone in his ready room. He made sure there was coffee in both their hands before he fixed the Admiral with a long look. "If I ask you again, you're not going to tell me what went on back there, are you?"

"No." Kathryn crossed her legs and cradled the coffee in her hands. "We've both been doing this a long time, Will. I'm sure there are things we both want to forget. Can you leave it at that?"

His eyes narrowed for a moment. She wasn't going to let it impact her decision, he decided, so he nodded. "Alright. I'll let it go." Will sighed. They had known each other a long time, but he knew better than to try and push her into a corner. She was right, there was more than enough in his past he wished he could forget. Will resolved to keep his mind focused on the tasks ahead of them. If it became an issue, he knew Deanna would pick up on it. He would leave the counseling in her very capable hands.

"Let's get this over with. I'm not looking forward to having this conversation with Praetor Tal'Aura," Kathryn took a sip of her coffee and then leaned forward and put the cup aside.

"Riker to bridge, hail Praetor Tal'Aura's office in the Imperial Complex, and then patch the connection through to my ready room," he ordered.

"Aye, Captain." Commander Vale replied. "Stand by."

It took only a minute for the hail to be answered. When his view screen came on, he waved the Admiral toward it. She was on.

"Admiral Janeway, with your ship's arrival in orbit can I assume that means that you are ready to discuss those you have detained within our borders?"

"Indeed, Praetor. In addition to the twenty-four hours previously agreed upon, so that we may question the detainees on where they had obtained Federation ships, I must also inform you that several of those detainees have requested that the Federation maintain custody of them." The Admiral could already tell that the Praetor's interest was feigned. It was going to be a long morning and she could already feel a headache forming. "Perhaps we can discuss a trade…"

**-TBC-**

A/N: Dialogue in italics comes directly from Jeri Taylor's _Mosaic_, as does our friend Camet.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

* * *

"That coffee isn't going to be anymore interesting in five minutes than it was when I handed it to you ten minutes ago."

Jake regarded the woman that was seated across from him in his quarters. The negotiations with the Romulans had taken longer than expected. Praetor Tal'Aura was unwilling to consider the Federation's request to maintain custody of the individuals arrested inside their territory, but the other factions had been willing to talk. That put the Praetor in the dubious position of appearing as though she had something to hide. The Romulans had finally decided to discuss the matter internally. It was a waiting game now, but Jake suspected, and he knew the Admiral and other captains agreed, each Romulan faction was attempting to find an advantage to hold over the others. It was more of the same power game they had already experienced. For now, however, they had managed to gain another twenty-four hours before they would need to turn the detainees over to Romulan authorities.

It had been an hour since Kathryn had beamed back to _Aegeus_, and her mood had remained more taciturn than he had witnessed before. He watched her push her dinner around her plate, hardly eating, and responding to his attempts at conversation with a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes before finally deciding they should give up the façade of enjoying the quiet evening they originally planned. They had moved to the sofa with coffee, and it surprised him that she was no more enthusiastic about it than she was dinner.

"Maybe I'm just not in the mood for it." Kathryn placed the cup on the coffee table in front of them and folded her hands in her lap instead. This was not the evening she hoped to have, but it was harder to shake the dark turn her thoughts had taken that morning. The negotiations and briefings had only delayed the inevitable, distracted her for a short time. "I'm sorry, I'm just not very good company tonight."

"I hadn't noticed," he lied. Jake saw the corners of her mouth twitch and finally lift in a weak smile and decided the night wasn't a complete loss. "You could tell me about it. You don't want to," he added when he saw the shadow pass over her eyes, "but it might help if you do."

"It was a long time ago," Kathryn shrugged, attempting to push it aside again.

"And yet…" Jake turned sideways on the sofa and rested his elbow against the backrest. He propped his head in his hand and watched her. "If you really don't want to talk about it, we'll drop it, but I think you came over here tonight because you want to. I thought we agreed last night that this," he waved his other hand between them, "might actually be going somewhere. That means I want to help you. I have a vested interest in what happens to you, but if you don't let me…" His shoulder jerked in a half-shrug. He wouldn't force her to do anything she didn't want to do, and didn't see the advantage of trying, but his hands were tied as long as she wouldn't talk to him.

She mimicked his position on the sofa but drew her knees onto the cushion and curled her legs beneath her. "A lot of it is classified, and some of it isn't my story to tell," she explained. "When I was an ensign, while on assignment near Cardassian space, I was captured along with a superior officer. We were held at a Cardassian compound on Utrea II. The officer in charge of that compound introduced himself as Gul Camet."

"One of our Cardassian detainees," Jake replied, more a statement than a question. He pushed aside his reaction to the rest of her statement. He knew as well as anyone else with knowledge of the Cardassians and how they treated their prisoners that her reaction that morning was in direct response to the experience she was describing.

"Yes." Her gaze drifted to the view port above the sofa. They had a perfect view of Romulus. The planet was far more beautiful than the secrets it was hiding and the dangers that lurked on its surface. "Thinking back on that now it's a little hard to believe that I was ever so young, so naïve." Kathryn's lips turned down in a sad smile. "That was when it began to change, when I really began to understand what it meant to be out here. The sacrifices we are asked to make for the opportunity to explore the galaxy were just an abstract until then. I wasn't held on Utrea II long enough to experience the horrors others have been subjected to, but the experience stayed with me, for many reasons."

"Kathryn." He reached out and laid a hand on one of her knees. His thumb stroked her uniform clad leg, the gesture was meant to ground her as much to comfort. Her assurances that there was no serious trauma lurking in the story she was about to tell him did little to assuage his worry, although he was grateful she had been spared that. "What happened?"

"At first, nothing. Camet played to my inexperience. I was treated as any guest might be. The injuries I sustained when we were captured, minor injuries," she assured him, "were healed by one of his doctors. When I wasn't able to give Camet the answers that he was looking for, even under threat of torture, I was tossed back into my cell." Her nose wrinkled in disgust at the memory. "It was a hole in the ground. Wet, filthy, and only slightly larger than a photon tube. They left me there. It felt like days, but only hours passed. It was long enough. I would say they tortured my superior officer first, but being forced to listen to his screams was another form of torture. We were rescued before they could kill him and turn their attention on me."

"Your _superior officer_?" Jake looked away from her. His gaze was troubled. He wouldn't ask her to betray a confidence but he had his own suspicions. That was the part of the encounter that had troubled her the most. Camet had asked her if she still heard the screams, if she knew that the other officer had begged for her life. Neither of them had any way of knowing for certain, but he knew she must be thinking of that now; she was back in that place, in that dark hole, fearing what came next. When Jake lifted his gaze again, he found she was back to staring out the viewport. "You know, I imagine if anything Camet said this morning is true the man he was describing probably didn't regret saving your life." He squeezed her knee to draw her attention back to him. "In fact," he said carefully, "I would almost bet on it. I also think that you've been in command long enough to know that. We do the best we can, and when we get a win, we take it. No matter what it costs us."

"I think that might be the hardest part of remembering all that _now_," she admitted, "I didn't understand the cost until later. I was just grateful to be alive and relatively unscathed. My life went on; my career went on." She sighed. "This isn't the first time I've thought about it since then, but it's harder to push those memories aside when there's a tangible reminder just a few decks away." Kathryn laid a hand over his and laced their fingers together. "It doesn't help that I can't think about that event without also thinking about the man that rescued me. He was… important to me."

"But that isn't a story that you're ready to tell me yet," Jake guessed. When she only returned his gaze, the sad light still shadowing her eyes, he nodded. "I can understand that." He slid closer to her on the sofa and draped his arm loosely around her waist. "Here's the thing, I know you had a life before. So did I. There are a lot of stories to tell, for both of us, and there's time to get to them all. The only thing I'm worried about right now is the dark place that bastard in my brig put you in by bringing all that up again. He can't hurt you; I know you know that, and I'm not going to insult you by saying something stupid about how I won't let it happen, but I know he's got you second guessing your motives right now. I wasn't part of your negotiations today, but I know you weren't thinking about him while you were talking to the Romulans. There are nine lives in that brig, and you can save five of them. I know you aren't going to sacrifice all five because of the actions of one man." When she started to speak, he stopped her; "I'm not putting you on a pedestal, Kathryn. I'm just making an observation. You aren't going to jeopardize this mission because of the presence of one man. It's why I was willing to follow you out here. The woman you are will try to save all of them, not because it's politically advantageous, but because it's the only thing your conscience will allow." He reached up and let his thumb stroke the curve of her jaw as his hand settled against the side of her neck. "And _that_ is why I'm sitting here with you right now."

Her eyes glistened with moisture. "You know," she said quietly, "that sounds suspiciously like a pedestal to me." She smiled as her hand cupped his cheek. "I'm glad you're here," she told him. "It has been a long time since I didn't have to weigh the consequences of choosing to let someone in."

"Hazards of the job?" Command could be lonely, he knew, but couldn't imagine how much worse it could be with what she had faced. He took her hand in his and turned his face into her palm. His lips were soft against her skin.

"Something like that." Kathryn shrugged at him. "It's another one of those stories we haven't gotten around to yet. I guess you could say it's complicated. I had to make decisions in the Delta Quadrant that were hard, but they were the only choices that I was able to live with at the time."

"Our current situation isn't without certain layers of complication," he reminded her. "We're both out here now, but that isn't always going to be the case." Jake tugged on her arm and drew her closer to him. His other hand moved from her neck into her hair. His thumb stroked the soft skin just under her ear. He smiled when he heard the soft intake of air and watched as her pulse jumped in response to the light caress. "I'm sorry you had a rotten day," his voice rumbled quietly between them.

"It isn't over yet," She laid her free hand against his chest, "and it's looking a lot better now." This was what she had missed, and what she knew she had denied herself. Necessary though it might have felt at the time, she could only blame her own choices for the solitude she experienced before. "It occurs to me that our situation is only complicated if we allow it to be. To be honest, _complicated_ hasn't really worked out for me in the past. I think we're doing just fine allowing this… whatever it is… to develop on its own."

"Whatever it is?" Jake grinned crookedly at her. "I think it's called a relationship. Not that I'm any great expert on the subject, but in my experience, when two people are spending time together, sharing past experiences, good and bad, and doing the things that I've been thinking about doing, the word you're looking for is relationship."

"I see." Her cheeks flushed a light shade of pink. Kathryn opened her mouth to respond and quickly closed it again. Her lips pursed while she thought through an array of things he could be insinuating. "Well, I think… no, I don't know what I think." Her mind had stopped working almost entirely.

"That's kind of the point." He pulled her with him when he leaned back, and was satisfied when she went easily. He shifted her in his arms and when her back was resting against his chest, Jake settled his arms around her. He turned his face into her neck and dropped a light kiss to the soft skin above the collar of her uniform. "Right now, though, I think this might be what you need."

The simplicity of being held was a novelty to her now, and not something she wished to take for granted. Her eyes closed. She enjoyed the warmth of his body folded around her. It was so easy to just _be_ with him that it almost took her breath away. "Maybe not all I need," she said thickly. Her head turned toward him and she met his gaze. She slid her hands along his arms until they met his. Their fingers tangled together. "We were engaged," she explained, "the man I mentioned before. It happened later, after Utrea II. He died before we could marry. He isn't the only man I've ever cared for, but the next man I felt _that_ strongly for was my first officer and our situation was impossible. We had to settle for a different kind of relationship, and I know that I only survived because of that friendship. I'm only telling you this because I think you have a right to know before this goes any further."

He read only sincerity in her eyes. She was looking back at him and seeing _him_, not a distraction, or an escape. She was with him because she wanted to be, not because she was running toward or away from any one thing, or person. Jake tipped his head toward her. His lips brushed hers as he murmured a single word, a request and an invitation. "Stay."

"Yes," she whispered, and moaned into his mouth when his lips covered hers.

**KJKJKJ**

Later, as they lay in the glow of the planet the ship was orbiting, with Jake's bed in complete disarray, he reflected on how much better life was when it was completely _un_complicated. She was lying on her stomach, hair a tangled halo of reddish gold, head resting on the pillow of her arms. Jake drew his fingers up the length of her spine and smiled when she hummed. "I could get used to this," he decided.

"I rather hope so, I have no intention of moving." There wasn't an inch of her that didn't feel completely relaxed. Her skin tingled at his touch and she sighed happily.

"Well that might make your job a little harder, but I'm not going to complain." He leaned over and pressed a kiss to the back of her shoulder.

A low, throaty chuckle echoed through the room. "Our negotiations would certainly become more interesting. Could you imagine the look on Proconsul Tomalak's face?" Kathryn arched her back as his lips moved toward the sensitive skin between her shoulder blades.

"I'd rather not." He nipped playfully at the image she painted in his mind. "I'm not a jealous man, but that might be tempting things a little." His lips curved at the sound of her laugh. "Of course, the Proconsul is the last person I want to be thinking about right now, anyway."

"That's understandable." She opened a single eye and peered up at him. "I'm not entirely fond of the idea myself."

"That settles it then. No talk of Romulans in bed. Captain's orders." Jake watched her roll onto her back and stretch and felt his toes curl at the image she presented. "I was absolutely right about you," he decided, "you are definitely trouble." He leaned over and pressed his lips to her smiling mouth.

"You keep saying that," she reminded him, "but here you are. I think you like trouble."

"I like you," he shrugged.

"I really hope so," She placed a hand against his chest and pushed him onto his back. Kathryn rolled with him and lay atop his chest. She folded her hands together against his chest and rested her chin atop them. "If you don't, this is going to go from complicated to awkward at an incredibly rapid pace."

"I thought we agreed to untangle everything and enjoy the ride?" He pushed her hair back from her face and tucked it behind her ear.

"Hm. We did, didn't we?" It was all so much simpler than she thought it would be. He was attentive and playful, but there was an intensity to him that stoked a fire in her. "I could get used to this too," she admitted.

Jake wrapped a lock of hair around his finger. "Then maybe you should." He met her gaze and shrugged. "There's a part of you that's still holding back. That's okay; I can be pretty patient, for the right reasons."

"Is that what I am," she teased, "a reason?" Her eyes continued to dance with amusement, even as she dropped her chin and let her lips dance against his chest.

"Oh no," he drawled, "You are the provocation." He cupped the back of her head and drew her toward him. He felt her mouth curl against his and knew she was smiling again.

"I've never been called that before, at least that I can remember. Certainly not in bed." She moved away from him and settled on her side with her head propped in her hand. "Letting go isn't easy when you've conditioned yourself to always be in control. It was how I survived seven years without backup, without help; with just a lot of determination and a dream of getting back to a place I feared I would never see again. It's something that I'm still working on."

"I understand." He rolled onto his side to face her. His arm dropped across her waist. "The best way to keep this from getting complicated is to just keep being honest," Jake decided. "For some reason it's easy to talk to you."

"Yes, I agree." She moved closer to him. Kathryn curled one of her legs around his and drew her foot up the inside of his calf. "As simple as we decided to let this be, it isn't casual for me, Jake. I told you that before. I haven't lived a sheltered life by any stretch of the imagination, but when I've let myself feel like this, the result wasn't always a happy one. That doesn't mean my life was tragic, either. It is what it is, and I've accepted that. I moved on; obviously," she trailed her fingers up his chest. "I just might need you to be a… provocation… for me in the future."

"I can do that." His mouth twisted in a slow, deliberate smile. "I can definitely do that," Jake decided. He pushed her onto her back and moved over her. "In fact, I'm feeling like provoking you right now."

Her laughter, when his mouth found her neck and began to nuzzle playfully, filled the room.

**-TBC-**


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

* * *

Within twelve hours of last speaking with the Romulan delegation a decision was finally reached regarding the detainees aboard _Aegeus_. The Romulans were willing to allow the Humans to remain in the custody of the Federation so long as they offered testimony about their actions. Praetor Tal'Aura had presented the option with a sense of resignation that seemed to indicate that decision was reached by a consensus she did not agree with.

The quorum that Renel and Sullivan were to appear in front of was to be held on Romulus. The Federation delegation would be present along with each of the Romulan representatives and officers from the Romulan Imperial Security force.

They convened in the chamber where the diplomatic meetings were being held. Praetor Tal'Aura sat in her usual place, flanked on one side by Proconsul Tomalak and the Chief of Imperial Security, Admiral Malek, on the other. She waited dispassionately as the others gathered and took their seats. It did not surprise her, somehow, when Commander Donatra chose a seat at the table across their circle with Admiral Janeway and Captain Riker. The Commander's allegiances were becoming more apparent every day, and Tal'Aura suppressed the urge to delight in Donatra's coming downfall. The Romulan people would not abide Federation interference much longer.

Riker waited until everyone in the room was settled. His gaze swept the interior, pausing for just a moment when it reached Deanna, who sat with Ambassadors Karal and T'Kara at the table most adjacent to his position. When she nodded, signaling that everyone in the room was as ready as they were going to be, he tapped his combadge. "Riker to _Aegeus_, energize."

A shower of light filled the center of the room, and in the circle that each of the tables formed around that center, three individuals materialized. David Sullivan stood between security officers from the Sovereign-class ship where he was being detained. Lieutenant Michael Ayala scanned the room, and satisfied at its security, he glanced at the ensign on Sullivan's other side and indicated the two of them could step back. They moved to the edge of the circle, only a few steps from Sullivan, and stood with their hands clasped behind their backs.

"David Sullivan," Admiral Malek leaned forward to affix the man in his dark glare. "Do you know why you have been brought before us today?"

Sullivan inclined his head. He stared at the Romulans with the same disinterest he had been showing the Starfleet officers. "Rumor has it that if I answer your questions, I get sent to a Federation Penal Colony where I get to live. If I don't, you'll toss me somewhere a lot less pleasant." He shrugged. "My sense of self preservation is a lot stronger than anything I was paid for this, so let's get on with it. What do you want to know?"

"For what purpose was your team formed?" The question came from Delegate Muran.

"We were given targets inside the Romulan border," Sullivan replied, "most of them were pretty soft; small colonies, a couple of outposts. We were told to create enough damage to draw attention. I'd say it worked, Starfleet showed up."

"How did you manage to cross the Federation sensor net at the Neutral Zone without being detected?" Ambassador Karal studied the man closely. He was belligerent, but not wholly uncooperative.

"We didn't." Sullivan drawled, sarcasm filling his tone. "I'm here aren't I? That basically indicates we were detected."

"You were able to mask your presence as sensor noise," Kathryn pointed out. "It took time to discover the interference and translate the pattern. Was someone on the starbase helping you?"

"No." Sullivan cared for Starfleet even less than he did the Romulans. "We had a ship, a small transport cruiser. We were given a device that was a hold over from the war. The Cardassians we hired supplied it. The device put off a modulating pulse that reflected the sensor scans so it looked like noise when we crossed the net."

"Then the Cardassians that were part of your group were hired mercenaries?" Commander Donatra's eyes narrowed. "Or did they hire you for the purpose of gaining access to Federation ships?"

"They had the ships," Sullivan explained. "There are mercenaries all over what used to be the DMZ. The Syndicate hires some of them, the rest take whatever jobs they can get. We try to stay out of Starfleet's way, being detected is…" His lip curled when his eyes flickered toward the uniformed officers, "inconvenient."

"The Romulans in your group," Proconsul Tomalak drew his attention, "how did you come to be involved with them? I find it, unusual, that any Romulan would choose to align himself with a Federation convict."

Sullivan was impassive to the Proconsul's disdain. "They came to us," he said. "They wanted someone willing to do a job for a price that could get their hands on Federation ships. It was important to them that it look like the attacks originated from our side of the Neutral Zone." Sullivan shrugged. "After all the drama between Starfleet and Shinzon, we just figured the Federation had managed to piss off another power in the quadrant. If there was going to be fallout, why not be on the winning side. It helped that the price was right."

Delegate Denel sat forward in his seat. The Romulan's eyes narrowed. The Human was being far more forthcoming than they had anticipated. "Where were your orders coming from?"

Sullivan's gaze moved around the room. His eyes finally settled on the Praetor, who had so far only watched the proceedings. "I think what he means is, who had the most to gain from creating trouble between the Romulan Empire and the Federation, when it looked like an alliance was about to happen?"

"If you have information, Mr. Sullivan," Malek snapped, "then share it. Otherwise, we will call this quorum to an end and have you moved to one of our holding facilities."

"We were told that we would be doing the Empire a favor. Centurion Dekar was dispatched, along with operatives from—"

The remainder of Sullivan's statement was lost in the sudden movement from a corner of the room and the ensuing chaos.

The sickly green flash of a disruptor beam lit the room. Its beam hit Sullivan in the center of his chest. He froze, mouth open in a wordless scream as the beam burned through his body. He disintegrated from the inside out. There was more movement as the Praetor's security forces moved to shield her and remove her from the room. The flashes of green light continued as the disruptor was fired again.

"Down," Commander Donatra ordered. "Everyone down!" She pushed the table in front of them onto its side and used it as cover as she drew the disruptor at her side and aimed it at the Imperial soldier who had broken rank to assassinate the Human detainee.

"Riker to _Titan_," The Captain raised his voice over the yells and crashes in the room. "Lock on to our people and get us the hell—" The rest of his command was lost in the explosion that came from behind them. Chunks of stone and glass blew inward with the detonation. The debris dug into his shoulder and arm where he was struck. His ears popped and rang, a result of the sound and the sudden change in the pressure of the room as a hole was opened in the wall behind them.

The Starfleet security officers had been informed that their phasers would not be permitted inside the chamber, but that order had not set well with Lieutenant Ayala. A small hand phaser slid into his hand as he knelt near the table where the Federation Ambassadors had taken cover at Commander Troi's suggestion. His eyes swept the room in the direction the original disruptor blasts had come from. There were Romulan officers moving into position to protect their respective superiors, but through the commotion he identified the Centurion that started the skirmish. Ayala took aim and fired, even as another detonation rocked the room. He felt the heat of that explosion from his left and from the corner of his eye, witnessed of one of the Ambassadors falling.

Ayala struck his combadge. "_Aegeus_, the chamber has been compromised, get us out of here." He heard a shout from the other side of the room and turned toward it to see Ensign Donahue throw himself at another attacker. As the transporter beam took hold, Ayala saw the disruptor blast move in the direction of the Captain and Admiral and thought he might have heard the sizzle and grunt of it striking a body.

When he rematerialized aboard _Aegeus_ Mike looked around. He found only Ensign Donahue and the two ambassadors. His gaze shot to the transporter console. "Chief?"

"_Titan_ initiated a beam-out at the same time," the Chief reported. "We concentrated our beams on the signals of our own teams and those closest to them." Her fingers moved across the console. "_Titan _reports they have the rest of our personnel."

Ayala nodded and turned. Donahue was standing, seeming uninjured. Ambassador T'Kara was also gaining her feet, and although she appeared to be dazed, the Ambassador did not appear to be injured. The same could not be said of Karal. "Beam the Ambassador to Sickbay," he told the Chief.

"_Paris to Ayala_," the Captain's voice filled the room as the Ambassador was beamed away, "_report, Lieutenant_."

"Ambassador Karal is on his way to sickbay," the Lieutenant replied. "Ambassador T'Kara is unharmed."

"Captain," T'Kara straightened where she stood. "I would like to return to _Titan_ as soon as possible. The Admiral and I will need to contact the Federation Council and report what has happened immediately."

"_I'd like to accommodate you, Ambassador, but we've gone to red alert_. _Captain Riker has ordered us to break orbit and rendezvous with the rest of our fleet at the border._" The Captain paused. When he spoke again, his tone had dropped, growing grim. _"The Admiral has been injured_. _The Captain has taken command of the fleet until her status is determined_."

The Ambassador watched the Lieutenant's eyes darken and his jaw clench. At his sides, his hands curled into fists. Beneath his uniform his muscles seemed to ripple in response to the Captain's report. When she met the officer's gaze she realized it was fury that she was witnessing. "I understand, Captain. I will coordinate with Captain Riker from here. Please let me know when we have arrived at the border."

"_Will do, Ambassador. Lieutenant Ayala, have the Ambassador shown to temporary quarters and report to the bridge_."

"Aye Captain. Ayala out." He turned where he stood. "Ensign Donahue, please take Ambassador T'Kara to deck eight, section twenty-three," the VIP quarters were more than sufficient to temporarily house the Andorian representative. "The replicator will provide anything you need," he told the Ambassador.

"Thank you, Lieutenant," the Ambassador nodded, "and for your quick actions on Romulus. Whatever our current status, I am certain it would have been a lot worse if not for your fast thinking."

To his mind, he wasn't fast enough, but the Lieutenant acknowledged her praise. "If you will excuse me." Mike took his leave of them and headed toward the bridge. When he arrived, he found the Captain seated in his command chair and the lights dimmed to their alert status. "Sir," Ayala strode toward the center of the bridge.

"Lieutenant." Paris's usual clear, blue-eyed gaze had gone pale, like ice, with the shift of his mood to grim outrage. "What happened down there?"

"There were two attackers in the chamber," Ayala replied. "They opened fire before Sullivan could reveal who had engaged his group's services. He was killed first, direct hit by a Romulan disruptor." They all knew it was a terribly gruesome way to die. "How many were actually involved, I'm not sure we can know yet. There were two detonations, small yield. They were specifically targeted to the areas of the room where the Federation delegates were located."

"Damn." Paris sighed. "Our sensors picked up phaser fire in the chamber right before we beamed you back. I don't suppose you can explain that? The Romulans were pretty adamant our people remain unarmed."

Ayala lifted his arm and the small phaser appeared in his hand again. "Standard issue," he shrugged. "It seemed more prudent to err on the side of caution, Captain."

"Indeed." His head inclined. "Is that a Maquis trick, Lieutenant?"

He wasn't sure if he read censure or respect in the Captain's gaze. It was hard to tell at the moment, given the other man's preoccupation with their status. "No, Captain. That was a _Voyager_ trick."

A corner of Jake's mouth lifted in a mirthless smile. "If I ever meet your Mr. Tuvok, remind me to thank him."

"Actually," Ayala grew somber, "you can thank the Admiral for that one." He watched the other man's expression grow more hooded and debated the rest of his statement. "I can't be certain, Captain, but as we were leaving, I think she caught a stray disruptor beam."

"I see." Jake's grip tightened around the arms of his chair. He felt a chill move down his spine. It settled in the pit of his stomach and stayed there, forming a large chunk of ice that sent a numbing sensation through the rest of his body. His jaw ticked. It was all he could do not to grind his teeth together. "Take your station, Lieutenant."

The Captain averted his gaze to the view screen in front of him. He stared at it and focused every ounce of his attention on the stars they were streaking toward. He wouldn't think of how she looked that morning, standing in front of the viewport in his cabin, her legs bare beneath the pale green of one of his knit pullovers. With her hair tousled and a cup of coffee in her hands, she seemed to reflect the glow of the planet. Jake shoved the memory aside and locked it behind a thick wall. He sent the feel of her, tucked perfectly against him, with it and thought of nothing else but the gentle vibration of the ship beneath his feet and the cold blackness of space in front of them.

**KJKJKJ**

Aboard _Titan_ the scene in the transporter room was more chaotic. The moment the officers materialized, the transporter chief launched into action, "Medical emergency in Transporter Room one, Dr. Ree please—"

"No time for that," Captain Riker snapped. He witnessed the Admiral falling just before the transporter beam encompassed them. "Beam the Admiral directly to sickbay." His gaze swept over Deanna quickly, and while she was covered in dust from one of the detonations, she was unharmed.

"Ambassadors T'Kara and Karal were beamed to _Aegeus_ with Lieutenant Ayala and Ensign Donahue," The transporter chief reported, even as he sent the Admiral away, into sickbay's waiting custody.

The Captain nodded. He slapped at his combadge as he headed toward the door. "Riker to bridge, Commander Vale contact _Aegeus_, break orbit and get us the hell out of here. Then I want you to send a transmission to the rest of our fleet, tell them I'm taking command. I want our ships to fall back to the border until we have a better idea of what the hell is going on."

"_Captain?_" The Commander's concern came through the comlink loud and clear, "You_ are taking command?_"

"The Admiral was injured on the surface. We don't know her status right now, Commander. I'd rather not speculate. I'm on my way to the bridge, you have your orders."

"_Aye, Captain_."

He caught the barely guarded concern in Deanna's gaze as they strode toward the turbolift on that deck. "I'm not overreacting," he told her. "We don't know who was behind that attack, but both those Centurions were wearing Imperial Fleet badges, and the only guards present from the fleet were supposed to be from Commander Donatra's forces."

"Which means that she was either behind the attack," Deanna said, sounding far calmer than she actually felt, "or her faction has been infiltrated by someone who wants us to believe she was."

"Exactly, and that means we have no idea who we can trust. Considering what happened the last time we were guests of the Empire, I'd rather not take our chances. We'll regroup with the rest of the fleet and hopefully by then we'll know something about the Admiral's condition." He led her into the turbolift. "In the meantime, I'll get an update from Captain Paris and speak to the Ambassadors."

While he called for the bridge, Deanna called for deck six. "I'll go to sickbay," she explained. "Doctor Ree may be too busy to provide regular updates."

Will nodded grimly. "Lets hope whoever was behind those attacks along the border and trying to prevent this mission from succeeding didn't just start a war." The Federation Council might not let it come to that, but a civil war inside the Empire, that seemed entirely more likely to happen now.

They parted ways at Deck 6 and the Captain continued on to the bridge. Commander Vale rose from the command chair when he appeared. "Status report, Commander?"

Only minutes had passed since their last conversation, but Vale did have one piece of information to relay. "We've transmitted your orders to the rest of the fleet. We're on our way to the rendezvous point, traveling at warp 9. We should arrive in approximately three hours." At normal cruising speed it would have taken almost a day to reach the predetermined coordinates. "I also regret to inform you that _Aegeus_ has reported that Ambassador Karal's injuries were too extensive. He died shortly after being transported from the surface."

"Dammit." Will's hands found his hips. He had hoped to wait until they reached the border to contact Command. He wanted to be able to report more than they knew at present. "That's going to change things. Contact Command. Patch it through to my ready room. Commander Troi is in sickbay with the Admiral, make sure she is aware of the situation."

"Captain." Christine watched him cross the bridge and disappear inside his ready room. She exchanged a look with the Lieutenant at tactical. "What the hell happened down there?"

There was no answer that any of the bridge crew could supply. They were as far in the dark as the rest of them. The tension on the bridge was an almost tangible entity. They could all feel it. Their situation had changed from hopeful to uncertain in the blink of an eye, and the knowledge that it could deteriorate further was doing little to allay their concerns.

The thick cloud of it followed Will into his ready room. He stood just inside the door for a moment and let his shoulders slump beneath the weight of it. If any mission could go belly-up in the space of a few minutes, trust the Romulans to be behind it. He had tried to bury the majority of his distrust, to let go of old prejudices and ideals. It was hard not to bend under the weight of them now, when he had a dead Federation Ambassador and an injured Starfleet Admiral.

He scrubbed a palm across his face and grimaced at the feel of dust and grit in his beard. He hadn't allowed himself time to stop on the way to the bridge. Will walked into the 'fresher attached to his office and took a minute to at least grab a washcloth before he returned to his desk. By the time he had finished wiping away the worst of the grime he brought back from Romulus, the call to Earth had gone through.

His computer terminal chirped quietly as it lit with the image of Admiral Nechayev. "Admiral." He didn't bother with pleasantries, and for the first time, he was glad the CO he was dealing with would appreciate that fact. "I'm afraid the situation with the Romulans has become critical."

That the Captain was contacting her, instead of Admiral Janeway, did not bode well. The Fleet Admiral's shoulders squared as she braced herself for his report. "_What's happened, Captain?_"

"Exactly what we were afraid of, Admiral." Will braced a hand against the edge of his desk and leaned his weight on his other elbow as it rested against the arm of his chair. "Either Commander Donatra wasn't truthful with us, or the influence of the factions trying to undermine our mission goes a lot deeper than we thought." In as concise as an update as he could manage, Will described the events on Romulus and relayed their current status.

"_That is a problem, Captain_." The admiral's eyes narrowed. "_I will relay your situation to Admiral Shanthi and the Council. I'm not willing to give up on the situation just yet, but it may be out of my hands. Is there any word on the Admiral's condition?_"

"Not yet. I'm taking that as good news." No updates from sickbay meant the medical staff was still working on the situation. He knew that either Deanna or Dr. Ree would update him as soon as that changed.

"_Very well, Captain. I would appreciate an update as soon as you have one. In the meantime, continue on your current course and stand by for further instructions. Nechayev out_."

The screen went dark and Will leaned back in his chair. He tugged at his uniform jacket and released a long sigh. He needed to talk to the other Captains in his fleet, but first he was going to get a clean uniform and drop into sickbay. He couldn't sit still waiting for the other shoe to drop; that was never the kind of officer he was and he had no intention of being that kind of Captain. Will took just a moment to finish centering himself before he launched into action again. Patience, the ability to exist in any given moment was something that Deanna had been trying to teach him for as long as he had known her. It seemed to him like she still had her work cut out for her.

Will counted his breaths until he felt some of the tension leave his shoulders. As he finally stood from behind his desk, his mouth twisted into a small smirk. It was possible his wife's lessons had been more affective than he originally believed.

**KJKJKJ**

Back on Romulus the chaos was being managed by the military. Both attackers were dealt with quickly, before their motives could be ascertained. Proconsul Tomalak waited in his office for his aide's report. Taeg did not disappoint.

"Commander Donatra has retreated to her ship," the aid explained. "The _Valdore_ has left orbit, as have two other vessels loyal to her faction. I believe she is gathering her fleet."

Tomalak cast an impassive look at the aide. "Commander Suran?"

"Dead. Imperial security will report that he was caught in the crossfire of the attack. The Praetor has returned to the Imperial Palace. She was unharmed."

"That is unfortunate, but not unexpected," Tomalak stated. The Praetor was not the target of the attack. She might still prove useful to them. "What is the status of our forces?"

"Our fleet is moving into position around Romulus. The Remans have been driven back to their pits. Three of our ships have been sent to intercept the vessel carrying their elders. They will be destroyed before the day's end." A dangerous smile curved Taeg's mouth. "Our plan is falling into place, sir."

"You have done well, Taeg, but we should not celebrate yet. We have not yet achieved all our goals. What of the Starfleet operative that our intelligence officers discovered on Beloren?"

"The operative was able to leave Beloren before our officers could intercept him. They are tracking his movements. It will not be long before he is in our custody." Taeg folded his hands in front of him. "The Starfleet ships have also left orbit. Our sensors indicate they are headed back to the neutral zone."

"Let them go for now," Tomalak decided. "They have eight vessels in our space. We are not equipped for an engagement of that size at this time. We will continue to exercise patience."

"Yes, Proconsul."

Tomalak turned his attention to the view outside his office windows. Military forces were moving into the capital city. Any unrest among the people would soon be quelled. His plan was going exactly as he had expected. Soon he would begin to repair the fractures within the Empire, and when that was done, he would seize power for himself. The Federation that had, in its arrogance, thought they could bring peace would soon feel his fury. Time was on his side. Let them continue to play a game of alliances. Watching the Federation provide the means of their own destruction would be an added bonus to the rewards he intended to reap for his efforts.

**-TBC-**


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

* * *

Chakotay stood in front of the viewport in his ready room. _Voyager_ had reached the rendezvous spot within half an hour of receiving the order from _Titan_. There had been no other communication from the Fleet's flagship. _Cerberus_ and _Odyssey_ had arrived soon after and the three ships held position while they waited. Hours passed, and in that time, his mind was left to wander.

There was only one reason for Riker to take command of the fleet. Chakotay had realized that even before confirmation was sent that the Admiral was wounded in the attack on Romulus. There had been no other news since then. Their ships had gone to com-silence while they waited for the rest of the fleet to arrive. During the hours that followed, _Gryphon_ and _Jamestown_ had joined them, and only a short while before he finally closed himself up in the ready room, _Hamilton_ had dropped out of warp near their position.

Beyond the viewport in front of him there was only darkness. It matched the turn his thoughts had taken. Was this it? Was this the end? Had Kathryn finally walked so close to the line that there was no coming back for her? He questioned why she had chosen _Titan_ to take her and the diplomatic delegation to Romulus, and now he was left to consider if the outcome would have been any different if it had been _Voyager_ instead. He didn't know if that was arrogance or habit.

He knew Kathryn. He knew the risks she was willing to take for the sake of completing her mission. Is that what had happened on Romulus?

Would they never have the chance to have the conversation that was eluding them?

He thought back over the last year and all of the rescheduled meetings and missed opportunities. How often had he been on Earth in that time, how many times had _Voyager_ returned to sector 001 without him ever bothering to reach out to her? It wasn't as if he hadn't known where to find her. It was only when he was faced with direct interaction that he decided to close the distance that had grown between them.

Why had he hesitated when it seemed like she was so close?

The sound of the door chime interrupted his thoughts. Chakotay sighed tiredly. "Come in."

Hugh Cambridge said a silent prayer as he crossed the threshold into the Captain's inner sanctum. During the months he was assigned to _Voyager _as ship's counselor his relationship with the Captain had been… strained, at best. The Captain didn't always want his input, and had resisted his attempts at counsel beyond what was good for the ship, or the crew, or the mission at hand. Cambridge had chalked it up to all the years that _Voyager _had been without a counselor.

"Captain." Cambridge moved further into the room and folded his hands behind his back. "I thought I might offer my services while we wait." He had already spoken to a few of the others, members of the crew that were with the ship during its original mission. Aside from the thick tension that had befallen the ship with the turn their mission had taken, their present circumstances were difficult. There was still a great deal of respect and affection or their former Captain. The crews' worry was understandable and if anything he had heard during his months aboard was true, the Captain would be more affected than the rest of them.

Chakotay glanced at the other man and felt himself go immediately on edge. "Thank you, Counselor, but that won't be necessary. _Titan_ and _Aegeus_ will be arriving soon, I'm sure." The last thing he needed was someone who couldn't hope to understand the complicated nature of his relationship with Kathryn trying to unravel all the many knots and layers of their friendship, or whatever it was they had now.

"You are probably correct," the Counselor replied, "but I have to disagree with you. We're in an area of space that is volatile at best, hostile at worst, and the last information we received included orders to regroup with the rest of our fleet because of an attack that left one of our Federation Ambassadors dead and the Admiral that brought us here incapacitated. The same Admiral that you spent seven years sitting beside on that bridge," he jerked his head toward the door behind him, but did not remove his gaze from the Captain's reflection in the dark viewport. "You may not want to speak to me, sir, but I think you need to."

"I suppose if I don't, you'll put in your report that I was uncooperative and uncommunicative." Chakotay shook his head. This was the last thing that he needed right now. "What is it you want to know, Counselor?"

Hugh wondered how it was that the Captain always made his title sound like a curse. "Actually," he said, and walked toward the raised seating area along the room's outer bulkheads, "I won't. That isn't why I'm here. It isn't my purpose on this ship." He stepped up onto the dais and took a position against the railing. Hugh leaned back against it, arms crossed over his chest. "Unless your actions, or inactions, do something to put this ship and its crew in danger, there's no reason for me to report on your activities. I'm here to provide assistance, but I can't do that if you aren't willing to talk."

Silence settled over the room. Chakotay pondered what the Counselor would do if he just stood there, not speaking, until the other ships arrived. His teeth ground together. He had a feeling Cambridge was just stubborn enough to do it. "Is there anything about this particular situation that you think I am especially in need of discussing?"

"You tell me." Cambridge continued to watch him. "You've been locked in here for over an hour. Are you hiding from the situation or your feelings about the situation?"

Chakotay opened his mouth to respond, but the biting remark would not come. There were no words that he could find to discount that summation when it was exactly what he was doing. He turned slowly and met the Counselor's gaze. "That's what she used to do," he said, surprised at just how familiar the situation really was. "If something happened that she couldn't accept, or didn't want to accept, Kathryn would separate herself from it. She would lock herself in here until she felt like she was in control again, and then she would go on as if it never happened."

"You can't do that," Cambridge pointed out. "This isn't something you can just will away by ignoring it. The Admiral is either seriously injured or worse. Nothing you can do will change that fact. It's sincerely doubtful that you could have effected any change on present circumstances by being anywhere other than where you were assigned. Your attachment to your former commanding officer is both understandable and commendable, but I think it's more than that."

The Captain snorted. "You've been listening to ship's gossip. Don't believe everything you hear on the lower decks." He lowered himself to the couch and leaned forward, elbows braced against his knees. "Kathryn and I were friends."

"Were?" Cambridge moved around the end of the coffee table and sat on the adjacent chair. He turned toward the Captain and crossed his legs comfortably. "Are you speaking in the past tense because you're trying to prepare yourself for the worst possible outcome, or did something happen to change the nature of your friendship with the Admiral?"

Chakotay stared at the carpeted deck beneath his feet. "After _Voyager _got home, it seemed like everything was going to work out for everyone. It wasn't easy at first; there were a couple of situations we had to resolve, but then everything settled down. I took command of _Voyager_ and Kathryn settled into her new job. All of us had lives to get back to. The crew, most of them, scattered across the quadrant, and we were no different. We…" He sighed. "We stopped talking, aside from the occasional letter. Before I was assigned to the taskforce I hadn't seen Kathryn in several months. Afterward, we kept intending to get together, talk, but it never panned out."

"Why do you think that is?" Cambridge read regret in the Captain's expression, and most of it was directed inward at himself.

"Part of me didn't want to hear what she had to say," he said quietly. "Another part of me was worried that I would push her too far. She can be pretty stubborn."

The Counselor didn't think she was alone in that. It felt like they were finally getting somewhere, though. He wondered if there was more to that lower decks gossip than the Captain wanted to admit. "What were you afraid that she would say?"

"I could never figure that out." Chakotay stood up again and turned his gaze back to the stars. "There are parts of our relationship that are deeply personal. While we were both on _Voyager_ it never moved beyond an acknowledgement of that. There were boundaries that we didn't cross, that Kathryn wouldn't cross. Once we were home I wondered if it was finally time to revisit that, but I wasn't sure if I wanted her to agree or…" He stopped talking and shook his head.

Cambridge thought he understood now. It was a heady, frightening feeling to be faced with attaining something that had always seemed impossible. "You lived with the idea of something for a long time. When the opportunity to make it a reality existed, you hesitated. You didn't know if the reality would match the idea. If it didn't, would the friendship be lost, and if it did, would it burn out too soon? Having nothing was a condition that you were familiar with. It was easier to continue with that than to risk losing the dream." Hugh unfolded his legs and leaned forward, arms draped across his knees. "That feeling is more common than you think." He refrained from mentioning that the Captain might have been able to resolve all of this if he had continued his post-return counseling. It wasn't a requirement of his return to duty, and so after those initial evaluations, he stopped.

"That might be true but it doesn't do me a hell of a lot of good now." Chakotay glanced at him from over his shoulder. "She's either dead or dying, and if she's not, she's moved on."

"If she's not," Cambridge said carefully, "you're still avoiding making the choice that would provide resolution, whatever that resolution is. There's an open question there, and the only way you're ever going to be able to put it to rest is to open the door and walk through it. You may not like the outcome but that doesn't make the action any less necessary. Captain, we don't achieve mental or emotional health by avoiding conflict, whether it's personal or professional. Our wellbeing is built on the foundations of how we resolve those conflicts. Otherwise we find ourselves in situations like this one."

Chakotay's sigh rumbled in his chest. "I knew that somehow you were going to find a way to toss an _I told you so_ in there somewhere."

"I didn't want to disappoint you," Hugh stood. "I can't force you to make the decision, but I think it would be in your best interests to have that conversation with the Admiral, if the possibility is still there."

"And if it's not?" Chakotay didn't want to think about that either. That path was dark and abysmal. He shied from it and the feelings of despair that reached for him like long black tendrils ready to wrap him in a cocoon of nothing.

"We'll talk again," Cambridge promised. "Either way my door is open, Captain."

"Thank you, Counselor." Chakotay turned and clasped his hands together in front of him. "Your assistance has been… depressing, but helpful."

"Just doing my part, Captain. We should talk about making it a—"

"_Paris to Chakotay_," the first officer's voice filled the interior of the ready room before the Counselor could finish that statement.

"Go ahead, Tom." The fist that had been clutching at his heart for the last three hours gave a tight squeeze while his stomach clenched in anticipation.

"_Titan and Aegeus just dropped out of warp, Captain. We're receiving instructions for the Fleet Captains to beam aboard the Titan for a mission briefing." _

"I guess that's me." Chakotay straightened. "Thank you Commander, signal the _Titan_ that we've received their instructions and I'll be beaming over shortly. Was there anything else in that transmission, Tom?"

"_No, Captain,_" he said somberly. "_That was all that was transmitted_._" _

"Understood. The ship is yours until I get back, Commander."

"_Copy that_. _Paris out_."

"What do you think that means?" Cambridge asked.

"I guess I'm about to find out." Chakotay strode toward the ready room's secondary exit.

Cambridge watched him go. "Good luck," he said quietly, the words spoken in an empty room that he suspected were filled with more ghosts than sanctuary.

**KJKJKJ**

She woke up in sickbay with a splitting headache and a body that felt like she had unwisely climbed into a shuttle with Chakotay. The feeling was so wholly familiar that for several moments Kathryn was sure that she was waking up in _Voyager_'s sickbay. For that space of time it was as though the past months had all been a dream, another hallucination while their trip across the Delta Quadrant remained the reality.

Kathryn pinched the bridge of her nose and winced against the stabbing pain that shot through her head when she tried to open her eyes. "Doctor, report." She tried to sit up but her body didn't want to cooperate. Her left side felt stiff and heavy, while her voice was thick, rasping with disuse.

"Slowly, Admiral, you've been unconscious for more than two hours."

A voice lilted nearby, and while she recognized it, she thought surely it was impossible. A hypospray hissed coolly against her neck and she felt the sudden chill of medication entering her blood stream. Almost at once the ache behind her eyes began to recede. Kathryn drew a slow breath and allowed her eyes to blink open again. The arrangement of the lights overhead presented her first indication that she was not actually aboard _Voyager_. Her head turned in the direction the voice had sounded and she found two officers standing beside her biobed.

She had become accustomed to Commander Troi's presence over the past few weeks, and while she had met Dr. Ree on more than one occasion, waking up to find the tall Pahkwa-thanh looming over her with his reptilian-like features was an experience unlike anything she had ever encountered before. It was neither alarming nor disconcerting but it was definitely… _new_. She blinked again before she allowed her attention to focus on the Commander. "What happened?"

This time when she tried to sit up, Dr. Ree assisted her. Deanna rested her hands on the edge of the biobed while the Admiral reoriented herself. "There was an attack on Romulus while David Sullivan was giving testimony in front of Praetor Tal'Aura and the Romulan delegation; you and a few others were injured."

Kathryn nodded slowly. Her mind was continuing to clear. She recalled being on the planet, presenting Sullivan to the Romulans, and then the commotion that had ensued after he was assassinated. "There was disruptor fire," she recalled, "and at least one explosion."

"Yes," Troi nodded. "There were two small detonations before we were beamed back to the ship. You were injured, along with at least three of the Romulans at the meeting. We know that Delegate Denel and Commander Suran were killed, along with the two attackers. We don't yet know the status of the injured." She drew her hands back and clasped them in front of her. "Unfortunately, Ambassador Karal was also severely wounded. He and Ambassador T'Kara were beamed aboard _Aegeus_ during the emergency extraction. I regret to inform you that the Ambassador died shortly after."

Her jaw clenched. Kathryn gripped the edge of the bed beneath her and lowered her gaze to the floor while she allowed that news to sink in. "Someone went to great lengths to make sure that Mr. Sullivan could not reveal his benefactor. To what end? I assume the others are still in the brig aboard _Aegeus_?"

"They are," Troi confirmed. "We have not informed the other detainees that Sullivan was killed or why we have left Romulus."

"While your injuries were easily treatable," Dr. Ree interjected, "they were serious. A large chunk of debris struck your left shoulder. The joint was severely damaged and required partial reconstructive surgery to fully repair the injury. You may experience soreness for several days and it will be stiff until your body becomes accustomed to the new tissues. In addition, I have treated burns from a disruptor beam that grazed your left leg. The regenerated skin will feel tight and sensitive to touch for the next seventy-two hours."

"I see," Kathryn nodded. "Thank you, Doctor. Your efforts are not unappreciated, but," she glanced down at the blue loose fitting tunic and trousers she had been clothed in at some point, "I think I would like to leave now. If there's nothing else?"

"Of course," The Doctor took a step back to permit her to leave. "I recommend that you rest and avoid any strenuous activity for at least twenty-four hours, but I understand that present circumstances may prevent that. I will instead caution you to let me know if you begin to feel ill, or if the headache I treated returns."

She expected a fight, or at the very least a lecture. Kathryn's brows lifted in mild surprise but she slipped off the biobed before he could change his mind. Her legs felt initially weak, but she gained her equilibrium quickly. "I may take you up on the strenuous activity suggestion," she said wryly. "It occurs to me that I'm not as young as I used to be."

"Really?" The doctor's head tilted in surprise. His reptilian eyes blinked at her. "You have not yet even reached middle age by human standards. While I did find your medical history incredibly interesting, I saw nothing in it or my examination that would indicate you should feel other than you are, which is a suitably healthy human female of moderate age."

"Remind me to get that in writing for an EMH that I know." Kathryn stepped away from the biobed and turned her attention entirely on the Commander. "What have I missed in the last few hours?"

"Following the attack, the Captain ordered the fleet to regroup at the Romulan border," Deanna reported, falling in step with her as they left sickbay. "We received word a short while ago that more than half the fleet has arrived and are holding position. The _Hamilton_ was rerouted to Starbase 73 to pick up a group of officers from Starfleet Intelligence. We've been notified that Admiral Paris is with them. The Intelligence team that was deployed to the area several weeks ago have failed to complete their last two check-ins. There is concern that the team has either been intercepted or forced off the grid. We will be discussing options for an emergency extraction once the Admiral and his staff arrive." The pair stepped into a turbolift at the end of the corridor. "The Federation Council has suspended diplomatic talks following the loss of Ambassador Karal, but we have been authorized to salvage as much of the situation as we can."

"How long do we have?" Kathryn was mentally taking notes and already thinking of contingency plans. There might still be a way to complete their mission, but she would need more information.

"We are half an hour from the border," Troi told her. "We've not identified who was responsible for the attack yet, but we have our suspicions."

Kathryn's brows rose. "Go on."

"Commander Donatra contacted us an hour after we left orbit. She has ordered her fleet to fall back, deeper into Romulan space, but she is bringing the _Valdore_ and two other ships to the border for a meeting. The Commander insists that, although the two attackers were members of the Imperial Fleet, she was not responsible for what occurred on Romulus. Given the activity that we've picked up on long range sensors, the Captain is inclined to believe her."

"What do you think?" Kathryn preferred to rely on facts, but she had found no reason to not trust the Commander's intuition or empathic abilities. Her mind was still a little fuzzy from the medication and the surgery, but she couldn't think of any one reason why they should suspect that Donatra was truly behind the attack. In the absence of evidence, the Admiral's own intuition was telling her that it was more likely that another faction was trying to discredit the Romulan Commander.

"I believe her." Deanna shrugged. "The Commander's sincerity was real. She wants to protect her people, and she believes an alliance with the Federation is the best way to accomplish that now. She understands that her government is weakened by the current upheaval. Praetor Tal'Aura's grasp is tenuous, and she knows that. In addition, our sensors detected several Warbirds moving into position around Romulus. The Reman fleet has been forced back to Remus, and we have lost contact with the Starfleet Intelligence operatives. The timing is not coincidental."

"I agree." Kathryn folded her arms across her chest and grimaced when her shoulder pulled. It was as stiff as the doctor had warned her it would be. She would give anything for a long soak in a hot bath, but she knew that she would be lucky to have enough time to grab a sonic shower and a clean uniform. The turbolift came to a stop on deck 4 and she stepped out, that singular goal in mind now. "I would like a meeting with the fleet Captains as soon as we have reached the border, and I want to see the report regarding ship movements throughout the area."

"Already arranged," Troi replied, "and your aide…" She trailed off when Decan appeared, striding toward them from the other end of the corridor. "Should already have that report ready for you."

"Thank you, Commander." She was not surprised when Troi remained in the turbolift and turned her attention to the Lieutenant once the doors had closed again. "Decan." She smiled at him. "I hope you realize I'll never be able to allow you to transfer. You're just too damned efficient." She held out a hand for the padd he was carrying.

"Admiral. I am pleased that you are well." He placed the report in her hand. "I agree that seeking another assignment at this juncture would be a mistake. There is no other posting that I would find that would more thoroughly test my patience or logical control."

It was, she knew, as close to an admonishment as she would ever receive from a Vulcan for having worried him. Kathryn smirked at him. "I would miss you too, Decan." The tilt of his head was a sign of exasperation that she recognized all too well from her many years of serving with Tuvok. "I've been told that Admiral Paris is en route aboard the _Hamilton_. Contact his staff; I want to look at his intelligence report before he arrives."

"The encrypted report has already been loaded to the terminal in your quarters," the Lieutenant informed her. "I anticipated the request and contacted the Admiral's staff when Dr. Ree informed us that he would be reversing the sedative you were given prior to your surgery."

"Thank you, Lieutenant." Kathryn almost smiled again, but would not give him the satisfaction while he was feeling so pleased with himself. "That will be all for now." She continued the few meters to her assigned quarters and walked through the door. The instant she was inside the cool darkness of her quarters, Kathryn's shoulders slumped and her head bowed. "Dammit!" The situation had escalated entirely too quickly. What had they missed? She tossed the data padd onto her desk and pinched the bridge her nose again. She intended to pour over every scrap of data they had until she figured it out, but first she wanted a shower, a cup of coffee, and she had a briefing to prepare for.

Forty-five minutes later she stepped out of the turbolift on deck one feeling more grounded, but no less at ease about their present situation. She made her way down the short corridor at a quick pace, but when she rounded the bend that would take her to the conference room her pace slowed.

Jake felt her presence before he saw Commander Troi's attention shift to some point behind him. He was told when he arrived that she was out of sickbay, but there wasn't time for a detour before their meeting would begin. As it was, most of the Captains had already arrived. They were only waiting for Captain Grant to join them with the Admiral and his staff. None of that seemed to curb his reaction at seeing her. He stared openly, and though he reminded himself it was probably just his perception, Jake thought she looked pale. "Admiral."

The intensity of his gaze almost caused her steps to falter. "Captain." She closed the short distance between herself and the two officers. Kathryn made a mental note to apologize later for not calling him when she was released from sickbay. She was already occupied with the downturn the mission had taken and the thought had not occurred to her.

Troi looked between the pair of them. She had already sensed the Captain's concern, as well as his underlying fury at the events that had brought them to this moment. She wasn't certain she could put a name on what she was sensing now, from either of them. The tangle of their emotions was too raw. The Commander blinked a few times. "I'll see you both inside," she decided, and although Deanna knew the bulkhead would provide little in the way of a suitable barrier between her and those emotions, she decided to remove herself for the sake of providing the appearance of privacy.

Jake hardly registered her leaving. He took a step forward and stopped, inches away, but well inside her personal space. He let his eyes sweep over her form, assuring himself that the reports of her condition were accurate. "Okay?"

"I'm fine." She felt his fingers curl loosely around hers and exhaled a quiet breath. "Barely a flesh wound," she promised quietly.

He sighed. "You worried us." Jake bent close, until their foreheads were almost touching. It was the most he could allow at the moment, given where they were and what was happening. "I just kept thinking about Decan and how lost he would be if he didn't have you to boss around. It was terrible."

"I'm sure it was." She continued to hold his gaze. "Jake, I'm not stupid enough to think I'm indestructible, but a few Romulans aren't going to accomplish what a Borg Queen couldn't. You don't have to worry about Decan."

His thumb stroked the length of her index finger. "Good."

It was the sound of a throat being cleared that finally separated them. The pair stepped apart quickly and turned toward the sound. Kathryn felt herself straightening and her hands moving behind her back. "Sir."

"Admiral." From the corner of his eye, Jake noticed Kathryn standing at attention beside him. He leaned toward her. "You're still one of them," he muttered.

"But we are not." Grant clapped him on the shoulder. "We should join the others."

The corners of Owen's eyes were crinkled with amusement. His mouth was twisted into a stern expression, but the twinkle in his blue eyes gave him away. "Admiral, would you care to explain why I had to find out from Captain Riker that you had regained consciousness, and furthermore, why you felt it prudent to have your aide inform my staff that you were being released from sickbay?"

She had heard that tone before, but where it would have had her quaking in her boots as an ensign, this time her head tilted in defiance. "My apologies, Admiral, but I was occupied with determining how to salvage this mission, while simultaneously trying to understand why you would send Tuvok undercover into Romulan space without telling me." Her brows lifted. "Naturally there isn't time to have that conversation now, but once we've finished with this briefing, I think I'm due an explanation." She paused for just a moment before adding, "Admiral."

A small smile lifted the corners of his mouth. "I think you've finally grown into that rank bar, Kathryn." He gestured toward the conference room. "Shall we?"

She walked into the room ahead of him, and then strode the length of the conference room until she reached the head of the table. "You'll excuse me if we skip the pleasantries this time. Lieutenant Decan, if you would."

The Lieutenant turned toward the display embedded in the wall near the head of the table. He keyed a command into the control panel beside it before transferring the data from the padd in his hand. "Admiral."

"Twenty minutes ago Commander Donatra of the Romulan warbird _Valdore_ confirmed data collected by _Titan_'s long range sensors," Kathryn began, "a fleet of ships that we believe to be loyal to Proconsul Tomalak converged around Romulus and created a blockade between the Romulan home world and Remus. The ship carrying the Reman elders was destroyed as it attempted to return them to their planet. Captain," she nodded to Will and slid into the chair at the head of the table.

The Captain rose and moved to stand near the display. "Before she lost contact with them, Commander Donatra's informants on Romulus relayed information that Imperial Security forces had taken control of the capital city. A curfew was initiated and the citizens were informed that anyone found outside approved, designated locations after that curfew would be taken into custody."

"Additionally," Kathryn stated, "the Commander was able to tell us that Admiral Malek was promoted to his position within Imperial Security by the Proconsul."

"Given what happened, can we trust her?" The question had come from Captain Chakotay, whose gaze had not left the Admiral since she appeared. He was relieved to see that she was okay, but irritated that information was not disseminated sooner. Had she really not considered there were people that might want to know?

"I believe so," Riker answered. "Commander Donatra has no reason to lie to us. Proconsul Tomalak on the other hand…" Will shook his head. "I wouldn't be surprised if all this was a poorly disguised attempt to take control of the government for himself. The _Valdore_ will arrive in about an hour, along with two other warbirds. I'd like the fleet to remain at yellow alert, but the Commander is coming to talk."

"We've also learned that Starfleet Intelligence has lost contact with the team that was deployed to this region before we arrived. Lieutenant Commander Tuvok and Lieutenant Weiss were on their way to Beloren, a small colony near the center of Romulan Space, when they last checked in with the Intel control officer that was stationed at Starbase 73. Their handler hasn't heard from them since." Kathryn's gaze moved to the opposite end of the table. "Admiral Paris."

"According to the last report we received," Owen told them, "Tuvok and Weiss were attempting to confirm information they uncovered that the attacks along the border had originated at Beloren. That was the staging location, and the transport ship that was carrying the Peregrine-class fighters was launched from the colony. It was believed they might find additional craft and the proof as to who was behind the attacks."

"The Peregrine-class fighters our ships picked up were caught crossing the border from the Federation side," Kathryn pointed out. "I think that raises the question of how the transport ship that was carrying them managed to get into Federation space undetected."

"We'd need to pull the sensor logs," Riker pointed out, "but I'd bet that sensor crossing registered as noise. We haven't found any evidence that there are any operatives operating out of Starbase 39-Sierra, so we can only assume Sullivan was telling the truth about how they were able to cross the net. The Cardassians haven't been forthcoming with us yet, but Starfleet Security and Intelligence might have better luck."

"More than likely," Kathryn agreed with a nod. "We won't know for certain until we track down our officers, or the information they were attempting to uncover. I'd prefer to find both."

"If someone in the Empire has figured out a way to circumvent our sensor net, that's a pretty good reason to make sure no one left the colony with that information," Jake pointed out. He met Kathryn's gaze at the other end of the table. He knew what that would mean to her. He could practically hear the gears in her mind turning, but he knew there was only one course of action she would be able to live with. "So… which ship are you taking to Beloren to find them?"

**-TBC-**

* * *

**A/N:** One of the things that I really enjoyed about the relaunch novels was the inclusion of a counselor. I especially liked that Chakotay and Cambridge butted heads in the beginning, and wanted to recapture a bit of that here. It struck me as odd, reading the books, that Chakotay basically went right back to work within a short time after getting home, breaking up with Seven, and being reunited with what was left of his family. After being lost in the DQ for 7 years, to come home and find the cause he was fighting against had resulted in more devastation than he could imagine, and that war concluded without him - I would have thought he'd need more time, and certainly a lot more counseling than it appears he got.

Thank you all for your responses so far. It means a lot. :)


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

* * *

"I read your report." Owen lifted the spoon that had stirred cream into his coffee and placed it on the saucer beside his cup. Normally, the disgust on Kathryn's face that he had contaminated the beverage would have amused him, but his thoughts had turned to more serious matters. She had said she wanted to meet with him after the briefing and with very little time remaining before she left for Beloren, he thought it more prudent to get right into it. "You spoke to him?"

Kathryn leaned back in her chair and cradled her coffee cup in her hands. They had adjourned to her quarters following the briefing; she was officially allowing Captain Riker to run point on the upcoming meeting with Commander Donatra. He would coordinate with the rest of the fleet and keep her updated via subspace. Owen would be remaining with _Titan_ as Starfleet Intelligence stepped in to assist with uncovering proof that Proconsul Tomalak and Praetor Tal'Aura had staged the attacks, both at the border and the Imperial Senate building.

With all the parts and pieces they had in motion at present, it still didn't take Kathryn more than a second to understand which _him_ Admiral Paris was talking about. "I did." That conversation had stayed with her the rest of the evening, and she found it hard to believe that was just over twenty-four hours ago. "Is that why you're really here?" She regarded the Admiral closely. In all the years she had known him, Kathryn had never known Owen to act impetuously, to allow his professional actions to be ruled by his emotions.

"No." He thought about that a number of times while he was in transit. "I was already en route to Starbase 73 before _Cerberus_ and _Voyager_ engaged the fighters. Starfleet Intelligence has been using it as a staging location for couple of years. Now that Alynna has enacted her revenge," a corner of his mouth twitched toward something that might have been a smirk, "and I'm running the department, I wanted to get eyes on what they've been doing out here. Commander Jovara became something of a legend during the war; he's been running the team out of 73 for the last thirteen months or so. I couldn't pass up an opportunity to meet him." Owen took a sip of his coffee and shook his head. "When I found out Tuvok hadn't checked in I was going to bring a team out to rendezvous with you, but the trouble went down on Romulus before that could happen. I'd like to say I hadn't thought about it at all, what was waiting out here, but…" He leaned forward and placed his cup on the table with a sigh. "That would be a lie." Images, feelings he hadn't experienced in more than twenty years were back, and with them, the nightmares had returned. His sleep had been plagued for at least two of the last several nights.

She shifted in her seat. They had never talked about it, not really. At the time it just wouldn't have been appropriate. He was her commanding officer, her mentor, and they had both been sent to mandatory counseling. Owen would not have revealed to her just how deeply affected he was by the event, even if part of her had always known on some level just how deep the psychological scars went.

After Utrea II he was never the same. Owen had known joy and happiness, but there was something missing; a spark, that mischievous little gleam that she saw in Tom and reminded her just how much alike the two men were. Kathryn stared at the contents of her cup; she hoped the dark liquid would help order the thoughts in her mind. "He hasn't changed," She said quietly. "I don't suppose people like that ever do."

"I don't know that I would call him a person," Owen said quietly. He felt a chill settle in his bones. He could remember that room, remember how cold it was as they took his uniform and bound his hands to a ring that was suspended from the ceiling. His throat tightened in memory as he recalled the burning in his throat as he screamed until his vocal chords were so strained that no more sound could be produced.

Kathryn's eyes snapped up and she met his gaze. She watched the shadow pass over his eyes and saw in them how haunted he was at revisiting that moment in time. It was certainly more than he had ever revealed to her before. "There are things he said," she told him, voice dipping low; she was unable to maintain the controlled timbre she might have preferred. "They're in the recording of our initial interrogation—"

"I watched it." Owen tore his gaze away from her. "I probably shouldn't have. The counselors will probably have a field day with that." It was a compulsion, really. The more he tried to convince himself it wasn't necessary, the more he felt that he _needed_ to see it, that perhaps in doing so, replaying that chapter of his life would have less of an impact. "You were twenty-three years old. You had never been out of the sector before, and you were only in that shuttle because I knew you were bored out of your mind." Owen shook his head at her. "I knew Tighe was giving you a hard time. I don't have to tell _you_ that the Lieutenant was stubborn as hell when he wanted to be. Kathryn, you've done this long enough, you've got seven years of impossibly hard situations to compare it to. You know that there's nothing we won't do, as long as it's within our power, to save the people we are sworn to protect."

She looked down again and swallowed against the thick wave of emotion that was threatening to choke her. She couldn't count the number of times she put her life between certain destruction and the safety of her crew. She had literally walked onto a Borg cube to save a single life. She wasn't willing to lose even one of them, not if it was in her power to prevent it. "You'd have done it for any of us, I know that. I hate that it was necessary. There was nothing that you or I could do to change that then, we can't change it now. I understand it better. You know…" She put her cup on the table and shifted in her chair. She brought her knee up and hooked her heel against the edge of her chair. Kathryn rested her hands against the top of it and tilted her head, expression turning a little wistful as she thought back. "When Tom disobeyed orders to help the Moneans, and violated the Prime Directive to do it, I had never been more furious, or more proud, in my entire life. I wanted to throttle him. My god did I want to throttle him." She smiled at the memory. "He had come so far, but I felt like I had failed him somehow. He was doing the right thing, what I couldn't do, what I _wouldn't_ do, because of the oaths we had sworn. I couldn't ignore it. Our situation was just too dangerous. I couldn't allow anyone on that ship to think that we were in the Delta Quadrant to impose our will. That didn't change the fact that it was my failure more than it was his. We are ultimately responsible. Their successes can't be ours unless their failures are too, and we can't ask them to put their lives in danger if we wouldn't step in front of that danger for them." When she met his gaze she smiled sadly. "I know what you did, Owen. I'm sure Camet embellished as much as he thought was necessary to try to create the effect that would give _him_ the advantage, but he failed to understand the single, most salient difference between him and us. You would do it again. So would I. So would any of the Captains in this taskforce, and their contemporaries across the quadrant. We go first. We set the tone. If they don't come home, neither do we. That is what sets us apart from Camet, and Tomalak, and any number of other enemies we've made along the way."

His blue eyes were surprising bright, moist with emotion. "The student becomes the teacher," he said simply, but with more pride than he would ever be able to put to words.

"And they say you can't teach an old dog new tricks." She unfolded her leg from in front of her and leaned forward. "It opened a door, this situation with Camet. Don't give him the satisfaction of stumbling through it. He isn't worth it. _Aegeus_ is taking the detainees to Starbase 234, where they will be held and questioned by Starfleet Security. We'll get the answers we need, either from interrogation or by investigating Beloren ourselves. Camet is going to spend the rest of his life in a penal colony…" She trailed off and a smile curved her mouth upward. "And no, you don't have to tell _me_ how stubborn Justin could be."

Owen looked down again. He studied the clear, shining surface of the glass tabletop. "Even if I thought I wanted to, and believe me I don't, I have no intention of seeing Camet before _Aegeus _leaves. I know my limits, and I can't do it. You're right; I won't go through that door. There's nothing to be gained from it." He straightened after another moment and folded his hands together. "Are you sure that _Voyager_ is the right ship to take to Beloren?" He arched a brow of her.

"Why wouldn't I be?" Her brows drew together in a puzzled frown. "She'll get the job done. We'll need to move quickly, and it may become necessary for us to skirt underneath Romulan sensors. That's something we've done before. B'Elanna and Harry have had several days out here to analyze the array network they're using. I'm sure if they haven't already considered implementing some method of reflecting the Romulans' sensors, they will now. Not only that, but Tuvok knows _Voyager_ as well as I do. He'll know how to get word to us in a way that we will understand but won't reveal his location or break his cover."

"You know it's entirely possible that Commander Tuvok hasn't checked in because he's-"

"I know that," Kathryn cut him off. "I won't leave him behind, either way." She would find out what happened, regardless. She stood up and walked to the viewport. She could see _Odyssey_ and _Jamestown_ holding position several kilometers away. The fleet was going to resume their patrols and this time their ships would run parallel on each side of the neutral zone. _Titan_ and _Hamilton _would hold position and wait for the _Valdore_. Any further movements would be determined after they met with Commander Donatra. "Even if we don't find Tuvok, we need to investigate Beloren. He wouldn't follow a false lead. There was something there."

"Hm." Owen chose to let it go. She wasn't wrong, but he didn't think it required her overseeing the trip personally. He knew how stubborn she could be, and if he tried to nudge her another way, she would dig her heels in even further. Owen inclined his head and decided to pose another question that had been on his mind. "So… Jacob?"

She felt her cheeks flush. How was it, more than twenty years later, the right inflection to a question had her feeling like that twenty-year-old cadet again, sitting in his office for the first time, determined to prove herself but awed by the authority. She cast a narrow-eyed look at him from over her shoulder. "Did you have a specific inquiry or are you just fishing?"

The warning note in her tone made him practically gleeful, though he schooled his features as carefully as he was able. Owen reached for his coffee again and while his eyes sparkled at her, he made a show of taking a long sip. "Julia worries," he explained. "He stayed with us off and on when he was growing up, when his parents' careers took them to postings he couldn't follow." By the time the girls and Tom had come along, though, Cole and his wife had shipped the boy off to a fleet prep school in northern Oregon.

"I see." Kathryn turned slowly. She folded her arms across her chest and continued to stare at him. "_Julia_ worries… about a forty-five-year-old man with a successful career while she has a new daughter-in-law, a new grandchild, and isn't Moira getting married soon?" A single brow rose. "What I think is that Jake was absolutely correct. You are a nosy, meddling… old mule." Her arms dropped and she strode to the workstation where she began putting the data padds she had been studying since waking in sickbay into her travel case. "I also think that you know better than to question me about that and I am going to choose to forget this ever happened."

Owen barked a quick laugh at her. "That tells me more than I need to know." He took another sip of his coffee before putting it aside again and standing. He straightened his uniform and nodded at her. "I'm sure Julia will be delighted." He stopped talking when her door chimed. His lips pursed while his brows rose in curiosity.

Kathryn huffed a sigh. Definitely a meddling old mule, she decided. "Come in."

Jake took one look at the two of them together and visibly cringed. His timing certainly could have been better. "Admirals."

"I should be getting back to work," Owen decided. "Kathryn, I'm sure I'll see you in a few days. Good luck." He walked toward the door and paused. "Jacob."

"Sir." He watched his uncle go, and once the doors were closed, he groaned. "We'll never hear the end of it."

"Sure we will." She closed the case and dropped it on the surface of his desk. "I'll just have a conversation with Julia." She smirked at him. "I'm sure he'll find something else to focus on straight away."

"Devious. I like it." He took the few steps that would bring him directly in front of her. Jake took her hand and tugged her close. His arm moved around her waist and his hand splayed across her lower back. "_Aegeus _is getting underway soon. I wanted to see you before we leave."

A soft smile lifted the corners of her mouth. Kathryn laid a hand against his chest and let it slide slowly downward, following the seam of his jacket. "I'm glad you did." She nodded toward the bag that would be going to _Voyager_ with her. "I planned to leave as soon as the meeting with Admiral Paris had ended."

"I think this is the part where I wish you good hunting," he said, "and I don't do something idiotic like tell you to be careful." Jake shrugged at her. "I'm not so enlightened that I won't worry. You're headed deeper into the snake's nest. I know you don't need me to watch your back," he sighed, "but I might have a vested interest in you coming back in one piece."

"That's good." Her arms moved to loop loosely around his neck. "I have a vested interest in my coming back in one piece too." Kathryn smiled crookedly at him. She couldn't promise that everything would be okay, he knew that well enough, but it mattered that he cared enough to voice it. "If there's one thing that I'm sure you don't have to worry about, it's me and _Voyager_ getting back to where we belong… eventually"

Jake stared at her for a moment. The corners of her mouth twitched and he snorted. "That was terrible." They both laughed and he dropped a kiss to her upturned mouth. "I'll see you in a few days," he said. "I hope you find him."

Her smile softened. She laid a hand against the side of his neck and kissed him again. "A few days," she echoed. Kathryn lingered for only a moment longer before she stepped away. She reached for her travel case. "Walk me out?"

"I seem to be headed that way too." He waved an arm toward the door and gave an over exaggerated bow. "After you, Admiral."

They encountered Decan in the corridor outside her cabin. The Vulcan aide only arched a brow at them before his attention was turned solely on the Admiral. "Captain Chakotay will be meeting us in the transporter room. Quarters have already been made available for you on deck-"

"Eight." Kathryn smirked. "Yes, I remember. You're forgetting Lieutenant, I know more about that ship than any schematic could ever teach you."

"Your statement is not entirely without merit," he replied, "but you are forgetting, Admiral, that the sentimentality with which you recall most things about _Voyager_ is unique to yourself, and entirely illogical to me." His head tilted and he regarded the Captain beside her again. "Can I assume that you will be returning to _Aegeus_?"

Jake fought the urge to grin. "I think you're warming up to me Lieutenant. You act like you can't wait to get rid of me, but I really think you're going to miss me."

"That is most unlikely, Captain." He waited for them to pass before he fell instep behind the Admiral.

"Beneath that cool, logical exterior," Jake told Kathryn, "I know he really likes me."

"I wouldn't bet the farm on it," she smirked at him. If nothing else, she thought her aide might _tolerate_ the Captain, at least as well as Decan tolerated anyone other than herself.

"You know, Lieutenant, if you ever get tired of running errands for the brass, you can always come work for me. I don't think my first officer appreciates my sense of humor; I could use someone like you around. Not to mention what I'm sure you could do with a report or two, at the very least the reading would be more interesting."

"I take it that Commander Merrin has proved to be more… challenging than you thought she would be?" Kathryn flashed an amused look at him as they stepped into the lift at the end of the corridor. "You realize you can't replace your XO just because she won't laugh at your jokes?"

"Sadly, that's true." Jake sighed. "It seems we're stuck with each other for a while, at least until another posting comes around or we actually start getting used to one another. I don't suppose you'd be willing to take the job? You could think of it as a vacation; just kick back, let someone else do the heavy lifting for a while."

"That's not entirely what I remember of the first officer's job description," she chuckled. "I seem to recall it requiring a lot of long hours, an extensive amount of crew evaluations and dealing with stubborn Captains who don't know when they should stay on the ship."

"You're absolutely right," Jake nodded. "Now that I think about it, that wouldn't be much of a vacation. Who wants to be doing crew evaluations when you can be traipsing around Romulan territory telling everyone else what to do?"

"Exactly, and I'll thank you to stop trying to steal my aide right out from under my nose," she tapped him on the chest. "If you're really looking to replace Commander Merrin," her eyes glittered, "I understand there's a tactical officer aboard _Voyager _who might make an excellent first officer."

"From ensign to XO in under a year," Jake nodded. "That's one way to make up for lost time…" he slanted a look at her, "and all those promotions he missed out on. Is this the part where my ship becomes a landing spot for all your former crew?"

"Well, I was never one to allow an opportunity slip away if at all possible. Why not take advantage of a recent change in command. You've already had a few transfers. It isn't unheard of. There would have been more staff changes if this mission wasn't already on the horizon. Very soon they're all going to have to realize they can't stay on board _Voyager_ forever." There was more out there for all of them, even her. It may have taken several months to realize that, but she had. Those seven years would never be forgotten, but it was time for them to move on with their lives.

"I understand," Jake nodded. "You're just using me for my ship placements. I'm glad that's finally been answered."

"No darling, I'm using you for-" Kathryn stopped when she remembered they weren't alone. She cast a quick glance in the Lieutenant's direction, and then rolled her eyes at the smirk that was curving across Jake's face. "You can have this round," she conceded.

"It was a close thing, but your containment field is holding, Admiral. In the future you might want to be more careful with transferring too much power through the EPS manifold." When the lift came to a stop and the door opened, he waited for her to exit before following her. "Luckily, you know an engineer who might be willing to assist with that."

"Might?" Her brow lifted, she knew better than that and so did he. "I think you could be understating it just a little."

"I think I'm understating it a hell of a lot." In the transporter room Jake stopped beside the console. "We can finish this discussion when you've returned. I still have reservations pending at Starbase 343."

She offered him a small, but pleased smile. "I'm looking forward to it. Chief, is _Voyager_ standing by?"

The tall figure at the console nodded. "They're ready when you are, Admiral."

She stepped up onto the transporter pad and turned. "Energize." The interior of the _Titan_ disappeared in a shower of blue and white light and when it cleared, she was standing in the familiar confines of _Voyager_. She drew a quick breath. It was an almost heady feeling, being back on board for the first time in several months. She hadn't known how she would feel, but nostalgia and warmth settled over her. It was comfortable, and safe, and a small voice in the back of her mind whispered _home_. She ignored that, however, and let her gaze settle on the man standing in front of her. A bright smile lit her face. "Tom."

If she was surprised to find _Voyager_'s first officer waiting to greet her, instead of its Captain, she didn't show it. The Commander returned her smile as she stepped off the pad. "Admiral, welcome aboard. I'd offer you the tour, but I think you could give it in your sleep."

"That's probably true." She stopped in front of him. "It's good to see you. How is Miral?"

"Feisty like her mother." His smile was one of true delight. Tom never imagined he'd enjoy being a father as much as he did. He would challenge anyone to try to convince him that the very stars in the sky did not shine a little brighter when his daughter was looking up at them. "If I'd known you might actually visit during this trip, we would have brought her along. She's with Mom and Kathleen on Betazed. Kathleen's husband has been stationed there since the occupation ended." His brother-in-law was a member of the Starfleet Corps of Engineers. His was one of many teams assigned to assist in the cleanup and rebuilding effort on the planet. "They're taking all the kids to some island resort. We thought it would be good for Miral to spend some time with her cousins." To spend time around other kids, really, there weren't many aboard _Voyager_. While there were family accommodations on board _now_, it was never intended to be that kind of ship.

"I'm sorry that I missed her." She understood why Tom and B'Elanna wouldn't want Miral to spend all her time on board the ship, and especially when it was headed into a situation with as much uncertainty as their diplomatic mission to Romulan space. "We'll have to get together the next time you're on Earth. I'm sure she's grown considerably since the last time I saw her."

"You may not even recognize her." Tom grinned. They kept the pictures circulating, but it had been a while since all of them were together for any length of time. "Well, Admiral, if you'll come with me…"

"I appreciate the gesture, Commander, but I know my way." She laid a hand on his arm before turning toward the exit. "Obviously your Captain has been held up. Let him know that I'll be ready to meet with him as soon as I've settled in. It shouldn't take more than twenty minutes. I would hope that's sufficient time to allow him to wrap up whatever has come up?"

"I think so." Paris nodded. "He's with B'Elanna in engineering. She had a few ideas for reflective shield polarity. They're certain they can run it through the Astrometric sensors. It's not exactly a cloaking device, but we might be able to run on stealth mode for a little while."

"Really?" Her brows lifted with sudden interest. "Lieutenant, would you mind?"

Decan was already reaching for her case. "Of course not, Admiral. While you're in engineering I will pull the latest information on Beloren.

"Thank you, Lieutenant. Gentlemen." With a nod, she was gone. Her steps carried her, almost on autopilot, away from the transporter room and toward the turbolift at the end of the corridor. She didn't think about that, however; her mind was already focused on the Astrometric sensor array and how they might reroute it through the deflector to change the polarity of _Voyager_'s shields. If they could make it work, even for a short while, without burning out the deflector dish or in some way diminishing their shield capacity, they might be able to make it to Beloren virtually unnoticed.

Chakotay didn't need to be told when she was beamed aboard. He was sure that Cambridge would tell him he was a little crazy, and he might even be right. It was probably all in his head, but Chakotay was certain he _felt_ the moment she beamed on board. In Engineering it felt a little more pronounced than it might have been anywhere else on the ship, but he had a feeling it wouldn't have mattered _where_ he was standing. He would have still experienced the same moment. Suddenly it felt like the engines were running a little smoother. The subtle vibrations that the warp core created in the deck plating beneath his feet evened out. It was almost as if the very ship itself had just let out a slow, relaxed sigh of contentment.

He was glad that Torres was so lost in her explanation of how she planned to use the sensors to alter the ship's shield harmonics because it saved him from having to explain the line that formed between his brows, or the scowl he briefly cast toward the warp core. In the past it was always _Voyager_ for Kathryn, and now that they were home, now that the ship was no longer her entire focus or reason or being, now that it was _his_ ship, it seemed like the ship was reminding him that it had chosen her a long time ago.

His thoughts turned to bitterness and he tried to tell himself it was because he was already irritated with her. He was genuinely surprised she had chosen _Voyager_ for the trip to Beloren to look for Tuvok. She had gone out of her way to avoid being on the ship since they'd gotten home and had barely acknowledged it was part of her taskforce at all. Now when it was needed, when _they_ were needed, there was no other ship or crew that she thought more capable of carrying out a rescue mission.

Had it been anyone other than Tuvok, Chakotay wondered if she would have chosen them, or just stayed on board _Titan_. A dark scowl drew his brows together. Or _Aegeus_.

That little moment of theirs in the corridor had not gone completely unnoticed. He saw enough when the doors opened to admit the _Titan_ counselor. It looked like Kathryn had so little time to spend with him because she was spending it elsewhere.

Chakotay listened to B'Elanna go on about the sensor changes she wanted to make while his thoughts turned further inward. Seven years. Seven years he waited for her, while she let him in_ just enough_ to keep him close, enough to make herself appear more human, even as she became colder and harder with each passing year.

"…The only problem," Torres's voice was just a faint echo in his ears, "is that it won't reflect a direct scan. If they're actually looking, they're going to know we're there."

"Then it sounds like we should make sure no one knows where we're heading."

The voice cut through the din. Chakotay felt his back stiffen and he plastered a smile on his face, even as he saw B'Elanna's eyes brighten with genuine delight.

"We could try masking the warp core, give off a false tachyon signature," B'Elanna said in response.

"Between the tachyons and the reflective shielding, it's going to look like _Voyager_ is just another warbird moving through the system." The Admiral moved to stand with them, unaware that the young officers around them had snapped to attention and were staring in awe. Those from the original crew had more or less smiled and gone back to work. Kathryn folded her arms across her chest. Her gaze shifted toward the warp core as her mind filled with thoughts of B'Elanna's proposal. "We could take _Voyager_ out of the system, make it appear we've gone back to starbase with _Aegeus_, and once we're out of sensor range…"

"We'll put the modifications in place and come back," the Chief Engineer nodded. "We can move through the sensor net, but with the codes, it won't set off any alarms. I'm wondering…" B'Elanna moved to an engineering console and her fingers began flying over the surface. "What if we use their own sensors against them? The good thing about flying back and forth with nothing else to do is that it gave us time to gather a lot of information on how their sensors work. The engineers that helped _Valdore_ and the other ships limp back to Romulan space a few months ago were able to provide enough of a glimpse into how those birds work that I think with the right combination of tachyons and refractive pulse, a passive scan won't detect us. With a more direct scan, I think we could code a feedback loop that would…"

"Make their sensors think _Voyager_ is just noise," Kathryn finished for her. She had moved to the console while the younger woman spoke and was reading over her shoulder as B'Elanna called up the sensor specs they had on file for the Romulan warbirds. "That may only work with the ships in the same class as _Valdore_," she pointed out. "We're also assuming they haven't managed to build another _Scimitar_."

"I think we're _hoping_ that's the case," Torres replied, "more than assuming. If they've built another of those monster ships, there's nothing I can do. I read the reports from _Enterprise_. Not even with Seven's help could I modify our sensors enough to pick up that ship or enforce the shields against an attack." She looked as earnest as she felt. La Forge was as brilliant as they came, in her opinion, and while she and Seven had worked a lot of miracles over the years, they would have been just as out of their element as he had been.

Chakotay shook his head as he watched the pair. The conversation was bouncing back and forth and making him every bit as dizzy as it ever had. In only seconds they had fallen back into a routine that made it look as though Kathryn had never been gone. That only added to the downward turn his mood had taken, but he managed to force it aside, or hoped he did. "How long will it take you to make the modifications?"

B'Elanna looked at him, and from her expression it was clear that she had forgotten he was there. "About six hours, possibly longer." Her gaze moved to the Admiral, "much less with the right help," the corner of her mouth quirked toward a grin.

The undercurrent in his voice had made the fine hairs on the back of her neck stand up. Kathryn pushed it aside for the moment, told herself that he was only responding to their lack of acknowledgement. It was _his_ ship now, after all. She focused on B'Elanna instead and felt an answering grin curve her lips. "I thought I had finally graduated from being relegated to your work crews. Apparently I was wrong."

"I'm sorry, Admiral," Torres shrugged, feeling quite unapologetic, "but my former Captain taught me to use every available resource, no excuses. Delays for failing to appropriately allocate those resources were met with harsh consequences."

"I see," she nodded. "Yes, I understand she was quite a beast. Well, I suppose if that's the way you were taught, I can hardly complain now." She stopped and cast a look in Chakotay's direction. "With the current Captain's permission, of course?"

"And miss the opportunity to tell everyone I had an Admiral crawling through the bowels of the ship doing sensor modifications?" Chakotay snorted. "Just keep me updated on your progress. I'll have Tom take us out of the neutral zone and point us toward starbase along the same course _Aegeus_ took."

There was something in the way he said the name of the ship that set her teeth on edge. "B'Elanna, let me know where you would like me. In the meantime, your Captain and I were meant to be meeting after I came on board. I shouldn't be long."

The engineer nodded. "I will. Welcome back."

Kathryn spared a smile for her before turning her attention fully on the Captain. "Well, shall we?" She had a feeling there were a few things they should talk about before they moved any further into their current mission, otherwise it might all escalate at exactly the wrong moment.

"Of course." He nodded. "I think you know the way."

"Better than you think," she replied cryptically, and led him out of engineering.

**-TBC-**


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

* * *

It felt a little odd to be sitting in the ready room like this, a guest, when it had been her sanctuary for so many years. She declined the cup of coffee that he offered her and felt the stirrings of a smirk at his surprise. She sat, legs crossed, in the chair in front of the desk, and when he lowered himself behind it, her head tilted. "Well… this is different." It had to be said, she supposed; as icebreakers went, with the silent tension that was between them on the way from engineering, it was honestly the best that she could do.

"That's generally what happens when an officer moves on to other things," he reminded her.

Kathryn's brow rose; her expression was one of curiosity rather than genuine astonishment. "Is that what you think I did? I just _moved on_ to other things? You were there, Chakotay. I didn't exactly ask to be promoted. Looking back, I suppose that I was bound for a desk or a teaching position anyway, at least for a while. With everything that happened in this quadrant before we got home it wouldn't have made sense to put me in a corner and let me grow dusty, but at the same time, I can understand the hesitation at offering me another command." She shrugged at him. "I was out there too long, but it was a reward too."

"Yes, that's probably true." He shook his head at her. "What I haven't been able to figure out is why you've gone out of your way to avoid everything. This ship, our crew," he paused for a moment, watched the warring clouds of astonishment and confusion fill her eyes, "me." Not for the first time in the past few weeks he asked himself why it was that he and his ship had been relegated to patrols of the Neutral Zone, while Admiral Janeway was at the heart of the diplomatic mission to Romulus. He had trusted that she had her reasons, and he supposed that Riker was the more seasoned officer, but he couldn't possibly know her as well as they did. That was not at the heart of his concern now, however. The mission had changed, and with everything that happened, he was truly surprised that she had chosen _Voyager_, rather than _Aegeus_, to carry her to Beloren in search of Tuvok.

If she thought he was going to wait to start this conversation, she was obviously mistaken. It wasn't the time, and it certainly wasn't the place. "I know there are things that we need to talk about, but I hardly think we should do that now."

"When?" He leaned forward; his hands were clasped tightly atop the surface of the desk. "When is _now_ actually going to happen, Kathryn? From where I'm sitting you've been putting that off for a long time. Maybe you should tell me what I did so I can decide if I need to apologize?"

So he could decide? The small box she had put her feelings into, all of the irritation, confusion, and quite frankly hurt, where Chakotay was concerned began to fall apart. It was like a puzzle box that had been dropped, or perhaps one that wasn't quite put together properly. Kathryn snorted a bitter laugh. It was brittle and cold, and weighted in the oozing darkness of her ire. "I don't think you want to hear what I have to say to you," she explained, and felt vindicated that he had not already figured it out. "At the risk of damaging a relationship that I hold in high regard and creating tension that would not be beneficial to our assignment, I think we should table it for now, Captain."

"What relationship?" The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them. He saw them land, watched her eyes widen, and saw the damage they inflicted. He expected her mask to fall into place and he was shocked when it didn't. More than that, he was ill prepared for the fury he saw reflected back at him. She had been angry with him before but that was always professional. This appeared to be wholly personal and Chakotay tried to think back over the last year, but could not recall a single moment that would explain to him what he'd done to earn the glare that she was casting in his direction now. He felt the stirrings of his own temper in response. He straightened and decided to stand behind his statement. "From where I'm sitting, Kathryn, it's hard to have a relationship with someone when you can't seem to deign to be in the same room with them, much less express more than a few words."

Kathryn shook her head at him. She had tried. She would remind herself of that later, when she was regretting this argument. "As I understand it, it's difficult to have a relationship when one party is occupied elsewhere." Her words were low, succinct, but her tone was clipped. "That is the relationship that you are referencing, is it not? I still think of you as my friend, my very dear friend, Chakotay, but that is all we are. Whatever opportunity there might have been for more was lost the moment you decided seek personal fulfillment aboard my ship." It sounded petty when she put voice to it, but that was not the only reason that she was angry with him. It went much deeper than that. Her disappointment was bitter, and she wished that she could see past it, but it had been a tight fist, squeezing at that place in her heart that was reserved just for him. Maybe she needed to say the words, she decided, so that she could finally put it behind her. "I never cared about the other women, those needs were human, and for the most part you were discreet. It was none of my business as long as you were careful and it did not endanger the ship, or the crew, and you aren't the only one of our crew who needed to resolve our more basic, human needs in that manner." They both knew that she had her own way of doing the same, it was nothing more than scratching an itch, and so she had ignored it.

It had no bearing on _them_.

Until it did. Until it changed. Until he made the one decision that she just could not ignore or support.

His eyes flashed darkly. For a moment Chakotay was utterly astonished. Then he felt the stirrings of his temper erupt into a full-blown storm of reciprocal anger. "You're jealous." The words tasted like acid in his mouth. He always expected better of her. Chakotay never imagined that he would find himself taken to task by a bitter, malevolent shrew, hell bent on denying him any corner of happiness that she did not personally approve of first. Had she honestly expected him to spend the rest of his life alone? Did she think he could live indefinitely off the crumbs she tossed his way in an effort to keep him loyal and his attention focused almost entirely upon her? "You're mad at me because I spent a few weeks dating someone else, a year ago, and _that_ is why you've been avoiding me? You may be made of stone, Kathryn, but the rest of us mere mortals aren't." His words landed like blows, and he knew he might regret them later, but for the moment he was too embroiled in his own disappointment to hold back the rush of accusations that were probably always inevitable between them. "I get it, you're the perfect example of the Starfleet model officer, completely untainted by physical or emotional needs. Starfleet Command's golden girl, I'm sure your story will be told for generations to come. Cadets will read of your accomplishments and whisper in awed voices about the virgin heroine who accomplished what few others could. They'll tell of the brave woman, stranded a galaxy away, the Captain who was a queen in her own right, that defeated the Borg with a single ship and her own force of will. It's just too bad they won't know the real story," he spat at her, "that Starfleet's would-be Queen was carved out of granite and sacrificed her personal happiness and mine so that she could stand proud. It wouldn't have done for her to be sullied by something so basic, so beneath her as a sordid affair with her first officer. Tell me something, has your friend Jake figured out yet that you're so cold?"

For a moment she felt winded, as though he had physically struck her. His words cut her to the very center of her being, and she realized with a clarity that left her bereft that he had never seen her at all. Kathryn blinked at him. She felt the ache of something sharp and too painful at the back of her throat; she felt the heat of his words rush through her and it made her tremble with rage. At her sides her hands clenched into small fists and the press of her nails against the soft flesh of her palms was almost enough to ground her in the moment. "How dare you." She rose from the chair and moved away from him, needing that distance. She moved closer to the railing that separated the sitting area from the workstation. Her hand reached out blindly and she gripped it tightly. "I would have sacrificed myself a thousand times over if it meant getting them home, but I never once felt that I was the price of their return." She didn't shout. She didn't rail. He needed to hear what came next, and whether he understood it or not, Kathryn couldn't decide if she still cared. "My image was the furthest thing from my mind. For seven years the only thing I thought of in relation to myself was whether or not I would be able to garner the support of my peers, and those superiors I had known all my life, to guarantee the freedom of our Maquis crew, including you. I really couldn't care less what Starfleet thought of me, specifically, and the public can think what it wants, it always does. None of that ever mattered. Getting my crew home, safe, to their families and without lengthy jail sentences for those that were once considered criminals was my focus. That was my only focus. I couldn't afford to have it diverted and the few times I allowed it to be, they paid the price. If all I had wanted was an affair, Chakotay, you'd have been in my bed years ago, and we could have both taken what we wanted and I still would have gotten my crew home."

Kathryn shook her head at him. She turned away. She stared through the viewport at the stars. That sight was once a balm to her soul, a reminder of why she had left her home, why she sought something more than herself and what she could find with her feet planted firmly on the ground. It didn't calm her now, the ache went too deep; Kathryn drew a slow breath, she tried to settle her hurt and rage, but that was the problem with her deeper emotions. Once they were allowed free reign they were harder to suppress. She folded her arms across her chest and felt the ache of her tension move down her spine and settle in the stiff joint of her recovering shoulder. With that pain she was reminded of the things she actually had sacrificed for her crew. How many times had her body been broken and battered, bruised and bloodied, or even assimilated for the sake of being able to look up at the sky, the real sky, and see familiar constellations.

"It was never about sex," she said quietly, and her voice was laced with the disappointment that made her chest ache. "I thought you knew that. I wanted more for us. I've never been especially interested in casual relationships, although they've suited their purpose. When I give myself, I do it completely. I thought you understood that. I couldn't give myself to you while they needed me. I couldn't risk it. They deserved more and so did we." She looked back at him, over the curve of her shoulder, and her blue eyes glinted like steel. "I wanted more for us than a few stolen moments between emergencies, and I thought…" She stopped speaking and looked away again. Kathryn stared at the darkness beyond the viewport. She could see her own distorted image reflected back, and she wondered if that was how he saw her, too. Were their perceptions of her so completely incompatible that it had led to this moment? "After Venice," she said, "I thought you knew. You always seemed to know me better than anyone else, better than I knew myself sometimes, but maybe that was the illusion." The final betrayal of a quadrant that had been hell-bent on destroying them all. Maybe he had never known her at all. "Jake hasn't asked more of me than I've been willing to give," she added quietly, "and he _did_ ask." It was on the tip of her tongue to remind him that he hadn't exactly been idle these past weeks. Or was his flirtation with Captain Caldwell just that, a bit of passing fun to distract him?

His teeth ground together, and suddenly Chakotay realized he was angry with himself. With that realization came shame, so deep and biting that he could almost taste the bile of it. He lowered his gaze to the carpeted deck beneath their feet and felt his shoulders slump. "Was I supposed to wait forever?" The words were soft, almost whispered, and it was one final attempt at a defense that he didn't deserve. It was completely beneath him, and they both knew it.

"No," she replied, just as quietly. "If I thought you were genuinely trying to move on, I could have accepted it. It isn't that you chose someone else, Chakotay, there were plenty of women _and_ men on _Voyager_ that would have been glad of your attentions. No, it isn't that, and if you truly believe I am that petty, I will have to rethink every conversation we ever shared to find where I failed to reveal my true being. It's more troubling than moving on. It's the person you chose to move on with. There was only one other person on that ship that I could devote myself to, beyond duty, beyond responsibility, beyond the mission. If you had only been lonely, I could have forgiven that." She drew a breath and let it out slowly. She turned again. She needed to meet his gaze, and in his shame, she saw his understanding. That only drove the blade of disappointment deeper. He had known what he was doing. "What I've had trouble forgiving is that you used her to hurt me. The stars only know that you and I have hurt each other any number of times over the years, so if you were just striking out, I might have found my way toward forgiveness by now. The thing that I am having difficulty accepting is your choice of weapon. Worse than that, Seven knows that you used her to hurt me. She trusted you. She trusted you because I trusted you. She chose you because for all her naiveté she understood that there was something in you that must be special because _I_ thought that you were special. What she couldn't know, what she was too young and too inexperienced to understand were all the reasons for why you were available to be chosen. Congratulations, Chakotay, she knows now. You taught her more and faster than I ever could. Tell me, who was the real scorpion in that story?"

His eyes widened. Stricken, he shook his head. "Kathryn, that was not—" Being with Seven was never specifically about hurting her, even if a quiet voice had whispered in his head at the time, wondered at what she might think when she finally learned of it, and if she might finally feel something.

She held up her hand, silencing him. There was a part of her that was still trying to forgive him, and if she heard his denials, she knew it would never be possible. Kathryn shrugged at him. Tears glistened in her eyes but she refused to allow them to fall. When she finally spoke again, her voice was low, rasping like velvet that had been stretched too tightly against leather. "Maybe I'm just as much to blame. I put her in your path. I needed something," she sighed, "something to remind me that I was still human, that for all the darkness, and for every hard choice, and every decision that had to be mine, there was still a part of me that could be redeemed at the end. That when we got home, there would be enough of me left that would be human, that I was not merely just another extension of _Voyager_. I had to give the crew everything, all of me except that one part that I locked away for you, and the pieces I gave to Seven, because if I could teach her to be human again, the hope..." She stopped when her voice hitched. Her jaw clenched. Kathryn tilted her chin at him, stubbornly, almost defiantly. "The hope we were supposed to share wouldn't die. But in the end, I guess _not never_ was just too much to hope for after all."

He felt her words sear right through him. In the end, he supposed that no one would ever be able to hurt either of them the way they were able to hurt each other. The muscles of his neck worked. He felt the ache of his shame in his throat, felt the burn of it in his gut. He could say that she was wrong, that he hadn't really considered becoming romantically involved with Seven as having anything at all to do with Kathryn, but when he looked at his motivation through the lens she handed him, Chakotay realized the truth of her words. Yes, when Seven had approached him he was flattered, and he was lonely, but that was as far as it should have gone. That it had not stopped there was something that he regretted. He never lied to Seven, and he wasn't leading her on. Whatever else Kathryn might believe, he was not that malicious, but his intent was not completely pure, and in that way he had used her.

"I started to resent you," he admitted, and was further surprised that thoughts he tried so long to repress had found purchase in an argument that was probably a long time in coming. Chakotay saw his surprise reflected back at him in her eyes, and when her mouth opened to utter some response, he shook his head. "Not because we decided to wait," he explained, "because the longer we took to get home, the more of you I lost. The woman I came to know that first year out there, the flawed and capable, intelligent creature that I fell in love with would never have threatened Noah Lessing the way you did. She wouldn't have let the Devore Inspector," even now he wouldn't speak his name, "believe that she would barter herself in exchange for her crew." She had played the long game with that one, and she had won. She would never have allowed it to go that far, Chakotay knew, but he hated that the idea had crossed her mind, and that she had played her part so well that the Inspector had believed it. "Every year you buried yourself a little deeper in the mission, and it became a little harder to hope for anything when the woman I was waiting for didn't seem to exist anymore."

A single tear managed to escape her resolve and slid slowly down the pale curve of her cheek. "If I hadn't hidden her away," Kathryn said quietly, "she wouldn't be standing in front of you now." She turned and let her gaze sweep over the interior of the ready room again. How often had she come here to escape? To hide from him, the crew, or even the bitterness that was beginning to seep into her own soul with each passing year that they were lost. Kathryn moved up the steps and lowered herself onto the sofa. She sat at its center, where she had so many times before, and crossed her legs. She folded her hands in her lap and studied them. "The Admiral told me that in the other timeline you married Seven." She had never revealed that before, not even to her counselors. "I don't know if it's true, she certainly knew how to manipulate all of us." She felt him move. It was a shift in the air, and the shadow of his body passing through the overhead lights as he moved to take the chair on her left, just as he always had. He was close, but there was still more than an arm's length between them. "I think in the end I allowed her to convince me because more than the horror stories she used, it was her very presence that frightened me. She had achieved her goal, but she was hard, harder than I ever imagined that I could be. I know I'm not her, I know we've changed that timeline, but something that you said earlier…" Kathryn looked at him, and sadness had replaced the anger from earlier. "She was carved from granite. Sharp and unyielding. I can't imagine any timeline where you would make that commitment to someone you didn't truly care for. The part that is so hard to understand is how it came to that at all. She's too young, Chakotay. She's barely lived."

He didn't want to hurt her anymore than he already had, but Chakotay sighed quietly. There were words she needed to hear, and it had always been to him to speak them, even when she didn't want him to. "You are not her mother, Kathryn. Seven made the decision to seek an adult, romantic relationship. I understand that you feel responsible for her, but her personal decisions are not yours to approve of."

"Does that make you feel better?" Annoyance flashed in her eyes. "Was that how you justified it to yourself?" Her gaze returned to her hands. "I don't want to fight with you anymore, Chakotay. I didn't want to fight at all. I'm tired of fighting." She had seven years worth of that, and now that they were home, all she wanted was to live. "I had hoped to avoid this argument completely." She had hoped that by the time they spoke of these things that she would have forgiven him, that her anger would be a memory, and their friendship would remain intact.

"So where does that leave us?" He didn't want to ask it, but it seemed that they were always going to have some sort of strife between them. There was a distance between them, a chasm of their own making. He looked at her, studied her profile, and ached for the opportunities that they had missed.

"I don't know." She lifted her gaze to study the room again. "I think we've said all that we can for now." To punctuate that point, Kathryn unfolded her legs and rose. When she looked down at him there was a sad light in her eyes, and a resigned twist to her mouth. "I am sorry if you felt that I had abandoned you, that was not my intention. Self-preservation is a biological imperative and I will not apologize for that. The Delta Quadrant was difficult for all of us, but I am not going to live the life I have now in the shadow of the decisions I made to get us home, or the mistakes I might have made along the way. I've never professed to have a yen for perfection, so I'm sure there were many beyond the most glaring. I want to think that, in time, we can be friends again, but I can't offer you absolution right now, Chakotay, and I'm not going to ask you for it either. There is a part of me that is always going to care very deeply for you, but right now I find that I just don't like you very much." She saw him wince, and felt the sting of those words add to the pain she was already feeling. It was hard to say, but she wasn't residing in a cage any longer. She was free, and she was not going to give up this wholeness again. She had given _Voyager_ seven years of her life, and while she missed her ship, and she missed her crew, this was her time, and she was embracing it. "I hope you can respect the distance that I think we both need right now, at least on a personal level. I don't want to discuss my relationship with Jake with you, not right now. Just as I'm sure you don't want to talk to me about Eva Caldwell. We've both moved on Chakotay, or at least we should. I think we have to, it's the only way we're ever going to be able to truly leave the Delta Quadrant behind us."

He stared at the coffee table. He wasn't able to look at her. "I thought it would be me," he admitted. When he finally lifted his gaze, he knew that the pain he saw in her gaze was mirrored in his own. "When I thought about getting home, when I saw a life after the hell we went through to get here, I thought it would be me."

Her eyes glistened. "So did I."

The ship jolted beneath their feet before any more could be said. They were both tossed. Kathryn felt herself reaching for the railing out of instinct. Another jolt shook the ship before she could fully right herself. As she reached for her combadge the lights dimmed and Paris's voice sounded through the comm.

"_Red alert. Captain to the bridge_."

They shared a look. It lasted the space of a single heartbeat before Chakotay rose and strode toward the door. He felt Kathryn on his heels, and as he met his first officer's gaze he hoped he'd pushed the emotions of their conversation far enough aside that Tom wouldn't be able to guess at the content. "Report. What the hell is going on?"

"Four Romulan warbirds just dropped out of warp on our position, Captain. They're firing on the fleet." Tom moved from the center seat to reclaim his own and turned the tactical display toward him.

"Commander Donatra?" Kathryn turned where she stood, a hand on the rail to keep herself steady, and looked to Harry for answers.

"No, Admiral." He glanced at her and then the Captain. "The _Valdore_ is not with this fleet. The Commander and her ships weren't due to meet with _Titan_ for another half hour."

"Hail them," The Admiral instructed.

Harry shook his head. "No response."

"Open a channel to the fleet." She waited for him to acknowledge that it was done. "This is Admiral Janeway, evasive maneuvers, return fire if you have to."

"_Titan to_ _Voyager_," Captain Riker's voice filled the bridge. "_Commander Donatra's fleet will be here in fifteen minutes. These ships are loyal to Proconsul Tomalak." _

"Understood, Captain." They had no reason not to believe any of the intel they'd received from the Commander, and past encounters with Tomalak had laid the foundation for believing he would be behind this attack. "Let's hold them off, get back to Federation space if we can."

"_See you on the other side_. _Titan out_."

As one Captain and Commander stepped into action. "Helm, bring us around, evasive pattern Delta-sigma-121."

Tom strode toward the conn, while Chakotay moved to take the command chair. He turned the tactical console toward him. "Lieutenant Kim, I want suppression fire along the starboard warbird. _Odyssey_ is taking damage. Let's provide some cover."

The ship turned further into the battle. It lurched again as they took disruptor fire from the warbirds that were focusing on the other ship. Kathryn held on to the rail as she stood to the right of the bridge, just in front of the tactical station. Every instinct inside of her was yearning for her to step forward, to take command. It felt oddly wrong, and so very disconcerting, to just stand there.

The ghosts of a hundred other battles, dozens of other situations haunted her and she clenched her jaw tightly closed while she reminded herself that it was no longer her bridge. Even as _Voyage_ shuddered and the deck plating creaked, she forced herself to remain where she was, rooted to that spot.

She considered moving to the engineering station. From there she would be able to call up the tactical readings and at least she could follow the battle. As Kathryn moved to do just that a relay near the conn blew. She saw Tom duck away, years of experience had warned him of the coming blast. He reached for the Lieutenant at helm but the officer was tossed backward before he could be spared.

While Chakotay was asking for a status report, Kathryn knelt beside the fallen officer. Her fingers moved to his neck, but the front of his uniform was charred and a piece of shrapnel was lodged in his neck. She looked up and found Chakotay's gaze focused on her. "He's dead."

"Forward shields are at forty percent," Harry reported.

"We're taking a beating from those disruptors." Tom pulled himself back up. "I'm missing that armor right about now." Starfleet had taken it, and the transphasic torpedoes during the refit several months ago. While they'd kept many of the upgrades made by the crew while in the Delta Quadrant, those two items had fallen under the purview of the temporal prime directive.

He wasn't the only one missing them. Chakotay stared at Kathryn. She was still kneeling beside the fallen helm officer. Things would be a lot simpler if they could do this _their_ way instead of folding their instincts into a square shaped Starfleet mold.

Her head tilted. She read a question in his eyes. They were going to lose. With _Aegeus_ already gone they were seven ships against a fleet of four, but the only rules the Romulans were following involved annihilation. Kathryn stood up slowly. How often had they learned that sometimes the only way to survive was to punch their way through?

She and Chakotay both moved at the same time. "Tom," Kathryn waved him toward the conn. "Take the helm. Let's show them how we dealt with bullies in the Delta Quadrant."

"Yes ma'am." The first officer moved easily into position. As his fingers moved over the controls he felt an odd sensation flow through him. It was a bit like being home again.

"Harry," Chakotay returned his attention to his tactical display on his command console. "Pull everything you've got from auxiliary systems for the forward shields."

"We're going to make ourselves a smaller target," the Admiral kept saying, "turn us to port. I want their blasts to glance off our shields. If anything gets through, it will hit non-critical systems."

"Full spread, Lieutenant. Target their disruptor banks and shield generators," the Captain ordered.

The warbirds were not going to be easily defeated. _Odyssey_ had managed to regroup from those first, unexpected blasts, and started firing back but the Romulans had come prepared to fight Starfleet ships. "Roll us into it, Tom," Kathryn gripped the back of his chair, and it seemed it had taken only a few minutes for her battle legs to return as she leaned in to each lurching shudder the ship gave in response to the barrage.

"_Engineering to Bridge_," B'Elanna's terse voice sounded above the din of battle. "_That last blast took out a plasma relay. The injectors are at critical and they're targeting our deuterium tanks. If those blow, we're done. We've got injured down here, I could use a hand."_

Chakotay turned where he stood to send the officer at Operations to assist, but the Admiral shook her head before he could. She didn't know the young woman standing at Harry's old station, and while she was certain the officer was capable, the Ensign couldn't possibly know _Voyager_ as well as she did. For that matter, it wouldn't be the first time Kathryn had left the bridge to assist the Chief Engineer. "I'll go."

The Captain followed her progress to the lift from his position at the center of the bridge. "Admiral?"

Kathryn read the question in his gaze. The circumstances in which she had ever expected _him_ to take command during a battle were rare. She stepped back into the lift but her words echoed quietly behind her. "It's not my ship anymore."

For the space of a single breath the activity on the bridge stopped. Chakotay met Harry's gaze at tactical, and then turned to find Tom looking back at him from the helm. His XO nodded once before his attention shifted back to the conn. "Coming about," Tom reported, "heading 1-9-6-mark-4."

It would turn the ship aft of the warbird and give them another pass at the other ship's shield generators before they rolled out of the way while _Odyssey _moved into position to provide the next round. "Fire, Harry."

"Firing!"

"Captain, two more warbirds just de-cloaked three hundred kilometers to starboard. They're opening fire on _Titan_. Her shields are at 62 percent and falling," Ensign Markham reported. "She isn't going to last long against two of them."

"Status of the rest of the fleet?" They had their hands full at the moment, as the saying went, but by his count that was six warbirds against the remaining fleet of seven, but the _Grphyon _and _Jamestown _were smaller support vessels; they had been built for exploration and aid, they wouldn't hold up well in that kind of fight.

"_Hamilton_ is holding its own," he reported, "and _Cerberus_ has moved in to provide cover for _Jamestown _and _Gryphon_."

"Status of Commander Donatra's fleet?" Chakotay asked.

"Still ten minutes out," Harry told him.

"This will be over by then," Chakotay said grimly. "Hail _Odyssey_, inform Captain Udora we're ending this. Tom, bring us about," the Captain's fingers moved over his center console, "heading 1-8-2-mark-5, roll us under the beast's belly. Harry, full torpedo spread."

The two officers acknowledged the order and _Voyager_ arced gracefully through space, moving easily to fire the more damaging blows. As they turned out, preparing to make another pass, _Odyssey_ moved into position to continue the barrage. The other ship targeted the warbird's disruptors while _Voyager _focused on its shields. It took three of the coordinated passes before they disabled the warbird's shields, and another before the ship drifted away, weapons disabled.

"Captain," Markham drew his attention again. "_Cerberus_ has taken a hit to its port nacelle. They're venting plasma."

"Commander," Chakotay nodded to the helm, "Turn us about and put us between—"

"_Aegeus_ to _Voyager_," the ship's comlink came to life as the other ship dropped out of warp. "_We have them, Captain_. _Can you cover Gryphon and Jamestown while they move out of range_?"

Chakotay nodded to Tom, and gestured at Harry to return the hail. "We're on it, Captain. Weren't you headed to Starbase?"

"_I guess I forgot to stop and ask for directions,_" Jake replied. "_Must be a family trait_._" _

"I had a feeling it would end up my fault we were lost in the end," Tom quipped. "Coming about, Captain, I'm putting us between our ships and the fight."

While the two smaller ships moved out of range and headed back toward Federation space, _Voyager _and _Odyssey_ moved into position to keep any of the warbirds from giving chase. The battle continued, a swarm of action, blasts of brilliant red and sickly green as the ships fired on one another. When _Hamilton_ began to take heavy damage, shields failing rapidly, and _Titan_'s hull began to light up, showing breeches along its forward section, it looked as though the Starfleet ships had been cleverly outgunned.

The ships regrouped, pulling into a tighter formation, and _Voyager_ took several hard blasts as it turned to provide additional protection for the damaged fleet-mates. It was then that three additional ships de-cloaked near their position. Initial concern faded to relief as the _Valdore_ and her sister ships flanked the battle and began drawing fire. Two other vessels dropped out of warp near the melee, small attack cruisers operated by Reman crews who had joined the Commander's fleet in response to the attacks on their Elders.

"One of the warbirds has been destroyed," Harry reported, "another is disabled. The others are breaking off. They're retreating, Captain."

"Status report," Chakotay called.

"Our shields are holding at forty-three percent," Harry reported.

"We took some damage to the deflector," Markham told him, "that's going to be the best we can do until it's repaired."

"Warp engine is offline," Paris replied, "our engines took a beating. We've also got a hull breach on deck eight, force fields are holding. Medical crews are being dispatched, in addition to Lieutenant Bieh, we lost two people in engineering when the relays blew, and we've got injured throughout the ship, nothing critical."

The Captain nodded, and anticipating the order that would come from _Titan_, he glanced at Lieutenant Kim, "send our status to _Titan_ and check on the other ships, lets make sure no one needs assistance… then hopefully we can get the hell out of Romulan space before that fleet comes back with anymore ships."

"Yes sir," Harry nodded, and began coding the transmission for the taskforce flagship.

"Chakotay to engineering. Torres, I really don't want to have to make a run for it at impulse if we can avoid it."

"_I understand that, Captain_," B'Elanna sounded resigned to the miracle he would expect her teams to work in a short amount of time, "_but if I don't get this damage under control, you'll be lucky to get maneuvering thrusters_."

"What about shields? If we get any more company—"

"_I'm working on that, Captain_," the Admiral replied for her. "_I'm headed to deflector control with a team now. If you can keep us out of trouble for a little while, we might be able to do more than just plugging holes_."

Chakotay suppressed the urge to smirk at the underlying request that he leave them alone while they did their jobs. He shook his head; crawling around in deflector control wasn't exactly an Admiral's job, but he supposed he shouldn't have expected anything else. "Understood, Admiral. Bridge out." He met Tom's gaze at the front of the bridge. "I guess we have our orders, Commander." The bridge grew silent, however, when the medical team arrived to remove Lieutenant Bieh. Chakotay watched them go and felt his jaw clench. Being back in the Alpha Quadrant had not made their jobs any safer it seemed.

"Do you think they teach a secret class at the Academy," Tom asked, needing to cut through the grim silence for the younger members of their crew, "where engineers are taught how to order everyone on the ship around without actually being in command, even Vice Admirals?" He moved aside as the beta shift helm officer arrived to take over.

"Maybe you should ask your cousin," Harry suggested. "Wasn't _Captain_ Paris an engineer before he moved up the command track?"

"It explains so much," Tom replied. As he reclaimed his command seat to the left of the captain, he caught Chakotay growing stiff out of the corner of his eye. His frown had darkened at the mention of the other Captain. Tom resisted the need to roll his eyes. He recognized jealousy when he saw it, and knew exactly where it must be aimed. He was surprised to learn they hadn't gotten as far past _that_ as he thought they had, and wondered if the shadows of the Delta Quadrant and missed opportunities would always linger.

"Captain," Harry's voice cut through the bridge again. "The _Valdore_ is hailing. They have a message for the Admiral." He frowned at his console. "They say that Commander Tuvok is on board…"

**-TBC-**

* * *

**Notes:** I think this argument was a long time in the making, especially after reading _Isabo's Shirt_. Whatever the two of them are to become in their post-Voyager world, friends or lovers, or something else... I truly feel they had to confront what happened in the DQ. The argument in this chapter is also the scene that **kate04** contributed with her brilliant idea that all the emotions and the angst finally come to a head between them. After she told me how she saw it, I put it to words, and then we both sobbed and railed, and shook our fists at the unfairness of it all. I also listen to a lot of music when I'm writing, or when I'm bouncing an idea around in my head. For this chapter it was **Shinedown_'_s** _For My Sake_.


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

* * *

"My team was investigating a lead at Delnak when we located evidence that Federation shuttles, the Peregrine-class fighters you captured several days ago, were moving between the Romulan border and the outpost on Beloren. We were unable to verify the identity of the crews operating the shuttles so we decided that it was prudent to continue our investigation at Beloren."

Upon discovering that Tuvok was aboard the _Valdore_ it was decided a briefing would be held on board _Aegeus_. Captain Riker and Commander Troi had arrived from _Titan_, along with Admiral Paris. Tuvok surveyed the room and his brow arched at the sight of Admiral Janeway seated between Captain Paris and Ambassador T'Kara. Commander Donatra was seated on the opposite side of the conference table with Colonel Urdak of the Reman vessel _Erili_.

The _Aegeus_ was chosen for the briefing since the Ambassador and their Romulan detainees were still on board.

"That fits with what we found when we reached Delnak," Captain Caldwell said. She had joined them via the holographic comlink. Due to the damage _Cerberus _had sustained in the battle, she had deemed it necessary to remain on board until her ship safely reached space dock. "We located evidence of a Federation warp signature and technical components made of alloys that are not naturally occurring on Romulus or any of its outlying worlds. Those components would only be found in Federation space. It was apparent to us that if the fighters were being kept on Delnak, they had been moved." She was preparing that report for transmittal to Captains Grant and Riker when news of the attack on Romulus had reached the fleet.

"Once we arrived," Tuvok explained, "we attempted to scan the surface of the planet for Federation warp signatures, but we were unsuccessful." His gaze moved from the Captains present to the Admiral. "We modified our sensors and were able to detect a dampening field. It was upon further investigation of that field that we discovered we were being followed. Lieutenant Weiss and I determined it was necessary to cease communications and continue our assignment in complete silence. During our investigation we uncovered the source of the dampening field and what it was hiding. There were two more Peregrine-class fighters in a shuttle bay on the colony. To protect this information the individual who was following us attempted to kill Lieutenant Weiss and myself. He is currently being held aboard the _Valdore_."

"His name is Tonvelk. He served as Subcommander to Proconsul Tomalak for many years. He was in charge of the installation at Beloren," Donatra told them. "We have identified the others you are detaining aboard this vessel as Centurions that have served the Proconsul in the past. They are loyal to his cause, as were the Commanders of the ships that attacked you. Praetor Tal'Aura insists she was not behind the attack on your fleet or the attack on Romulus, and while I do not think she is to be trusted, I do not think she had knowledge of either event; though I would not put it past her to use them."

"The Federation Council will not allow diplomatic talks to continue as long as our people are in danger in your space," Ambassador T'Kara explained. "The death of Ambassador Karal weighs heavily on that decision. We are not prepared to fully abandon our purpose here, but the situation has become precarious."

"Proconsul Tomalak cannot be allowed to seize power of our government," Donatra stated. "His hatred of the Federation is well known. If he becomes Praetor, which I believe is his goal, it would not be long before our people are at war. We have both lost too much."

"What do you plan to do?" Admiral Janeway leaned forward in her seat. "You know that we cannot interfere directly. We can provide support and aid, even security for your outer colonies, but we will not engage in a direct conflict between your factions."

"In exchange for the right to rule their own world, and to settle on other colonies deeper within Romulan space, the Remans have agreed to join my fleet," Donatra explained. "Their Elders were killed. Tomalak's fleet has surrounded their world. My fleet is gathering, and with their numbers, we can push the Proconsul's fleet back to Romulus. I would ask that you allow me to take your Romulan prisoners back to my world. I can prove their identities. When my people see that Tomalak has committed these crimes against innocents he will lose standing. Even the Commanders that have fought for him today will not abide those actions. Hatred of the Federation may run deep, but there is one thing the Romulan Star Empire has always been, and that is loyal to its own interests."

"The Cardassians and the Human woman may remain in your custody," Urdak stated. "We have no need of them." His dark gaze moved toward the head of the table and the officers seated there. "I know you have experienced terror and loss at the hands of my people. That is not our way. We want freedom."

Deanna ignored the cold chill that ran down her spine at the memory of the Viceroy's mental touch. "I believe we should trust them," she told the Admiral. "The Romulan government must be allowed to reform itself. That was our purpose here."

"We had hoped it would happen peacefully," the Admiral said quietly.

"So had we," Donatra agreed. "That is still my hope. If that is not possible, then we will fight."

"There is already a great deal of support among the outer colonies," Tuvok stated. "The idea of living without fear of government or Tal Shiar reprisal has given many a sense of hope."

"Change will not happen over night," T'Kara reminded them. "You may have a very long road to peace."

"Yes." Donatra sighed. "We are prepared for that. I am sure that removing Proconsul Tomalak may solidify Praetor Tal'Aura's position for a time, but I am committed to creating an empire where fear is not used as the means of achieving power or loyalty."

"We wish you luck," T'Kara informed her. "The Council will be prepared to resume our diplomatic mission when tensions have settled."

"I look forward to that too," Donatra nodded.

"Work with Commander Donatra to have the detainees transported to her ship," Kathryn instructed Captain Paris. "When our ships have completed their repairs we will resume our course to starbase."

Jake nodded. "Admiral." He knew she wasn't pleased with the outcome, but they had at least accomplished part of their goal. They had reduced the number of factions seeking control of the Romulan government and had allowed the Remans to finally ally themselves with a purpose other than vengeance or the need to conquer.

"_Hamliton_ and _Odyssey_ can remain in position on the Federation side of the Neutral zone," Riker suggested, "in case the situation escalates and our assistance is needed again."

"I agree," Kathryn nodded. They would not involve themselves in a possible Romulan Civil War, but they could secure the border and provide humanitarian aid if it was requested.

"We will not forget what you have tried to do," Donatra assured them. "You still have friends in the Romulan Empire, Admiral, Captain." She nodded to the two who had been at the forefront of their talks.

After the meeting had concluded and all parties had returned to their respective ships, only the Admiral remained. Jake studied her as she moved to the viewport. "Disappointed?"

"A little," she admitted. "We knew it wouldn't be easy, but at least we've helped them get this far. We know where the danger is, and that was more than we could say a month ago. It's up to the Romulans to do something about it. All we can do now is just be ready for it."

"Still…" A small smile tugged at his lips.

Kathryn cast a look at him from over her shoulder. "Still," she agreed. She hoped for more, but the way to peace was never simple. It would take years for the Romulan government to become secure again, and for any lasting alliance between their Empire and the Federation to be arranged. They were only present to open the door. They had done that, at great cost, but they had accomplished something. They had recovered intelligence that would help them further secure the border and stopped the possibility of war breaking out between their people. No one could know what the future held.

A quiet sigh left her. "I should get back to _Voyager_."

He expected as much, but Jake rose from his seat at the table and walked toward her. "They'll be undergoing repairs for a few hours yet, I could give you a ride back." He hitched a hip against the ledge of the view port and watched her.

The light from the stars and the ships on the other side of the transparent, pressed aluminum caught the gleam in his eyes. She suppressed the urge to smile. "Yes, I'm sure that you could, but I promised Commander Torres that I would assist her teams in getting _Voyager_ operational again. I try never to go back on a promise."

"Good to know." He nodded slowly, lips pursed. "Can I trust that means you'll be at Starbase 343 when I get there in a few days?" He had to drop his remaining detainees off before he could put in to space dock for a few days.

"You still owe me dinner, Captain." Kathryn leaned against the opposite side of the viewport and folded her arms across her chest. "It all still feels a little too easy, doesn't it?"

"A little," Jake agreed, "but there isn't a lot we can do now. With everything we know about Tomalak I would have expected more." His head inclined. "Unless someone was planting the information."

Her brow arched. "A double cross? Perhaps there is someone else inside his faction that was seeking power." It would make sense. Treachery often begot more treachery. Where there was distrust and fear there could be disloyalty. "I suppose we'll find out."

"Either way, they're going to be so busy dealing with their own troubles they won't have time to worry about us. We'll keep up a presence on the border, which will keep anyone else from taking advantage. Now that the Remans have aligned themselves with a Romulan faction, there aren't a lot of powers in the quadrant that are going to be willing to cross them. Too many remember what they were like during the war. They were merciless, Kathryn," Jake shook his head. "The Romulans used them like cannon fodder, but they gave back as good as the Jem'Hadar could deal out. It was a bloody war on both sides."

"So I've heard." Her gaze drifted back to the stars. "They've been repressed for so long that they're spoiling for a fight. Now that they have a purpose, they'll move toward it with all the vengeance and determination we saw Shinzon's forces use against the _Enterprise_. It's damned troubling, but they deserve the right to achieve autonomy."

"Why do I think something else is troubling you?" Jake's eyes narrowed. "We did as much as we could. The mission wasn't a failure. We would have all preferred to do it without losses, but I don't think that's it."

It should bother her that he was able to read her so well, after knowing her for so short a time, but she couldn't find it in her to be troubled by it. It was the opposite, really. Kathryn offered a small smile. "Old ghosts," she said. "I'll be fine." She sighed again. "I really should get back."

He nodded quietly and pushed away from the bulkhead. Jake took a step toward her. "I'll see you in a few days."

"You will," she agreed.

"Dinner," his eyes crinkled at the corners when his mouth quirked toward a smile, "and a few other things."

"As you were, Captain." Kathryn turned and strolled toward the door. "Mind those EPS relays of yours."

He watched her go with a grin. "I intend to."

**KJKJKJ**

A few hours later repairs were still underway. Kathryn and B'Elanna had determined that _Voyager_'s damage did not require an escort back to starbase, but it meant pulling some long hours to get the repairs completed so they could get underway again. Once the ship's shields were fully repaired, their attention was turned to the engines and other systems. That didn't mean the ship wouldn't be put into dock for the more extensive repairs, but the field repairs would get them back in one piece, and would hold up in case of another attack.

That was how B'Elanna came to find the Admiral in a relay junction below the port nacelle. There were two junior officers with her, ensigns recently assigned to _Voyager_'s engineering team. The Chief Engineer leaned against the open entrance to the junction and listened, a smile curving her lips, at the sound of her former Captain grumbling over changes that had been made to the ship's systems in the last year.

"These redundancies are slowing engine response time." Kathryn scowled as she bypassed an unnecessary auxiliary circuit that kept threatening to overload each time thruster control was routed through it. "The bio-neural systems can calculate navigation control at a faster rate without controlling the input through the auxiliary backups."

The ensign at her side stared in confusion. "But without the auxiliary circuits the system will overload more easily with a power surge. Those circuits are designed to prevent a thruster failure."

"That power surge would come from a direct hit, Ensign." Kathryn shook her head. "If that happens we aren't going to have to worry about blown circuits. We'll begin venting plasma, and if we're lucky, we won't be burning deuterium by then. The idea is to keep the ship moving at a rate that prevents a direct hit." She cast a look at the young officer out of the corner of her eye. "Schematics are well and good, Ensign, and I agree that they exist for a reason, but there are some instances when those redundancies are just more trouble than they're worth."

The astonished look on the officer's face was enough to have Torres suppressing the urge to snort. It was bad enough that most of her staff was shocked to have an Admiral crawling through the ship with them. She pushed away from the entrance and moved into the relay junction. "Are you corrupting my staff again?"

Kathryn tilted her head and looked around the open circuit panel, a small smirk quirked her lips upward. "No more than I ever corrupted you," she drawled.

"There are some," B'Elanna knelt nearby, a cup of coffee in one hand and a data padd in the other, "that would argue it was the other way around."

"Well, I'm certain between the two of us that we can find some way to convince everyone that it's really Tom that should be blamed for everything." She shared a grin with the younger woman. Kathryn handed the spanner she was holding to the ensign beside her and nodded to the cup in the Lieutenant Commander's hand. "If that coffee is for me I'm promoting you to Captain."

Torres snorted quietly as she held it out. She would never show up at this hour, after this many hours of work, with an empty hand. "All those years of waiting, hoping, peeking at his chair every morning and reminding himself that maybe tomorrow would be the day… if only Harry had known all he had to do was bring you coffee."

Kathryn snorted a quiet laugh and hid her smile in her cup. She took a grateful sip, but as she did she noticed the ensign staring at them. "If only he hadn't read the manual word for word," she sighed.

"Eyes front Ensign," the two women said together. They both smirked when the young woman startled and turned her attention back to the open panel.

"Help an old woman up, hm?" Kathryn held out a hand and grunted when B'Elanna stood and pulled her to her feet. "I had forgotten how hard it is to crawl around this ship keeping up with the younger officers. I think I'm out of practice," she chuckled. She also needed to remind herself that it hadn't been that long since she was wounded on Romulus. The ache in her shoulder was not limited to tension or fatigue. Dr. Ree had suggested that she take it easy for a few days, but she doubted that any of them could have anticipated the current situation. Kathryn supposed that she could have just allowed the engineering teams to handle all of the repairs, but it was not in her nature to sit idly by. She wondered if that was something she was just going to have to get used to in her new role, and if she ever would.

"Never." For a while it had felt like the other woman had never left the ship. B'Elanna didn't think they would have gotten as many of the repairs completed as quickly as they had without her. "If my engines could spare you for a minute, there's something I'd like to run by you."

"I thought," Kathryn heaved an exaggerated sigh, "that we agreed to think of them as _our_ engines."

"Did we?" The engineer handed her a padd as they left the junction. "I've been looking over the sensor data that we obtained during the attack earlier today, and comparing that to what we already knew about the warbirds. I think I've discovered a more effective way of mimicking the warbirds' engine signature. It's based on another idea I've been working on for a few months."

They had gone only a few steps before Kathryn slowed to a stop again. "Tachyon generators along the outer hull?" She gave the engineer an astonished look before her gaze drifted as her mind worked over the possibilities and application. "With a constantly rotating shield nutation that would make us basically undetectable, even to our own ships unless they knew which nutation to scan for."

"I was thinking," B'Elanna explained, "that if we added them to the shield generators, in the low doses we would emit to resist most scans we might be able to absorb weapons fire instead of just having to worry about reflecting it." The engineer shrugged. "I've been working on a way to adapt the ablative generators the Admiral—" She trailed off with a small smile, "the _other_ Admiral gave us so we could use them without worrying about violating the temporal prime directive _or_ worrying that the technology specs have already been assimilated."

"This could work. Then the output would be dependent on the generators and would pull less energy from the deflector. We should work on a way to make sure we don't produce a feedback issue if we do get attacked again." She snorted. "We could use some of the redundant circuits from the engines to reroute the power if a surge occurs and redistribute it along the grid."

"I should be able to put it in place before we leave starbase again. With the extra hands we'll have, it won't take long to make the changes. Rumor has it we're going to be sent back to run patrols along the border," Torres shrugged, "it would be an advantage if any of the more hostile factions try to cause trouble. It would also be a good test, if it works."

"Hm. Indeed." Kathryn handed the padd back to her and took another sip from her coffee. "I'm not the one you should be asking, B'Elanna. I think you know that."

The commander shrugged as they began walking again. "I do, but maybe I miss having a sounding board that thinks the same way I do," she slanted a look at the Admiral, "and knows the ship as well as I do."

"Be that as it may," the Admiral said, "you should discuss this with your Captain. For the record, I think it would work." She cast a sideways glance at the younger woman. The corners of her mouth twitched toward a smile. "I miss that too."

"_Chakotay to Torres_."

"Speaking of," B'Elanna shook her head as she reached for her combadge. "Go ahead, Captain."

"_I need an update, Commander._" The frustration in his tone was barely restrained. "_We should have gotten underway an hour ago. What is the hold up?_"

B'Elanna prayed for patience, which was not a new habit when it came to the demands of her commanding officers in the face of repairs that needed to be completed quickly. "Captain, as I explained at the time, that deadline was my best estimate. We should be bringing the engines back online in…" She tilted her head at the Admiral who held up two fingers, "twenty minutes. We just need to wrap up some last minute calibrations. I will let you know as soon as they're complete."

His sigh was audible through the comlink. "_Twenty minutes, B'Elanna. I've got an Admiral that's going to be demanding answers if we don't leave soon. If we're still sitting here in half an hour I'm going to let you explain it to her._"

She watched the officer in question make a show of studying her nails while she suppressed a smile. The Chief Engineer shook her head. "Somehow, Captain, I don't think that's going to be an issue."

It was the underlying amusement in her tone that tipped him off. They could hear him choke off a barely suppressed groan. "_She's standing right there isn't she?_"

Kathryn's lips pursed. She shrugged at Torres before replying. "If my attention to detail isn't complying with your timeline, Captain, perhaps we should discuss it at more length. For the moment, however, your engines will be fixed as soon as you stop distracting us." The junior officers she had left at the relay junction could finish the repairs in half the time she had estimated for it, but she had no intention of telling _him_ that.

"_Understood, Admiral. I look forward to hearing from you. Chakotay out._"

"You know," Kathryn drawled, "the really nice thing about being an Admiral is that I rarely have to explain myself to anyone."

"So then," B'Elanna's dark eyes sparkled with mischief, "not much has changed, has it?"

"You've been spending too much time with your father-in-law," Kathryn laughed, "but to answer your question, not especially, no." She nodded her head to the padd the engineer was carrying. "I'm only sorry I won't be here to see how that works out. I wouldn't mind helping to implement those changes."

"No," B'Elanna agreed, "but we can spend the next twenty minutes proving they'll work. Then I can convince the Captain it's worth extending our time at space dock long enough to make the changes to the shield generators that will emit the tachyon emissions."

"Then what are we waiting for," Kathryn waved an arm in the general direction of main engineering. If circumstances were different, she might extend her visit for a few more days, get a look at the changes for herself, but Kathryn believed it was better if she got off the ship as soon as possible.

In his ready room Chakotay allowed his head to drop against the backrest of his chair with a thud. He was beginning to question if _Voyager_ being chosen for their prematurely terminated assignment was truly an advantage. He had allowed his emotions to get in the way of his better judgment, but then the bigger question was whether or not he truly had any better judgment where Kathryn was concerned. The Romulan attack had interrupted their conversation earlier, and he was beginning to think that was actually for the better.

"_Then I met you. The way you make me feel… the things that move in me when I let myself imagine everything we could have..."_

Chakotay recalled the way he felt hearing those words. It had ignited something in him, a renewed sense of hope and peace that came just when he thought there was nothing left of them but the journey home. It sustained him for a while. He would remind himself on the darkest nights that he had something to wait for, that Kathryn had only told him _not now_, rather than never. Over time, though, that hope began to fade. His peace was eroded again. They saw too much, too much darkness and strife, too many close calls. With every passing day, and month, and year, the woman who had spoken those words, who had kissed him back with such passion that night on the holodeck seemed to fade a little more. Finally there had come a day when he believed he couldn't recognize her at all.

Was he trying to hurt her? Chakotay thought back again to his short-lived relationship with Seven. He didn't want to believe that, even if he knew that part of him hoped she might feel _something_ at realizing he had moved on. He wasn't that petty, was he?

When he thought of the way Kathryn had come alive again after they returned home, Chakotay couldn't understand how there was not still a chance for them. Or had they really missed their opportunity? Had the Delta Quadrant taken that, too?

He considered Kathryn's words, that she had simply locked herself away, even from him. Chakotay knew she could compartmentalize better than anyone else he knew, even Tuvok, but to be able to turn herself off and on like that, had he really known her? Was it Kathryn or his idea of her that occupied his thoughts for all those years?

He looked up at the sound of his door chiming. "Come in." He didn't bother to hold back a groan at the sight of Hugh Cambridge. He had a feeling the Counselor would want to speak to him again; he just hoped to put it off for a little while longer. "Now really isn't a good time," he said.

"When is it ever?" Hugh took a seat in front of the Captain's desk. "So," he wasn't the sort to beat around a bush whenever possible. "She's alive after all. Doing pretty well from what I've seen. That must have been a relief." The last time he saw the Captain, the man was still questioning fate and missed opportunities, and the presence of grief and regret in his current life. Hugh had a feeling that much of that was still present, since the Captain didn't exactly look like someone who had just gotten his heart's desire. Not, of course, that there had been much time for those revelations, but there was an undercurrent still present.

"Relief." Chakotay leaned forward. A long sigh passed his lips and rumbled deeply in his chest. "Yeah, it was a relief." He was still irritated that they'd been left to wonder, but he couldn't argue there were more pressing things happening at the time. "I appreciate what you're trying to do, Counselor, but I'm not sure I'm ready to talk about it. I don't even know if I should." She had asked him for time, and given how upset she was with him, over things he didn't fully understand, Chakotay was wondering if it was time to close that door completely.

"Ah," Cambridge nodded. "That tells me that it's exactly what we should be talking about. Unresolved conflict in our personal life can impact our ability to perform our duties. It can impede our judgment and make us question professional choices; that's why we're put out here," he said, indicating himself and other counselors like him. "When you thought the Admiral might be critically wounded, or worse, you were ready to wrap yourself in the regret of choices you didn't make. Now that you know she is okay, you're still hesitating to make any decisions. When we spoke earlier we touched on the fact that your hesitation was borne of a question about whether or not you wanted the reality of a relationship with Kathryn. What are you thinking about that now?"

Chakotay scrubbed a hand over his face. "More of the same, actually. I don't even know that it's possible now. I've made choices she can't accept, and she's started something with someone else. She asked me for space, so she can decide if we can even still be friends."

There was a note of bitterness in his tone. "Then you did speak to her," Cambridge thought as much. The man in front of him didn't exactly strike him as someone who would wait when an opportunity presented itself. He wouldn't say the Captain was ruled by his emotions, but he wasn't as reserved as most officers Cambridge had known in the past. "Let's start with why the Admiral stated she's upset with you. I assume she gave you a reason?"

"If we're going to do this…" Chakotay stood up and walked to the replicator. He ordered a carafe of coffee and it didn't go unnoticed by him that he always attributed the smell of the dark liquid to the woman they were discussing. "Before we got back to the Alpha Quadrant," he began, pouring cups for them both, "I started seeing someone else. She was a member of our crew, and someone Kathryn was close to." There was a part of him that could understand her annoyance. "Seven wasn't a member of the Starfleet crew, and when she approached me, I was flattered. I wasn't even aware that Kathryn knew about it until after it was over."

"I see." Cambridge held the cup in both hands and crossed his legs, getting more comfortable. Seven of Nine, he thought, the young human woman that Janeway had rescued from the Borg; from what he recalled reading, _Voyager_'s former Captain had been instrumental in integrating her into the crew. Seven's own logs, those that had been released, had indicated she saw the Captain as a mentor and friend. A small frown drew Hugh's brows together. So then, when he was unable to have a relationship with his Captain, the First Office had decided it was appropriate to do so with the young woman she was tutoring in humanity? What the hell had gone on out there in that quadrant? "Do you believe she was jealous, or does it go much deeper than that?"

"Kathryn doesn't get jealous." Chakotay snorted quietly. "No, she claims that she's disappointed. She thinks I used Seven to hurt her." He scowled darkly. "My relationship with Seven had nothing to do with her. What little there was of it was between the two of us."

Hugh didn't believe that for a moment. He thought that might have been the intention, but there was too much acerbity in the other man's tone. "You thought she would be jealous, though," he pointed out, "it bothered you when she wasn't. If she wouldn't come to you on her own terms, you thought you could provoke a response, something that might prompt her to reconsider her position."

He ground his teeth together while he thought about that. It wasn't far from what Kathryn had accused him of and that made him question his own motives further. "At first, maybe," Chakotay relented. "Then I got to know her. Seven, I mean. She wasn't what I expected. She was curious, and away from the crew, there was a vulnerability I had never seen before." He sighed. "I suppose Kathryn had and that was why she was always so damned quick to protect her. Which is probably why she's so furious with me now. If she knew me at all…"

"That bothers you the most?" Cambridge interrupted him. "She knows you well enough to understand your initial motives, but because she has a personal attachment to the both of you, she isn't able to see past that. Or you would expect her to understand your intentions were…" He shrugged. "What exactly were your intentions?"

"I didn't want to be alone for the next fifty or sixty years of my life," Chakotay shrugged. "I can't believe there's anything so terrible about that. Kathryn wasn't going to relent. You don't know how damned stubborn she can really be, and to be honest, at that point I wasn't even sure that my Kathryn still existed."

"Did she ever?" Cambridge asked, truly curious. "Usually our idea of others isn't a true representation of who they are. There isn't anything necessarily wrong with that, as long as we don't lose sight of the true being of an individual. Do you think that is what happened?" He saw reticence in the Captain and decided to backtrack. "When did you realize you had feelings for her, your Captain? When did that happen?"

"I'm not even sure I know." Chakotay shook his head. "It didn't happen right away. She was infuriating. Trusting her was hard, but if we were going to survive we had to figure it out. She was determined, fierce, and I could respect that. Her methods took some getting used to, but it helped that I had been in Starfleet before. I wasn't so far removed that I had forgotten how to serve. That part came back easily enough. Kathryn seemed like such a martinet at first, I was surprised when I figured out she wasn't. I guess it was a few months in, I started to admire her; after that…" He didn't really know. "I guess one day I just looked at her, she was smiling about something. I don't even remember what it was. Something in me shifted and I knew there wasn't much out there to make any of us happy, but I wanted to see her smile like that again."

"_Then I met you. The way you make me feel… the things that move in me when I let myself imagine everything we could have..."_

Chakotay heard Kathryn's voice in his head again. It was the same for him, he decided. The anger in him had quieted; he didn't lie about that on New Earth. When he thought of her, he felt a peace he hadn't known in years. His place in the galaxy didn't feel quite so hopeless or alone. At some point his happiness became dependent on hers, and he guessed that was where it all went wrong. Kathryn wasn't happy in the Delta Quadrant; she was just trying to exist. It left him with an emptiness that was much darker than his anger and unrest had been. In an attempt to fill it he turned away from her.

"I gave up," he said quietly. "It was never going to happen; we talked about it once. Kathryn wasn't going to allow herself to cross that line, she couldn't, and…" He had promised her that hope would stay alive. He agreed to hold on to it, but he hadn't. The further she appeared to slip away from him, the more he began to doubt there was anything to hold on to. Finally, he had just stopped. "It used to be my place to make sure she was still holding on to who she was, that part of her that was so bright it made us want to walk through hell for her. Not because she asked me to, but so I'd have it when she was ready. Then I just let go, and she retreated completely." He closed his eyes with that realization. "What little of her was left she gave to Seven, she told me as much earlier, and I think I resented that."

"Then you were approached by the one person who still got to see those glimpses you had come to think of as yours," Cambridge stated. "By your own admission you thought it might provoke a response when she learned of it. Is it possible that you were just reaching for the part of her that was left? Perhaps you hadn't given up so much as… diverted your attention to what was available."

"That sounds awfully cold." Chakotay stood up and walked around the desk. He stepped up onto the dais to stare through the viewport at the stars. "If she's figured that out too it would explain why she's so upset about it all."

"Self perseveration, survival, they aren't always pretty when they assert themselves beyond our better control or judgment. Companionship is a basic human need. In the absence of the partner you had chosen you sought the next available alternative. A substitute." Cambridge inclined his head. "It is damned cold, but I don't think it was as callous as all that. I think it was necessary. As you said, you didn't want to be alone for the next fifty or sixty years of your life. Our emotions don't come with a switch to be turned on or off, but we do have built in coping mechanisms. You were in a difficult position, all of you. Even the act of moving from one moment to the next was a matter of survival. My concern is that you're only realizing this now. You did the requisite counseling when you returned, and you were found fit for duty. The issue is that the experience you lived through for seven years had lasting consequences. It was traumatic, and I think it has had an impact on your relationships, and not only those you've formed or revisited since getting home. Out there you were all that each other had, one hundred and forty individuals living on a single ship and that was going to produce bonds and grievances that won't be undone by a single trip through a transwarp hub, or a few months flying around familiar stars."

"What is it that you're suggesting that I do about that?" Chakotay turned a dark frown on the other man. They were home and he was going about his life again. He was even back in Starfleet, commanding the ship that was the only place he'd ever felt peaceful in his life. Was he supposed to give that up because he was somehow inept at living now?

"I think you have a lot of work to do, Captain," Cambridge said truthfully, "and I think at the end of that you're going to understand better the things your friend told you, and why she may be upset with you. I won't pretend to know everything about your relationship, but I can see the impact that it's had on you. I would like to help you, if you will allow me to. Starfleet thinks you're capable of commanding, and I won't disagree with that fact, but for how long? How long are you going to be able to continue to fake it before the last seven years catches up with you?"

"I'm not damaged," Chakotay grit out. "I don't need you to piece me back together." He resented the idea, even as much as he was beginning to think it might be necessary.

"No, but you are bruised," Cambridge pointed out. "All of you were. That's why I'm here. I was assigned to this ship to be available for everyone who might need me, but primarily for those of you who had chosen to stay on board _Voyager _after returning to duty. Starfleet needs all the personnel it can safely put in a uniform, but your superiors aren't foolish enough to think their officers don't require assistance." He shrugged affably. "You aren't the only stubborn officer on this ship, Captain."

No, he supposed he wasn't. Chakotay tried to imagine Cambridge sitting down to counsel B'Elanna and almost laughed out loud. He might be easy by comparison, and he was a known contrary. "Fine," he sighed. "What do we do first?"

"We already did it. We'll talk more later." Cambridge placed his coffee cup on the desk and stood. "I would suggest you see the Admiral again before she departs, if for no other reason than your own peace of mind. We can meet again afterward."

The idea of talking to Kathryn again was almost enough to raise the hairs on the back of his neck. Chakotay wasn't sure it was a good idea. It might be better just to let her go, lick his wounds, and figure out a way to get on with the rest of his life. He supposed that wouldn't exactly be facing things, though. He turned back to the viewport. He didn't really have anything else to lose at this point, though, did he?

**-TBC-**

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A/N: The text in italics comes directly from Kirsten Beyer's _Isabo's Shirt_ (Distant Shores Anthology). Before you click on next, you should know that there were two endings written for this. I wavered, quite a lot, about how this would ultimately end. **Kate04** had the brilliant idea of writing two endings, and so that is what I did. The epilogue goes with either ending you choose to read.


	17. Chapter 17 - Chakotay

**Chapter 17 - Ending 1**

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Anyone could believe that all Starfleet starbases were the same, built with a singular purpose and designed around a specific objective: resupply, stock, repair. respite. Those in the farthest reaches of the Alpha Quadrant were meant to offer a piece of home, something that could not be found on the decks of starships or even the continents of alien worlds. Amidst the many levels of plain, sterile, beige and gray walls and temporary quarters, there were arboretums and holodecks, restaurants and shops.

At the very center of starbase 343 there was a multi-level park filled with greenery and trees, flora that came mostly from Earth, but over the years it had been interspersed with species of plants and flowers from a multitude of Federation worlds. The artificial lighting changed with the simulated night and day cycle of the starbase, while environmental controls provided the feeling of warm or cool air; the plants were real, but the specimens chosen were those that could survive in the feigned environment that was meant to disquiet a longing for home. When one closed their eyes they could almost believe they were standing beneath a cool, quiet moon. It wasn't real, but the attempt was appreciated, and at the very least, it was not a holodeck, nor was it the overly crowded levels of the starbase's market and entertainment levels.

Kathryn had gone there for that promised respite. She was tired of looking at plain gray walls and breathing sterile, recycled air. The past few weeks had been as draining as they had been exhilarating. Out here, far from home, doing the work that she never imagined that she would enjoy, she had finally started to feel like _her_ again. She had been on the starbase for a couple of days. _Voyager_ was docked and undergoing the repairs it needed before returning to patrol the Romulan border.

Being back on board was cathartic in a way. She would always feel that old pull, the longing to walk through the ship's corridors, to sit on _her_ bridge, in _her _chair, and imagine what the next adventure would be. That wasn't for her anymore, however. There was other work for her to do now, and exhausted as she was at present, she had found it very rewarding. Kathryn would always be an explorer at heart, but she knew now that seeking answers to new problems, finding resolution to conflict, it was another kind of exploration and could be just as exciting as traveling the galaxy had been.

She turned her face to the lights of the simulated moon and closed her eyes. A smile curved her lips when she felt movement behind her. A hand settled at her waist and when she tipped her head to the side, the arm it belonged to slid loosely and comfortably around her. "I wondered when you'd finally show up."

_Aegeus_ was expected to arrive that morning but they had been delayed while waiting for the custody of their detainees to change hands. Jake let his nose move through her hair and nudged it aside. She wasn't in uniform, and he found that to be a delightful surprise. His lips landed against her neck in a soft kiss. "Someone has to keep you on your toes, and I like to make an entrance."

"Yes, I remember." Had it really only been a few weeks ago that he pushed his way into her office, angrily expressing his displeasure at what he believed was meddling in his career? Kathryn hummed quietly. Part of her wondered that they were moving at this too quickly, but she felt so comfortable with him. She drew a breath when his mouth moved against the sensitive spot beneath her ear. "You promised me dinner," she reminded, voice dipping low.

"I did," he agreed. "I think I told you that we'd do a lot of things when I got here." His hand slid beneath the loosely flowing tunic she was wearing. His fingers danced across warm, soft skin. "I don't remember mentioning an exact order of events."

"No, I guess you didn't." Her teeth dug across her bottom lip. Kathryn wriggled away from him and turned. She placed a hand against the center of his chest. "We're not going to do them here," she told him. Her eyes were dark, but sparkling with a mix of desire and amusement. "At ease, Captain. I think you're getting dangerously close to spraining—"

Jake curled a hand around her wrist and pulled her back into the circle of his arms. "I'm not on duty and neither are you." His hold on her remained loose, however, in deference to their current lack of privacy. "We can go to dinner now, if you like, or…"

Kathryn rolled her eyes at his wolfish grin. "If I didn't like you, I would find that one track mind of yours incredibly troubling." She shook her head at him. "How about we just take a walk?"

"It's not a bad location for it." Jake let go of her. He clasped her hand in his and let her choose their path. There was a walkway that wound its way through the park, through shrubbery and flowers, and around the edge of a shallow pond. "You've had an interesting few days," he pointed out.

It was an opening, she new. A soft smile curved her lips. He was perceptive and easy to talk to; it was one of the first things she had come to like about him. "You could call it that. You could also call it dangerous, exciting, troubling…" Kathryn shook her head. "I still wish we were able to do more, but the work isn't done. It's going to be in the hands of the diplomatic corps now. Command will coordinate the patrols. I'll put my report together and make recommendations."

"An Admiral's work is never done. We've already got our next assignment," he glanced at her. "Apparently I'm taking a member of the brass home, then I'm being sent to Deep Space Nine. Our Cardassian detainees wouldn't talk, but we got enough out of the two humans. I'm going to follow up on those leads, make sure there isn't trouble brewing in the DMZ."

"I heard," Kathryn strolled along beside him. They didn't think the Cardassians were going to attempt to break treaty, they didn't have the manpower or the resources for that, but it still required investigating. "There are concerns about what the Tzenkethi are doing in that region. We think they could be recruiting from inside the DMZ. The issue with the Romulans could have just been a distraction."

"We'll find out." He was expecting to be away from Earth for a few weeks to a couple of months. Jake wondered when he would see her again, but this was the work they were both called to do. "I guess none of this is the home you thought you'd be getting back to, is it?"

"It's still home," she explained. "These are entities we know, both the allies and the enemies, and at least here we have help."

"True." His thumb swept across the back of her head. "You're not alone, Kathryn." She stopped walking and Jake felt her stiffen. His brow creased. "What?" He took a step closer, watched the shadow of something pass over her eyes. He couldn't tell if it was pain or regret, or some combination of the two. "Kathryn?"

Her gaze lifted. He was waiting, concern and patience in his expression. She lifted a hand and let it rest against his chest. "Old ghosts," she reminded him, repeating the words she said days before.

"Do you want to tell me about them?" He held her hand loosely in his while he studied her face. She looked troubled, and he couldn't quite work out the reason for it. He couldn't force her to talk about it, however, and wouldn't. Kathryn would speak her mind to him when she was ready, he had learned that much about her.

She didn't know if she wanted to, but she felt she probably needed to. Kathryn pulled away from him and left the walkway. She let her steps carry her to the edge of the small pond. The surface rippled gently and reflected the lights above that had been meant to give the appearance of moonlight. It wasn't real, and knowing that, it was hardly calming. Kathryn drew a slow breath and tried to settle the deeper emotions that were unleashed by her argument with Chakotay a few days ago, but she was finding it harder to push them behind the closed door that had contained them for so long.

"I told you before I allowed this relationship to go any further that I felt something for my first office once. I thought it was done. I knew we had unresolved issues to discuss, but I thought most of it was behind us." Kathryn glanced at him, her smile was sad, "I think that might have been wishful thinking on my part. Avoidance isn't resolution; a counselor would be the first to tell me that, but I don't think I fully appreciated what it would mean to be back on that ship."

"You still feel something for him." It wasn't a question. She wouldn't be troubled and she wouldn't be bringing it up if that weren't the case. Jake wasn't sure how he felt about that. He knew she had a history, he had one too, and she wasn't his to possess. That wasn't what drew him to her. She was funny and beautiful, and smart as hell. She wasn't without her flaws, but neither was he.

"I think a part of me always will." That was something she had resolved to accept. "Our circumstances made us closer than we might have been otherwise. Out there I wasn't free to…" She shrugged. "It is what it is, and it's not a situation that I really want to revisit."

"Why not?" She was either attempting to justify ending what they started, or she was trying to open that part of herself that she thought was sealed closed. This conversation could go either way, Jake realized. "The way I see it, we've got a good thing right now. We have a good time together, but I'm not a saint, Kathryn. I'm not okay with sharing you. I get that you've got a past, people that were or are important to you. It's just the way it is. We aren't kids, and thank god for that." The corner of his mouth quirked up when she almost smiled, "the thing is, I'm not interested in being a substitute or a temporary stand-in, and I know you wouldn't feel like being one either. So why don't we just put it all out in the open and see where we end up?"

Her tongue swept over her teeth. Kathryn folded her arms across her chest and nodded. His ability to cut through a matter to the center of it was appreciated. He didn't have time for games, and neither did she. They had both done too much, seen too much, for that. "Alright. Before I do that, I need you to tell me something. When you look at me, what do you see?"

It confused him at first, but then he realized it was at the center of her discomfort. Jake moved closer to her, well within the circle of her personal space. "What do _you_ think I see, Kathryn?" His eyes narrowed. "It's what's bothering you right now, isn't it?"

"I thought I had gotten a lot of who I was before the Delta Quadrant back. Part of me wonders if I was always this way. Hard, unyielding, unable to see anything but my own ambition." She met his gaze and smiled sadly. "I really don't know right now, and realizing that I haven't come as far as I thought is a little… it's bothering the hell out of me, if I'm honest about it."

It was hurting her, he thought. Jake felt anger well inside him, not at her, but on her behalf. He didn't know if she would tell him what happened on _Voyager_, exactly, to make her feel this way, and Jake didn't know if she should. What he did know was that just a few days on that ship had left her rattled and he found it bothersome as hell. It was also just a little infuriating. What was it about that ship, about what they'd been through, that could take a person like Kathryn and leave her undone? Jake circled her wrists with his hands and let them slide slowly up her arms. When he reached her shoulders, his hands drew inward, until his fingers could brush the sides of her neck. He pushed her hair back from her shoulders and moved his hands into its thick weight. He tipped her head back and met her gaze. His thumb stroked the curve of her cheek, the line of her jaw, then it swept over the space where her rank bar would be if she were in uniform.

"I see a woman that's had to be stronger than she thought she could be," he said quietly, allowing his voice to rumble between them in the silent park. "She's intelligent and funny, she can think fast in a tight spot and isn't afraid to take command of a situation when she believes it's needed. I think she's compassionate and warm, and if that wasn't already a hell of a combination, she's also beautiful. I don't know what anyone else sees when they look at you, but I'm seeing you, Kathryn, and you might have noticed that I like what I see."

Moisture glistened in her eyes. The muscles in her neck twitched as she worked past the lump of emotion in her throat to voice her response. "That thought had crossed my mind a time or two," she managed in a breathy whisper. "I'm not infallible, I know that. I've made my share of mistakes, and many of them were personal. He wanted more than I could give him. More than I thought I could give him, anyway; it wasn't safe to love him, _he_ wasn't safe. The idea of opening myself up to that kind of devastation out there, when I was needed to be larger than life, it wasn't a line I felt I could cross. I asked him to understand, and I thought he did." Kathryn pulled herself free of him and walked away, needing the distance. With her back to him she told him about New Earth, about Venice and the bonding box, about her fear and her hope, and the walls she built to protect herself. Then she told him about Seven of Nine, and the faint grasp she felt she had on her own humanity by the end. When she finally grew tired of talking, Kathryn looked at him again. "When I tore all those walls down, there was no one waiting on the other side."

Jake wandered along the edge of the pond. He was silent while his mind turned over every piece of the story she told him, while he pondered the parts of the image she created. "I'd like to pretend," he began carefully, "that I was a better man than the one I am. A better man would point out that you might be talking to the wrong man. I think I might be a little too selfish for that." He came to a stop next to her. Jake could reach out and touch her, but didn't, despite the itch in his fingers that tried to convince him otherwise. "The thing is," he rubbed the back of his neck instead, "I could love you. It wouldn't surprise me if I were halfway there already. I think we could have something, and I think it could be pretty good. The potential is there. I think I've learned enough about you to understand that you wouldn't be here, and this wouldn't have gone as far as it has, if you didn't think the same potential exists. That's not to say it's written in stone, or it's necessarily going to happen that way…" Jake took another step toward her, until she had to tip her head back to continue to meet his gaze. "The part that bothers me is wondering if you're just here because I'm safe. I told you I was vested, Kathryn, and that means there's nothing about you that is going to be safe for me. I want the same thing in return, and if you can't do that, I think you know exactly what we should do with this."

She laid a hand against his chest again. She studied his face while she looked within herself. There was something in him that called to her. It was easy to trust him when she knew his family, but he wasn't his family. He was more than that. He was attractive and intelligent, with just enough of a mischievous streak to ensure he would never be boring. They were a lot alike, scientists and engineers, people who had seen darkness and loss. They had grown up with many of the same expectations, and they understood what it meant to devote themselves to their careers. It was comforting and familiar, that bond between fellow fleet brats.

Was that as far as it had gone? Was she still looking for the safe harbor?

Her fingers curled into the front of his shirt and she moved into the small space that remained between them. "I don't think you're safe at all," she husked. "Not in the way you think." She hesitated. Kathryn looked away. "As much as I want to believe I've moved beyond that. I'm not really sure that I have."

"As long as you're questioning it," Jake pointed out, "that means a part of you won't just care about him. A part of you is always going to wonder what might have happened if you had waited just a little bit longer and given him a chance to meet you halfway." He sighed, it was disappointing, and Jake wouldn't say it wasn't. He wouldn't do either of them that disservice. Part him wanted to talk her out of it, but that was no way to build a relationship. He wanted her on her terms, not just his.

"Yes." She smiled sadly. "That's it exactly. It's funny, in a way. He spent those years waiting for me, and now I'm the one that's waiting. It almost feels like we've come full circle in a way. I just hope we don't end up orbiting the same missed opportunity for the rest of our lives."

"I don't think so." Jake shrugged. "You know what you want Kathryn, it's one of the things that drew me to you. I think you'll get it. I hope it happens soon." He rested his hands on her shoulders and let them slide down to circle her wrists again. "I'm not going to tell you that I'll wait, that would be insulting to both of us. But," he grinned, "if you find out it wasn't what you wanted, or if it doesn't work out, look me up. If nothing else I'll pour the drinks and you can bend my ear for a while." If they both happened to be available and the wind just happened to blow them in that direction again, so be it. He had given up his starbase to explore the galaxy again; he wasn't going to do that while he pined for what might have been.

"I'll do that." She laid her hands against his chest and smiled up at him. "Let me know when you get home. I'd like to hear from you."

"I will." He tilted his head at her. "Why do I think this means you're going to find another ride back to Earth?"

"It's for the best, I think." She let her hands slide down his front before she pulled them away. Kathryn stepped away from him. "_Voyager_ is going to be out here for a few more months, but I have a thing or two to say to her Captain before I leave. Then I think I'll arrange passage home with the _Jamestown_. I know it happens to be going that way."

"I'll say goodbye now," Jake decided. "It's been a pleasure, Admiral."

"Captain." When he stepped forward and pressed a kiss to the corner of her mouth she smiled. "Be safe, Jake."

"Be happy, Kathryn."

She watched him go and drew a breath that she released slowly. That was the idea; she just wasn't sure how to make it happen. She felt fulfilled, but there was something else, something greater that felt like it was just out of her reach. Kathryn turned and looked around the park again. With a shake of her head she walked away from the false respite.

**KJKJKJ**

Chakotay pushed his dinner around his plate. He had eaten very little of it, and for the life of him could not recall tasting the few bites he had taken. The little restaurant on Starbase 343's level 14 had quite the reputation. He was sure that the food was good, but he wasn't entirely in the mood to enjoy it. He was still brooding over the fact that Kathryn had left _Voyager_ without saying goodbye. Oh, the Admiral had sent her regards before departing and the message that was delivered by her aide was all very polite and proper, but he had not gotten the opportunity to speak to her again as Cambridge suggested.

"Either the food wasn't as good as I thought it was," Eva Caldwell's voice cut through his thoughts, "or you just don't want to be here."

His gaze was drawn from the very unappealing arrangement he'd made on his plate to the concerned look she was giving him. Chakotay sighed quietly as he leaned back. Underneath the concern in her eyes and the wry twist of her lips, he could see the beginnings of annoyance. Well, that was just one more woman that wasn't very happy with him at the moment. Not that he could blame her, or any of them, actually. He and Eva had arranged this dinner date days ago, before his argument with Kathryn or his first conversation with Cambridge. Now he was questioning his motives.

She was a beautiful woman. She was intelligent, witty, and she made him laugh. She was a good officer; Chakotay had enjoyed working with her and wouldn't mind working with her again in the future. What he didn't know was if that was as far as it went. He wasn't sure if his attraction to her was genuine or if he was just looking for another distraction, or maybe another substitute, as Cambridge suggested he'd done with Seven.

Chakotay put his fork down and lifted his glass of ale instead. "I'm not very good company tonight," he agreed. "I'm sorry about that."

Eva's head inclined. The thick curtain of her dark hair had been left free, and the dark, straight tresses fell around her shoulders. She leaned forward and pushed her own plate to the side so she could fold her arms against the surface of the table. "Do you want to talk about it?" He had been quiet and pensive since they met earlier in the evening. While she didn't know him well, at least not yet, Eva thought she had gleaned enough during their time together to know that this was not his usual state. The man she spent time with during the weeks of planning on Earth, and had spoken to later via comm after they deployed, was usually far more open, and a lot more charming, than the man sitting with her tonight.

"No." Chakotay managed a small smile. "Not especially, but I think I probably should." He shook his head and his mouth twisted in a rueful smile that was aimed entirely at himself. "It has been made apparent to me over the last few days that I've been a bad friend, and an even worse potential partner. Kathryn," he said by way of explanation when a puzzled frown drew her brows together. "We finally had that meeting we kept having to reschedule before the mission started." He never told Eva the details, or more than the fact that he and his former Captain were very good friends, but he knew she was smart enough to read between the lines. Almost everyone who knew them was capable of doing that, or so it seemed.

Eva's frown grew deeper. "I didn't think that was still a possibility." She gestured between them. "Have I misinterpreted this? If you intended to be with her, what am I doing here, Chakotay?"

He had earned the annoyance in her terse and clipped tone, Chakotay decided. "That's the question isn't it?" He saw that his response had done little to assuage her ire and looked down again. "To be honest with you, I don't really know. I like you," he admitted, and met her gaze again as he said it. "Beyond that, I'm not really sure what I'm doing anymore. What I've come to realize is that the minute we got back from the Delta Quadrant I tried to turn it off, like those seven years had no effect on me. I expected that everything else would go on, that everything was just going to fall into place, as if getting home was the answer to all the questions I had out there."

Chakotay's head tilted as realization lit his eyes, he made a small sound of puzzled wonder as his mind suddenly put all the pieces together and he understood what Cambridge and Kathryn had been telling him. "I spent seven years pushing for a single goal, because getting home _was _the answer to everything, at least in my mind. As long as we were in the Delta Quadrant every day was just about existing, getting from one moment to the next until we finally accomplished our mission. Even when I told myself that I was moving on, I was lying to myself. When we got home I just stopped, because it was all going to happen and there was nothing for me to do but wait for it." He looked at Eva again and an apologetic look crossed his face. "After a while I think I convinced myself that I was moving on, but it's not possible to do that when you haven't truly dealt with the past."

"That isn't easy to hear," Eva admitted. She took a sip of her wine and sighed. Her frustration was directed more at herself, however, for not seeing it before she allowed them to arrive at this moment. They hadn't done more than share a few dinners and conversation, but she didn't like the idea of having contributed to the confusion of a situation that had nothing to do with her, however indirectly. "I'm sorry," she said, "because I really think we might have had a good time, but I'm glad that you're telling me this now." She could only imagine how much worse it might have been later.

"I'm sorry too," Chakotay said. "I think you're right. I think we would have had a great time, too. It just wouldn't be fair of me to go on without admitting that… I really don't know where my head is right now. I'm going to have to figure that out before I can consider getting closer to anyone." He reached across the table and covered her hand with his. "At the risk of sounding like a complete ass, would it be terrible if I said I hope we can still be friends."

"Yes." Eva smiled at him, however. "I would like that, and maybe when you figure out what it is that you want, you can let me know." She wouldn't put her life on hold on the off chance that it was her, but she wouldn't be in any great hurry to close that door either. He was being honest with her, and in the spirit of friendship he deserved the time he needed to come to terms with his past, his present, and to figure out what he wanted for his future. Eva turned her hand over under his and gave his fingers a squeeze. "I hope you figure it out, Chakotay, I really do. Living in emotional limbo is no way for anyone to exist. I think a lot of us went through that after the war. We lost friends and loved ones, colleagues and mentors. I don't know what it was like for you in the Delta Quadrant, but I know coming back and finding the home you were dreaming of completely changed couldn't be easy. It's okay to grieve for that. It's also okay to be a little selfish and figure out what you need now that you're here, not just want you want."

He looked at their joined hands and grinned crookedly. "Now I really feel like a first class idiot. You're being a lot nicer than I probably deserve." He also wondered how it was that everyone around him could see what he was blind to for so long?

"I probably am." Eva smiled widely at him. "It just wouldn't be very sporting to kick an idiot when he's down," she quipped. When his dimples appeared in the first real smile she had seen that evening, Eva decided to take it as a win, despite how their night would be ending.

"Well, thank goodness for small favors," he decided. Chakotay gave her fingers a squeeze before he drew his hand back. "I should really call it a night and get back to the ship." That was another reason he wasn't able to relax. _Voyager_ like _Cerberus_ had taken some damage during the battle, though not as extensively. He wanted to check on the crews that were working on repairs. The sooner they were completed, the sooner he'd be able to get back to patrolling the border. He would feel better when he had something else to focus on than the emotional mess he was in currently. Not that he was trying to avoid it; Cambridge wouldn't let him get away with that. "Can I walk you back?"

"No, thank you." Eva lifted her wine glass again. "I think I'm going to finish my wine, and if memory serves, there is a white chocolate and strawberry cake on the menu that will make my night infinitely better. I think I'll use this as an excuse to indulge."

"Are you sure?" When she only nodded, Chakotay stood up. He would pay the tab on his way out and make sure that anything else she ordered was credited to his account. "Goodnight, Eva." He bent and pressed a soft kiss to her cheek. His hand touched her shoulder, for only a moment, and then he walked away from her. Cambridge never said the path to emotional health would be an easy one, and if the evening taught him nothing else, it was that he really did have a lot of work to do.

**KJKJKJ**

After leaving Jake, Kathryn let her footsteps carry her to the docking port. While many of the crew were enjoying the break, she knew that Chakotay had probably stayed on board during the repairs. They hadn't spoken again before she left the ship. She had avoided him, choosing to use Decan as a means of absenting herself from any possible further confrontations. The scene was so damned familiar she could have recited it in her sleep. He pushed, they argued, and distance grew between them. He would cross it, tentatively at first, and then they'd carry on as if nothing had happened until the next confrontation.

It was no way to live a life, and it was certainly no way to have a friendship. She had asked him for space, but before she took it, there were a few more things that needed to be said. She was going to say them, and then the rest would be up to him.

Kathryn found him on Deck 4, which had always served as a sort of informal observation deck. The corridor of windows afforded a decent view of the ship's forward saucer section, and from there, they could watch the repair crews. "You can glare at them as hard as you want," she said as she approached, and suppressed a smirk when he startled slightly, "they aren't going to fix her any faster. That's a lesson I had to learn the hard way."

"But it always made you feel better," he reminded her. Chakotay glanced at her. She was out of uniform, and the pale blue tunic and leggings fit her well. She looked comfortable, relaxed. The sight was quite removed from the angry woman he encountered in his ready room a few days ago. He was realizing that confrontation was his doing, though. He pushed when he shouldn't have. "I thought you left?" He knew _Aegeus_ had arrived and he thought she intended to join Captain Paris for the trip home.

"I was going to." She clasped her hands in front of her. "There was something I needed to do first." Kathryn turned to him. "_Jamestown _is going to be leaving dock in a few hours. I'll be going with it. Chakotay…" Kathryn shook her head. "I know I said some things that were difficult to hear, and I haven't changed my mind. I do think we need some space. I didn't want to be so harsh with you. I was hoping when we talked about it that we would both understand why things happened the way they did. The truth is, I understand now that we both had expectations that couldn't be met because we never really bothered to see beyond the walls we were living behind. You were waiting for me, and I was waiting for home. When we got here, the reality of it… it was different. I spent a lot of time in counseling trying to unravel the knots I tied myself in out there," she admitted, "but I don't think you did. So once again, here we are, and I think we both want the same thing but we aren't on even ground. We never have been. I wanted a lot from you, and as upset as I am at your actions… it wasn't fair of me to pin my expectations on you alone."

He turned his back on the view of the ship and leaned against the viewport. "We both did that," he said. "We had an idea of what we wanted, and we never talked about it again. We couldn't. It hurt too much. So we lived with the idea of what it might mean to get home and explore that opportunity, but the problem with living for a dream is that sometimes we lose sight of the reality."

"That sounds a lot like something Counselor Davis would say to me." Kathryn moved to lean against the viewport beside him. "You're not wrong. I am still very disappointed in you, and I'm angry, but I don't think you are malicious enough to have used Seven specifically to hurt me. I think that was my bruised ego speaking. She's young and beautiful, and exactly your type. To be honest, I always wondered where I fit into your life at all."

His brows drew together in confusion. "What do you mean?" Chakotay stared at her. "Kathryn, I only ever had the one type." He was truly confused by her statement.

"I know and that is what was so puzzling. All the women I knew you to spend time with or offer attention to were young, blonde, and… not at all like anything I've ever seen in my mirror," she smiled, the expression looking just a bit rueful. Even Seska, for all her twisted anger and darkness had been an exotic beauty in her own right.

He blinked at her several times. "Are you kidding?" Chakotay straightened. When she only shrugged at him, Chakotay realized just how much of a bastard he'd been all those years. "There were other women, but the reason they didn't look anything like you is because I wasn't using them to replace you. Substitutes, little more than diversions, really, but I wanted you. That was my type, from the time I figured out you'd gotten under my skin to the moment I _thought_ I finally let go of the idea we'd ever have anything."

"Fifty years is a long time," she said quietly. "I didn't want you to spend your life waiting and alone, but it didn't hurt any less. Now…" She smiled, but it was tinged with sadness. "It seems we're still waiting. That's something I just can't do anymore. You said something to me once, and I didn't really understand it until now. You told me that you couldn't sacrifice the present waiting for a future that might never come. In the Delta Quadrant I had one objective and I didn't have the luxury of living in the present. I'm not in the Delta Quadrant anymore, Chakotay, and I know what I want from my life. What I need is for you to figure that out too, and I think you need the space to do that."

"You might be right." He folded his arms across his chest. "It didn't occur to me how it would look to you, after the things we said that night on the holodeck. I knew that you didn't want me to wait, not forever, but a part of me wanted you to acknowledge that I wasn't. That isn't the man I thought I'd be at the end of our journey. Counselor Cambridge says I have some work to do, and I may finally be ready to do it."

"I'm sorry," she touched his arm. Her sorrow went deep, and was overlaid with a sense of guilt. "I was so focused on finally being able to breathe again that I didn't stop to consider that maybe I had left you behind."

"For the first time in seven years you were able to think of yourself," he offered her a small smile, "I won't let you apologize for that. Not after all the times I tried to get you to take even a minute just to consider what _you_ needed. We spent those first few weeks after we got home making sure everyone else was okay, and you seemed so relieved, I guess it didn't occur to me that you were doing anything but just enjoying it."

"I'm not unbreakable," she slanted a look at him. "I thought you, of all people, knew that." The corner of her mouth twisted toward a crooked smile. "It's possible that if I had never met that other version of me, I wouldn't have done the work I did these past months. I told you before that I thought she was a little frightening."

"Terrifying," Chakotay said. "I'd call her terrifying." He grinned at her surprised expression. "While it was interesting to be faced with two of you, _a little frightening_ is far from what I'd ever say about that woman." He sobered suddenly. "When I let myself think about the worst possible version of how any of us could turn out, she's exactly what I saw for you. I didn't want that, Kathryn. As hard as it was to accept that any version of you could end up being that cold or bitter, it's even more terrifying to know there was some version of me out there that let it happen."

"You are not responsible for my happiness," She reminded him. "That was only one possible future and now it has been erased. I'm not going to become her, and you aren't going to watch it happen, or contribute to it, or any of the other thousands of things that might have occurred in that timeline. We're home, and it's time to start living like we know it."

"I'm not there yet," he agreed. "Part of me is still stuck on the other side of that hub."

"I know. It took me some time to come to terms with it too. The great thing about being on _this_ side of that hub, though, is that there's no rush to figure anything out." She walked over to look out over the forward section of the ship again. "Time isn't infinite, but we aren't just existing for a singular purpose anymore."

"It's odd to hear _you_ talking like that," he pointed out. "That was usually my job." Chakotay shook his head; his grin was filled with chagrin. "When did we trade places?"

Her lips pursed while she considered it. "Quarra, I think. I started to remember what it felt like to really live, and you began to pull away." Kathryn shrugged. "One more event in a long series of them that defined who we were when we got home."

"Quarra," he repeated quietly. "I think you're right. It was the first time in years that I got to see _you _again. It was hard to accept that it was for _him_, even if you didn't have a say in it." He scowled darkly. "Especially when you didn't have a say in it. Then I had to watch you fade away again and I convinced myself it wasn't you at all, it was just another trick of the mind alteration."

Kathryn lowered her gaze to the deck underneath their feet. "If we analyzed every moment of our journey that hurt us we'd be here for an eternity, I think. Can we just agree to put it behind us?"

"I'm trying to," he said. "I've still got some work to do."

"Yes." She folded her hands together in front of her. "Do me a favor and don't take too long." She had drawn a surprised look from him this time. "_Voyager_ is going to be patrolling the Neutral Zone for at least a couple of months. I really don't want to go an indefinite amount of time without seeing you again."

A line drew his brows together. "So when we get back, what?" Chakotay sighed. "Maybe you should be clear about it, so we don't end up here again."

"Maybe you're right." She pushed her tongue across her teeth and moved to stand in front of him. "When you get home, I want to see you." Her brows rose. "You owe me a date… in Venice. Was that clear enough for you?"

"Perfectly." He studied the way her hair fell around her shoulders. "I think I can wait a few more months if you can."

"Chakotay, I waited seven years. A few more months is nothing in comparison, but I won't wait forever." She took a step forward. "We won't be doing either of us any good if we let this go on without some kind of resolution. Spend the next few months figuring out exactly what it is that you want from your life, because I already know. It'll either include me or it won't, but be sure. I won't put my life on hold again, not even for you." To soften the blow of that declaration she placed her hand on his chest, just as she had so many times before, but this time she leaned close and let her lips brush his cheek. As she turned away they both knew that it was either a promise or a goodbye, and this time the ball was firmly in his court.

She left him standing there, staring after her retreating form. Every step that carried her away felt necessary, for her sake as well as his. They couldn't know what was coming for them, no one did, but if she was able to look back in a few years, she didn't want it to be with regret that she had not allowed herself to truly _live_ when the opportunity arose.

There was a time when all she had wanted was the dream that kept her warm in the cold loneliness of the Delta Quadrant. She had wanted Venice, and moonlit sails on Lake George. She wanted to walk with him along the beaches of Australia and lie underneath a clear, starlit sky next to a cornfield in Indiana. As she exhaled a breath she hadn't realized she was holding, she admitted that some dreams were harder to let go of than others, but sometimes survival meant acknowledging what is, instead of what could be. Living meant more than that. It meant walking through the doors that were opened, grasping for the future, and not looking back.

Kathryn no longer had any intention of just surviving. She was going to thrive.


	18. Chapter 17 - Jake

**Chapter 17 - Ending 2**

* * *

Anyone could believe that all Starfleet starbases were the same, built with a singular purpose and designed around a specific objective: resupply, stock, repair, respite. Those in the farthest reaches of the Alpha Quadrant were meant to offer a piece of home, something that could not be found on the decks of starships or even the continents of alien worlds. Amidst the many levels of plain, sterile, beige and gray walls and temporary quarters, there were arboretums and holodecks, restaurants and shops.

At the very center of Starbase 343 there was a multi-level park filled with greenery and trees, flora that came mostly from Earth, but over the years it had been interspersed with species of plants and flowers from a multitude of Federation worlds. The artificial lighting changed with the simulated night and day cycle of the starbase, while environmental controls provided the feeling of warm or cool air; the plants were real, but the specimens chosen were those that could survive in the feigned environment that was meant to disquiet a longing for home. When one closed their eyes they could almost believe they were standing beneath a cool, quiet moon. It wasn't real, but the attempt was appreciated, and at the very least, it was not a holodeck, nor was it the overly crowded levels of the starbase's market and entertainment levels.

Kathryn had gone there for that promised respite. She was tired of looking at plain gray walls and breathing sterile, recycled air. The past few weeks had been as draining as they had been exhilarating. Out here, far from home, doing the work that she never imagined that she would enjoy, she had finally started to feel like _her_ again. She had been on the starbase for a couple of days. _Voyager_ was docked and undergoing the repairs it needed before returning to patrol the Romulan border.

Being back on board was cathartic in a way. She would always feel that old pull, the longing to walk through the ship's corridors, to sit on _her_ bridge, in _her _chair, and imagine what the next adventure would be. That wasn't for her anymore, however. There was other work for her to do now, and exhausted as she was at present, she had found it very rewarding. Kathryn would always be an explorer at heart, but she knew now that seeking answers to new problems, finding resolution to conflict, it was another kind of exploration and could be just as exciting as traveling the galaxy had been.

She turned her face to the lights of the simulated moon and closed her eyes. A smile curved her lips when she felt movement behind her. A hand settled at her waist and when she tipped her head to the side, the arm it belonged to slid loosely and comfortably around her. "I wondered when you'd finally show up."

_Aegeus_ was expected to arrive that morning but they had been delayed while waiting for the custody of their detainees to change hands. Jake let his nose move through her hair and nudged it aside. She wasn't in uniform, and he found that to be a delightful surprise. His lips landed against her neck in a soft kiss. "Someone has to keep you on your toes, and I like to make an entrance."

"Yes, I remember." Had it really only been a few weeks ago that he pushed his way into her office, angrily expressing his displeasure at what he believed was meddling in his career? Kathryn hummed quietly. Part of her wondered that they were moving at this too quickly, but she felt so comfortable with him. She drew a breath when his mouth moved against the sensitive spot beneath her ear. "You promised me dinner," she reminded, voice dipping low.

"I did," he agreed. "I think I told you that we'd do a lot of things when I got here." His hand slid beneath the loosely flowing tunic she was wearing. His fingers danced across warm, soft skin. "I don't remember mentioning an exact order of events."

"No, I guess you didn't." Her teeth dug across her bottom lip. Kathryn wriggled away from him and turned. She placed a hand against the center of his chest. "We're not going to do them here," she told him. Her eyes were dark, but sparkling with a mix of desire and amusement. "At ease, Captain. I think you're getting dangerously close to spraining—"

Jake curled a hand around her wrist and pulled her back into the circle of his arms. "I'm not on duty and neither are you." His hold on her remained loose, however, in deference to their current lack of privacy. "We can go to dinner now, if you like, or…"

Kathryn rolled her eyes at his wolfish grin. "If I didn't like you, I would find that one track mind of yours incredibly troubling." She shook her head at him. "How about we just take a walk?"

"It's not a bad location for it." Jake let go of her. He clasped her hand in his and let her choose their path. There was a walkway that wound its way through the park, through shrubbery and flowers, and around the edge of a shallow pond. "You've had an interesting few days," he pointed out.

It was an opening, she new. A soft smile curved her lips. He was perceptive and easy to talk to; it was one of the first things she had come to like about him. "You could call it that. You could also call it dangerous, exciting, troubling…" Kathryn shook her head. "I still wish we were able to do more, but the work isn't done. It's going to be in the hands of the diplomatic corps now. Command will coordinate the patrols. I'll put my report together and make recommendations."

"An Admiral's work is never done. We've already got our next assignment," he glanced at her. "Apparently I'm taking a member of the brass home, then I'm being sent to Deep Space Nine. Our Cardassian detainees wouldn't talk, but we got enough out of the two humans. I'm going to follow up on those leads, make sure there isn't trouble brewing in the DMZ."

"I heard," Kathryn strolled along beside him. They didn't think the Cardassians were going to attempt to break treaty, they didn't have the manpower or the resources for that, but it still required investigating. "There are concerns about what the Tzenkethi are doing in that region. We think they could be recruiting from inside the DMZ. The issue with the Romulans could have just been a distraction."

"We'll find out." He was expecting to be away from Earth for a few weeks to a couple of months. Jake wondered when he would see her again, but this was the work they were both called to do. "I guess none of this is the home you thought you'd be getting back to, is it?"

"It's still home," she explained. "These are entities we know, both the allies and the enemies, and at least here we have help."

"True." His thumb swept across the back of her head. "You're not alone, Kathryn." She stopped walking and Jake felt her stiffen. His brow creased. "What?" He took a step closer, watched the shadow of something pass over her eyes. He couldn't tell if it was pain or regret, or some combination of the two. "Kathryn?"

Her gaze lifted. He was waiting, concern and patience in his expression. She lifted a hand and let it rest against his chest. "Old ghosts," she reminded him, repeating the words she said days before.

"Do you want to tell me about them?" He held her hand loosely in his while he studied her face. She looked troubled, and he couldn't quite work out the reason for it. He couldn't force her to talk about it, however, and wouldn't. Kathryn would speak her mind to him when she was ready, he had learned that much about her.

She didn't know if she wanted to, but she felt she probably needed to. Kathryn pulled away from him and left the walkway. She let her steps carry her to the edge of the small pond. The surface rippled gently and reflected the lights above that had been meant to give the appearance of moonlight. It wasn't real, and knowing that, it was hardly calming. Kathryn drew a slow breath and tried to settle the deeper emotions that were unleashed by her argument with Chakotay a few days ago, but she was finding it harder to push them behind the closed door that had contained them for so long.

"I told you before I allowed this relationship to go any further that I felt something for my first office once. I thought it was done. I knew we had unresolved issues to discuss, but I thought most of it was behind us." Kathryn glanced at him, her smile was sad, "I think that might have been wishful thinking on my part. Avoidance isn't resolution; a counselor would be the first to tell me that, but I don't think I fully appreciated what it would mean to be back on that ship."

"You still feel something for him." It wasn't a question. She wouldn't be troubled and she wouldn't be bringing it up if that weren't the case. Jake wasn't sure how he felt about that. He knew she had a history, he had one too, and she wasn't his to possess. That wasn't what drew him to her. She was funny and beautiful, and smart as hell. She wasn't without her flaws, but neither was he.

"I think a part of me always will." That was something she had resolved to accept. "Our circumstances made us closer than we might have been otherwise. Out there I wasn't free to…" She shrugged. "It is what it is, and it's not a situation that I really want to revisit."

"Why not?" She was either attempting to justify ending what they started, or she was trying to open that part of herself that she thought was sealed closed. This conversation could go either way, Jake realized. "The way I see it, we've got a good thing right now. We have a good time together, but I'm not a saint, Kathryn. I'm not okay with sharing you. I get that you've got a past, people that were or are important to you. It's just the way it is. We aren't kids, and thank god for that." The corner of his mouth quirked up when she almost smiled, "the thing is, I'm not interested in being a substitute or a temporary stand-in, and I know you wouldn't feel like being one either. So why don't we just put it all out in the open and see where we end up?"

Her tongue swept over her teeth. Kathryn folded her arms across her chest and nodded. His ability to cut through a matter to the center of it was appreciated. He didn't have time for games, and neither did she. They had both done too much, seen too much, for that. "Alright. Before I do that, I need you to tell me something. When you look at me, what do you see?"

It confused him at first, but then he realized it was at the center of her discomfort. Jake moved closer to her, well within the circle of her personal space. "What do _you_ think I see, Kathryn?" His eyes narrowed. "It's what's bothering you right now, isn't it?"

"I thought I had gotten a lot of who I was before the Delta Quadrant back. Part of me wonders if I was always this way. Hard, unyielding, unable to see anything but my own ambition." She met his gaze and smiled sadly. "I really don't know right now, and realizing that I haven't come as far as I thought is a little… it's bothering the hell out of me, if I'm honest about it."

It was hurting her, he thought. Jake felt anger well inside him, not at her, but on her behalf. He didn't know if she would tell him what happened on _Voyager_, exactly, to make her feel this way, and Jake didn't know if she should. What he did know was that just a few days on that ship had left her rattled and he found it bothersome as hell. It was also just a little infuriating. What was it about that ship, about what they'd been through, that could take a person like Kathryn and leave her undone? Jake circled her wrists with his hands and let them slide slowly up her arms. When he reached her shoulders, his hands drew inward, until his fingers could brush the sides of her neck. He pushed her hair back from her shoulders and moved his hands into its thick weight. He tipped her head back and met her gaze. His thumb stroked the curve of her cheek, the line of her jaw, then it swept over the space where her rank bar would be if she were in uniform.

"I see a woman that's had to be stronger than she thought she could be," he said quietly, allowing his voice to rumble between them in the silent park. "She's intelligent and funny, she can think fast in a tight spot and isn't afraid to take command of a situation when she believes it's needed. I think she's compassionate and warm, and if that wasn't already a hell of a combination, she's also beautiful. I don't know what anyone else sees when they look at you, but I'm seeing you, Kathryn, and you might have noticed that I like what I see."

Moisture glistened in her eyes. The muscles in her neck twitched as she worked past the lump of emotion in her throat to voice her response. "That thought had crossed my mind a time or two," she managed in a breathy whisper. "I'm not infallible, I know that. I've made my share of mistakes, and many of them were personal. He wanted more than I could give him. More than I thought I could give him, anyway; it wasn't safe to love him, _he_ wasn't safe. The idea of opening myself up to that kind of devastation out there, when I was needed to be larger than life, it wasn't a line I felt I could cross. I asked him to understand, and I thought he did." Kathryn pulled herself free of him and walked away, needing the distance. With her back to him she told him about New Earth, about Venice and the bonding box, about her fear and her hope, and the walls she built to protect herself. Then she told him about Seven of Nine, and the faint grasp she felt she had on her own humanity by the end. When she finally grew tired of talking, Kathryn looked at him again. "When I tore all those walls down, there was no one waiting on the other side."

Jake wandered along the edge of the pond. He was silent while his mind turned over every piece of the story she told him, while he pondered the parts of the image she created. "I'd like to pretend," he began carefully, "that I was a better man than the one I am. A better man would point out that you might be talking to the wrong man. I think I might be a little too selfish for that." He came to a stop next to her. Jake could reach out and touch her, but didn't, despite the itch in his fingers that tried to convince him otherwise. "The thing is," he rubbed the back of his neck instead, "I could love you. It wouldn't surprise me if I were halfway there already. I think we could have something, and I think it could be pretty good. The potential is there. I think I've learned enough about you to understand that you wouldn't be here, and this wouldn't have gone as far as it has, if you didn't think the same potential exists. That's not to say it's written in stone, or it's necessarily going to happen that way…" Jake took another step toward her, until she had to tip her head back to continue to meet his gaze. "The part that bothers me is wondering if you're just here because I'm safe. I told you I was vested, Kathryn, and that means there's nothing about you that is going to be safe for me. I want the same thing in return, and if you can't do that, I think you know exactly what we should do with this."

She laid a hand against his chest again. She studied his face while she looked within herself. There was something in him that called to her. It was easy to trust him when she knew his family, but he wasn't his family. He was more than that. He was attractive and intelligent, with just enough of a mischievous streak to ensure he would never be boring. They were a lot alike, scientists and engineers, people who had seen darkness and loss. They had grown up with many of the same expectations, and they understood what it meant to devote themselves to their careers. It was comforting and familiar, that bond between fellow fleet brats.

Was that as far as it had gone? Was she still looking for the safe harbor?

Her fingers curled into the front of his shirt and she moved into the small space that remained between them. "I don't think you're safe at all," she husked. "Not in the way you think. The potential is there, yes. It's because it exists that you need to know there is a part of me that is always going to feel something else. It hurts that it's come to this with Chakotay. He is still a very dear friend, and I hope that someday we'll be that close again. I can't live my life in stasis, waiting for something that may or may not happen. I think I did enough of that in the Delta Quadrant."

"No, you can't. This isn't the Delta Quadrant and I'm not asking you to be anything but what you are. The only thing I need to know, right now, is what do you want, Kathryn?" He reached out and tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. His fingers trailed the curve of her jaw.

"I want to be treated like more than a rank bar, or an idea. I want to be with someone who thinks of me as an equal behind closed doors." She reached up and curled one small hand around his wrist. "I don't want to have to exist on a pedestal, or walk a line between ghosts of the past and opportunities for the future. I have an idea of what I'd like to accomplish professionally, but I lived my job for seven years and I'm not going to do that again." Kathryn looked away for a moment. "This feels easy, and I'd be lying if I said a part of me hasn't wondered if it's too easy. I don't really know what that means, at least not yet, but I do want to find out."

"Being a complicated person doesn't mean all your relationships have to be complicated," he pointed out. "Or so I've heard. I haven't quite worked that one out, but I might be getting closer to understanding it. You aren't the only one that has wondered about this, you know." Jake let go of her and took a couple of steps toward the pond. "I can't decide if we've got the craziest timing in the galaxy or the worst. We're starting all this just when we're both about to get incredibly busy. It's ten days from Earth to DS9, and then it's going to be at least three months of patrols and intelligence gathering. You're going to spend the next couple of weeks moving between debriefings and Council hearings, while the diplomats and politicians tear apart everything that happened in Romulan space and try to figure out what they want to do next. We may not be looking for complicated, but I think it's trying to find us."

She chuckled quietly as she moved up beside him. She watched him kick a stone into the pond and shook her head. "The timing is complicated but the rest doesn't have to be. In the Delta Quadrant I had one objective and I didn't have the luxury of living in the present. I'm not in the Delta Quadrant anymore." Kathryn nudged his shoulder with hers. When he looked at her, she smiled brightly. "I'm rather enjoying the present that I'm living in right now."

"You know," the corners of his mouth twitched toward a grin, "I'm not finding any reason to take issue with it either. I have no problem worrying about tomorrow when it gets here. So, what do you want to do with _right now_?"

"I want that dinner you promised me." She tipped her face toward him and tugged on the front of his shirt until he turned toward her and leaned close. "Then I think we have a couple of days of absolutely nothing that we can fill before you have to take me home." Her mouth moved teasingly against his bottom lip as she spoke. "After that, not that I want to stray too far out of the present, you are going to complete your assignment and I'm going to go back to work. When you get home you can take me back to our place, and we can decide if a couple of months of distance has changed anything."

"Our place?" He grinned crookedly. "That sounds incredibly sentimental." In his experience sentimentality was not at all safe, which was a boost to his ego, along with her words. "I don't suppose you'd clue me in to where this place is?"

"I think you know exactly." Her brows lifted. "The hill overlooking the bay. It's secluded enough and the view is decent. During the right time of day, I dare say, it's almost romantic."

"That place," he nodded. "Yes, I suppose that could do. If you like that view, wait until I show you where I grew up," he shrugged, "when I was on Earth that is. There are cliffs in Northern Oregon with views that will take your breath away." He planted a soft kiss against her lips. "I'll take you when I get back."

"I'll look forward to it." Kathryn backed away from him. "Right now, however, you have a few other promises to fulfill. I should warn you, I'm not a patient woman."

"No, I don't think you are." Jake smirked as he followed her. "I like a woman that knows what she wants and isn't afraid to go for it. It just so happens I'm not always a patient man, and at the moment I see something that I very much want."

She met his gaze. Her mouth curved into a crooked smile. "Well, what do you propose to do about that, hm?"

"We're going to do whatever we want," he decided. "I think your own experiences can support the idea that time is fluid. Nothing is written in stone." Jake took her hand and pulled her back to him. His arm looped lazily around her waist while his head dropped to capture her lips again. "The future is wide open," he mumbled against her mouth, "and, as you said, the walls are all torn down."

"That sounds surprisingly like a man who has stopped pining for his starbase," Kathryn pointed out.

"I stopped pining for my starbase about five minutes after I met you, Kathryn Janeway." Jake shrugged at her. "Life out here is far more interesting. I have a feeling you're going to turn my world on its end, and I can't wait to see what happens."

"No, you're right," her arms moved around his waist. "That isn't safe at all. It's an awful lot of upheaval to live up to."

"It is. I hope you're up to the task, Admiral. I'm expecting you to be infuriating, difficult, stubborn, and alluring as all hell, all at the same time. I have very big expectations for all this," he said plainly.

"Well, you may be in luck," she told him. "I excel at the difficult things, and something tells me you may prove to be more difficult than I am." It was another kind of adventure altogether, and she felt the thrill of it move through her. It filled her with warmth and excitement. It was the sort of anticipation she hadn't allowed herself to experience in too long. The only difference now was that it was only her future that she was responsible for. Jake was capable of making his own decisions, and he had apparently done that. They couldn't know what was coming for them, no one did, but if she was able to look back in a few years, she didn't want it to be with regret that she had not allowed herself to truly _live_ when the opportunity arose.

**KJKJKJ**

Chakotay pushed his dinner around his plate. He had eaten very little of it, and for the life of him could not recall tasting the few bites he had taken. The little restaurant on Starbase 343's level 14 had quite the reputation. He was sure that the food was good, but he wasn't entirely in the mood to enjoy it. He was still brooding over the fact that Kathryn had left _Voyager_ without saying goodbye. Oh, the Admiral had sent her regards before departing and the message that was delivered by her aide was all very polite and proper, but he had not gotten the opportunity to speak to her again as Cambridge suggested.

"Either the food wasn't as good as I thought it was," Eva Caldwell's voice cut through his thoughts, "or you just don't want to be here."

His gaze was drawn from the very unappealing arrangement he'd made on his plate to the concerned look she was giving him. Chakotay sighed quietly as he leaned back. Underneath the concern in her eyes and the wry twist of her lips, he could see the beginnings of annoyance. Well, that was just one more woman that wasn't very happy with him at the moment. Not that he could blame her, or any of them, actually. He and Eva had arranged this dinner date days ago, before his argument with Kathryn or his first conversation with Cambridge. Now he was questioning his motives.

She was a beautiful woman. She was intelligent, witty, and she made him laugh. She was a good officer; Chakotay had enjoyed working with her and wouldn't mind working with her again in the future. What he didn't know was if that was as far as it went. He wasn't sure if his attraction to her was genuine or if he was just looking for another distraction, or maybe another substitute, as Cambridge suggested he'd done with Seven.

Chakotay put his fork down and lifted his glass of ale instead. "I'm not very good company tonight," he agreed. "I'm sorry about that."

Eva's head inclined. The thick curtain of her dark hair had been left free, and the dark, straight tresses fell around her shoulders. She leaned forward and pushed her own plate to the side so she could fold her arms against the surface of the table. "Do you want to talk about it?" He had been quiet and pensive since they met earlier in the evening. While she didn't know him well, at least not yet, Eva thought she had gleaned enough during their time together to know that this was not his usual state. The man she spent time with during the weeks of planning on Earth, and had spoken to later via comm after they deployed, was usually far more open, and a lot more charming, than the man sitting with her tonight.

"No." Chakotay managed a small smile. "Not especially, but I think I probably should." He shook his head and his mouth twisted in a rueful smile that was aimed entirely at himself. "It has been made apparent to me over the last few days that I've been a bad friend, and an even worse potential partner. Kathryn," he said by way of explanation when a puzzled frown drew her brows together. "We finally had that meeting we kept having to reschedule before the mission started." He never told Eva the details, or more than the fact that he and his former Captain were very good friends, but he knew she was smart enough to read between the lines. Almost everyone who knew them was capable of doing that, or so it seemed.

Eva's frown grew deeper. "I didn't think that was still a possibility." She gestured between them. "Have I misinterpreted this? If you intended to be with her, what am I doing here, Chakotay?"

He had earned the annoyance in her terse and clipped tone, Chakotay decided. "That's the question isn't it?" He saw that his response had done little to assuage her ire and looked down again. "To be honest with you, I don't really know. I like you," he admitted, and met her gaze again as he said it. "Beyond that, I'm not really sure what I'm doing anymore. What I've come to realize is that the minute we got back from the Delta Quadrant I tried to turn it off, like those seven years had no effect on me. I expected that everything else would go on, that everything was just going to fall into place, as if getting home was the answer to all the questions I had out there."

Chakotay's head tilted as realization lit his eyes, he made a small sound of puzzled wonder as his mind suddenly put all the pieces together and he understood what Cambridge and Kathryn had been telling him. "I spent seven years pushing for a single goal, because getting home _was _the answer to everything, at least in my mind. As long as we were in the Delta Quadrant every day was just about existing, getting from one moment to the next until we finally accomplished our mission. Even when I told myself that I was moving on, I was lying to myself. When we got home I just stopped, because it was all going to happen and there was nothing for me to do but wait for it." He looked at Eva again and an apologetic look crossed his face. "After a while I think I convinced myself that I was moving on, but it's not possible to do that when you haven't truly dealt with the past."

"That isn't easy to hear," Eva admitted. She took a sip of her wine and sighed. Her frustration was directed more at herself, however, for not seeing it before she allowed them to arrive at this moment. They hadn't done more than share a few dinners and conversation, but she didn't like the idea of having contributed to the confusion of a situation that had nothing to do with her, however indirectly. "I'm sorry," she said, "because I really think we might have had a good time, but I'm glad that you're telling me this now." She could only imagine how much worse it might have been later.

"I'm sorry too," Chakotay said. "I think you're right. I think we would have had a great time, too. It just wouldn't be fair of me to go on without admitting that… I really don't know where my head is right now. I'm going to have to figure that out before I can consider getting closer to anyone." He reached across the table and covered her hand with his. "At the risk of sounding like a complete ass, would it be terrible if I said I hope we can still be friends."

"Yes." Eva smiled at him, however. "I would like that, and maybe when you figure out what it is that you want, you can let me know." She wouldn't put her life on hold on the off chance that it was her, but she wouldn't be in any great hurry to close that door either. He was being honest with her, and in the spirit of friendship he deserved the time he needed to come to terms with his past, his present, and to figure out what he wanted for his future. Eva turned her hand over under his and gave his fingers a squeeze. "I hope you figure it out, Chakotay, I really do. Living in emotional limbo is no way for anyone to exist. I think a lot of us went through that after the war. We lost friends and loved ones, colleagues and mentors. I don't know what it was like for you in the Delta Quadrant, but I know coming back and finding the home you were dreaming of completely changed couldn't be easy. It's okay to grieve for that. It's also okay to be a little selfish and figure out what you need now that you're here, not just want you want."

He looked at their joined hands and grinned crookedly. "Now I really feel like a first class idiot. You're being a lot nicer than I probably deserve." He also wondered how it was that everyone around him could see what he was blind to for so long?

"I probably am." Eva smiled widely at him. "It just wouldn't be very sporting to kick an idiot when he's down," she quipped. When his dimples appeared in the first real smile she had seen that evening, Eva decided to take it as a win, despite how their night would be ending.

"Well, thank goodness for small favors," he decided. Chakotay gave her fingers a squeeze before he drew his hand back. "I should really call it a night and get back to the ship." That was another reason he wasn't able to relax. _Voyager_ like _Cerberus_ had taken some damage during the battle, though not as extensively. He wanted to check on the crews that were working on repairs. The sooner they were completed, the sooner he'd be able to get back to patrolling the border. He would feel better when he had something else to focus on than the emotional mess he was in currently. Not that he was trying to avoid it; Cambridge wouldn't let him get away with that. "Can I walk you back?"

"No, thank you." Eva lifted her wine glass again. "I think I'm going to finish my wine, and if memory serves, there is a white chocolate and strawberry cake on the menu that will make my night infinitely better. I think I'll use this as an excuse to indulge."

"Are you sure?" When she only nodded, Chakotay stood up. He would pay the tab on his way out and make sure that anything else she ordered was credited to his account. "Goodnight, Eva." He bent and pressed a soft kiss to her cheek. His hand touched her shoulder, for only a moment, and then he walked away from her. Cambridge never said the path to emotional health would be an easy one, and if the evening taught him nothing else, it was that he really did have a lot of work to do.

As he approached the front of the restaurant, Chakotay drew to a stop. A familiar laugh had drawn his attention. His head turned toward the sound and on the other side of the dining area, beneath viewports that offered a stunning sight of the stars and the dark expanse of space that had drawn all of them away from their home worlds, Chakotay caught sight of Kathryn seated with Captain Paris. Their table was lit by soft overhead lights, the glow of the many stars on the other side of the viewport, and a single dancing candle in the center of the table. It was the way most of the dining spaces in the restaurant were decorated, but Chakotay was struck by the way her russet colored hair seemed to be a deeper shade of red, and the way her eyes seemed to glow in the low lighting.

Even from where he stood he could see the pure delight in her expression. He felt a keen ache move through him. She had once looked at him that way. He decided this meant she had made her choice, if there had ever really been a choice to begin with. He couldn't deny that she looked happy, happier and more at peace than he had ever known her to be. Not even on Quarra had she looked this content, but this was reality, not mind alteration. It was hard to begrudge her that, even as he felt the deep pains of regret at seeing her with someone else. He imagined that was something else he would need to put on his list of things to talk over with Counselor Cambridge.

As though sensing his gaze, she looked in his direction. For just a moment her smile faltered and began to fade, as did the light in her eyes. She cast a furtive look at her dinner companion before she returned his gaze. Her head tilted, fractionally, as she acknowledged his presence.

Chakotay looked down for a moment. A small, sad smile tugged at his mouth. Life didn't wait, that was the lesson he was learning, or maybe it was just something that he was remembering. He once told her that he wouldn't sacrifice his present waiting for a future that might never come. She was doing the same thing. Chakotay decided, when he really dug deep enough, that what he wanted was for her to be happy. He cared enough about her for that; he loved her enough to want that for her. When he looked up again, he nodded, just once. Maybe some day they'd talk again, about all the things they needed to, and with none of the regret or the hard feelings that colored their last conversation.

She watched him walk away and Kathryn decided that, although she had dodged the idea of seeing him again before she left _Voyager_, it was good to know that they had come to some kind of understanding. There were still a lot of open questions between them, but they couldn't answer them yet. Some day they would have that talk and she truly hoped that their friendship would come out of the other side of the distance they needed intact. With any luck, it would be even stronger.

At the moment she had a companion that was giving her a concerned look. Kathryn touched his hand and turned her attention fully on him again. She didn't regret the choice she made earlier in the evening. If nothing else, she felt more confident about it now.

There was a time when all she had wanted was the dream that kept her warm in the cold loneliness of the Delta Quadrant. She had wanted Venice and moonlit sails on Lake George. She wanted to walk with a partner along the beaches of Australia and lie underneath a clear, starlit sky next to a cornfield in Indiana. As she exhaled a breath she hadn't realized she was holding, she admitted that some dreams were harder to let go of than others, but sometimes survival meant acknowledging what is, instead of what could be. Living meant more than that. It meant walking through the doors that were opened, grasping for the future, and not looking back.

Kathryn no longer had any intention of just surviving. She was going to thrive.


	19. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

* * *

Former Proconsul Tomalak stood staring out the small window at the frozen vista of a planet he despised. He was betrayed. His lips twisted in furious disgust. Taeg was both a coward and a liar. He worked from within the Proconsul's office to exact his own agenda. The former aide had created alliances of his own. Tomalak was most disgusted to learn that his trusted second was also a member of the Tal Shiar.

It was disheartening to know that he had so misplaced his confidence.

For now the usurper Tal'Aura had secured her place as Praetor. It would not last long, Tomalak knew. He still had a few loyal Commanders within the Imperial Fleet. It was one of those trusted friend who had helped to extract him from Romulus when news that he had ordered the attack on the Federation ships had reached the Praetor. Tal'Aura had no love of the Federation, but to openly provoke them was not in the best interests of the Empire. She would not abide the betrayal.

Tomalak had known that, too, which was why he had not ordered the attack either. No, it was Taeg, whose true occupation had consolidated his own power among a few Imperial Commanders. Fear of the Tal Shiar was far reaching, but it would not last forever.

His dark eyes narrowed as he stared at the ice-covered landscape. In the aftermath he was whisked away, brought to this planet in the farthest reaches of Imperial space, near the vast emptiness of the Beta Quadrant. Here he would have to wait, bide his time while those loyal to him exacted his revenge.

He could be patient.

Taeg would pay for his betrayal. Tal'Aura would not sit long in the Praetor's seat, and Commander Donatra would know the punishment of siding with the Federation over her own people, and one day Starfleet would pay dearly for meddling in the affairs of his people.

This was his vow.

**The End.**

* * *

I want to thank everyone for the response, and for letting me play in this sandbox again. This was an absolute pleasure to write. I can only hope you enjoyed it too.


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